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Rudy Park

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-22 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-22 Pub. Date: 2017-04-22
Image Number: 157029
Caption: Boss, there hasn't been a single customer all day. It's almost midnight. Mind if I just close up and go home? Only if you don't mind me not paying you for this last global hour. I don't mind if … wait … what does "global hour" mean? I won't pay you for the 11pm hour every time zone on earth experienced. "Global hour" is not a term! ... I think.
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-21 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-21 Pub. Date: 2017-04-21
Image Number: 157028
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! I've been dating this man for 17 years. How do I get him to pop the big question? Which "big question" is that? "Hey, how come I'm not getting any lovin'?" … or "Hey, where are you going with all your luggage?" ... or "Hey, who's that guy and why are you riding him piggyback and kissing on his neck like that?" Get a clue, lady, he doesn't want you. Move on. Maybe I should give him more time.
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-20 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-20 Pub. Date: 2017-04-20
Image Number: 157027
Caption: China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-26 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-26 Pub. Date: 2017-03-26
Image Number: 156383
Caption: "They found seven earth-like planets, Randy. Amazing time, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's no coincidence there are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence??? "
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-19 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-19 Pub. Date: 2017-03-19
Image Number: 155188
Caption: I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electrical outlet panels and they're all taken. I couldn't plug in Heisenberg. You owe Heisenberg and me $9.75 for wasting a trip down here. There's an outlet in the john.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-14 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-14 Pub. Date: 2017-03-14
Image Number: 155665
Caption: If someone winks at you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you? Yes. But if they wink a lot at YOU it's more likely they've just had a stroke. Or maybe a cerebral hemorrhage. Or they've developed a nervous tic. Could be a gnat flew into their eye. I get the point. I wouldn't rule out an aneurysm.
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-26 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-26 Pub. Date: 2017-02-26
Image Number: 154365
Caption: Hi Darlene. Was that me you were waving at? Yes. Step half an inch closer, Rudy. This is a courtesy reminder of our upcoming midlife crisis appointment. Our what? I have you booked for "mad passionate fling with someone my friends and family would disapprove of," for March of this year through February of 2018. We start next month. That's enough time for you to firm your chest and arms up to a semi-acceptable level of near-manliness. It's also enough time for you to tattoo-up. I just emailed you an autocad blueprint with the designs and the specific locations on your body where they're to be scrawled ... and then she gave me a list of sweet nothings to whisper to her. My advice is to be very indignant about all this, beginning after February of 2018.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-25 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-25 Pub. Date: 2017-02-25
Image Number: 154818
Caption: What's that? It's my second published book. It's called "The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at My Local Café and Spends All His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet." It's just a bunch of empty pages. I know. Very meta, right?
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-20 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-20 Pub. Date: 2017-02-20
Image Number: 154813
Caption: I've seen an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes. What on earth are you talking about, little buddy? I watched more than 80 movies last night on Hulu, for free. Are you talking about trailers? When it shows the beginning, middle and end, it's a movie.
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-19 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-19 Pub. Date: 2017-02-19
Image Number: 153817
Caption: I don't have any awesome mannerisms. I saw it on Cracked's Youtube channel. Jimmy Fallon always punctuates his jokes with gibberish. Harrison Ford always points at people he's talking to. Kristen Stewart always bites her lower lip. Jennifer Aniston clears her throat all the time. I've always thought she should get that checked. John Cusack is always getting rained on. Not sure that's a mannerism. How is my public supposed to do funny impersonations of me if I don't have any subtle but distinguishing mannerisms? Would winking at the end of every sentence be too obvious? Stop that.
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-10 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-10 Pub. Date: 2017-02-10
Image Number: 154259
Caption: You're a hard man to read, Randy. At times, you seem like a cad. A Don Juan. A scoundrel. But at other times, you seem wise. Mature. Supportive. Ladies are most responsive to a "bad guy" to "good guy" ratio of 7 to 6.3756892. My findings have been published in the Oxford Journal of Lovin'.
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-05 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-05 Pub. Date: 2017-02-05
Image Number: 153213
Caption: I've decided it's time for me to start dating again. Again? I've known you for twelve years, and I've never seen you date. I've been focused on work to the exclusion of all else. I have no hobbies, no friends, no interests at all that are unrelated to by business. Lately that's started to take a toll on me, Rudy. I've become sullen. Depressed. Lonely. Bitter. Morose. My customers have begun to notice, and I worry my bad mood will drive them away. So ... you want to focus less on business because being all business is bad for business. Also, true love is eventually tax deductible.
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-29 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-29 Pub. Date: 2017-01-29
Image Number: 152972
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation about why Disney can't do what we all want the to do … and have the folks who made Rogue One go back and remake the super-lame Star Wars prequel trilogy. Would you like the inaccurate explanation or the accurate one? Inaccurate would be lovely, please. It's too soon to remake "Phantom Menace." Plus it'd be confusing. Besides, the prequels were good enough. What're you talking about? It's been 18 years since "Phantom Menace." And movies get rebooted all the time, and no one gets confused. And no, they were most definitely not good enough. Well you asked for the inaccurate version. Oh. Can I try the accurate one, then? Ok. It's because it's just easier to pretend the prequels never existed. But I want them to officially never have existed.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-28 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-28 Pub. Date: 2017-01-28
Image Number: 153712
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Whoopty doo. Tap tap tap tap tap. You'll be happy to know you are no longer the last of your kind, Sadie. Astronomers have discovered another supermassive black hole that expels nearly as much hot air as you do. You're now listed under "oppressive objects that burp out galactic gas." I will exact revenge at a time and place of my choosing.
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-25 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-25 Pub. Date: 2017-01-25
Image Number: 153709
Caption: Rudy, from now on I'm going to answer all employee requests through Twitter. Publicly? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. That's right. If you have a valid request, you should have no problem with the entire world hearing it. Now, what was that again about you needing time off for a proctology appointment? Never mind. Hold on ... composing a tweet ... How do you spell "polyp" again?
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-19 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-19 Pub. Date: 2017-01-19
Image Number: 153431
Caption: Welcome to Ask Sadie. You're on, Santa Cruz. What's your problem? I feel like something wonderful is about to end. Excellent question. That reminds me of the time great, great, great, great, great Grandma Cohen was a weather forecaster in France. The year was 1812 ... A short Frenchman with a spit-curl summoned her to his chateau on the outskirts of Versailles. He said "Tell me, witch, how will the weather be in Russia this year?" She took offense to being called a witch, so after consulting her cauldron and her buzzard, she lied and told him "The winter will be warmer than usual. Dress your troops casual." What were we talking about again? We were ... I ... don't remember.
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-11 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-11 Pub. Date: 2017-01-11
Image Number: 153094
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? 2016. Stop that! A year is just an arbitrary span of time, it's not a malevolent entity. Um … except for 1974. That was a puke-green and orange monster that forced normal people to dress like clowns. That demon keeps trying to make a comeback. Eternal vigilance. That is the price we pay. O ... K ...
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-22 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-22 Pub. Date: 2016-12-22
Image Number: 152378
Caption: You're on the "Ask Sadie" show. What's your problem?! Medicare. I heard Congress may gut it. But I can't afford insurance. Excellent question. Reminds me of the time I was a rodeo clown in Texas, in the early fifties. There was this man who came to every show in a futile pursuit of affections. I told him "I'll go out with you as soon as you provide healthcare for every old person in America." Years later, he came to me and said "How about now?" and I said "I was only joshing, Lyndon. Get lost." Um ... ok ... thanks.
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-13 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-13 Pub. Date: 2016-12-13
Image Number: 152123
Caption: Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. Is it manly to keep a diary? I've thought of journaling, to help me process all the unbearable horrors and losses I experience. Like when they discontinued the Sega Genesis. I bet journaling would've helped me through that difficult time of my life. "Difficult time of your life"? Instead, I sank deep into depression, refused to speak, and painted my Apple Newton black.
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-12 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152122
Caption: I'm proud of you, Mort. It's been a month and you haven't once freaked out a bout Donald Trump winning the election. That's because I made a pilgrimage to a fog-shrouded castle atop a mountain in Foreignvania. There, a renegade mystic performed an incantation that reboots my memory to November 7, 2016 every time someone mentions Trump. I'm not sure that's a good long-term coping mechanism. Rebooting! ... Hey ... don't forget to vote tomorrow, Randy.
     
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