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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

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1. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2019-06-13 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2019-06-13 Pub. Date: 2019-06-13
Image Number: 178133
Caption: Trump Reveals Famous Nicknames in American History. George Washington! He's washed up! See? Hah! He never told a lie. Hey. Me neither. Thomas Jefferson. (Where's Sally? Hah!) He wrote the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Thanks for nothin', T.J. Ben Franklin. I call him Cranky Franky. Hah! What's with the hair? Go fly a kite, Cranky! Abe Lincoln. Great guy! Great! No, I mean really a great guy. Abe in the nabe! Weirdo beardo, but great! F de R. Wheelchair Boy! Fear itself. That's all to fear? You ain't seen nothin' yet, rosebud. Dwight Eisenhower. Dwight the fright. That's what I call him. Bald but, Tough. Saloot! Jeff Kay. My man! Boppin' Marilyn Monroe. You go Jay! Grab 'em by the grassy knoll. Tricky Dicky. I call him Peach Man. Old nottacrook. Old needashave. Love that. Southern strategy! El Be Jay. Which way to the john, son? Old Flappy Ears I call him. Hah! Her with his dog (right). Ulysses Grant. I call him Useless. Geddit? I think he invented whiskey or something. The Bushes. Father and son. Not bad, but not as good as me and my boys. Wow! President Eric! Jimmy Cottah. Old Peanuthead. Old One and done. Go build a house, Jimmy. Raynald Rongun (check spelling). Best president ever, except for me of course. Bill Clinton. Uh ... I'm not Bill Clinton, you idiot. So who are you? I'm Harry Truman. Oh, wanna hear your nickname? You wanna hear yours? To be discontinued ...
     
2. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2018-09-09 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2018-09-09 Pub. Date: 2018-09-09
Image Number: 174030
Caption: Determined to Find Out Who Wrote the NY Times OP/Ed Piece Mr. Trump Gives Lie Detector Test to Everyone Named Ed. Ed from accounting. Mr. Ed.
     
3. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2018-06-06 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2018-06-06 Pub. Date: 2018-06-06
Image Number: 172183
Caption: Bill Clinton Writes a Murder Mystery. Who dunnit? Obviously an intern …
     
4. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2018-03-25 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2018-03-25 Pub. Date: 2018-03-25
Image Number: 169922
Caption: The Memo. We wrote in the memo, all in caps, do not congratulate Putin. It was in caps! Didn't you read the memo? Read?
     
5. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2018-02-06 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2018-02-06 Pub. Date: 2018-02-06
Image Number: 168337
Caption: Putin Watches Cable News. Mr. President, do you think the Americans are just acting stupid and crazy to fool us? No collusion. No collusion. Heh-heh! Collusion? My heavenly days, no, as your vice-president I would certainly know, bless my stars, and gosh ... My daddy? Do some collusion? Uh-huh! No way he's the best daddy a girl could have! Ok, some alternative facts for you. The president is so rich he doesn't need collusion stuff ... Well, he don't do collusion with me, or anybody I know. As we say in Wisconsin ... Nah. Hey, wanna buy a memo I wrote?
     
6. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-12-24 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-12-24 Pub. Date: 2017-12-24
Image Number: 166525
Caption: From a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. "Oh, Man!" looks here. Look, look, down here!" exclaimed the Ghost. They were a boy and a girl. Yellow, meagre, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread. Scrooge started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude. "Spirit! Are they yours!" Scrooge could say now more. "They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. "Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!" "Have they no refuge or resource!" cried Scrooge. "Are there no prisons!" said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. "Are there no workhouses!"
     
7. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
8. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-01-18 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-01-18 Pub. Date: 2017-01-18
Image Number: 153620
Caption: Former British Spy Who Wrote the Dossier on Trump and the Russians Has Gone into Hiding in Fear for His Life. Excuse me squire, are you Christopher Steele who wrote that thing about Trump and the Russians, and is now in hiding in fear for his life? 'Cause if you are the wife and I would like to buy you a drink. Keep Clam (wot?)
     
9. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-04-08 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-04-08 Pub. Date: 2015-04-08
Image Number: 126753
Caption: Ron Paul, George H. W. Bush and Raul Cruz discuss advising sons running for President. Well, I think it's best to let them do whatever they think is best. I agree, that's the best way. Yea, verily, woe and etc. Heed the words of thy father and hold his wisdom to thy breast! As it says in the second epistle to Habakkuk which I wrote! Yea, verily, woe!
     
10. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-03-12 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-03-12 Pub. Date: 2015-03-12
Image Number: 124363
Caption: Lieutenant Tom Cotton With His Men in the Iraq War. All right, men, follow me … Actually, sir, Corporal Smith here has just written a letter to the other side and we're all going to sign it … not only is "Lieutenant" Cotton misguided, but he will be gone in a few months, replaces by somebody else who may have different ideas ... Better put in something about the Constitution ...
     
11. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-11-23 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-11-23 Pub. Date: 2014-11-23
Image Number: 119514
Caption: Mr. Boehner Explains. When I think about what Obama has done it makes me enraged! I must have a drink to calm myself of I will go rage crazy! So you can see … it was the president who drove me to drink … and I never wrote and thanked him … Glurk!
     
12. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-11-03 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-11-03 Pub. Date: 2014-11-03
Image Number: 118686
Caption: Mr. Putin's Cronies Take Over the Russian Schoolbook Publishing Business … and re-write Russian History. Look! Look! See Vladimir! See Vladimir run! See Vladimir run everything.
     
13. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-01-13 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-01-13 Pub. Date: 2014-01-13
Image Number: 106380
Caption: Bob Gates Gets Some Early Advice from His Publishers. Now remember your audience out there. You have to take some shots at the president, call everyone at the White House names, re-write some history, get all Reagan-happy. We need something shocking to get through the aluminum foil! Barely and Hanginon Publishers.
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-09-12 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-09-12 Pub. Date: 2013-09-12
Image Number: 101768
Caption: Mr. Putin Writes Another Op Ed Piece on World Peace. - And add, PS - I am not gay.
     
15. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-06-12 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-06-12 Pub. Date: 2013-06-12
Image Number: 98135
Caption: Orwell 1984 (crossed out) 2013. I thought I was writing fiction … 1984. Winston Smith … Auloises.
     
16. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-02-11 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-02-11 Pub. Date: 2013-02-11
Image Number: 93537
Caption: Pentagon Defends the Advantages of Drones. They do what they're told to do. They don’t have families, they don’t have PTSD, they don’t need veterans benefits, they don’t write books, etc … No conscience at all … … Perfect soldiers.
     
17. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-11-25 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-11-25 Pub. Date: 2012-11-25
Image Number: 90494
Caption: Students Saving Money by Taking More Courses Online. What! You think you can learn all by yourselves? What about the rich traditions of academia? Titles and degrees and funny hats? What about my book which I wrote especially for my class for everyone to buy? What about deans and chancellors and presidents and departments and trustees and tenure and sabbaticals and research grants and graduate assistants? What about football and cheerleading and fraternities and sororities and spring vacations and semesters abroad and getting drunk and acting stupid and changing majors and avoiding life? What about debt? What kind of Americans are you?
     
18. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-07-25 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-07-25 Pub. Date: 2012-07-25
Image Number: 84646
Caption: Justice Scalia's New Book Now in Bookstores! What's this blurb on your book, Antonin? "Best book ever written!" Clarence Thomas. Meet the Author. I don't remember writing this. Oh, yes, you wrote it. Look into my eyes, Clarence. Oh, yeah … Now I remember ... And you get a free book.
     
19. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-06-28 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-06-28 Pub. Date: 2012-06-28
Image Number: 83109
Caption: A Letter from the Tea Party. Dear Justis (hah!) Roberts, We hate yew. Yew don't know nuthin' about the constitushun. Yew are stoopid. Why don't yew jump in the lake. God is gonna get yew and send yew to hell. Then you'll be sorry. We will never vote for yew again. You are a ... Gimme a word. Wait a minute ... Roget's Thesaurus for Dummies.
     
20. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-06-19 write 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-06-19 Pub. Date: 2012-06-19
Image Number: 82677
Caption: Y'all wanna see somethin' real funny? See - whut we done is take this outhouse and then we put this sign on it. It says Obama Liberry! That is fun-nee! Haw! Obama Presidential Library. 4 a good time call … Ma ... It's like Obama is got a outhouse for a liberry! Haw! Haw! (Snort! Snigger!) That is the funniest thing I ever done heard of! We gonna git this on tee vee! (Giggle! Drool ... ) Ma ... Montana GOP. Then we wrote all kinda funny stuff inside, like about Hillary and stuff! Haw! Haw! Haw! Hey! Obama! You got a outhouse for a liberry! Haw! Haw! Haw! Ma!! If we can just get this outhouse thing on the teevee, the whole country will laugh itself sick! Yup! We gotta use some o' this funny humor stuff to git our message across. Whut? I gotta go bathroom. Tea Party.
     
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