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Rudy Park

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281. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-14 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-14 Pub. Date: 2015-08-14
Image Number: 131013
Caption: Boss, there's a tornado outside! It's five minutes late. What? What are you talking about? Dozens of terrified locals just ran into our café seeking shelter. What should I … wait … You couldn't possibly … couldn't possibly have leased an artificial tornado machine from a Canadian inventor? How do you have time to consider such silly ideas when you should be out there selling the refugees comfort food?
     
282. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-29 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-29 Pub. Date: 2015-07-29
Image Number: 130393
Caption: You know that symphony I wrote in GarageBand? It drops next week. You're invited. Symphonies don't "drop," little buddy. Rock albums "drop." R&B "drops." Symphonies "debut." And they usually debut in concert halls, with live musicians. Where's your symphony debuting? Anybody-can-upload-anything-for-people-to-download.com. I wonder if I can get my tux pressed in time.
     
283. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-21 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-21 Pub. Date: 2015-07-21
Image Number: 130026
Caption: Can I ask you something man-to-man? What's up? Let's say a … friend of mine … was so focused on building his corporate empire that he had very little time for romance. And let's say my … friend … hired a surrogate to seduce someone, get married, and have children ... all while wearing a hidden camera so I ... I mean, my friend ... could experience it vicariously. Would that be weird? Long talk ahead.
     
284. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-20 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-20 Pub. Date: 2015-07-20
Image Number: 130025
Caption: Andrea Wheaton doesn't even notice I'm alive. Good! At your age, you shouldn't be wasting your time on crushes and other interpersonal relationships. Not unless the girl's mom or dad has connections you can exploit. Is Rudy here? You should be 100% focused on building your empire.
     
285. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-07 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-07 Pub. Date: 2015-07-07
Image Number: 129350
Caption: Hi, this is Donald Trump. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'm calling to tell you I'm running for president. Ok. Have a good time. What do you mean "have a good time"? Is that supposed to be some sort of backhanded insult? Are you not taking me seriously? Well guess what, idiot, the feeling is entirely mutual. House of Java Cybercafe. Wait ... What? What just happened? Play dumb if you want, loser. it's probably why you're not as rich as I am.
     
286. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-06 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-06 Pub. Date: 2015-07-06
Image Number: 129349
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs died off. This time It's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
287. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-01 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-01 Pub. Date: 2015-07-01
Image Number: 129100
Caption: You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.
     
288. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-26 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-26 Pub. Date: 2015-06-26
Image Number: 128756
Caption: You and I need to set a time to talk. I have a side business of network marketing which is amazing! … And I'm excited about sharing this excellent opportunity with you … my dear friend. What're you doing? You can work from home, make your own hours … and build a multi-million-dollar business working 10 hours a week. HOJ. Are you reciting some sort of script to me? Of course not. If I forward you a brief video, will you watch it?
     
289. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-20 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-20 Pub. Date: 2015-06-20
Image Number: 128449
Caption: I wish I could be part of a famous celebrity family like the Kardashians. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Once upon a time, the Cohens were America's most popular-for-no-good-reason family. And I was the beautiful, buxom young ingénue of the clan. The reality was, we were only famous because somehow, an "accidentally" leaked photograph of me in my bloomers was telegraphed all around the world. Did they give you your own reality show? "Keeping Up With the Cohens" was radio's first big hit.
     
290. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-17 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-17 Pub. Date: 2015-06-17
Image Number: 128446
Caption: Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Many of you took the time to send her heartfelt advice, which Sadie publicly mocked, belittled and summarily rejected, while calling into question the IQ and, in one case, the parentage, of her listeners. Since then, Mrs. Cohen has completed her mandatory anger management course. She humbly requests that you all try anew to send her advice about how to deal with her midlife crisis. She promises not to make any of you cry. I'd be happy to listen to your delirious drivel - I mean, to your delightful advice. Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
291. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-10 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-10 Pub. Date: 2015-06-10
Image Number: 128138
Caption: So you're not running for the Republican party's nomination for president? I'm dropping out to spend more time with my family. What family? You don't have any "family." You don't even have a girlfriend, or any prospects. You don't have so much as a hamster. The closest thing you have to a dependent is the mouse that lives under your bed. If you're quitting 'cause you can't win, just say so. I'm pursuing opportunities in the private sector. Stop it.
     
292. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-07 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-07 Pub. Date: 2015-06-07
Image Number: 127265
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Hello handsome SADIE, it's Timona here greeting you from Kiev, Ukraine. Yeah we are in great political turmoil right now, but I will let you in on a secret since we are old friends. Now is the best time for to invest in the Ukraine real estate. In 2005, for inspect, a 71 sq. meter abode sold for $7,500 US Dollars. Today it sell for at only $1,100 US Dollars. Lovely school for to nearby, as well as charming Mall within walking distance with has all the conveniences. Keep this amazing opportunity quiet. I only tell YOU because of that time we made that amazing connection. Your friend, Timona. Click here for to house buy. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer's true IP address, name, birthdate, physical address, and bank account number ... and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. It cost me a vinyl record, a Mountain Dew and a crate of Cheetos, but it was worth it. Ask Sadie a question (but be careful) at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
293. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-05 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-05 Pub. Date: 2015-06-05
Image Number: 127848
Caption: Tonight, on "Cops," a local man leads police on a high-speed chase through Best Buy. It all began when clerks noticed he was coming in every day to upgrade different obsolete items. When he ran out of his own obsolete hardware, he began rummaging through other customers' pockets looking for old cellphones to upgrade. He zoomed free, but cops had no trouble tracking the perp down. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't - Maybe next time "Rudy" will think twice before personalizing his Segway's license plate.
     
294. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-28 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-28 Pub. Date: 2015-05-28
Image Number: 127572
Caption: I can't believe you got one of those ear gouges. "Gauges." They're all the rage. I'm keeping it. Don't judge me just because you're behind the times. People have been doing it all over the world for thousands of years. It's nothing new. It's not? Ogawd! What have I done?!
     
295. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-21 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-21 Pub. Date: 2015-05-21
Image Number: 127262
Caption: People see me as a heartless, miserly man whose pursuit of money leaves him with no room for personal relationships. It's taken me a long time to cultivate that image, Randy. But sometimes, when I'm home alone in the cold of the night, I long to feel a warm, comforting body beside me. That's why I've started warming my life-size doll made of $20 bills in the microwave. Is that weird? To each his own.
     
296. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-06 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-06 Pub. Date: 2015-05-06
Image Number: 126576
Caption: There's nothing awesome to see at the movies these days. What're you talking about? Avengers 2 just came out. I know. It's been out for like an entire weekend. It's old news. The next blockbuster is "Mad Max," and that's not out until the 15th! Hollywood is totally neglecting the entire May 4th-to-May-15th window! That kind of gaping hole is unconscionable. You can always watch "In the Name of My Daughter."
     
297. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-03 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-03 Pub. Date: 2015-05-03
Image Number: 125630
Caption: Open Mike Night Presents Future Guy. They hitched rides in on Halley's Comet every time it's near. Living nanites masquerading as technology … depending on the gullibility of you and me. 200,000 years of riding horses and buggies … and suddenly we're 3-D printing tools and cars and trees? They're everywhere, just biding the time to finish their big plan. They're in your phones, your watch, your cars, and they are nearly done. The brain ... the AI ... will arrive ... in 2061. (July 28th to be exact ... that, my crew, is a natural fact). I'm warning you this way 'cause it's the only way, you see. For some reason, they get confused by rhymes and poetry. In short, I've come to warn you, evolution's happening. You want your kids to survive it? Teach them how to rap ... pening. That was close. Odd ... My phone lit up for no reason, and then went back to sleep.
     
298. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-21 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-21 Pub. Date: 2015-04-21
Image Number: 125924
Caption: It was the 1980s. I'd hitched a ride to the desert sands of Iraq in search of adventure. There, in the ancient ruins of Nimrud, I saved a beautiful archaeologist from the reanimated mummy of an ancient Assyrian warrior. That, little buddy, led to Randy "The Rock" Taylor's very first roll in the hay. That's what made Nimrud famous? That, and some other stuff, I guess.
     
299. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-05 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-05 Pub. Date: 2015-04-05
Image Number: 124320
Caption: Rudy, gas prices are rising again. I bet somehow this is bad news for me. I suppose you're wondering how that affects the café. Uh … sure. Well, did you know that a great many products are made from oil? Such as plastic? And did you know that, for a brief time, manufacturers would actually pay people to cart away all their plastic shavings? ... And did you know that it's much cheaper to cut coffee grounds with plastic shavings than to serve pure coffee? Theoretically, of course, I would never do such a thing. Anyhow, our profit margins have plummeted 0.02%, so I'll have to cut your pay. Yes! I just won a bet!
     
300. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-28 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-28 Pub. Date: 2015-03-28
Image Number: 124714
Caption: When's the last time you took a vacation, Armstrong? A what? A vacation. You know, where you put on a half-buttoned Hawaiian shirt, shades, and stubble, and head for a far-off island … where you run afoul of the local bully, challenge him to a duel, and win the respect and admiration of men, women and children, before flying off into the sunset. What? Why does everyone always pretend they've never heard of a vacation? How 'bout you take a vacation from making us all look inadequate. HOJ.
     
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