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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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181. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-18 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-18 Pub. Date: 2008-08-18
Image Number: 91249
Caption: Slowpoke. NOISE WAR. It started with the cell phone dipwads. YEA, I'M HAVING MY INVERTED NIPPLE EXTRUDED TODAY! Noise-cancelling headphones ensued. Blah blah blah blah. HA! But in this age of advanced ringtones, 4-wheelers, and fat tailpipes, it's only a matter of time before we see ... Mini personal leaf blowers to clear crumbs off of public seats! A Plexiglas bubble must be added to the anti-noise ensemble. Parents can no linger hear their wee ones above the din, so they use BABY AMPLIFIERS. I think she's crying WAAA. People resort to full-body suits made of sound-dampening eggshell foam, on top of everything else. Ah, peace and quiet! I can't move.
     
182. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-11 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-11 Pub. Date: 2008-08-11
Image Number: 91248
Caption: Slowpoke. For a self-proclaimed literalist, Judge Scalia seems to see an awful lot of things in the 2nd amendment. "A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." Obviously this does not allow firearms for felons or the mentally ill, or in schools, or government buildings, or concealed or "dangerous and unusual" weapons ... But handguns are a right! DUH! Where does all this special insight come from? Our experts have concluded that Scalia belongs to the RUMPIST school of legal thought. Majority Opinion. His rulings come LITERALLY out of his ass. As you can see, a handgun fits neatly within the confines of Scalia's posterior. Censored. If it's in there, it's in the CONSTUTITION! Yes, we can thank Scalia for protecting us from that scourge of the courts - THE ACTIVIST JUDGE! Excise me everyone, I need to make a "narrow interpretation." Men's Room. Ah, just as the framers intended!
     
183. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-04 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-04 Pub. Date: 2008-08-04
Image Number: 91247
Caption: Slowpoke. This Week in Geek Chic. With the nerd look becoming even more hip, it's hard to tell who's a ACTUAL nerd anymore. Nerds? Or just extremely ironic? Journey. How can today's nerds distinguish themselves from mere poseurs? Insect Collection Necklaces. Yo yo yo! Check out my new pine borer! True nerd. Mathtar Hero. Very Literal T-Shirts. Dude, that is SO COOL! It is NOT COOL! I am a real nerd. Note: May not achieve desired effect.
     
184. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-07-28 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-07-28 Pub. Date: 2008-07-28
Image Number: 91246
Caption: Slowpoke. Slowpoke's Gas Saving Tips. Drivers! Brake as little as possible. Stopping wastes huge amounts of energy. KRUNK! SKREEE! Buy a smart car. Secretly hitch it to the back of a Suburban. Their gas mileage sucks so bad, they won't even notice! Airlines! Lighten your payload by giving enemas to all passengers before flying. You'll save millions! Arsonists! Use a watering can with a sprinkler spout for dousing. Your target will still burn baby, burn! ... Or convince our elected leaders to invest in mass transit. Nah ... That would be far-fetched!
     
185. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-07-21 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-07-21 Pub. Date: 2008-07-21
Image Number: 91245
Caption: Slowpoke. Google, Google Everywhere! Google's "Street View" lets you see actual pictures of a given address … Which is kind of cool, but also a little creepy. Google Maps. GASP! They caught my Prius in front of all eight of my lovers' homes! Coming soon: GOOGLE NOSTRIL VIEW. Mr. Perkins. Type in name. Zoom. Zoom more. Mars Lander View. Google. Google. Holy Hale-Bop! Look at this photo the Phoenix just sent back! What the ... Google street view user view. Google. Meta. Charles Alvarez. To be followed by "Person Reading Cartoon About Google Street View Users" view ... Ha ha!
     
186. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-07-07 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-07-07 Pub. Date: 2008-07-07
Image Number: 91243
Caption: Slowpoke. Intelligence Tests of Our Times. Earbud Detangling. Crap. Grocery Store Math Games. 89 cents each. SALE! 10 for $10! Guess I'd better buy ten of these! DVD Easter Egg Hunting. I've clicked on the giraffe head five times and I still can't find it! Stoopid Safari 2. Menu. Language. Special Features. Try highlighting the language menu, pressing right, then hitting enter on the guinea hen. Dishwasher Tetris. Nope ... Nope ... Nope ... AHA!
     
187. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-06-23 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-06-23 Pub. Date: 2008-06-23
Image Number: 91242
Caption: Slowpoke. The Video Patrol. This week: Gates of hell. Ah, two hours before my flight … Time to settle in with a book. But, you may say we asked you to speak about women and fiction - what has that got. A Room of One's Own. B12. Excuse us, ma'am. But this area is in violation of Airport Gate mandatory Infotainment Code No. 129.31c! COMING UP: HOLLARY OR OBAMA - WHO HAS THE WORST MORNING BREATH? CNN. I sat down on the banks of a river and began to wonder. But ... But ... I sat here because I wanted to read! You can read in stall four of bathroom 22 in terminal D - no TV in there. BUT FIRST: JOHN MCCAIN - IS HE A GOD AMONG MEN OR JUST GOD-LIKE? Attribute to the Brontes - AND NOW THE STORY OF A WISCONSIN WOMAN WHO ACCIDENTALLY PICKLED HER CAT! CNN.
     
188. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-06-16 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-06-16 Pub. Date: 2008-06-16
Image Number: 91241
Caption: Slowpoke. The fate of the world hangs in the balance. Yet as we face war, global warming, and an economic meltdown, our presidential rave is about this: Ha ha! He looks funny eating cheese balls! Elitist! Obama's opponent isn't exactly helping matters. He just doesn't understand plain, simple folks like us! TV ad crafted by well-heeled consultants to manipulate opinions of the working class. Obama, of course, joins a line of "uppity" black leaders. He just doesn't fit in! What's the guy supposed to do? Okay, are you happy now? POSER! Phils.
     
189. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-06-09 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-06-09 Pub. Date: 2008-06-09
Image Number: 91240
Caption: Slowpoke. These days, everything you do online is being tracked. That's funny. How does this site KNOW I like cat figurines? Next in targeted advertising: Life Cookies. With life cookies, tracking code leaves the internet and enters the real world. #121.37.246.8 now arriving at Big Lou's Porn-A-Plenty. GPS device. Big Lou's. Bazoomba War 4. Now On Bluray. Soon, breakthroughs in technology allow the code to be placed in organic matter! This meal contains 12 tracking cookies! Cookie cookie. 3,000 miles away. #283.9.41.7 developing indigestion. Activate ad sequence. Moments later ... Still feeling gassy, Dave? Try Bloat-X. You need Tumz, Dave. Are you friends with Dave? Then you need Daisypure Air Fresheners!
     
190. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-06-02 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-06-02 Pub. Date: 2008-06-02
Image Number: 91239
Caption: Slowpoke. More Kneejerkin'. It's time for another round of "Kneejerkin'," the game in which I try to get ordinary people to oppose their own beliefs! It's easy - just watch! Quick - Who's more of a "real American"; someone from Indiana or Maryland? What a silly question. What about someone from "the heartland" or a "costal elite"? The heartland of course! Score! Hello there, sir! How should we respond to the housing crisis? Do we need consumer protections? Why, absolutely! How about reams of regulation? Uh! Regulation bad! Make brain hurt! Score again! Excuse me - Do you think the country needs to head in a completely different direction? Yes indeedy. Are you voting for McCain? Yep! I just like him! Bingo! Three for three! Next week: Wedge Issue Wedgies!
     
191. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-05-26 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-05-26 Pub. Date: 2008-05-26
Image Number: 91238
Caption: Slowpoke. Welcome to That Drooly Show! With me tonight is Herb Swineshaft, inventor of the popular new novelty item, the Hillary Nutcracker.* It crushes walnuts between her stainless steel legs! Krk! Hee hee hee! *For real. So, I assume you're also selling a John McCain Nipple Clamp, since women's rights would be pinched hard by his Supreme Court nominees? Screw tightens jaw. Censored. Uh, no. Hadn't thought of that. Or if you're really into selling bigoted election merch, what about an Obama "Gangsta" sawed-off shotgun? The Oblamma! I think some people might find that offensive. As opposed to Hillary cracking metaphorical gonads with her thighs? Right. Well, thanks for joining us, Herb. Before we go, tell us- what can we expect from you next? A hilarious line of suffragette urinal cakes! Thank you, Mr. Swineshaft!
     
192. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-05-19 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-05-19 Pub. Date: 2008-05-19
Image Number: 91237
Caption: Slowpoke. Hillary Clinton has to act hawkish so people don’t see her as a "weak female." "To live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."* *Napoleon Bonaparte. Barack Obama has to act soothing and conciliatory so people don’t think he's an "angry black man." Please allow me to place these healing stones on the nation's vertebrae. As a white guy, John McCain also has to deal with stereotypes. Senator McCain, how do you respond to the allegations that you would be a "protective father figure" to the nation? Or a "tough cookie"? But he's doing his best to dispel some of them. Jeez, what do I have to do to get people to stop thinking I'm a "rationale male"? End times are good times! Hagee. I just can't get past these preconceptions! 100 year surge! 2019. 2051. 2071. 2104. Iraq.
     
193. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-05-12 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-05-15 Pub. Date: 2008-05-12
Image Number: 91236
Caption: Slowpoke. The prevailing trend in business is paying nothing for online content. The Nothington Post. Ad Revenue. Pay contributors to our site? How very web 1.0! Meanwhile, oil is hitting record prices. Barrel of dead dinosaurs: $110. What if this were reversed? Oil barons struggle for survival. Gasoline only 15 cents a gallon! Well, I cant pay for it, but I'll give it some exposure in my weed whacker! ... While cartoonists are treated like Saudi royalty. $5,000 per strip! That is my final offer! Solid gold drawing board. Rare octopus ink. PLEASE! You must drop the price, or you will destroy the global economy! Government policy would be written my cartoon industry lobbyists. I've got some cartoon content for your campaign, Senator, if you'll support renaming Reagan National as B. Kliban National Airport! Right away, sir! And I want tax breaks for word balloons while you're at it!
     
194. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-05-05 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-05-05 Pub. Date: 2008-05-05
Image Number: 91235
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope. This week: Metrosexual backlash! The scraggly hipster beard is the next frontier in cool for men tired of emo chic! "Ahab meets rehab." Paired with Arty classes, it’s not your father's machismo! Minutemen. The market quickly responds ... Cellphones made from animal parts provide gruff-yet-quirky contrast to sleek gadgets. "The Horner." The Hoofer." Indifference. Fragrance for men. Anticologne smells faintly of mildew. The movement grows, leading to "Hemingway Night" in bars throughout the land. The nacho is crisp. It is good. The beer head also rises. Papa. Of course, at some point the look approaches Ted Nugent territory.
     
195. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-04-28 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-04-28 Pub. Date: 2008-04-28
Image Number: 91234
Caption: Slowpoke. Since McCain supports warrantless wiretapping, we at Slowpoke have taken the liberty of putting the all-talk express under surveillance … … In the name of national security of course! P's Plumbing. All Talk Express. What are they doing now? McCain just had a nice, long chat with Joe Lieberman about jowl maintenance. And his lobbyist campaign adviser is making calls for his clients AT&T and Blackwater - both of which receive oversight in Congress ... From McCain!* Interesting. Oh, McCain just told his aids to turn down the Victrola so he could make an important call! He's on the horn with Pastor John Hagee, who craves Armageddon and blames Jews for their persecution. He's asking for his endorsement!* I think someone just mooned me. (sigh) It's the price we must pay to keep America safe. P's Plumbing. All Talk Express. *Not Made Up.
     
196. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-04-14 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-04-14 Pub. Date: 2008-04-14
Image Number: 91233
Caption: Slowpoke. Confused about the electoral process? Try Professor P's Civics Reader. CAUCUSES: Members of a party form herds in an elementary school cafeteria. After completing three rebuses, a chili cookoff, and reading Clan of the Cave Bear, winners are chosen. Meanwhile, the Democratic candidates' campaigns are busy nursing giant colonies of SUPERDELEGETES - mysterious beings said to acquire special powers from a radioactive donkey bite. Sleep well my pretties. At the appointed hour, the super delegates rise and do battle against each other miles above the Earth. Eat my hope bolts! Obamalon. O. I'll CHANGE you ... into Molten flesh! Hillaron. H. Armed with bows and arrows, greased pigs and kryptonite grenades, the delegates and superdelagates meet up. Only one candidate leaves alive. And the glory of Democracy lives on!
     
197. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 86607
Caption: Slowpoke. Perhaps you've seen this email that's been floating around the internet. To all the kids who survived the 1930s-70s: We slept in cribs covered in lead paint … We rode our bikes without helmets … We rode in cars without seat belts, booster seats, or airbags ... Yet these generations produced some of the greatest risk-takers and inventors ever! If you are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS! Share this with others who grew up before the LAWYERS and GOVERNMENT regulated so much of our lives. YEAH! Kids today are sissies! We at Slowpoke would like to add these examples. As a kid, my grandma worked 23 hour days in the knicker factory and slept in a bed made of dung. I'm sure she would have HATED the way the guv'mint tells us what to do now! I've had four kids thrown from a moving vehicle! I've had five! Damn, you win! If there were no speed limit, I'da had six by now! We only give Timmy lead-painted toys from China. They build character. He just loves to suck on his truck. Wal-Mart.
     
198. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 86608
Caption: Slowpoke. True: The Doomsday Seed Vault - A fallout shelter for the world's crop varieties - Officially opens this week on the Norwegian outpost of Svalbard. You have to admit, it's not a bad idea the way things are going. Also in the works … The fake fruit vault - for decorating dining room tables as the human race re-establishes suburbs. We have over 1200 varieties of wooden pairs! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, ALL CIVILIZATION HAD ENDED. Here are instructions on how to use the fruit: 1. 2. The Doomsday Movie Vault. Beneath The Planet of the Apes. Charlton Heston The Omega Man. On the Beach. They'll need some entertainment they can relate to. Film nerd. The Right-Wing Meme Vault - To protect talking points in case all recorded media is destroyed by the nuclear war that they start. We also have Reagan's DNA in a lead closet! Islamo-fascists. Cadillac-driving welfare queen. Ticking time bomb + torture. Frivolous lawsuits. Persecuted white males. Activist judges. Magic of the market. Ted Kennedy drunk jokes. Nanny state. America hater. Liberal media. War on Xmas.
     
199. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 86635
Caption: Slowpoke. Drooly Julie. Gonzo Gal Reporter. Senator McCain, you've voted twice against having health insurance companies cover birth control. Do you think it's unfair that they cover VIAGRA but not THE PILL? … (8-second pause) … I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer. Actual response! You're saying a flaccid geezer has a right to a stiffy, but a woman can't control the Pop Tarts flying our of her toaster? So THAT'S what you mean by "Straight Talk!" no ... I mean yes. I mean ... Uh ... Heh-heh. So basically you want poor women to have more babies, right? So then you can blame them for having too many babies, right? Um, er ... *ahem* ... Eh ... Senator McCain, are you on Viagra RIGHT NOW? Erm, umm, I'll have to get back to you on that.
     
200. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 92336
Caption: Slowpoke. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades. In the '50s, people imagined that technology would lead to a three-hour workday. Thanks to the new, super-powerful mainframes, there's more time for calypso music and highballs. The butbot. Instead, it has brought us the round-the-clock workday! Yet while productivity has soared ... ... And the balloon man tasered the evil princess ... Text text text! Where the hell is that data on the Fothergill account? Wages have been stagnant. I need that report asap! Bling! That's funny. I'm making the same amount I did when I had a life. Salt 'n' Noodles. Workers of America, if new technology means doing more for less, then it's time to embrace old technology! Blow up that Blackberry! Boom! Smash that cellphone! Crunch! Roll out that Commodore 64! "Or better yet ... An abacus!" Thompson, your a week behind on those numbers. What in God's name are you doing?! Counting beads, sir. Hey, you get what you pay for!
     
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