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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (26 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-01 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-01 Pub. Date: 2019-10-01
Image Number: 179726
Caption: Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothies on my head? I'm glad you huff asked. Studies huff show that sitting all huff day long behind a desk leads huff to obesity, sickness, huff toe-swelling huff and an early, huff excruciating huff death. So more huff and more huff office workers are using huff standing desks huff with treadmills. Have you ever huff tried handing someone huff a smoothie while running huff on a treadmill? They walk ... Walk.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-11 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-11 Pub. Date: 2019-06-11
Image Number: 178021
Caption: I was standing by my car when some lady poked me in my bottom. You don't have no car, Big L. If one part of your story a lie, then can't nothin' 'bout the rest of the story be trusted. It's called an Uber, Clyde. No, it's called goosing. What? What?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-08 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-08 Pub. Date: 2019-05-08
Image Number: 177530
Caption: So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-05 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170151
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-16 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-16 Pub. Date: 2017-12-16
Image Number: 166006
Caption: Wow. The Last Jedi was such a good movie. I never saw an audience give a film a standing ovation before. Well, wait until Youtubers get ahold of it. Youtube's full of random people who think they're experts on film. They love to tear movies apart. They always say the same things, too: "It had pacing problems." Or "That moment wasn't earned." Or "That scene wasn't necessary." I'm thinking of starting Youtube channel where I give my critiques of people's critiques. Dios mio.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-04 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162342
Caption: Hello, momma. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I let myself in, and I'm standing right behind you with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, all for you … unless I got stuck in traffic, in which case forget you heard this. Beep.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-30 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-30 Pub. Date: 2016-05-30
Image Number: 143918
Caption: Bill Cosby's standing trial for criminal sexual assault in Pennsylvania. It's shocking, Susan … Shocking that it doesn't shock me at all to say that anymore. We get used to anything. And I don't know whether that's good or bad. I'm still shocked. Maybe you're just jaded. Eh ... I've heard that a million times.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-03 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-03 Pub. Date: 2016-03-03
Image Number: 139627
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-15 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-15 Pub. Date: 2014-08-15
Image Number: 114929
Caption: You ever think about how what you have in your hand totally changes how people see you? If you fling open someone's door at work or school, they think you're trouble. But if you're holding a walkie-talkie they think you're there to protect them. If you're standing on a rooftop, people think you're taking in the view. But if you're holding binoculars, they think you're a pervert. I told you not to bring those. Pretty sure that guy yelling "ivoy a llamar al 911!" wasn't a good thing.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-25 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-25 Pub. Date: 2013-12-25
Image Number: 105429
Caption: So there I was, standing next to a kettle ringing a bell, when this lady said to her friend, "That is DEFINITELY NOT Santa Claus." Rosencrantz, it's the height of ignorance to imply that Santa Claus has to be a white man. Maybe she was implying that Santa Claus has to be wearing pants. I only had enough change for half the costume. WRONG HALF!!!
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-29 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-29 Pub. Date: 2013-11-29
Image Number: 104374
Caption: Dick Fink, how long have you been standing there? Oh … I don’t know. They took my watch, I was mugged while saving a kitten on my way to volunteer at the orphanage for the elderly. Is this about how your job is in danger? What? It is? I had no idea. I've been too busy supporting my seven children and donating half my salary to leprosy relief in Guam.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-11 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-11 Pub. Date: 2013-11-11
Image Number: 103798
Caption: John 1:48-50 … Nathaniel said to him, "How do you know me?" Jesus answered him … "Before Philip called you, I saw you standing under a fig tree." Nathaniel said, "Rabbi, you are the son of God! You are the king of Israel!" Jesus replied: "Because I said I saw you standing under a fig tree ... ?" You're the only man I know who reads the bible for jokes. (This cartoon originally published on 11/4/2011).
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-27 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-27 Pub. Date: 2013-09-27
Image Number: 101946
Caption: Hello, momma. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I let myself in, and I'm standing right behind you with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, all for you. … Unless I got stuck in traffic, in which case forget you heard this. BEEP.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-04 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-04 Pub. Date: 2011-11-04
Image Number: 72412
Caption: John 1:48-50 … Nathaniel said to him, "How do you know me?" Jesus answered him … "Before Philip called you, I saw you standing under a fig tree." Nathaniel said, "Rabbi, you are the son of God! You are the king of Israel!" Jesus replied: "Because I said I saw you standing under a fig tree ... ?" You're the only man I know who reads the bible for jokes.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-27 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-27 Pub. Date: 2011-10-27
Image Number: 67157
Caption: Hello, Lemont. I just wanted to wish you luck and show you there are no hard feelings. Well … Thanks, Roxanne. In fact, after mother … I mean, the judge … grants me full custody, I promise only to tell our son about your many shortcomings in the most positive light. My attorney tell me I have a good chance, Roxanne. We've given the judge a lot to think about. The judge is ready to rule?! It's only been thirty seconds! We're dead! We're ... Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't see you standing there. How much of that did you ... Maybe I'll do you a favor and not tell him about you at all.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-06 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-06 Pub. Date: 2011-06-06
Image Number: 61777
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. How are you? Tap tap tap tap. Awful. I don't think the judge will give me custody of Lionel because my ex is pretending she's never heard of me, that Lionel's not mine, ad that I'm a mentally disturbed stalker with no standing to demand a DNA test. DELETE DELETE DELETE. Good, now that you've written to me. Aw, that's so sweet.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-12 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-12 Pub. Date: 2011-03-12
Image Number: 58318
Caption: Hello UPS-guy, you've reached Lemont Brown in apartment 3B. I'm not here at the moment … … because I'm downstairs in the bushes holding a big net. I'm waiting for you to buzz my apartment just once before leaving a "sorry we missed you" slip and trying to take off before I have a chance to answer. At the sound of the beep, turn around 'cause I'm standing right behind you.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-29 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-29 Pub. Date: 2010-12-29
Image Number: 55684
Caption: Your honor, I DEMAND a continuance! I'm suing my evil ex-fiancee for custody, and my lawyer is nowhere to be found! Who's the short man standing next to you in a suit? That's no man! That's my lawyer's six-year-nephew, pretending to be him! Not wise to insult your own attorney, Mr. Brown. Permission to treat him as a hostile witless!
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-07 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-07 Pub. Date: 2010-11-07
Image Number: 53696
Caption: Dr. Noodle. So what brings you to therapy? A cab. Very funny. Why's that funny? Huh? You think my not being able to afford a car is funny? No, I think … You think standing out there for an hour while cab after cab passed me by - for obvious reasons - is funny? ... I'm just messin' with you, dawg. I walked here. Oh. Hey heh. ... So, why are you here? it all started with the Big Bang ...
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-06 standing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-06 Pub. Date: 2009-11-06
Image Number: 40343
Caption: Sorry, I don't buy all the vampire stuff. But you really had Lemont going. I AM half vampire. Nope, sorry. Everyone knows a vampire can't enter a house uninvited. Yet here you are, uninvited. And you're standing right under my Aunt Bonfi's cross, even though vampires are REPULSED by apotropaic objects. Dios mio, I spend WAY too much time around Lemont. I was gonna say ...
     
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