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Rudy Park

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241. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-21 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-21 Pub. Date: 2016-02-21
Image Number: 138713
Caption: Rudy, I'd like you to broaden your skill-set. What for, boss? You have a real flair for making coffee. House of Java Cybercafe. But the era of the specialist is over. These days, workers must be able to perform the duties of several people. A lot of political cartoonists are now expected to also draw bar graphs and write articles covering the local car wash openings. I fired my long-time dentist so I could hire one who'd agree to also paint my bathroom. Workers specializing in just one thing is a historical aberration, anyway. For most of human history, people had to catch their own food, make their own clothes, dig their own graves ... and give offerings to their overlords. How good are you at painting bathrooms and performing root canals? How hard can that be? I'll go see if there's a root canal on Youtube.
     
242. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-17 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-17 Pub. Date: 2016-02-17
Image Number: 139254
Caption: You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?
     
243. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-16 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-16 Pub. Date: 2016-02-16
Image Number: 139253
Caption: I've decided I'm going to be positive all the time. What do you mean? Every major religion believes it's possible to speak things into existence. If you say you're a failure, you eventually become a failure. But if you SAY you're a winner over and over again, you can actually talk the universe into believing it. It'll make you a winner no matter how often you go bankrupt. So you agree Trump's going to win?
     
244. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-06 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-06 Pub. Date: 2016-02-06
Image Number: 138615
Caption: Do you believe the world is all an illusion? I know it is. I know it can be bent by our collective will. When I was born, there were horses and buggies in the streets. But as soon as we all believed we could do it, we went to the moon. Oh, I agree. That's why I'm trying to get the whole internet to retweet "It's possible to upload our minds into immortal robot bodies." If the entire hive mind of earth tweets that at the same time, it's got to come true. I hope not. I'd hate for you to end up being the most important person in history.
     
245. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-03 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-03 Pub. Date: 2016-02-03
Image Number: 138612
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you, minion. Not really, boss. I've noticed a disturbing trend: bikinis are getting smaller and smaller. So small, in fact, that they no longer hide anything. I think it's about time our café took a stand and did something to outlaw this moral decay. That's why I've arranged for you to hand "campaign donations" to several city councilmembers. This doesn't have anything to do with our declining donut sales, does it? People should never have to forego life's finer things just to go to the beach.
     
246. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-31 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-31 Pub. Date: 2016-01-31
Image Number: 137772
Caption: I wonder what life was like before the internet. What are you talking about? You don't have to wonder what life was like before the internet. You were here! We have no proof of that. I've googled myself. There's no reference to me existing prior to 1994. No blog posts, no photos, not tweets. I mean sure, you can find my birth certificate, but that means nothing. There is nothing online that was written by me, personally, prior to 1994. Stop that!!! I found a box of old polaroids, they're supposedly pictures of me as a child. But there's no proof of that. There are no photos of me that have verifiable metadata or time stamps prior to 1994. Don't look at me like that. There isn't a single link proving you existed prior to 1997 ... so respect your elders. STOP THAT!!!
     
247. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-26 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-26 Pub. Date: 2016-01-26
Image Number: 138314
Caption: I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.
     
248. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-24 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-24 Pub. Date: 2016-01-24
Image Number: 137450
Caption: We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion. Oh no. I've spent the last 72 hours analyzing our customer base. Our granola and kale latte helped us capture the hipster demo once we bundled it with cigarettes and vinyl records. Our caffeine-infused mocha helped us capture the white-collar set once we bundled it with motivational recordings. But there's one demographic we still haven't monopolized. First-time parents of toddlers. How proficient are you at potty training? I quit.
     
249. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-28 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-28 Pub. Date: 2015-12-28
Image Number: 137198
Caption: My mom said I can't come here anymore. What? Why not, Billy? She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice. What "bad" advice? All my advice is solid gold. You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite. That didn't work?
     
250. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-25 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-25 Pub. Date: 2015-12-25
Image Number: 136906
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said "Merry Christmas" yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke every who's upset about the so-called "war on Christmas" to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played "Jingle Bells" yet?
     
251. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-20 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-20 Pub. Date: 2015-12-20
Image Number: 135998
Caption: That's the last time I even think of Googling "climate change."
     
252. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-18 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-18 Pub. Date: 2015-12-18
Image Number: 136617
Caption: Boss, I've come down with something. I need the day off. That "something" wouldn't be Star Wars tickets, would it? "Star Wars"? What's "Star Wars"? I'm really sick. Cough. Cough. Oh … Who am I to stand in the way of a huge corporation suckering people into paying lots of money to see something they've basically seen dozens of times before. Thanks, boss! Bring me some seriously overpriced popcorn.
     
253. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-14 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-14 Pub. Date: 2015-12-14
Image Number: 136613
Caption: Randy, if you could be ANY superhero, which one would you be? I'd be Randy-Man. He came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. He's slower than a speeding bullet, because he takes his time in all things. He can change the course of a lady's evening with a single smile. I don't think The Avengers would have much use for Randy-Man.
     
254. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-11 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-11 Pub. Date: 2015-12-11
Image Number: 136283
Caption: Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move. And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty. This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day. No way any movie can live up to this hype. Star-Wars-Day is almost upon us. We are about to embark upon the great crusade ...
     
255. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-09 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-09 Pub. Date: 2015-12-09
Image Number: 136281
Caption: Hi, this is Jeb Bush. Who? I'm just calling to remind you I'm still running for president. Oh. Ok, now. You have a good time. I'm also calling to remind you I'm available for speaking engagements at your large rally, small rally, bar mitzvah, or assorted car wash openings. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Would you like me to speak at your function? Oh no, that's all right. Don't worry about it.
     
256. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-08 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-08 Pub. Date: 2015-12-08
Image Number: 136280
Caption: That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat. Tap tap tap. #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigoh #seriously? #wontSomebodyThinkofTheChildren? Error: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed. Delete delete delete. That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigoh #seriously? #wontSomebodyThinkofTheChildren?
     
257. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-07 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-07 Pub. Date: 2015-12-07
Image Number: 136279
Caption: What's wrong, little buddy? Some stupid kid called me "old." I'm young! I've been young all my life! I'm good at it. I know all about being young. I've been young since way before he was even born. He's just jealous that I'm more experienced at it than he is. Might be time for us to have a little talk.
     
258. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-06 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-06 Pub. Date: 2015-12-06
Image Number: 135394
Caption: I don't know what to order. So many choices. It can be a little intimidating. What's the difference between the pumpkin-ginseng latte and the ginseng-pumpkin latte? Oh, well … we prepare the pumpkin-ginseng in a way that maximizes its efficacy. A way that what's its what? We try to credibly reconceptualize its scalable organic sources. What's more, we rapidiously iterate equity-invested supply chains and seamlessly cloudify real-time infusement techniques honed from years of adaptive cultivation. But the best part is, it has this kick that we fungibly exploit, resource-leveling mindshare hormones to achieve a completely thirst-quenching network of world-class taste architectures. You know, it's ok to admit there's no difference. The ginseng-pumpkin, on the other hand, proactively optimizes synergistic reintermediate maintanable electrolytes.
     
259. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-02 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-02 Pub. Date: 2015-12-02
Image Number: 135994
Caption: Boss, I need to take a personal day. Why? It's personal. That's why they call it a "personal day." It's almost as if you're under the impression that words and meaning are somehow related. They're not? Of course not. For instance … "Sure, take a personal day" actually means "I'll begin searching for your replacement."
     
260. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-01 time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-01 Pub. Date: 2015-12-01
Image Number: 135993
Caption: Darlene! Wanna have lunch sometime? I'm having lunch now. I meant with me. Rudy … I find your boldness both unexpected and disturbing, as if you've suddenly become a different person. What time should I pick you up? Never o'clock.
     
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