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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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81. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-08-29 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-08-29 Pub. Date: 2010-08-29
Image Number: 89893
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, Islamaphobes! Opposed to the mosque in Lower Manhattan? Here are some more things to worry about! Ground Zero is circled by hundreds of Muslim cab drivers every single day! Taxis of evil! Also in Manhattan: the insidious Dr. Oz, a Muslim who uses our cable networks to preach his message of hate! It time to build a BETTER YOU! Speaking of hallowed ground, there are Muslims buried in Arlington National Cemetery! We gotta DIG "EM OUT! And th' atheists, too! Ahmed Nawaz. Lt. US Navy 1983-2005. And sometimes Muslim food is placed dangerously close to an All-American apple pie! Falafel balls: a.k.a. "Terror Patties." USA.
     
82. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-08-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-08-22 Pub. Date: 2010-08-22
Image Number: 89892
Caption: Slowpoke. Gay marriage opponents are hopping mad about proposition 8 being overturned. Marriage is ruined! RUINED, I tell you. (Gay female symbol) or (gay male symbol) = 666. Yes, we'll soon find out … How straight marriage will be destroyed. Gays will change the definition of marriage to SAME-SEX ONLY. Hetero unions shall be referred to as LARRY KINGS, or LARRIAGES, for short. Did you hear? Todd and Beth are getting Larried! Lesbian ninjas will break into government offices and replace straight marriage certificates with gay pride parade photos. As society becomes more tolerant, many bigots' marriages will fail. None of those queers better move into THIS neighborhood! I want a divorce.
     
83. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-08-15 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-08-15 Pub. Date: 2010-08-15
Image Number: 89891
Caption: Slowpoke. In a strange land, the natives play a bizarre game in which some contestants start with a huge advantage. Score. Player 1. 132. Player 2. 0. Victory is achieved through a combination of skill and chance. Aw, @#*! Snake eyes AGAIN?! Ha ha! Winners receive lavish prizes, while losers are left for dead. Well, he LOST! Here lies Mr. Perkins. "He tried. The U.S. Economy: It's the ultimate in extreme gaming! It's like Calvinball, only better!
     
84. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-08-08 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-08-08 Pub. Date: 2010-08-08
Image Number: 89890
Caption: Slowpoke. The Bush tax cuts for the rich are set to expire, bit not without a fight. Why would people making boatloads of money in THIS economy still need a tax break? I need to buy a Lexus with tinted windows. Driving past people you've laid off can be awkward! I feel occasional pangs of guild that I need to work out with Lady Spankalot. She's not cheap - OUCH! Goldman Sachs trader. I need that money to keep all these homeless people from urinating on my property! This electric grass seems to do the trick. The poor are too lazy to bribe lawmakers, so we need that extra money to do it ourselves. So you can get more tax cuts? Hell yeah!
     
85. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-08-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-08-01 Pub. Date: 2010-08-01
Image Number: 90130
Caption: Slowpoke. This week in Celebrity Imitation. True! Lady Gaga's huge, iris-expanding contact lenses have inspired hordes of girls to adopt the doll-eyed look. Corneas scraped raw. When Ashton Kutcher began sporting Spock ears, thousands of dudes joined him. Chicks dig 'em! When Mel Gibson had his neck removed, hicks everywhere followed. It's the new mullet! Suck on this! And Glenn Beck University has spawned a host of copycat institutions. Eduma-catin' University of Your Crazy Aunt. KILL THE LEMURS!
     
86. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-07-25 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-07-25 Pub. Date: 2010-07-25
Image Number: 90129
Caption: Slowpoke. WWIII: In It For The Money! With passage of another stimulus bill politically out of the question, Obama settles on an economic fix more palatable to Americans. World War II got us out of the Great Depression. Therefore, tonight I am declaring war on every other nation. The entire country mobilizes for battle. We can do it! Last week I was eating lint in my trailer home. Now I'm making overtime! American forces deploy everywhere. MON DIEU! Nothing personal! I just want a Playstation. And boom times return ... Until we lose. *Sigh* I remember when I had one of these. I wish we just could've passed more stimulus instead ... Shut up and make the phones. iPhone. A Division of Cheng Industries.
     
87. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-07-18 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-07-18 Pub. Date: 2010-07-18
Image Number: 90128
Caption: Slowpoke. All You Need Is Like. It started with Facebook widgets showing which of your friends "like" a particular website. Tough Toasters. Monday, July 19. No Fear. 12 friends like this. Then, liking entered the real world. Steve and Joanne gave a thumbs-up to the Kobe Snout Sliders. Foodpad, sir? Menu. Sometimes it got a little awkward. 4 friends liked this sexual partner. Life grew hard for those with zero likes ... Spare a pity like, sir? Likeless please help. ... While those with many formed exclusive groups. The Thumbs-Up Club. 512 People like me. Sorry. 1,000-like minimum. Eventually, holographic likes covered the Earth. 3.5 billion likes. 6 likes. 309 likes. 83 likes. Enjoy this cartoon? Press this button. Like.
     
88. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-07-11 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-07-11 Pub. Date: 2010-07-11
Image Number: 90127
Caption: Slowpoke. Unemployment Solved! Senate Candidate Sharron Angle (R-NV) says unemployment benefits are spoiling workers. Economic Advice. 5 cents. They should just go out and get entry-level jobs! DUH! The Fruit Loop is in. Never mind that there are currently five job seekers for every opening. The obvious solution? Hire five workers for each position. May we take your order? $1.45/hr each. Of course, they'll only have 1/5 the purchasing power of a whole employee ... But they'll get by! Fractional TV Sale! SO-SO BUY. Your affordable partial-product superstore. Free 1/5 remote with purchase. And the idea will spread ... Here in Greece, we have ZERO unemployment! Welcome to the Acropolis! I'm Demetri, your tour guide!
     
89. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-07-04 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-07-04 Pub. Date: 2010-07-04
Image Number: 90126
Caption: Slowpoke. Good evening. With me tonight is Priscilla Prunehorn, incoming president of the Pan-global Uglification Society. Welcome, Priscilla. Thank you. So what are your plans for P.U.S.? Well, I'm concerned about recent development: stylish brushed-steel appliance are everywhere, Apple keeps designing attractive products, and heavily-pocketed cargo pants are on the wane. How are you fighting back? We've introduced the UGLIFONE, which is shaped like a cheerleading troll. Also, we're using the bad economy to revive a classic aesthetic abomination: the above ground pool. Hideous eyesores indeed! Any closing thoughts? Just remember that ugliness is everywhere, from the most monstrous Winnebago to the discarded head of a Shrek doll lying in the street. That's beautiful. DAMN it!
     
90. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-06-27 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-06-27 Pub. Date: 2010-06-27
Image Number: 90125
Caption: Slowpoke. The Tale of Tarball Timmy. BP's PR team hatches a new plan. What we need is a cuddly mascot. Something to make the oil spill less threatening. Meet Tarball Timmy. Bp. Soon, on the Gulf Coast … HI, KIDS! I've got petro-pops! AIEEE! Squiich! Squoosh! But wait! I'm made from dinosaurs! Timmy moves on to the local fisherman. Hello, fellas! How goes the shrimping today? Whut the ... The spill - it's ALIVE! KEEP YO' SLIPPERY ASS THE HELL AWAY! Out of business. *Sigh!* Nobody likes me but you, little shorebird ... This isn't working! Hold on, we're sending over a plume puppy!
     
91. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-06-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-06-20 Pub. Date: 2010-06-20
Image Number: 90124
Caption: Slowpoke. Backyard Blitz. Hi there! I'm Al Perkins, President of L.O.U.D.* Here are some tips to keep your yard looking great this summer! Why use a broom to sweep grass clippings when you can use a LEAF BLOWER? REEEEEE-EEEEEEEE. Don’t bother with a ladder for those hard-to-reach places. A rocket-propelled jetpack will make pruning a BREEZE. BZZZZZZ. Cough! Cough! ROAR! BLAAAAAR! Scare off crows and other critters by encircling your yard with a wall of Marshall amps blaring Norwegian black metal! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! Bzzzz. Roar. And then it's time to sit back and relax! Ahh ... REEEEEEE. *Lawns Of Ungodly Decibels.
     
92. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-06-13 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-06-13 Pub. Date: 2010-06-13
Image Number: 90123
Caption: Slowpoke. … Rand Justice For All. Libertarianism. It SOUNDS so respectable. I'M a libertarian! That means "freedomtarian" for those not in the know. Ooh! Ah! Free-DOM! Woo! Bit the devil's in the details. What about my freedom to sit at a lunch counter? Er ... That's not the kind of freedom I mean. How about my freedom to access buildings? That's not FREEDOM freedom. I'd like to be free to earn as much as my male co-workers. Now THAT'S freedom ... NOT! I want the freedom to make a living, but BP DESTROYED IT! Are you attacking BP's FREEDOM? How UN-American! *SIGH!* Why does everyone have to be so FREEDOMICALLY INCORRECT?
     
93. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-06-06 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-06-06 Pub. Date: 2010-06-06
Image Number: 90122
Caption: Slowpoke. New Uses For The Gulf of Mexico. Psychedelic undersea "plume shows." Groovy, man! Become "sister cesspools" with the Pearl River Delta of China. In the spirit of international friendship, I give you this oil-soaked egret from our waters. And for you, this dead eel. Eco-disaster duck tours. This wildlife refuge is now populated only by tar balls. Ooo! Oh hell, let's just give up and turn it into a dump. Give me your oil spills, big gulp cups, and packing peanuts yearning to be free.
     
94. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-05-31 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-05-31 Pub. Date: 2010-05-31
Image Number: 90121
Caption: Slowpoke. Better Babies Through Chemistry. The President's cancer panel just stated that babies are born "pre-polluted" with more than 300 contaminants in their bodies. We chemical manufacturers like to take a different view. "Just think: with enough PFOAs, you can have a fabulous, easy to clean nonstick baby!" This pea puree comes right off! "These fine, flame-retardant babies provide a protective layer for this fireman." Be careful, Dave! It's ok - I've got BABIES! "And who couldn't use a pesticide-filled infant as toxic bug bait at their next cookout?" With her around, I hardly get bit anymore. Kiss the Cook. Babies: We can make them better than they were.
     
95. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-05-24 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-05-24 Pub. Date: 2010-05-24
Image Number: 90120
Caption: Slowpoke. More E-holes. The black hole - emails go to this person to die. Oh, a little person has asked me a question, as though I would actually answer it. IGNORE! The Famesquatter - claims celebrity names on her social networking sites for herself. Maybe more people will love me if I Tweet as Oprah. Oprah Winfrey: Just saw dentist. No cavities! The reckless inviter - invites ALL Facebook friends to events they couldn't possibly attend, not would they want to. You are invited to the Sixth Annual Baking Soda Symposium to be held Saturday at the Yakima Doubletree. The Oblivinerd - person clearly unaffected by the recession who boasts about gadget expenditures. Can't decide on skin for iPhone. Guess I'll get all six. Already bored with my iPad. What's next?
     
96. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-05-17 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-05-17 Pub. Date: 2010-05-17
Image Number: 90119
Caption: Slowpoke. The Circle of Stupidity, Part II. Injustice. Pound! Proposal. Counterargument filled with Orwellian falsehoods. Mindless repetition of what both sides said. Daily Bellow. President wants to stop X, Opponents say reform causes X. PARANOID RANT! Gross oversimplication. Bad editorial cartoon. Big Government. Freedom. Empty Slogan. MEME! Cave? Injustice. Pound!
     
97. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-05-10 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-05-10 Pub. Date: 2010-05-10
Image Number: 90118
Caption: Slowpoke. Lots of public service ads use scare tactics to discourage teen pregnancy. We at Slowpoke suggest a positive approach … Welcome, everyone, to the first annual THANK-A-CONDOM FEST! With me is Jim E. Hatt, who will accept the honors on behalf of all prophylactics! Hi, kids! Thanks! Speakers would share inspirational stories ... I'm about to graduate from college std-and-baby-free, and I owe everything to Mr. Hatt and his rubbery ilk! Aw, shucks! An award would be given ... Without you, my night with that hot piece of Italian beefcake would not have been possible. Please accept this golden booty for all your hard work. Just doing my job. ... Followed by a keynote address. As one of our great forecondoms once said, ask not what protection your partner can offer you ... But what you can offer your partner! Thanks!
     
98. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-05-03 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-05-03 Pub. Date: 2010-05-03
Image Number: 90117
Caption: Slowpoke. "Better Stoned Than Boned." January 2011. Today, several states announced to follow California's lead in legalizing marijuana. The reason, according to elected officials, is "so voters don’t notice how much things SUCK." Eyeball Witness News. Let's face it. There are still no jobs, the state is broke, and I'm up for re-election. May as well get folks high as a Georgia pine. State Sen. Chester Wadd (R-GA). Augusta Extra-sticky. "In Arizona, politicians are hoping voters will be too baked to care about cuts in public services, such as the shuttering of highway rest stops." It's all good, man. I'll just to in my pants again. CLOSED. NEXT TOILET 420 mi. High Times. That November ... I'm here reporting live from the polls, where exactly ONE person has shown up to vote. Tell us, who will be our next governor? Governor? I thought I was ordering curly fries!
     
99. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-04-26 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-04-26 Pub. Date: 2010-04-26
Image Number: 90116
Caption: Slowpoke. G.O.Plosions! Republican congressmen have been prone to angry outbursts lately. YOU LIE! Wilson. HELL NO YOU CAN'T! Boehner. BABY KILLER! Neugenauer. It almost seems predetermined. Okay, today's line is "MAY THE HOUND OF HELL EAT KIBBLE FROM YOUR OPEN SKULL." Who wants it? I'll take it. Top Secret Strategy Session. Next: Channeling Ozzy! BANKING REGULATIONS?! Regulate this headless bat carcass, you PUNKS! HA HA HA HA HA! Later ... So, Representative, after the bat incident, you threw pig intestines at the Democrats? Absolutely! It's what our FOUNDING FATHERS used to do! Political Gabba Gabba. No bats were harmed in the making of this cartoon.
     
100. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-04-12 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-04-12 Pub. Date: 2010-04-12
Image Number: 90115
Caption: Slowpoke. With "Iron Chef," "Chopped," and now "Food Wars," it seemed cooking shows are becoming more extreme. Coming soon to a cable channel near you … KILLER KITCHEN. THWACK! Contestants must create culinary masterpieces while flinging cooking implements at the opposing team. JULIENNED! The winning chef gets to shred the loser into a salad topping. Now THAT'S what I call a CHEF SALAD! Dish of the Dead. More brains! I'm not really tasting the baby flesh. Judges. Nuclear Noshin'. Who can prepare the best post-apocalyptic feast? And today's ingredients are ... Radioactive beetles and vaporized cow dust.
     
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