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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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41. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-09-05 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-09-05 Pub. Date: 2011-09-05
Image Number: 89280
Caption: Slowpoke. Dictator Do's and Don'ts. Are you a dictator facing a popular democratic uprising? Here's some helpful advice. Don't get too melodramatic. Maggots shall feast on your ocular jelly! Do make celebrity cameos. Dancing with the Tyrants. That Mubarak sure can Watusi. But don't be ridiculous. In all your decades of bloodshed and turmoil, what was your worst moment? When Kanye West insulted me. Today. Do write a revisionist autobiography. Muammar Perqins. Call me "Colonel Democracy". Who knows - Maybe they'll name an airport after you.
     
42. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-08-22 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-08-22 Pub. Date: 2011-08-22
Image Number: 89284
Caption: Slowpoke. The supreme court may soon strike down election laws that give public financing to poorer candidates - on the grounds that it infringes on the free speech of rich candidates. The government is penalizing the privately-financed candidate for engaging in unfettered political expression! Makes sense to me! That's right: Giving more speech to the poor means you're taking speech from the rich. Coming soon: Free speech debates! People begin holding up signs showing their annual income before speaking. Looks like I'll be doing the talking here! 21,000. 475,000. And so ... Notice: The last panel of this cartoon will not be shown, so as not to infringe on the First Amendment rights of Heritage Foundation cartoonist Albertus "Champ" Waddsworth IV.
     
43. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-08-13 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-08-13 Pub. Date: 2011-08-13
Image Number: 89288
Caption: Slowpoke. New Car Runs On Ignorance. A scientific breakthrough is announced. We've developed a vehicle powered by political talk radio. It works by harvesting the listener's misfiring electrical impulses in the brain, and concerting them into energy. The bigger the falsehoods, the higher the horsepower! The cars are rapidly brought onto the market. Chevy Rube. It doesn't work well in Japan or Sweden, but in the U.S the mileage is AMAZING! Climatologists praise the new technology. Thanks to ignoramo-power, misinformation about global warming becomes part of the solution! But then ... A BACKLASH! Environmentalists like these cars? Gimme back my Suburban! The scientists regroup. So, what now? We design a car that runs on knee-jerk reactions! I'm on it.
     
44. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-08-06 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-08-06 Pub. Date: 2011-08-06
Image Number: 89285
Caption: Slowpoke. If you think education is poorly-funded now, just wait until … The Schools of 2020. Attendance made optional. Only nerds show up, costs are cut by 90%. Welcome, anyone who cares. Notice: Building condemned-classes will be held at Starbucks. Textbook space auctioned off. Used to be chapter on Abe Lincoln. Globoplundimaxx. A Century of American Ingenuity. Archibald Twombley, Founder. The History of Ke$ha. Success of 'Tik Tok'. Download on iTunes now! Teaching outsourced to military contractors. This is a math checkpoint! What's 5 x 5? Blam! Too slow! Drive-through graduation. Here's your diploma and a taco supreme. Congratulations! Please visit American Schools again.
     
45. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-07-30 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-07-30 Pub. Date: 2011-07-30
Image Number: 89281
Caption: Slowpoke. Keepin' em straight through grade eight! A bill in Tennessee would make it illegal for teachers to even mention homosexuality to pupils below 9th grade. I'm sorry officer - The g-word just popped out! Sodomy-free school zone. Tell it to the judge, unwholesome wench! Inspired by Tennessee, Arkansas bans all equals signs from math class. Another symbol is quickly adopted. One man married one woman and they have six kids. How many people are in the family? Not to be outdone, Texas issues protective devices to all children.* Gay-cancelling headphones. Special "hear no queer" technology filters out pervert words. Heterogoggles. Replace one member of a same-sex couple with a person of the opposite sex. So as not to corrupt children who read newspapers, press coverage of these developments is limited. Ban on mentioning [unmentionable] goes into effect. As of today, it is officially illegal to discuss [unmentionable] publicly. While a majority of voters support the move, some [unmentionable] activists oppose the new law. Abigail Swenson, a [unmentionable], stated at a protest rally: "Unfair attack on [unmentionables] will not stand. "When asked ... "
     
46. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-07-30 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-07-30 Pub. Date: 2011-07-30
Image Number: 89291
Caption: Slowpoke. Nation Stunned by Display of Competence. Our top story tonight: Millions of Americans are in shock that, after a decade of economic, environmental, and military FUBARS, we managed to do something right. OSAMASHOCK! "Emergency medical technicians are working round the clock to revive dazed and confused citizens." Bin Laden ... DEAD?!? We MUST have screwed the pooch somehow! Have a look at this cost-of-war counter. It'll bring you back to reality. "Dr. Alice Fernweaver, professor of western fubology, argues that killing Bin Laden is not necessarily at odds with our normal bumbling idiocy." The 21st century has been a nonstop series of clusterf#cks and epic fails resulting in the destruction of everything we touched. It was only a matter of time before we destroyed Bin Laden too. "Scientists predict that, at this rate, the next act of competence will occur in the year 2022." Our models indicate that that is the year we may finally stop bombing Afghanistan, or start addressing global warming. If we make it that long.
     
47. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-07-23 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-07-23 Pub. Date: 2011-07-23
Image Number: 89293
Caption: Slowpoke. Tax Evasion Funnies. Companies are demanding a "tax holiday" to bring money back from overseas at dirt-cheap rates. Win America. That money is trapped offshore. We mustn't penalize businesses for bringing it home! Wag wag wag wag wag. (Actual Campaign.) Yes, this memorial day, let us not forget the tragic plight of our men in green stuck in foreign hellholes. I'm just dreaming of the day when I can feel the soft leather interior of an executive's wallet again. Welcome to The Cayman Islands. To that end, hundreds of corporate lobbyists will be holding a motorcycle rally in Washington, DC. Rolling Plunder. POW*MIA You are not forgotten. Prisoners of Washington - Money in Antilles. Keep the promise. Inspired by these efforts, small-time money launderers start holding their own vigils. I've got 50 grand trapped in my freezer! It's time to set it free!
     
48. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-07-09 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-07-09 Pub. Date: 2011-07-09
Image Number: 89286
Caption: Slowpoke. Drooly Julie in "Hard Science". In lab 102B at NASA's Goddard Institute … Drooly Julie, you've been brought in because climate change is being ignored while all people talk about is a politician's crotch! Can you help us?!? Hmm … Well, all this extreme weather gives me an idea ... Tap-tap-tap. TWEET! Breaking News: Florida caught tweeting lewd satellite images of itself to the Panama Canal. yfrog. StateOfFlorida@PanamaCanal. Baby, I want to put my Keys in your locks! NASA. Soon: A media frenzy! What is NASA's response to this? Clearly the Florida penisula-er, peninsula is seeking the safe harbor of an interior passage as we enter hurricane season. It's a pointed alarm about global warming. NASA. But Cable News has its own interpretation. This just in" Could Trinidad and Tobago be Florida's love children? ARGH! We've FAILED! Okay, I've got a better publicity stunt: CLIMATOLOGIST ORGIES on melting ice caps!
     
49. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-07-02 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-07-02 Pub. Date: 2011-07-02
Image Number: 89274
Caption: Slowpoke. Asterisky Business. The GOP isn't too crazy about Elizabeth Warren, a doffed consumer advocate, running the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. We prefer our own candidate, Mr. Feinprint. Hullo! You may already know him from his work in bank statements and pharmaceutical ads. GlactaBank(tm) No-fee checking.* Oblivinol(tm) 500mg.** *Excludes fees. ** May cause projectile incontinence. Aw, shucks! Thank you, Senator Perkins, for that wonderful introduction. I would love to help consumers* by making their credit card bills and mortgages easier to understand.** *i.e., destroy then. **For speakers of Mohican. From now on, all the statements shall be written in this Algonquin dialect. When questioned, most Americans aren't that concerned about who heads the bureau. I don't have time to read up on Feinprint, but I'm sure he's okay!
     
50. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-06-25 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-06-25 Pub. Date: 2011-06-25
Image Number: 89275
Caption: Slowpoke. Welcome to Ball*Mart. The conservative majority on the supreme court just killed a class-action lawsuit against Wal-Mart despite overwhelming evidence of sex discrimination. The company has written a policy against discrimination, so it can't be sued. Duh! Actual reasoning. Um ... Clearly we should only concern ourselves with companies that have officially gone on the record with their sexism. Recruitment video. At Galactabank, we're proud to be an unequal opportunity employer. Bros before hos, as we like to say! But short of that, what would it take for Scalia to see a problem? Ball*mart executive boardroom. Bitchez keep out. Under my thumb! Seems fine to me! Perhaps if glass ceilings were tinted? Bonk. See? It's really there! Hmm ... No, I still don't see it. Management.
     
51. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-06-18 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-06-18 Pub. Date: 2011-06-18
Image Number: 89287
Caption: Slowpoke. The Mental Stimulus Plan. I'm pleased to announce a bipartisan plan to address unemployment. We can't tell you what it is, but I promise many of you will soon be happier. That night during "Celebrity Apprentice." You are feeling verrrry sleepy and able to pay your bills. On the count of three, you will awaken knowing you have a deeply satisfying job. 1 ... 2 ... 3! The unemployment rate plummets as jobless claims cease. Hold my calls - I've got a meeting with Bono. Actual Reality. Obama's poll numbers soar ... Or so he believes. My fellow Americans ... He thinks he's still President! He has no idea the supreme court ended his term ad installed Michelle Bachmann.
     
52. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-06-11 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-06-11 Pub. Date: 2011-06-11
Image Number: 89277
Caption: Slowpoke. The GOP refuses to compromise on the debt ceiling. Give me tax breaks on private jets or give me death! What other threats might be next? Health care for poor children axed until passage of a plastic surgery tax credit. Koff! I must keep my face wrinkle-free, dahling, or America will lose jobs! No more money for air traffic control until billionaire playboys can write off their joyrides into space. Wheee! Ka-boom! Look at all the chaos the democrats have caused! Funding for the coroner's office stops until the local country club can employ slave labor. I hope this standoff ends soon! I have to pay for a caddy and there are corpses all over the course!
     
53. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-06-04 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-06-04 Pub. Date: 2011-06-04
Image Number: 89276
Caption: Slowpoke. Bulb wars. This is Mr. Perkins reporting live from Washington, DC where thousands of lightbulb activists are protesting the new energy efficiency laws. Hey hey ho ho! Curly bulbs have got to go! Lightbulbs don't waste electricity people waste electricity. Sir, why do you oppose the phase-out of the old bulbs? They aren't just bulbs - they're freedom filaments! You can pry my bulbs from my cold, dead lamps! Thomas Edison was a founding father, you know. The fluorescent bulbs contain mercury! Oh, so you're and environmentalist. You must be opposed to coal power too, since that produces mercury. I ... uh ... freedom filaments! Nice bulbmobile! If I wasn't living in my car because I was laid off and my home's been foreclosed, I'd definitely want my choice of bulb! Damn government!
     
54. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-05-28 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-05-28 Pub. Date: 2011-05-28
Image Number: 89278
Caption: Slowpoke. The latest debt ceiling demands. Demand #41: Republican members of congress shall be constantly supplied with M&Ms. Obama must personally pick out all the green ones. Sigh. Demand #126: Everything must be named after Reagan. So, where are you from? Regan City, Reagan. Me too! Did you got to Reagan High? Yep! Go Gippers! Reagan Blvd. Demand #383c: The White House must admit to a fake scandal of our choosing. Yes, I maintained a harem of pygmy goats in the Lincoln bedroom. I'm very sorry. August 2. Okay, we've supplied the M&Ms, named everything Reagan, and I've confessed to bestiality. Very good. Here's our new list of demands ...
     
55. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-05-21 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-05-21 Pub. Date: 2011-05-21
Image Number: 89279
Caption: Slowpoke. Deficit Memories. 2001: Wall Street questions the wisdom of the Bush tax cuts. I'm afraid enormous tax breaks for the wealthy might very well threaten America's solvency in the future. NYSE. Think of the children! Phillip Phipps. Market analyst. 2003: Countless pundits warn about the financial costs of war. We can't possibly afford to invade Iraq without blowing up the deficit! Think of the children! Sunday morning spewfest. 2005: Small government activists gather en masse to protest Bush's reckless spending. At least Clinton could balance a checkbook! Think of the children! 2007: Democrats hold the debt ceiling hostage. We won't raise it until every poor child has health insurance. We're serious. Do you think this cartoon needs a sarcasm disclaimer? Sarcasm? What sarcasm?
     
56. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-05-14 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-05-14 Pub. Date: 2011-05-14
Image Number: 89283
Caption: Slowpoke. GOP vows to "clean up" environmental laws. Fun fact. House republicans recently slipped 39 anti-environmental riders into an appropriations bill. We urgently need to cut back on emissions … from the EPA! Rep. Perkins (R - ID) I propose we take these toxic regulations and bury them deep inside Yucca Mountain! There, they will no longer threaten that endangered waterfowl, the golden goose. And speaking of mountains, we must continue our fight to remove all the mountaintops cluttering up Appalachia. Before. After. Who doesn't want more sky? Yes, with a little effort, we can prevent economic climate change for my corporate don - I mean Americas economy. We just have to think green.
     
57. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-05-07 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-05-07 Pub. Date: 2011-05-07
Image Number: 89290
Caption: Slowpoke. The President's advisers plot election strategy. Here's how we win in 2012: We pick a message that appeals to Democrats, Republicans, Tea Partiers, Progressives, Libertarians, LaRouchies, Flat-Earthers, and Neo-Primitive Anarchists. Clinton triangulated. We're going to OCTANGULATE. Researchers manage to find a point of octopartisan agreement. My fellow Americans, no "star wars" prequels were made during my first term, and none will be made during my second! Mainstream news outlets applaud the non-controversial stance. TIME. Bringing the nation together. Consensus at last. Back at Campaign HQ ... How are we doing? Well, unemployment is still incredibly high, and the country's infrastructure is falling apart, but your poll numbers are holding steady. So we're set to roll out the pro-puppy message next week.
     
58. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-04-23 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-04-23 Pub. Date: 2011-04-23
Image Number: 89296
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, Americans! With a second recession on the way, more and more of you will be facing problems like this: How can we have a birthday party for Tommy when we live in a pup tent? Don’t worry - You can still entertain in style! INTRODUCING … ZIP HOMES. A hearth when you want one. HOW IT WORKS: Just make a reservation, wave your membership card at the front door, and you're in! Z. Zip homes have all the amenities of a real home, just like the one you used to enjoy. Heat! Flush Toilets! Refrigeration! Fill our blank picture frames with photos of your family (don't forget them when you leave!) For an extra fee, we'll throw in a friendly neighbor who likes to make small talk over the fence. Nice weather we're having, isn't it? Zip Homes: The American dream, by the hour!
     
59. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-04-16 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-04-16 Pub. Date: 2011-04-16
Image Number: 89292
Caption: Slowpoke. Code Dependent. QR codes are everywhere these days, yet for people without Smartphones, they can seem like a secret handshake. Sigh. SALE! Scan with your phone for coupon. Café Pompous. Today's Special. Sigh. Sigh. Eventually. OKAY! OKAY! I'LL BUY A (cursing symbols) SMARTPHONE! ARGH! 5G Suavephones. Ready to buy? Scan here with your current phone!
     
60. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-04-04 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-04-04 Pub. Date: 2011-04-04
Image Number: 86597
Caption: Slowpoke. Old McDonald's had a farm … McDonald's - the exact opposite of everything foodies stand for - has an ad campaign appealing to … FOODIES. "McDonald's Big Mac. HAND-CRAFTED for that one-of-a-kind taste. And made just for you." Shot of barn. 100% Big Mac. Soon: Hoping to cash in on the local food movement, McDonald's starts it own CSAs. McHippie. Your weekly delivery, ma'am! M. Executives tout the company's small farm ethos. All of our C.A.F.O.s* are just like the one your grandma used to have! How much longer do I have to sit here in this stinking swill pit? *Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation. Even Michael Pollan is impressed! D-doesn't get any more sustainable that McDonalds. Please help me. The Omnivore's Dilemma. Whap!
     
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