Who was president when you were born, Sadie? Did he wear a top hat, or was it a powdered wig? Did he wear knickers, or were they stockings? Very funny. You know what's even funnier? You probably couldn't name who was president when you were born even if your life depended on it. Without Googling it, I mean. Did your president wear wooden teeth? You're stalling and I see your thumbs tapping.
Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over … baseball season's nearly done. The time is growing short to see the man-meat hit home runs. Their rippling biceps swinging wooden bats hard through the air … their quadriceps pump, unbridled, while I sit there and stare. And when they slide into home plate, there's always a slim chance ... that if they slid in wrong, they're a-gonna split their pants! I don't think I'll ever be able to un-hear that.