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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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101. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-04-05 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-04-05 Pub. Date: 2010-04-05
Image Number: 90114
Caption: Slowpoke. Paranoia will destroy ya. I'll never win the lottery because Michelle Obama controls the numbers with her mind! The guv'mint's gonna take our guns and melt 'em down into stripper poles for th' gay discos! It's time to water the tree of liberty. Government employees aren't human - They're cyborgs from the year 2748. So it's ok to shoot them. The IRS planted a chip in my head! I'm takin' it out! Okay, I think you people should take a deep breath and consider that the state of the economy has you expressing your frustrations in the form if absurd conspiracy theories! FREAK!
     
102. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-03-29 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-03-29 Pub. Date: 2010-03-29
Image Number: 90113
Caption: Slowpoke. The Story of Repubzel. By the Brothers VeryGrimm. REPUBZEL! REPUBZEL! Let down your hair! I seek your hand in reforming health care for the village! Hell no! Two weeks later. REPUBZEL! REPUBZEL! I have spent the day picking the most perfect flowers in the forest for you! If you'll just let down your - Sit on it and spin, donkey boy! Four months later. REPUBZEL! REPUBZEL! With each election, my love grows only stronger! I have brought you a dozen honey hams. Just let - Not a chance, putz! One year later. REPUBZEL! REPUBZEL! I cannot live without you, so I shall kill myself now. Jeez, it took you long enough. STAB!
     
103. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-03-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-03-22 Pub. Date: 2010-03-22
Image Number: 90112
Caption: Slowpoke. Olympic Korner. "News you cannot use." This just in! Electric broom scandal rocks curling world. … And Baltavia takes the lead over Klieg Republic - But wait! A batter has fallen onto the ice! Sparkle shortage threatens ice dancing competition! The couples will perform nude with live pixelation. Irony Zone: Athletes advertising McDonald's and Coke are really eating kelp and powdered egg albumen. Shh! Apolo Ohno's soul patch trimmings are going for $56,000 on eBay. $ Bzzz ... After the Olympics are over, excess quadriceps muscles will be donated to the "Quads for Kids" program. Please Give.
     
104. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-03-15 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-03-15 Pub. Date: 2010-03-15
Image Number: 90486
Caption: Slowpoke. Hi, Drooly Julie here. It seems some readers completely missed the sarcasm of last weeks strip. Snow disproves global warming?! I will never read your comic again, you ignorant butthead. "As a service to the humor-impaired, we at Slowpoke have decided to provide sarcasm alerts TM from now on." What can I say? I didn't see this once coming at all. A SNOWSTORM! Can't argue with that. ALERT! Not something Hansen would ever say! Dr. James Hansen, NASA. "We'll even add alerts to our past strips as well!" Obama will stop hospitals from issuing birth certificates so terrorists' demon spawn can become President in 2045. ALERT! Also not true! We'd like to thank those perceptive readers for bringing this important matter to our attention. ALERT! Sarcasm again!
     
105. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-03-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-03-01 Pub. Date: 2010-03-01
Image Number: 90484
Caption: Slowpoke. Free Speech Koans. The Supreme Court has ruled that corporate spending to sway elections is protected "speech." This raises deep philosophical questions! If a citizen speaks, bit has no money to buy a TV ad, do they make a sound? Senator Bilge: Squirrel Sodomizer. If money is speech, can we pay out bills with opinions. I can't pay my rent this month, but I CAN give you a half-hour lecture on the folly of subsidized corn. If the pen is mightier than the sword, is not a multi-million dollar media campaign mightier than the pen? Look, my letter to the editor supporting Senator Bilge was published! Squirrellgate: Bilge Sinks In Polls. HAW HAW! He porked a squirrel!
     
106. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-02-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-02-22 Pub. Date: 2010-02-22
Image Number: 90483
Caption: Slowpoke. The Vicious Circle of Stupidity. 1. Party A destroys the country. Out of Business. Oops. 2. Party B gets elected. "B" the change you want to see! Bravo! Boo-ya! B. 3. Party A blocks everything party B tries to do, which is easy because too many B's are really A's A. NO! B. 4. Party B supporters get angry because the B's aren't doing enough. Party A supporters go ballistic when the B's try to do anything at all. Wimps! NAZIS! 5. Everyone hates party B. The A's get elected again. WE'RE NOT B! Also, we like trucks. A. 6. Repeat as necessary.
     
107. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-02-08 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-02-08 Pub. Date: 2010-02-08
Image Number: 90482
Caption: Slowpoke. Head of Sedate. 2004: A visionary speaker emerges at the Democratic National Convention. I believe that we have a righteous wind at our backs … Wow! What passion! 2009: Heritage Foundation ninjas begin slipping Quaaludes into Obama's Cheerios. He's eating them! Munch munch. And so ... We must believe ... In the audacity ... Of sleep. What happened? But one day, Obama switches to Malia's Froot Loops. It's time for change. And suddenly ... Clarity! Wait a minute! What have I been up to? It's time to fire up this nation with some killer oratory! Until the next morning. That does it. He gets the angel dust. This should be interesting! Froot Loops.
     
108. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-02-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-02-01 Pub. Date: 2010-02-01
Image Number: 90481
Caption: Slowpoke. The Need for Speed. I'd like a Pronto Patty and a Pepsi … And make it snappy! Burger Pope. Earn your college degree in just 15 minutes! Instalum Online University. Yes! Take me through the six-second freshman orientation now! GO! Get fit in only 2 minutes a day! Total body workout for the busy executive! As Seen On TV. Why waste 70 years when you can live your life in HALF AN HOUR? Try new LIFEWINK! TM.
     
109. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-01-01 Pub. Date: 2010-01-01
Image Number: 86601
Caption: Slowpoke. The FDA recently unveiled new graphic warning labels for cigarettes. But why stop there? Here are a few more deserving products. LLAMA. John Boehner. WARNING: Staring too long at my fluorescent orange skin may sear your retinas. Frozen Entrees. Kinda Italian. Microwaveable Insta-pasta. Serving Suggestion. WARNING:. WARNING: May cause you to wonder why you couldn't even muster the effort to boil noodles, leading to existential despair. Contemporary Indie Rock. The Quiet Little Baby Foxes. Songs To Wear Sweaters To. WARNING:. WARNING: May cause loss of verve, inability to "get down." Any bill extending the Bush tax cuts for top incomes. House Bill 1142. The Dumbest Generation. Thanks a lot, A-holes. WARNING:. WARNING: may cause descendants to wrote books belittling you.
     
110. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-01-01 Pub. Date: 2010-01-01
Image Number: 86602
Caption: Slowpoke. Snack Gentrification. It happened to doughnuts and hot dogs. Now the humble cupcake has been reborn as a hip urban delicacy. Before: Kiddie food. After: Call of the Cupcake Boutiques Confectionary. Foie Gras Lollipop - Schnapps Cakes are here! How will the upscale junk food trend continue? Alt-country pork rinds. Acoustic singer-songwriters start selling puffed pig skin on the side, leading to widespread acceptance among the literati. Bonnie Prince Billy tm Pork Rinds. Corn nut connoisseurship. Experts can tell what corn variety a nut comes from by it's bouquet. Today we're trying some jubilee supersweet, country gentleman, and extra-tender 272Q. That's jubilee all right! Sniff! The craft peep movement. The Easter treat goes year-round, as local artisans produce signature batches of micropeeps. Dirk Jenkins, Peepmaster, and his creations. "The People's Peep." "Cyclopeep."
     
111. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-01-01 Pub. Date: 2010-01-01
Image Number: 86603
Caption: Slowpoke. The Need for Speed. I'd like a Pronto Patty and a Pepsi … And make it snappy! Burger Pope. Earn your college degree in just 15 minutes! INSTALUM Online University. YES! Take me through my six-second freshman orientation now! Go! GET FIT IN ONLY 2 MINUTES A DAY! Total body workout for the busy executive! As Seen On TV. Why waste 70 years when you can live your life in HALF AN HOUR? Try new Lifekwik! tm.
     
112. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-01-01 Pub. Date: 2010-01-01
Image Number: 86643
Caption: Slowpoke. Millions of Americans are demanding their FREEDOM TO BE SCREWED. Health care reform threatens out way of life! If the' government usurps my right to crushing medical bills, there'll be HELL TO PAY! Militias spring into action. Troops, this act of consumer protection will not stand. Give me denial of pre-existing conditions of GIVE ME DEATH! Please Tread On Me. ... And secession follows! Today, Idaho, Utah, Arizona and the South declared independence from the U.S. claiming "it is our constitutional right to be reamed by corporations six ways from Sunday," the new confederacy calls itself "THE F*@K ME STATES." Civil War. Bit the rebellion soon fragments. Wait a minute. Now that we're the leaders of the F*@K ME STATES, that makes us ... A GOVERNMENT! Holy crap! Let us hope the citizens take up arms against us!
     
113. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-01-01 Pub. Date: 2010-01-01
Image Number: 86644
Caption: Slowpoke. After an epic battle, health care reform finally passed. But THE GAME'S NOT OVER! There's still an … OBSTACLE COURSE TO CIVILIZED HEALTH CARE. HCA Bill. What Kennedy legacy? Massachusetts Might elect a republican senator who could torpedo the whole thing! I'll show you a minority whip! Reconcile THIS! Both the House and Senate must reconcile their bolls. Come to daddy ... Next, the bill must run through a maze of hedges while being chased by Jack Nicholson wielding an axe! Did you hear the one about Americans paying way more for health care than the rest of the world? The bill must then last and entire year as host of "The Tonight Show." Finally, it's signed into law! Until ... DUMP!
     
114. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-12-28 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-12-28 Pub. Date: 2009-12-28
Image Number: 90480
Caption: Slowpoke. Decade of Doom. Sometime in 1999. Oh yeah, you should totally see "The Blair Witch Project." Oasis. Hark! I am here to warn you about the future! The World Trade Center will soon be destroyed by airplanes. The '00s are coming! Endless war will ensue and the economy will collapse! Circuit City and Linens-N-Things stores will no longer exist! A beauty queen from Alaska will come close to running the world! People will spend their days doing something called Tweeting! The '00s are coming! But we WILL elect a black President ... Who is that guy? Just some whackjob! Oasis.
     
115. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-12-21 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-12-21 Pub. Date: 2009-12-21
Image Number: 90479
Caption: Slowpoke. Mr. & Mrs. Perkins Go Gift Shopping 2009. Stuff 'n' Things Etcetera. Out of Business. Build-A-Bard Workshop. This space for lease. Hard to believe it's time to buy a present for auntie Perkins again. This mall has certainly seen better days. It's Disposable! One time-use sinks, sofas and ottomans. Please visit out new location online. Almost like it was hit by a Predator drone or something. I'm starting to think we won't find anything. Banana Dystopia Remodeling until 2018. Well, here's one place that's still open. Bank of All Space and Time. Gift-Wrapped Credit Cards: The gift that keeps on giving ... To us! I hope auntie Perkins likes plastic.
     
116. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-12-08 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-12-08 Pub. Date: 2009-12-08
Image Number: 91021
Caption: Slowpoke. Seeing Republican relatives this Thanksgiving? Here are some tips for keeping the peace. Lose the paraphernalia. Change. Barack! Obama. Biden. Vote Dem. Hope. Green Energy Now. Yes We Can. Impeach Bush. No McCain. Obama. Avoid gloating. BOO-YAH! We are the champions, my friends ... If the mood is right, you may attempt light Palin humor while pulling out the giblets. Almost like gutting a moose! HA HA! Squilch! Squilch! If relatives make inflammatory remarks, change the subject. So, are you finally happy now that Beelzebub will be running the country? Have you noticed the way these yams glisten in the candlelight?
     
117. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-12-07 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-12-07 Pub. Date: 2009-12-07
Image Number: 90477
Caption: Slowpoke. Overnight Schmuck-cess. Breaking news! Couple found hiding in international space station. Ice Cream. Astronaut Ice Cream. Astronaut. Sources say the are stars of Bravo's upcoming reality series "Nookie in Nooks." This just in! Reporters of sex stowaways in space were fake! 2001: A Space Odyssey. A bit more floaty this time. Footage was actually shot in a UCLA dorm by a publicity-starved film student. Hot off the Wire! UCLA story a hoax! Erin. Billy. Ali. Rob. Chuck. Sandee. Video was guerrilla marketing ploy for new MTV series "Film School: Uncut." Dear readers, We regret to inform you that, just before our publication deadline, this week's Slowpoke was discovered to be a counterfeit. It was submitted by an artist hoping to appear on A&E's new show, "Real Cartoonists of the Alternative Press." We apologize for any confusion. Sincerely, The Editors.
     
118. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-12-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-12-01 Pub. Date: 2009-12-01
Image Number: 91020
Caption: Slowpoke. Not to be outdone by the town of Obama, Japan, other places rename. Greetings from … The Obamahamas. The Yeswecanary Islands. Meanwhile, the wee village of McCain, Scotland, is jealous. Take that! News. Obama Wins. Haggis. (The tiny hamlet of Palin, England, remains curiously silent.) Italians immediately commence with celebratory sex. Oh! Oh! OH-BAMA! Election Reactions Around the World. Tibetan monks adopt a new chant: Oooh ... Baaa ... Maaa ... El Diario. Assholios No Mas. Obama es neuvo Presidente de los Estados Unidos. Newspapers across Latin America. Hmm ... It appears the Earthlings may survive for now. We'll be back in 2012. Benign alien scientists.
     
119. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-11-30 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-11-30 Pub. Date: 2009-11-30
Image Number: 90476
Caption: Slowpoke. D.I.Y. Recovery. With the government's hands seemingly tied, what can ordinary citizens do to get the economy moving again? Civilian Metal Detecting Corps: Squadrons of the unemployed will spend their days seeking buried treasure for us all. BEEP! Flash Mob Stimulus: Each week, some business gets lucky. Papa Porcini's. It's LOCAL PIZZA day! Mama mia! Newspapers are next. The Bailed-out Banker Price Adjuster: Step one - All merchants pitch in for a nationwide, biometric banker identification system. Double mocha with extra whipped cream, please. I.D. Affirmative. Chase Perkins. Goldman Sachs. 2009 Bonus: $6.2 Million. Step Two - Prices are then pegged to the banker's year-end bonus. That'll be $12,000. 6.2 mil doesn't go as far as it used to!
     
120. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-11-23 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-11-23 Pub. Date: 2009-11-23
Image Number: 90475
Caption: Slowpoke. Acts To Avoid. A Slowpoke Primer. After Grizzly Bear, Deerhoof, Deerhunter, Fleet Foxes, The Reindeer Section and Crystal Antlers, any band must name itself after something more original that forest fauna. Hi there. We're Grizzly Reindeer Hoof. Also beware of any band that refers to itself as a "project." The Schwenker-Buttle-Kromkowski-Nudelmann Project. Dec. 2. Live at Downtown Artspace. Beware overly-elaborate packaging. Holographic image of the artist. Sproing! Free Pepsi. And it's best to avoid blues musicians trying to sound up-to-date. Well, I sent you a text message, but you turned off your phone. Been tryin' to Tweet you, but you leave me all alone ... Nooo!
     
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