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Candorville

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101. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-06 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130586
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? Anything but Sesame Street. My don't crazy about it. Sometimes he says "watch Elmo" over and over again for hours until I finally give in and turn it on. If I hear "La la la la la … La la la la … Elmo's world" one more time, I just might throw the tv into the East River. Parent be trippin'. Elmo should be considered a class 2 drug.
     
102. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-05 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-05 Pub. Date: 2015-08-05
Image Number: 130585
Caption: Susan, did you hear about the EM drive? It seems to work and if so, it'll revolutionize mankind. Is it going to make us be nice to each other? It's all coming together. NASA discovers half a dozen worlds and moons in our solar system that have subsurface oceans. And at the same time, we may have developed a new engine that requires no fuel and can get us to all these places in just weeks or months. Don't you see? The age of interplanetary colonization is actually about to begin! Is it going to make us be nice to each other? I'm sorry, did you say something?
     
103. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-02 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-02 Pub. Date: 2015-08-02
Image Number: 129962
Caption: I always wanted a circle of friends like the ones I saw on TV, Dr. Noodle. I wanted friends who would stick by me through all my failed romances … like in "Sex and the City" … Friends who would care enough about me to argue with me when I'm wrong, like in "A Different World" ... Friends who would do silly dances to make me lighten up, like in "What's Happening!!" ... Friends who would fight every battle for me, like Fonzie did for Richie Cunningham. Why can't I find friends like those?! Maybe because you've spent all your time watching tv. Frasier Crane never would've said that.
     
104. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-26 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-26 Pub. Date: 2015-07-26
Image Number: 129550
Caption: I just started reading the book "2312." It starts on Mercury, where we built a city that constantly travels along rails to avoid the cataclysmic fire of the sun. It's hard to remember we're even capable of that sort of thing. We don't even build the world's tallest buildings anymore. We don't build much of anything. We barely even fill potholes. Once upon a time, we thought big. We built bridges. We carved new rivers. We sent men to the moon. But we've stopped thinking big. Did you know Saudi Arabia's building a tower that's almost twice as tall as our tallest building? Saudi Arabia ain't part of "we"? It ... That's not what I ... Oh, shut up.
     
105. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-24 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-24 Pub. Date: 2015-07-24
Image Number: 129960
Caption: Lately I've been starting to question my own sanity, doc. Dr. Noodle. Is the world I see around me real? Is my blog really successful? Did Donald Trump really call me "a naïve and short man" while I interviewed him? Or am I imagining it all? Have I created a "Matrix" for myself? A comforting alternate reality? I say your Trump interview, and he really did call you "a naive and short man". Congrats. But how do I know you really just said that?
     
106. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-01 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-01 Pub. Date: 2015-07-01
Image Number: 129038
Caption: Funny thing: I brought some fries home, put them on my window sill for a minute, and went to the bathroom. When I got back, the window was open and the fries were gone. Say, those fries look awfully familiar. They say if a man go far enough in the world, he eventually run into some 'nother dude who got fries what look just like his own. That's not what they say Clyde. I might consider sharin' some with you when I'm done.
     
107. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-24 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-24 Pub. Date: 2015-06-24
Image Number: 128673
Caption: Studies show that teachers are more likely to harshly punish black students than they are white ones who do the same things. Even black teachers do it. How am I supposed to feel comfortable sending my baby boy out into the world when I know this sort of stuff happens? They done called me a "troublemaker" from day one. Didn't do me no harm. Maybe I'll home-school him til he's got his Ph.D. it was educational. I be in the principal office so much that I learned exactly where he keep his spare house keys.
     
108. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-21 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-21 Pub. Date: 2015-06-21
Image Number: 128073
Caption: I've done a lot of things in my life, doc. I'm a firm believer in sampling everything life has to offer. Dr. Noodle … Except for prison. I don't need to know what being imprisoned is like … or visiting the Middle East. I don't really need to end up in an orange jumpsuit ... or bug-eating. No offense to the rest of the world, but that's just nasty ... or flyfishing ... or pipe-smoking ... or body-piercing ... or alligator-wrestling ... or Jazzercise ... You're being awfully negative. Why don't we try focusing on the things you DO like to do? I don't like being negative.
     
109. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-16 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-16 Pub. Date: 2015-06-16
Image Number: 128377
Caption: I just read yet another article about teenage girls running away to join ISIS. It turns out that when ISIS advertises for new recruits on social media, they forget to mention the part about how they sell girls into slavery for as little as a pack of cigarettes. If the world can't beat them on the battlefield, maybe we can get them on false advertising. We got Al Capone on tax evasion, you know.
     
110. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-11 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-11 Pub. Date: 2015-06-11
Image Number: 128070
Caption: What's wrong? I'm reading "Abaddon's Gate." That Melba Koh is getting away with everything. Who's "Melba Koh"? She's like a lot of people. She thinks the world owes her respect … even though she's never done anything worthy of respect … even though she's completely self-centered. I hate characters who think everything's about them. Then why are you reading it? 'Cause the more I hate her, the more I know I can't possibly be like her. So it's all about you?
     
111. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-17 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-17 Pub. Date: 2015-05-17
Image Number: 126511
Caption: Anytime you think bad thoughts, son, you can fix it by thinking of the one thing in this world you love most. Macawoni and cheeth? I was thinking more along the lines of "daddy." Macawoni and cheeth.
     
112. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-16 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-16 Pub. Date: 2015-05-16
Image Number: 126621
Caption: I dropped my phone in the toilet. That could happen to anyone, Lemont. It was a public toilet, Susan. Still not the end of the world. It was the most disgusting public toilet I'd ever seen, so I'd taken my phone out to Instagram a picture of it. That's when I dropped it. Oh. Wow. So then what'd you do with the phone? The only logical thing: I flushed it.
     
113. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-03 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-03 Pub. Date: 2015-05-03
Image Number: 125860
Caption: Dear idiot … I am offended by your article from last week where you made fun of those who say we never actually went to the moon. It's tools like you who make it easy for NASA to go on lying to the world and covering up the truth. Maybe if you did a little more research on YouTube, you'd be able to open your eyes to the fact that the moon doesn't actually exist. Worlds the size of Earth shouldn't have satellites at all, let alone one bigger than Pluto. Some people should never wander away from YouTube's "cute kitten" area. There's evidence it's a giant, empty, ancient spaceship that ran out of fuel long ago.
     
114. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-27 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-27 Pub. Date: 2015-04-27
Image Number: 126130
Caption: You know what I love more than almost anything in this world, Clyde? … French fries. They're like a tragic, ill-fated romance. No matter how bad they are for me, I just can't stay away. Can I have some of your fried, Clyde? Sorry, bruh, my fries be monogamous.
     
115. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-11 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-11 Pub. Date: 2015-04-11
Image Number: 125203
Caption: Why you always readin' that newspaper, Big L? Because I want to know what's happening in the world. Why? A man only has so much room in his head; why fill it up with stuff that ain't got spit to do with you? You ever seen a hamster worryin' about global warming? No, he just want his pine nuts. Hamsters don't eat "pine nuts", Clyde. See? Why you even know that? You ain't never had no hamster.
     
116. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-11 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-11 Pub. Date: 2015-02-11
Image Number: 122691
Caption: The Chronicle wants to hire me back and send me to cover the whole ISIS thing. Dr. Noodle. A few years ago, I'd have jumped at the chance, no matter how dangerous it is over there for journalists, because the truth is more important than me. But now, all I can think of is that my baby boy needs me. I'm his whole world. That makes me more important than anything. Does that make me a responsible parent, or a raging narcissist? A little raging narcissism is a good thing. Ph.D.
     
117. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-05 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-05 Pub. Date: 2015-02-05
Image Number: 122420
Caption: 1982. If you could be anyone in the whole wide world, who would it be? Anyone at all. I would be Harriet Tubman. Not only do I love railroads, but I'd get to be the hero who led the slaves out of Egypt. Only I'd have to be "Harry Tubman." That doesn't have the same ring to it. Dios mio. Or maybe I'd be Fonzie.
     
118. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-04 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-04 Pub. Date: 2015-02-04
Image Number: 122419
Caption: 1982. What'll life be like when we're 40? It'll be the 21st century, Susan. We'll have achieved all sorts of things. There won't be any poverty. Little kids won't have to go hungry. Russia won't be such a poopyhead. The Cold War will be over. We'll either all be friends because we're just so tired of being enemies, or we'll all be radioactive mutants. Either way, it'll be really cool. Momma says there won't be any more Vietnams because we learned our lesson ... Whatever that means.
     
119. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-11 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-11 Pub. Date: 2015-01-11
Image Number: 121631
Caption: I still can't believe the President is normalizing relations with Cuba. Me neither. Your realize how long it's been since American let its people hang out in Cuba? Two words, Susan: "Ricky Ricardo." The U.S. has been giving Cuba the cold shoulder ever since Ricky Ricardo was married to Lucy, and it tool till now for us to admit it wasn't working. Gene Roddenberry was still trying to sell some TV show about World War II. You lost me on that one. The original Star Trek wouldn't exist for another five years!
     
120. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-22 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-22 Pub. Date: 2014-12-22
Image Number: 120255
Caption: The Senate just released a report admitting America tortured innocent people. And yet most people will still always, reflexively, say "America is the best country in the world." The torture was ... disgusting, depraved, medieval sorts of things. There was even poo involved. POO, Susan. Can we talk about something happy? Now it'll be hard to hear "we're number one!" without thinking of "number two."
     
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