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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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61. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-01-01 Pub. Date: 2011-01-01
Image Number: 86598
Caption: Slowpoke. Many people seem to view government as a shopaholic of sorts. Families are cutting back. Why can't the guv'mint? Tax and spend! That's all these bureaucrats want to do! Some of these profligate officials agreed to speak with us anonymously. It started when I got a rush out of buying manhole covers. Now I get my fix ordering bridge repairs. Somebody please stop me! I'm sorry, but sending disability checks to people with horrific diseases and injuries is simply TOO MUCH FUN! It's like buying a new flat-screen TV EVERY DAY! I know I should cut back on trying to keep feces out of hamburger meat, but the truth is, I GET OFF on preventing foodborne illness. Sorry, taxpayers!
     
62. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-01-01 Pub. Date: 2011-01-01
Image Number: 86599
Caption: Slowpoke. GOProeducts tm. With tennis star Maria Sharapova launching her own candy called "Sugarpova," what brands can we expect from the stars of the GOP? Paul Ryan's Suckers for Suckers. They look like a serious lollipop, bit unwrap them and there's nothing there! Big Mitt Chew. The bubble gum that ties your tongue in knots! Heawth insuwanth ... Mmmmf ... Mandathes ... Big Mitt Chew. Newt Loops. Just follow my nose ... Which way the political wind blows! So sweet, you want to cheat on your diet ... for America! Pauly Belly. Civil rights act-free jellybeans from Ron and Rand Paul. Separate bit equal black bean jar.
     
63. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-01-01 Pub. Date: 2011-01-01
Image Number: 86600
Caption: Slowpoke. Need an abortion in South Dakota? Thanks to a new law, you'll have to get anti-abortion counseling first. You DO realize that at nine weeks, a fetus is fully capable of filing taxes and solving quadratic equations, don't you? BABY YES! Coming soon: More conservative counseling! Before you buy a fuel-efficient car: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I know gas is high, but you must realize that real men have a big carbon footprint! At the health food store: Before you buy that brown rice and tofu, I should advise you that there's a McDonalds across the street offering lovely All-American Big Macs. Kelp Krunchies. Spelt Zings. When you get a passport: But why would you WANT to leave the greatest nation on Earth, even for a week?
     
64. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-01-01 Pub. Date: 2011-01-01
Image Number: 86645
Caption: Slowpoke. GOP Presidential hopeful Ron Paul recently offered his idea for helping those without health insurance. Neighbors and friends and churches will do it for us! Yes, there's nothing a church bake sale can't fix! Our Lady of Infinite Confection Church of God. "The Lord works in delectable ways." Why do we need a national health care plan when our neighbors can simply pitch in? I came to this city for my job, and then got laid off. Now my community is the cast of "Boardwalk Empire." I wonder if they'll chip in for my surgery. It's life as it should be: Survival of those with the most Facebook friends! Hey everyone, please contribute to my new Kickstarter project, "Dave's bone marrow transplant." If you cough up $1000 for my hip replacement! WARNING: May lead to mutually-assured destitution.
     
65. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-12-27 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-12-27 Pub. Date: 2010-12-27
Image Number: 89603
Caption: Slowpoke. Drive to work in your own private car. Poot! Spend the day in your individual cube. December. Unwind in front of the television. Is your dog gassy? New! K9 Gas-x. America: Never speak to another human being again! Sigh.
     
66. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-12-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-12-20 Pub. Date: 2010-12-20
Image Number: 89602
Caption: Slowpoke. The off-center enter. As political compromise seems to shift ever rightward, what deals can we expect from the congress of the future? 2013. Social security may be gone, but we've made sure every senior gets a Snuggie at age 67! Should be 70, but ok. 2016. Meat inspection may be a thing of the past, and E. coli is now considered a nutrient ... but I fought hard to keep "cook thoroughly" on the package! Nanny state nonsense - but whatever. Ground beef. Cook thoroughly. 2017. We kept an 18-hour workday for child coal miners and imposed a $500 fine for each accidental skull-crushing. It's still government interference in the market. Oh well! 2019. Success! When we lick the jackboots of our Beckistani overlords, they are required to wipe them first with moist towelettes! It's liberal fascism, but what can you do? All hail the buzzcut.
     
67. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-12-13 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-12-13 Pub. Date: 2010-12-13
Image Number: 89601
Caption: Slowpoke. Mr. & Mrs. Perkins go gift shopping 2010. This year, the Perkinses skip the mall. I hope Auntie Perkins likes her Englebert Humperdinck retrospective. So what CDs would you like? Oh, don't bother. I can stream them online for next to nothing! Maybe a subscription to Modern Dandy magazine? I just read their website for free. That's good enough! How about a recipe book? I Google recipes now. A calendar? I use the one on my phone. Sigh ... a puppy? That reminds me - It's time to feed my virtual Shih Tzu!
     
68. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-12-06 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-12-06 Pub. Date: 2010-12-06
Image Number: 89905
Caption: Slowpoke. Hedge Fund Nation. GOP Congressman Herbert Perkins has an economic recovery plan. There's no excuse for not being a millionaire. Not when everyone can run their own HEDGE FUND! We're going to issue trading stations and seed money to every household in the country - Funded by the liquidations of social security! Clap! Clap! Soon everyone is trading, and no other work is being done. What's that smell? Click! Click! Just the streets overflowing with sewage, honey. No biggie. Some people make loads of money - but they can't spend it. Please! I need a loaf of bread! I'll pay anything! Sorry, I don't actually sell groceries anymore - I trade wheat futures. Eventually ... Everyone is starving! What are we going to do? Obviously we need another tax cut for millionaires! Bravo! Woo!
     
69. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-11-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-11-22 Pub. Date: 2010-11-22
Image Number: 89904
Caption: Slowpoke. Recently, senate Republicans unanimously blocked a vote on the paycheck fairness act. I support equal pay for ladies, but actually making sex discrimination laws enforceable would be bad for business. Yes, sisters, it's time to take one for the team, and make sacrifices for the ailing economy! You mean other than all the unpaid labor I do in the home? That's a great start - But we can do more! Meet Darla Snyder, accounts payable. The guy next to me who plays Farmville all day get $10k more than I do. But that's fine. I know it's good for the country. That's the spirit! You just can't give too much! I work for free! And the out-of-wedlock babies I had with the boss will soon be old enough to clean the bathrooms!
     
70. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-11-08 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-11-08 Pub. Date: 2010-11-08
Image Number: 89903
Caption: Slowpoke. Welcome back to PUNDITSPEW! With me again is beltway democratic strategist Dan Doormat, and chairman of the Archaic Values Coalition, Mr. Perkins. (Sigh) Hello. WE SMOTE YOU, HITLER-BREATH! So, why DID the Dems do so poorly in the midterm elections? Well, there was a lot of misinfor - YOU TROD UPON THE FOUNDING FATHERS' GRAVES LIKE WILD, FAECES-SPOUTING BOARS! Do either of you have any regrets? I'm sorry we said some not-so-nice things about Wall Street. I REGRET THAT I HAVE NOT WATERED THE TREE OF LIBERTY WITH THE BLOOD OF TYRANTS! Yet. Fascinating! So what happens now? Clearly, we Dems must move to the right. AND WE SHALL REACH ACROSS THE AISLE ... TO TEAR YOUR LOINS ASUNDER! Bipartisanship at last!
     
71. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-11-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-11-01 Pub. Date: 2010-11-01
Image Number: 86604
Caption: Slowpoke. Have you noticed? The size of some food packaging had been quietly shrinking over recent years. Half-gallon (64 oz) of OJ - Now only 59 oz! 8 oz of Hummus now 7 oz. Soup. 15 oz - weak! How will they cut corners next? Cheerio holes will grow larger ... And we'll get the "Swiss Everything" fad. Hole Wheat. Swiss Bread. Mom's Microwavables. Swiss Meatloaf. Three Musketeers bars will be subtly downsized ... 2 Musketeers. And big, crappy toys will be embedded in ice cream. Vinyl Gnome. Perhaps saddest of all, honeybears will slowly be dismembered. Honey. Honey.
     
72. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-10-31 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-10-31 Pub. Date: 2010-10-31
Image Number: 89902
Caption: Slowpoke. Bolstering accusations of sexual harassment, multiple witnesses have arrested to Clarence Thomas's porn obsession. Now you can experience it for yourself my joining the … Clarence Thomas Video Club. Community Service. Her sentence is … Servicing him! Anita's Hills Have Eyes. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Strict Construction. She wore her leather so tight, there was only one possible interpretation! Spread Eagle and Barely Legal. Censored. They make him proud to be an American. He's the Boss. Putting the "ass" in harassment! The Scales of Justice. I think this one makes a stronger case!
     
73. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-10-24 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-10-24 Pub. Date: 2010-10-24
Image Number: 89901
Caption: Slowpoke. Real-life Comix (tm) Presents. Snippets of Conversations with Cartoonists at the Festival of Cartoon Art. I don’t like IKEA. No place should sell both furniture and meatballs. What you need to do is eat some carrots. It'll close your sphincter* so the alcohol doesn't go straight to your bloodstream. *Probably referring to the Pyloric sphincter. Scorpions make the worst sounds when you catch them in a jar. It's like, tch! Tch! Tch! ... And then I dropped my pants in plain sight of the church windows.
     
74. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-10-17 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-10-17 Pub. Date: 2010-10-17
Image Number: 89900
Caption: Slowpoke. Search Engine Wars. Google recently launched Google Instant, a search-as-you-type feature that anticipates what you're looking for. Google. Looking for God, getting Godaddy. Bing quickly counters with Bing Cortex, which taps your brain's electrical impulses to give you search results before you type a single character. Think of Rafael Nadal gave me the Dali Lama - But still, pretty cool! Not to be outdone, Google unveils Google Prenatal, which causes your parents' search terms to predict what you'll look for before you're born. Already compiling database for offspring's "custom bong" search in 2028. Bing retaliates with the nuclear option, Bing Big Picture, which questions why you should care about your search at all. Do you really want to spend your brief time on this Earth researching "Charo's beast implants"? No, no I guess not.
     
75. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-10-10 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-10-10 Pub. Date: 2010-10-10
Image Number: 89899
Caption: Slowpoke. They punished the GOP in 2008 … Bust now they want 'em back! Welcome THE SWING VOTER MEMORY HOLE. The 2000's? Unhh … Can't remember much. All I know is things suck right now! ? ? For unknown reasons, all of these people's memories of the '00s have vanished. MySpace. The Jonas Brothers. George W. Bush. "Batman Begins." It's a hard life not being able to recall anything before 2009. Hi, mom! I'm back from Iraq! Who are you? I'm - I'm your son! In the future, this mysterious phenomenon unfortunately spreads ... With consequences! Whoa! How did this happen? Beats me. I blame whoever's in charge. Um ... I think that's us now.
     
76. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-10-03 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-10-03 Pub. Date: 2010-10-03
Image Number: 89898
Caption: Slowpoke. So the senate failed to end the ban on gays in the military. But did you know the senate has a "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy of it's own? Any senator proven to be intelligent is kicked out. You're ruining morale, brainiac! BOOT! In fact, many members go out of their way to prove they are blithering idiots. Global warming is a hoax. We must reduce the deficit AND keep Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy! I'm doing the Lord's work. Other's are suspected of being intelligent, but they won't submit to an IQ test! That Al Franken really sets off my smart-dar! Unfortunately, a national campaign to let smart people openly serve was recently filibustered. It's an election year! What would my constituents say if they knew I supported flaming intellectuals?
     
77. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-09-26 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-09-26 Pub. Date: 2010-09-26
Image Number: 89897
Caption: Slowpoke. Be on the lookout for Trojan MILFS! These days, the right seems to specialize in putting the face of HOT MOM on extreme ideology. Condoms don’t work! You go girl! Delaware Senate Candidate Christine O'Donnell. But why stop there? Trojan MILFS can help with all sorts of PR needs! I'm afraid we're going to have to lay all of you off. But I baked you some cookies! As a mother of four, I know all about cleaning up spills! And I'm gonna clean up this one! Yay! bp. Gosh darn it, I know my way around a microwave! This mama grizzly isn't afraid of a little reactor meltdown!
     
78. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-09-19 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-09-19 Pub. Date: 2010-09-19
Image Number: 89896
Caption: Slowpoke. In a parallel universe, and obscure preacher in Florida declares his support for and Islamic Center in Lower Manhattan. Islam and Christianity both have Abrahamic roots. What we need is greater interfaith dialogue, not hatred. He immediate dominates the cable news cycle. Breaking: Reasonable Religious Leader Calls For Tolerance. Up next: Outburst of non-inflammatory rhetoric. On the streets of Pakistan, confusion breaks out. DIE, AMERICAN SCU - Wait, what did he say? It was something not stupid! I do not know how to respond! And somewhere in America, a lone nut yells. HEY, I'M DOING SOME REALLY OFFENSIVE STUFF OVER HERE! Anyone listening? Hello?
     
79. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-09-12 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-09-12 Pub. Date: 2010-09-12
Image Number: 89895
Caption: Slowpoke. Law Information Nation. Duh? Only 34% of Americans know if Obama is a Christian. 72% can't name the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Uh … Thurgood Marshall? 8% said this! What if Americans were as ignorant about pop culture as they are about politics? Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, you say? Yeah, RIGHT! Where'd you hear THAT? Snooki? That's like, a cross between sex and snuggling, isn't it? No way - It's a PERSON?! Lebron WHO? Wasn't he the guy who sang "Super Freak"? She's a very kinky gi-irl ... Lady Gaga ... I believe that's a brand of Tater Tots. I LOVE those things!
     
80. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2010-09-05 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-09-05 Pub. Date: 2010-09-05
Image Number: 89894
Caption: Slowpoke. A Volatile Situation. Doing internet research on things to buy for a new apartment, I began to wonder: is everything toxic? "Many carpets release volatile organic compounds, adding to indoor air pollution. Hmm … It's easy to become completely paranoid. Omigod. I should've used soybean paint! And this guy says my memory foam mattress is killing me! Is my pillow off-gassing? Clacka-clacka! Apparently if I were serious, I'd buy an all-natural mattress handcrafted by local hipsters.* Wads of organic cotton. Inert Bedding Co. *Actually exists! Or I could take a more Michael Jacksonesque approach to life ... Hey, look! It's Bubble Girl! I hope this plastic is BPA-Free!
     
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