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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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161. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86641
Caption: Slowpoke. Roosevelt, 1912. We will deliver health care to all Americans! Reform. Truman, 1945. Health care reform has come of age! Clinton, 1993. It's been a long time coming, but she's finally ready! Obama, 2009. We cannot wait any longer for health care reform! She won't be needing this! "Pulling The Plug On Grandma."
     
162. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86642
Caption: Slowpoke. Teabagger Ironies. Their biggest fears about health care reform are already happening. Bureaucrats will decide who gets care and who is left to DIE! No. WellNexus tm. Health Insurance. De-nied! Stamp. They despise "big government" but had no problem with Bush as an all-powerful "unitary executive." Wiretap all you want, but DON'T TREAD ON ME by offering me a competing insurance plan! They claim to care about saving taxpayers money while fighting a bill that would save everyone money. I don't get this "stealth tax" idea about runaway health care costs. Waste of money can only come form th' guv'mint! Skritch! Skritch! They talk about "individual empowerment" but would leave the self-employed individual powerless. WellNexus tm. Health Insurance. Your application has been DENIED due to your pre-existing condition of existing. Should've gotten a salaried job with bennies!
     
163. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-12-29 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-12-29 Pub. Date: 2008-12-29
Image Number: 91002
Caption: Slowpoke. Digital dipwads are everywhere these days. Here we examine some in … The Slowpoke Guide to E-holes. Alpha Dog Emailer - Asserts superiority through sloppy, typo-ridden messages. Shirley, I want the4 bastrd whuio biroght fru8ttcake to xmas praty fired asap. My time is too important for grammar. Player of "Facebook Chicken." I ALWAYS wait for the "people you may know" to friend me first. Status Message Apple Polisher. Pat Doogan can't wait to get to work today! 7:24am. Pat Doogan is doing everything he can to help his clients! 10:09am. Turnpike Texter. BEEEP! HONK! Honk honk. Jeez, can't you people see I'm typing on my Blackberry? Weaving drunkenly at 27 MPH.
     
164. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-12-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-12-22 Pub. Date: 2008-12-22
Image Number: 91001
Caption: Slowpoke. Mr. & Mrs. Perkins Go Gift Shopping 2008. Leather Queen. Imagine her … In leather socks. Bed Bath & BEYOND The known universe. Sale on crockpots & event horizons. Can't spend much on Auntie Perkins' present this year. I hear there are some new stores catering to the cash-strapped. Tiny Tyme Microgifts. "Let's get small." Xmas Nanobaskets are here! Only $4.99. May I help you? It's filled with cheese specks and Lilliputian salami! Slightly Obsolete Overstock. Wood Console TV's. Long-lasting vacuum tube! $15. Windows ME. $5. What great bargains! ... Sort of. Hmm, how about this? Meltdown Memories. Give the gift of TOXIC ASSETS. The perfect souvenir of the economic crisis of '08! Mortgage-backed security. Once worth thousands - now 49 cents!
     
165. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-12-15 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-12-15 Pub. Date: 2008-12-15
Image Number: 91000
Caption: Slowpoke. New Public Works Projects. Obama has promised to stimulate the economy with new jobs. We will rebuild our nation's infrastructure and work toward energy independence. Here are some lower-priority programs he may also want to consider. Laugh track services. A team accompanies you on social outings to laugh at your jokes. So I said, "Give me the cheese and pull your pants up!" HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! LTS. LTS. LTS. putting up billboards to educate the woefully ignorant. Did you know? There are 3 branches of government. Huh! Expanding the sound effects stockpile for drive-time radio DJ's. BOI-OI-YOING! A truly advanced nation has a vast array of boings to choose from! Development of automatic flush toilets that actually work. WHOOSH! AUUGH! Back to the drawing board.
     
166. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-12-08 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-12-08 Pub. Date: 2008-12-08
Image Number: 90999
Caption: Slowpoke. And now a word from the Secretary of the Treasury … Drooly Julie. My fellow Americans, it's time to get this country shaking it's moneymaker! To do this, we must look at the origin of our financial crisis: An overextension of the adult novelty industry. Firms like this one invested heavily in exotic sexual devices no one could understand - partner-default swaps, frottage-backed securers, queen-sized suction puppies, and foursquare bean strokers. Nookie Nook. In any event, a lust-based problem requires a lust-based solution ... First, I propose injecting liquidity into the tight credit market - again and again, as necessary. Also, we need to retool the auto industry. As Detroit goes limp, so goes the nation! We need the sexy cars of the future NOW! If workers must get laid off, they need job retraining, like my friend Bud here. Crack! Finally, we need public works projects. I want amateur porn block grants! massive bedroom infrastructure projects! And shtup for America volunteers! S.F.A. "E Duo Unum." Yes, it's time for THE NUDE DEAL!
     
167. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-12-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-12-01 Pub. Date: 2008-12-01
Image Number: 90998
Caption: Slowpoke. Things We'll Miss After the Election. Live-blogging of the infomercial. 8:11 Man upset about losing pension. 8:12 Barack places call to Michelle, the girls. 8:14 Soft fade to field of wheat. Increasingly specific identity-based candidate support. Antique thumbtack-collecting, puggle-owning, type B blood-having, sea-level dwellers for Palin. Musicians getting ticked at McCain for using their songs. BARRACUDA! MY HERO! McCain Palin Rally. Foo Fighters. I'll show you a barracuda! Heart World Tour. Bon Jovi. Political ads set in sun-dappled offices. Please note the symbolism of glorious morning sunlight pouring through the windows, in contrast to the 8-year sh*tstorm we've just been through.
     
168. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-11-24 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-11-24 Pub. Date: 2008-11-24
Image Number: 90997
Caption: Slowpoke. McCain's Last Stand. Republicans are abandoning McCain in droves. What might he try in the final week? Revamping the straight talk express. OUTTA MY WAY! Straight Talk Crusher. Emergency Fundraising. Bun Rides $100,000. A night to remember in the Moose Lodge. $500,000. How much longer? Announce that the last seven months have been an elaborate April Fools joke. Meet my ACTUAL running mat, Henry Kissinger! Ve vill vin. The old Switcharoo. Don't get tricked! This is John McCain. This is Barack Obama. "I'm John 'Yes We Can' McCain, and I approve this message."
     
169. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-11-17 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-11-17 Pub. Date: 2008-11-17
Image Number: 90996
Caption: Slowpoke. The subject of equal pay came up in the last debate. For years, a woman named Lilly Ledbetter had been getting paid less than a man doing the exact same job. The Fair Pay Act is a trial lawyer's dream! Totally unsympathetic. Toot! Toot! Yes, John McCain is courageously fighting BIG BUSINESS BIGOTRY. My friends, for too long workers have discriminated against companies that treat them like the sniveling dogs they are! I have a dream that we can end this injustice. Overlords First. Poor Goodyear lies huddled in this shack with thousands of hungry shareholders to feed. Goodyear. How DARE Lilly Ledbetter commit such an IGNORANT act as suing it?! Wal-Mart Moms for Low Wages. Sarah Palin concurs! I hope Lilly Ledbetter is grateful for the veterans who died so she could be alive to be paid less than her make peers! As Vice President, I will be doggone proud to accept 77% of Cheney's salary!
     
170. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-11-10 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-11-10 Pub. Date: 2008-11-10
Image Number: 91260
Caption: Slowpoke. Mental States of the Meltdown. Eight Stages of Coping. Shock. Rage. Depression. Not caring. Hope. Disappointment. Open weeping. Oblivion. Speaking in acronyms. AIG! LIBOR! T.E.D.! T.A.R.P.! Give him some space. Pet Envy. Next in business: Should you kill yourself now or later? Action News 12. Market Buddhism. I will live in the present. I will become one with the lovely fall foliage. PANIC! DOW DROPS 700. The Daily Trumpet. I will NOT THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE.
     
171. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-11-03 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-11-03 Pub. Date: 2008-11-03
Image Number: 91259
Caption: Slowpoke. In these times of crisis and momentous decision, Americans want to know: WHAT'S IN THE BEEHIVE? An auxiliary womb. All the "homosexual agenda" lit that has disappeared from the shelves of the Wasilla Public Library. Pastor, I Am Gay. Control Panel. Talking point upload port. You Betcha! Button. Hater Alarm. Question Changer. Wink Activator. The Missing Bees. We're not coming out until somebody does something about the environment. Brain suckers, slowly starving.
     
172. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-10-27 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-10-27 Pub. Date: 2008-10-27
Image Number: 91258
Caption: Slowpoke. After years of pushing for deregulation and no public safety net, Wall Street is now begging to be rescued. AIG. Bear Stearns. Federal Reserve. Lehman Brothers. Meanwhile, you may not be aware of … LESSER-KNOWN BAILOUTS. A run on ringtones meant cellphone users could only download a-ha's "Take On Me." Luckily, the fed stepped in. DO NOT PANIC! We have released 90,000 tones from the national ringtone reserve, including 50 Cent's "Wanksta" and all singles by the Ting Tings. YAY! Math Crisis: Ms. Hamwelder's 6th-period AP Calculus class had complex derivatives spiral out of control. Department of Education. We'll take over from here. The Friedman Freefall: Million of Milton Friedman Books are rendered utterly worthless by the obvious failure of their philosophy. To save the publishing industry, the government buys the books, uses them to build homes for the foreclosed.
     
173. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-10-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-10-20 Pub. Date: 2008-10-20
Image Number: 91257
Caption: Slowpoke. Great Moments In Equality. The glass ceiling cracked some more this week as Sarah Palin showed female politicians can be WORLD-CLASS lying scumbags. For so long, the people have asked "Where are the great female liars in politics?" Well, Sarah Palin had proven those sexists wrong! Pamela Tutwillow. Historian of Presidential Prevarication. "This strong, proud, defiant woman is clearly not afraid to stand up and tell the untruth!" I said "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere! Our enemies in Iraq planned and carried out and rejoiced in the death of thousands of Americans. Even Bush admitted there was no link between Iraq and 9/11. You go girl! Next week: Will women ever close the shooting spree gap? We'll talk to one young lady who's GUNNING FOR GLORY! Keep the faith, sisters!
     
174. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-10-13 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-10-13 Pub. Date: 2008-10-13
Image Number: 91256
Caption: Slowpoke. Midway through his speech, McCain becomes mysteriously possessed with the spirit of an ACTUAL maverick! My friends, if you want real change in Washington - URK! Oh, who the hell am I kidding? My campaign is run my lobbyists and the same slimebags who ran Bush's! Palin's speech was written by a former BUSH SPEECHWRITER, for cripes' sake! Of course I picked her as a ploy to win over Hillary supporters. And yes, that was a big, honking insult to their intelligence! Does anyone really think a woman who denies humans cause global warming, supports abstinence-only "education" and book banning, is literally in bed with BP, and demands absolute political loyalty ... Is any DIFFERENT from the clowns currently in charge?! HA! In short, my party blows. I regret the 90% of the time that I voted with Bush. And - URK! As I was saying, Washington is broken and we're gonna fix it. And just as mysteriously, the possession ended.
     
175. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-10-06 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-10-06 Pub. Date: 2008-10-06
Image Number: 91255
Caption: Slowpoke. Slowpoke at the DNC Part II. My seat at Mile High Stadium overlooked the makeshift TV studios. Even when I'm at an event in person, I can't get away from Wolf Blitzer. CNN. A speaker form Indiana named Barney Smith got the biggest laugh of the evening when he said: We need a President who puts Barney Smith before Smith Barney! Although, considering the amount of Wall Street money flowing into Obama's campaign in addition to small donors, I wonder how this would play out in reality. During Obama's speech, the crowd was so quiet (between lines of thunderous applause) that I worried my camera's electronic beeping would ruin the moment for others. How to switch the sound off ... ? Aw, screw it! Bleep! Today it was revealed that McCain has picked Sarah Palin, and anti-choice woman, as his running mate. It's a classic Clarence Thomas-style maneuver by the GOP, which makes me think of Al Gore's line from last night. Some of the best marketers have the worst products.
     
176. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-09-29 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-09-29 Pub. Date: 2008-09-29
Image Number: 91254
Caption: Slowpoke. Slowpoke At The DNC. Part 1. Overheard in the super shuttle van. People are really interested in this election I think the more interested in politics people are, the more sophisticated the coverage will be. Me. HA! Young delegates from Mississippi at the light rail stop. We CAN turn Mississippi blue. We're registering lots of new voters. Impressively enthusiastic. What's inside the media Swag Bag? Tiny disaster preparedness radio with earbuds. Bisphenol A-free water bottle. Denver 2008. Card embedded wildflower seeds from the auto alliance (industry trade group). I kid you not. Plant this card. Randy Newman at DNC's Friends of New Orleans Party. Louis-i-ana ...
     
177. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-09-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-09-22 Pub. Date: 2008-09-22
Image Number: 91253
Caption: Slowpoke. Obligatory Olympic Comix Presents New Sports For The Beijing Games. "One World, One Nightmare. Tibetan Monk Tossing. The People's Ping Pong - Played in a top secret compound, the government never reveals who wins. CENSORED. Race To The Bottom. Run 10k, bike 40 k and assemble motherboards for 24 hours without a bathroom break. Dissident Archery. Democracy Please. Will be used later in 100m Executed Prisoner Hurdles. Wastewater Kayaking. Last boat to dissolve wins! Heavyweight Hacking. Biggest, blackest loogie wins! HACK! 9.0. 8.5. 9.5. Synchronized Genocide - Athletes gracefully slaughter Darfur civilians with Chinese-supplied arms. Pow! Pow! Tank Stopping. 42.
     
178. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-09-15 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-09-15 Pub. Date: 2008-09-15
Image Number: 91252
Caption: Slowpoke. Tie-In Takeover. Look: "Get $5 toward the movie 'Swing Vote' when you buy one of our new 'Simmer Days Aussie Craves' entrees and a Coca-Cola product."* Outhouse Steakback. Okay, then. Hot Deal! Blight Aid Pharmacy. Sparkly Toothpaste. Striped Toothpaste. 4-D Toothpaste. Did you know Pond's "Clean Sweep" is the official skin care product of "Momma Mia! The Movie"?* The Clone Wars Tax Preparers. Wall E Intimate Apparel. Robot Thong Sale! Barb's Flowers. Hmm ... That store isn't affiliated with any summer blockbuster, can we trust it? Wait a minute ... What's this? Barnes & Barnes Booksellers. Slowpoke: One Nation, Oh My God! Is Here. The Dark Night Bait and Tackle. Welcome to the Traveling Set of Strip Mall The Movie. In theaters next Friday! !
     
179. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-09-08 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-09-08 Pub. Date: 2008-09-08
Image Number: 91251
Caption: Slowpoke. Land of the Free! Text of an actual ad in a Canadian newspaper from the Arizona Dept. of Commerce. WANTED: Canadian manufacturer to relocate operations to Arizona. The right project can expect … … Nearly free land, almost no taxes and an affordable and available workforce. Yes, it seems the U.S. is trying to become Canada's China. Were is this headed. Forget Arizona! Bring your business to Georgia. Free land. Docile workers. We'll pay YOU taxes Bonbons on you pillow FOR LIFE! Screw Georgia. Move your factory to ... Wyoming. Land and women for the taking. Radio-controlled labor force. Bonbons on you pillow AND complimentary "Wyoming" bathrobe. "Square State, Square Deal." Eff Wyoming. Real manufacturers come to Texas. Army of cowhand slaveboys. Sleep with the governor's wife. Dispose of civilian population as you see fit. No rules. Just right.
     
180. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-25 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-25 Pub. Date: 2008-08-25
Image Number: 91250
Caption: Slowpoke. Movin' On Up! My friends, social security is a disgrace. Always has been. It's time for people to take responsibility for themselves …. With my MOVIN' ON UP plan! It's simple: just do like I did - pull on your bootstraps and marry into a FAMILY FORTUNE! Right, Cindy? Yes, dear. "I'll provide a massive tax break for any wealthy American who marries someone with less money. It's a win-win!" "The new Office of Social Climbing will assist in training the unwashed masses in the ways of high society." Whut the - this menu has whores on it! Hors d'oeuvres, sir. They're appetizers. "A new website will guide people to available cash cows." Golddigger.gov. Amanda Smedley. Smedley's Snow Peas Heiress. Likes: Snow peas. "I hear the Coors family has some lovely nubile young ladies right now!" Now, who says I don't understand economics? Why hasn't everyone already done this? Drink Bud!
     
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