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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-13 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-13 Pub. Date: 2019-11-13
Image Number: 180300
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to write Roots 2, where we find out it was all just a dream. Kunta Kinte's dream? No, Chad Cunningham's dream. He's a white slave in a society run by black slave owners, in a world colonized by Africans instead of Europeans. Now do Wizard of Oz. A munchkin finds himself in Kansas, being chased by an angry sheriff ...
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-15 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-15 Pub. Date: 2019-10-15
Image Number: 179915
Caption: What do you think like will be like in the year 2036? I take it you mean for those of us who survive the upcoming world war? It'll be awesome. We've got 7.7 billion people on earth. That's why too many. But after the autocrats get their war, we'll have maybe 100,000 left. There'll only be a handful of people in any given city. Not counting mutants. I feel like we've had this conversation before, Lemont. The nuclear wasteland is going to have very affordable housing. Dios mio.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-14 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-14 Pub. Date: 2019-10-14
Image Number: 179914
Caption: 1982. What do you think life'll be like in the year 2019? I take it you mean for those of us who survive the nuclear Armageddon. It'll be pretty rad. We've got 4.6 billion people on earth right now. That's way too much. After the nuclear war, we'll have maybe 10,000 people left. We'll have to scrounge to survive. There will be no time for hate. No time for chores. No time for homework. The nuclear wasteland will be a paradise. I like when you're optimistic.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-04 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-04 Pub. Date: 2019-10-04
Image Number: 179729
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! My son just started preschool. This sweet, innocent child who's seen nothing but Sesame Street … came home after the first week and started hitting us and yelling You're a bad guy! Good guys hit bad guys! Yes, yes, it's an age-old problem: The corrupting influence of his peers. Might I suggest you wrap your angel in cellophane to protect him from the world? Better yet, launch him into space, where not even the cold virus can ever reach him! He did have the sniffles.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-29 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-29 Pub. Date: 2019-09-29
Image Number: 179616
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman Republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped working for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-28 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-28 Pub. Date: 2019-09-28
Image Number: 179622
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old tv shows they're bringing back? The Fugitive, Battlestar Gallactica, Punky Brewster, 90210 … How come nobody's talking about bringing back 227 … A Different World ... Living Single ... Family Matters ... Moesha ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Never mind. I have no problem being that guy.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-13 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-13 Pub. Date: 2019-09-13
Image Number: 179398
Caption: The world's going to censored Susan. I don’t think it's wrong for me to want one last shot at absolute euphoria. How about it, Susan? Just you and me. But … Lemont … What about your girlfriend? I don't think she'd mind if I saw Coming to America 2 with you.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-12 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-12 Pub. Date: 2019-09-12
Image Number: 179397
Caption: I'm tellin' you, Big L, it's a exciting time to be alive. Kids in cages … Right wing demagogues subverting democracies all over the world … mass shootings … climate change … No, Clyde, I don't see what's so exciting about these times. Eddie Murphy comin' all the way back, bruh. Cages, Clyde. Cages!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-24 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-24 Pub. Date: 2019-08-24
Image Number: 179098
Caption: Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-13 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-13 Pub. Date: 2019-07-13
Image Number: 178425
Caption: Did you see that video where important world leaders are talking at the G-20 … and wondering why the heck Donald Trump's daughter is trying to be part of their conversation? It triggered me. It brought back that time in college where I found myself at the same party with Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela. I interjected with a pretty enlightening Sanford and Son analogy, and things got awkward. Why is you still talkin'?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-02 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-02 Pub. Date: 2019-07-02
Image Number: 178391
Caption: Remember how the whole country spent the last couple weeks debating whether the centers where we stick migrants are technically concentration camps? Of course. Why? Why? … Because that's not normal. When you find yourself saying the way we torture toddlers and infants isn't as bad as the way Nazis tortured them ... I think you've got a problem.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-27 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-27 Pub. Date: 2019-06-27
Image Number: 178258
Caption: Germany, 1933 … I'm tired of you calling the places where we house Jewish people concentration camps. That diminishes the atrocity those barbaric British in South Africa did to the Boer people in their actual concentration camps. That could never happen here. You owe the Boer people an apology. Gute nacht opa.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-26 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-26 Pub. Date: 2019-06-26
Image Number: 178257
Caption: As I was saying, you can't call what we have concentration camps because that diminishes what happened in the Holocaust. Never again means never again will we let people commit genocide. I always thought it meant never again will we let people even begin to do things that led to genocide ... like calling people an infestation and locking them in camps. You thought wrong.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-19 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-19 Pub. Date: 2019-06-19
Image Number: 178162
Caption: I read the President's going to start keeping migrant kids at Fort Sill … one of the concentration camps where we kept Japanese Americans during World War II. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Santayana. It's one of the most-repeated quotes ever ... which means all of mankind probably needs to see a ... what do you call a memory-doctor? I forget.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-18 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-18 Pub. Date: 2019-05-18
Image Number: 177625
Caption: Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-09 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-09 Pub. Date: 2019-05-09
Image Number: 177531
Caption: Do you understand now why I never want to have kids, Lemont? You hate kids. No, I love them. And I don't want them living in a world where they have to be taught what to do in case of an active shooter. It's not the world, Susan. It's America. You could move to lots of places where school shootings don't happen. Well ... can I move to someplace that won't be affected by climate change? It's ok to admit you just don't like kids.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-05 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-05 Pub. Date: 2019-05-05
Image Number: 177448
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-29 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-29 Pub. Date: 2019-04-29
Image Number: 177383
Caption: Lemont? How come you kept sending me straight to voicemail all weekend? It wasn't 'cause they're announcing the Pulitzer Prize winners today and I thought they might call the winners over the weekend. I wasn't hoping to win or anything. I already know I'm a good writer. I don't need external validation. You're the worst liar in the world. Is there an award for that?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-26 world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-26 Pub. Date: 2019-04-26
Image Number: 177327
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some old quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. My bad can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
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