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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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141. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-05-11 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-05-11 Pub. Date: 2009-05-11
Image Number: 91015
Caption: Slowpoke. Meltdown Minit. This is Mr. Perkins with your Meltdown Minit. First some good news: Shares of Nastibank soared today on word that they made a profit last quarter, not counting their losses. A slowdown in the adult entertainment sector has led nipple tassel titan T-Whirl TM. To go bust. Tens if thousands of Hungarian tassel-weavers are out of work. On Tuesday, the closing of falafel chain Pita Potentate TM caused the implosion of chickpea goliath GARBANZOR. TM. This somehow triggered the pancaking of the Thai Bhat. Elsewhere in the world, Azerbaijan officially closed as a country, citing "a market worse than the smell of one thousand goats." The former nation urges the world to post no bills on its vacant facade. This just in: "Meltdown Minit" is bankrupt. Please enjoy the test pattern coming soon!
     
142. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-05-04 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-05-04 Pub. Date: 2009-05-04
Image Number: 91014
Caption: Slowpoke. Doga - Yoga with one's dog - is a growing trend. Warrior pose with Shih Tzu. Next up: T'ai Chihuahua. A true master can balance ten Chihuahuas. And don't miss out on PIGLATES. Grnt? Nothing is better for core strength that lifting pot-bellied pigs. Or MOLLUST MINDFULNESS, of course. Be AWARE of your cephalopod.
     
143. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-04-27 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-04-27 Pub. Date: 2009-04-27
Image Number: 91013
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope Presents: Slang Dissected. The informal made formal. How are you? Copacetic, yo. Yourself? Most excellent! Soon to come: This pizza is La Jouissance, man! Forsooth! Shortening existing slang. That dude is a sketch! Totes! Soon to come: AWSE! "Awesome!" RON! "Right On!" "Insider slang. w00t! Tap! Tap! Soon to come: By communicating exclusively in webdings, I show I belong! De-sexed sex terms. Box Office. Sold Out. This Sucks! We're screwed! Soon to come: This fellates! We're humped!
     
144. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-04-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-04-20 Pub. Date: 2009-04-20
Image Number: 91012
Caption: Slowpoke. Maladies of the Information Age. Googlitis - Frustration that one's immediate surroundings are not instantly searchable*. Dam the third dimension. *Yet. Archivaholism. My name is Jill, and I have an archiving problem. I hope you don’t mind that I'm making an mp3 of this discussion for posterity. Archivaholics Anonymous. Compulsive News Binging. Refresh! Refresh! The Daily Luxembourgian. Refresh! Refresh! Refresh! The Cape Horn Trumpeter. Refresh! Refresh! Endless Babbleblog. Need ... More ... News ... Metamania. My site reviews the best sites that filter sites that pick up RSS feeds from sites about gourd pottery. My site rates sites like yours!
     
145. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-04-13 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-04-13 Pub. Date: 2009-04-13
Image Number: 91011
Caption: Slowpoke. Small Business Meets The Virtual Vortex. In the beginning, you did your work, and it was good. 4-course meals on a stick. A dozen by noon? You got it. Then you needed a website. Ta-da! 4-course-meals-on-a-stick.com. But that wasn't enough. You needed a blog. This week I'm offering two meals on a stick for the price of one! PUBLISH! Blogger. Next, you needed to join social networking sites to point people to your blog. New blog post about my big sale! http://tinyurl.com/ctd9dq. Then - how to find new friends to follow your social networking feeds? Join UBERFRIENDER, of course! Add uberfriend? Yes. No. With web 2.0 getting so crowded, a new site allows you to post "PLORKS" linking only to your most important updates. Don't miss my tweet from 11:27 today! Plorker. Eventually ... Wait a minute ... I forget what I do for a living!! Meanwhile, in a spacecraft hovering above Earth: HA HA! The humans will soon cease all productive activity and then we can invade!
     
146. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-04-06 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-04-06 Pub. Date: 2009-04-06
Image Number: 91010
Caption: Slowpoke. Furious at Wall Street for gambling away their life savings, Americans come to cope the way they always do: A larger-than-life fantasy vendetta! Enter … RAMBANK. Rambank begins his campaign of retribution by forcing executives to eat their own toxic paper! ... And THIS if for giving yourself a BONUS! Mmf! Derivative Contracts. Next, he starts the "Chins for the Children" program, donating the extra folds of fat cats to Iraqi kids needing reconstructive surgery. I've come for my pound of flesh! Then he cuts a deal with Classmates.com to feature inept CEO's in humiliating web ads. She Married Him??!! And they've got 7 kids?? Richard Fuld, Lehman Bros. Take that, swine! Finally, he destroys the offices that were lavishly decorated while the bank lost billions! This is for my 401K! BWOOM!
     
147. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-03-30 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-03-30 Pub. Date: 2009-03-30
Image Number: 91009
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope. The original great depression was a decidedly un-ironic affair. Might I shine your shoes for a crust of bread, sir? Lost everything please help. Now that we live in the age of irony, how could this one be different? I just spent my last $150 buying this boss shirt on eBay! Defunct financial firm swag is the hot new thing! Lehman Brothers. Bear Stearns. Next up on urban streets: Dust Bowl Retro. Now Playing: The Grapes of Snark. I carefully studied Dorothea Lange's "Migrant Mother" Photos for this ensemble! Rad! Soup Kitchen Twittering. Waiting in line for some beige-colored slop! 2:31 PM Mar 27. About to get the beige-colored slop! 2:33 PM Mar 27. Now serving beige slop. 2:33 PM Mar 27.
     
148. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-03-23 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-03-23 Pub. Date: 2009-03-23
Image Number: 91008
Caption: Slowpoke. Deep in an alternate universe is a society in which life is lived solely through electronic gadgets. Do you Stink? The iStink will tell you! Text 4375982 to vote for Jones. Keep our bots tax free. One day, a company unveiled a groundbreaking invention. We've developed a portable wireless reading device that operates without power! Zamanoz.com. Digital clappers. Clap Clap! Clap. Clap. Clap! We think customers will appreciate the simple elegance of the ZAMANOZ BINDLE. TM. The Bindle quickly catches on. I can drop it an it won't break! WHAM! There's no downloading! No one wants to steal it! It's the greatest technology ever! It's success leads to another new product. By simply moving this pigmented stick against a thin sheet of material, one can compose text with a keyboard! Hello, world! OOH! AHH! Clap. Clap!
     
149. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-03-16 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-03-16 Pub. Date: 2009-03-16
Image Number: 91007
Caption: Slowpoke. Madoff and Stanford must have been HIGH to ever get caught by those government goons! But they'll never catch me, the greatest swindler of all! MWA HA HA! BZZT! The SEC investigator is here! Send him in! Perkins Capital Partners. Sorry to disturb you, sir! Just need to check your books, you know. But of course! Let me tell you about our biggest fund - "Perkins' Own" New Zeniths Investments! Cool name! You'll see it has an innovative cash flow structure. Oh, yes indeed. Very symmetrical! You might also be interested in another fund of ours, the NIGERIAN PRINCESS INHERITANCE INDEX ... No need! I trust you! Good day! MWA HA HA! What was that? Oh, nothing.
     
150. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-03-02 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-03-02 Pub. Date: 2009-03-02
Image Number: 91006
Caption: Slowpoke. Mr. Perkins vs. The Recession. Dear Diary, As you know, I was laid off from the comic strip last week. The hunt for a new job is not going well. First I tried trolling for prawns on a fishing vessel. Pay was on a per-prawn basis. All I caught was a soggy old soft-cushioned toilet seat. But it didn't matter. In the afternoon, the prawn market crashed and I was laid off. Next I took a position assisting with pug insemination. But the stud services company had invested with Bernie Madoff. I was laid off. In an act of desperation, I tried out for a bit part in Beetle Bailey. Miss Buxley! I've got a package for the General! But the whole strip got outsourced to a sixteen year-old in Korea. The next day ... Slowpoke wants to hire me back at half my former pay and publish my diaries. Huzzah!
     
151. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-02-16 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-02-16 Pub. Date: 2009-02-16
Image Number: 91005
Caption: Slowpoke. Seen At The Inauguration. My day began on a Democratic note, as our Metro train stopped short of the station and the conductor came through braking orders. Everybody out through the front of the car! It turned out a woman had fallen on the track. luckily, she wasn't badly hurt. We quickly found ourselves in the midst of a massive procession snaking it's way through the car-free (!) streets of DC. Me. The Inauguration Store. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. The scene on the mall - and throughout the city - was positively utopian, with nary a churlish wingnut to be found. Yet there were a few minor annoyances ... Brought screaming baby so they could say it was there. Video-recording the jumbotron. The same tall guy who stands in front of every public spectacle I ever witness. Walking around that night, I saw so many people going to balls that I felt a but underdressed. Hat with dog-chewed hole sewn shut. Looking like a million bucks! 3 layers of REI outdoor wear under dilapidated fleece jacket. And so ended my day of shuffling off the Bush Administration's rancid corpse.
     
152. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-02-09 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-02-09 Pub. Date: 2009-02-09
Image Number: 91004
Caption: Slowpoke. First they came for the record stores, and I said nothing, because I could download for free. The Platter Platter. Closed. Coming soon: Drab Drugstore No. 413791. WHEEEE! Click! Click! I'm too sexy for my shirt … Then they came for the bookstores and I said nothing, because there's always Amazon. The Tome Room. New & Used Books Since 1956. Out Of Business. Future site of Outback Steakhouse. I can't wait until they perfect file-sharing for books! Then they came for the newspapers, and I said nothing, because I just read the blogs that quoted them. The Daily Schlep. Now Leasing! 2400 sq ft luxury lofts in a historic newspaper building! Hmm ... According to news-hoover.com, the Daily Schlep has stopped publishing! Then they came for everything, and I was too flabbergasted to speak. Main St. Cheeseburger in Paradise. And then they came for me ... Please step into the digitron, sir.
     
153. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-02-02 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-02-02 Pub. Date: 2009-02-02
Image Number: 91003
Caption: Slowpoke. Futures Market. Dot-ass Domain suffix is unveiled: 64 to 1. .ass. We'll be auctioning off the "big" and "jack" domains later tonight. Clap! Clap! Clap! Decade-long '80s revival reaches logical endpoint with high-top fade comeback: 4 to 1. Eyeglass frame temples exceed three inches: 2 to 1. People start insisting on being buried with all their electronic gadgets: 1.5 to one. BLEEP BLEEP! R.I.P. Buzzz buzzz. "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" ringtone. Obama beams down to inauguration from Parliament-funkadelic mothership: 291 to 1. Now that's a funky President!
     
154. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86605
Caption: Slowpoke. 2019: It had to happen eventually. The New York Times. ALL FOOD RECALLED. President Palin to Address Nation. FDA is Powerless. Depression Continues For 11th Year. Cannibalism on the Rise. The culprit: This single industrial complex that provides the country's ENTIRE FOOD SUPPLY. They bought off inspectors for years. The first thing this reporter sees upon entry is a pile of snouts in a pool of Astroglide. The government has issued instructional pamphlets to the hungry masses. So You Have Nothing to Eat. HOW TO SHOOT A SQUIRREL. 1. Obtain a firearm. It's easy in the U.S.! 2. Locate a squirrel. 3. Point firearm at squirrel. Note: Shoot your neighbors only as a last resort. Here's a man digging for edible roots in the woods. Sir, do you think we need to improve food safety? What are you? Some kind of socialist? Do you think I'll die if I eat this?
     
155. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86606
Caption: Slowpoke. Everybody Loves Bipartisanship! I hate everything you stand for. But let's work together! Likewise, old chap, we must put aside our differences for the good of the nation! Hear, hear! Done and done! YAY! Yes, the magic of bipartisanship holds the answers to America's problems, past and present! Segregation. I say integrate. Separate forever! Bipartisan Solution: Black schools are moved 100 feet closer to white schools. East Caucasian High 3 Miles This Way. It's the start of a new era! Fair Pay! Equal pay for equal work! Women earn what they deserve! Bipartisan Solution: Women paid less than their male peers are eligible for coupons for the difference, redeemable in aprons and rolling pins. Food Safety. Regulate the food industry better! Let 'em fix themselves! Bipartisan Solution: Companies may kill up to five children before the government steps in. Toxic peanut butter bar. Now let's try it for global warming and the economy!
     
156. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86636
Caption: Slowpoke. The persistence of Joe. Oh darling, I've waited so long for this moment. As have I, my dear. HEL-LO! Joe Lieberman?! *Gasp! Pant!* Could that be water? Surprise! Croak! I've gone over your x-rays, sir, and the news isn't good … You've got a filibustering Senator stuck in your colon. But I don't have health insurance! You'll have to take that up with him. Lieberman: He's everywhere you don't want him to be.
     
157. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86637
Caption: Slowpoke. Choose your own HEALTH INSURANCE ADVENTURE! Unemployed. Self-Employed. Crap Job, No Benefits. @#*!. Traditional Salaried Job. Amalgamated Consolidated Systems. Injured by runaway forklift, unable to work. Job outsourced to Mumbai. Time to buy your own! Welcome to Life Is Us, Inc. Apply Now! And let our family take care of yours. You have a plantar wart. Over 40? A Normal Person? You're young and Godlike in your physical perfection. Keep Job. Makin' Mad Benjamins! Insane Monthly Premium. Denied. Uh-oh! Pre-existing condition! State "High Risk" pool ridiculously expensive. Uninsured. You lose, sucka! ... But Broke. Attempt to treat yourself. D.I.Y. MD. The End. Congratulations! You have health insurance, just like the politicians, lobbyists, and executives opposed to a national health plan. But wait! You develop gangrene; plan finds a loophole, denies coverage. The system works great!
     
158. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86638
Caption: Slowpoke. Astroturf groups are going wild with HEALTH SCARES. Obama will stop hospitals from issuing birth certificates so terrorists' demon spawn can become President in 2045. Lou Dobbs fans for truth. Under Obamacare, Obama himself will be your primary physician! With 300 million patients, IMAGINE THE WAIT! Campaign to frighten people with a politician's name plus the suffix "-care." They're gonna start KILLING EVERYONE OVER 30! Just like in that movie, "Logan's Run"! Institute for sci-fi-based policy. Inspired by the Logan's Run campaign, another takes hold. TOFU IS PEOPLE! People from countries with SOCIALIZED MEDICINE!! Citizen against being eaten (paid for by America's insurance and pharmaceutical companies.).
     
159. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86639
Caption: Slowpoke. Did you know 3/4 of people who go bankrupt from medical bills had health insurance? Don’t let your plan stiff you … … Get HEALTH INSURANCE INSURANCE! Attractive salesladies are standing by! Blue Cross Blue Shield! tm. How can I help you? Actual customer testimonial: I used to get panic attacks worrying about losing my coverage. Now that my insurance is insured, I can relax! Actually, we exclude panic attacks. You do? ... But we can offer you HEALTH INSURANCE INSURANCE INSURANCE! Attractive salesladies are standing by! Press 1 for health insurance insurance, 2 for health insurance insurance insurance, 3 for health insurance insurance insurance insurance, 4 for ...
     
160. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86640
Caption: Slowpoke. Name that Plan! THE PUBLIC OPTION - It sounds like a restroom. Confidential to the Obama administration: That's a tough sell. Why not the PATRIOT PLAN? (Duh!) My fellow Americans, right now the FRENCH are healthier than we are, at a lower cost per person. Are we really going to let PIERRE beat us? Hell NO! Patriot Plan. Or the PC-vs-MAC approach? I'm a private insurance company. I'm a young, hip, citizen owned alternative! Or when all else fails, go macho with TOUGHCARE. A strong America needs healthy people! No more of this half-assed WUSS coverage! TOUGHCARE - the plan with BAWLS!
     
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