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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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221. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-09-18 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-09-18 Pub. Date: 2006-09-18
Image Number: 86623
Caption: Slowpoke. Kneejerkin'. Welcome back to "Late Night With Mr. Perkins." Let's play a little game I call "Kneejerkin'," in which I try to get average Americans to oppose their own beliefs. Here comes one now! Hello, sir. Do you prefer food that does not contain poison? Hell yeah! Would you eat organic food? I ain't no flower-sniffer, buddy. Score. Excuse me, ma'am. Do you support universal health care? Oh yes, that would be nice. Do you want insurance provided by a government bureaucracy? DAMN GUV'MINT CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! Score again! Hi there. Should we regulate pollution and protect national parks. Yes. We must think of our children. Are you an environmentalist? I hate those smelly tree-huggers! Three for three. Next week: Kneejerkin' in Hackensack!
     
222. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86612
Caption: Slowpoke. Wal*Mart wants to open an "Industrial Loan Corporation," which many think will lead to the opening of bank branches. Soon you may walk into a Wal*Bank. The Greeter. Welcome to Wal*Bank! Open a checking account and get a free ceramic lawn toad! The teller windows double as fast food stands - Accumulate fatty deposits while you make deposits! Honey mustard or barbecue sauce? Kongealed Fried Cholesterol and teller No. 8. Sleeps in her Hyundai. Anti-Union Spycam. The loan officer is himself $89,000 in debt. Plastic yard chair. Wal*Mart Global Domination Pie Chart. Wal*Mart. Not Wal*Mart. We can do it! The business model. Wal*Bank. Walton Family (The real Wal*Bank) Right-Wing Anti-Worker Politicians. Policies that hurt the poor. Tax cuts for hotel heiresses. More poor people! Poor people's money.
     
223. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86613
Caption: Slowpoke. Spreadin' the Manure. True: The White House has instructed the Dept. of Agriculture to work praise of Bush's foreign policy into speeches. Actual talking point. Agriculture is the heart and soul of a nation, and its importance should not be underestimated in the Iraqi's efforts to build a strong, self-sustaining democracy. Here are some other possible segueways ... When addressing sheep farmers: We all know there's nothing tastier than a rack of lamb. ... And speaking of Iraq, the President has a clear strategy for victory! Sheep produces of Okiedokie County. When addressing cattle ranchers: The fat veins in a well-marbled slice of beef remind me of rivers ... like the Euphrates and Tigris in Iraq - where, incidentally, the President has a clear strategy for victory! Caution: Try not to get too carried away. When I think of fruits and vegetables, I think of sprouting freedom in the Middle East ... Of land where spuds have replaced scuds ... Of dangling carrots of democracy ... Of the strong moral fiber of our President, who has a clear strategy for victory! Now, back to avocado prices ... Produce growers of Wahoochie County.
     
224. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86614
Caption: Slowpoke. Self-serve Nation. Grocery stores have been replacing cashiers with machines, effectively outsourcing labor onto consumers. Please place your item into the bag! I did, you idiot. Please place your item in the bag! Place your item in the bag NOW! What other labor-foisting schemes might lie ahead? Do you want affordable clothing or not? Toxi-glu. Tech support outsourced to your parallel universe self. ... So, I need a four-pin Molex adapter? I have no freakin' clue. Perhaps it's time to form a CONSUMER LABOR UNION. Shoppers Local 729 ON STRIKE! I won't scan for the man. No pay, no weigh! Uberfood Supermarket.
     
225. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86615
Caption: Slowpoke. After years of lobbying by the food industry, the House recently passed the National Uniformity For Food Act which negates states' food safety laws in favor of weaker federal regulation. (Crossed out) WARNINGL This food contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer. What other new food safety laws lie ahead? Nutrition Label Reform - relaxes burdensome accuracy requirements. I can't believe these only contain one gram of fat. Tallow Twists. Rockin' Jalapeno Flavor. Heart Healthy. The Pretty Produce Act - Airbrushed fruit legalized. In the age of Photoshop, people demand perfection! Why not give it to them? Nature's Bosom Bananas. PSSSHT! Eventually, labeling is no longer an issue, as the food industry convinces people toxins are good for them. New Merculoids! Mountains of Mmm - mmm - Methylmercury in every bite! Mommy! I want Merculoids! I want Merculoids! Yes, dear.
     
226. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92674
Caption: Slowpoke. Aesthetic Movements To Come. Jimmy Buffett Futurism. Squawk. Welcome to Margarita Vortex. Post-Ironic Cutism. Bravo! A refreshingly earnest, neoliteralist celebration of the cute! Pointillist Graffiti. Seurat Posse was here. Gothic Fung Shui. No, no. The coffin goes over there! Diamanda Galas. Ultimate Ululation Tour.
     
227. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92675
Caption: Slowpoke. Drooly Julie's Culture Corner. Welcome to "The Lust Lab," where we talk nonstop about the horizontal bop! This week, due to a bizarre programming mistake, I'm filling in for rabid right-winger Laura Ingraham. First caller! ON AIR. Yeah. I just wanted to say that English should be the national language. Well, I prefer the universal language of love. I speak the humpinese dialect myself. Nothing achieves national unity like sweet porking! But- *sputter* (click) Next caller! Drooly, do you support our troops? Support the troops? I think of them constantly - their chiseled flesh bronzed by the desert sun, covered with a light dew of perspiration ... (pant!) That's not supporting - Hey, if all the troops had to look forward to was your sad prudish ass, they'd never get through the war! Next caller! Ma'am, it's sick perverts like yourself who are bringing this country down! On the contrary, I'm bringing this country up! I'm a red-blooded patriot into white-hot canoodling under blue American skies! I'm a uniter, not a divider-of start-spangled booty!
     
228. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92676
Caption: Slowpoke. Earn Your Vote! The Supreme Court recently rejected Vermont's campaign finance law, once again ruling that money is a form of "free speech." The more money you have, the more speech you get. It’s the law! But why stop there? Clearly the next logical step is to assign personhood based on income! Since the average CEO makes 821 times the minimum wage, CEO's shall count as full persons and minimum wage workers as 1/821 person - about the size of a little toe. $4,228/hr. 1 vote. $5.15/hr. 1/821 vote. Slimebold TM has already developed a voting machine prototype that uses the new system. Just enter your social security number ... The machine retrieves your income tax return and assigns you a fraction. It's that simple! SS#. Income: $21,400. Personhood: 1/411. Slimebold. Sure, some might protest. Bit that would be class warfare. Earning your vote: It's the American way!
     
229. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92677
Caption: Slowpoke. The Museum of Lost Formats. Nothing like old technology to give me that warm, tingly glow of nostalgia! Laserdisc. C. 1993. Betamax VCR. Best of Bread. Foghat. 8-tracks. Binary Slab. Renaissance - era Floppy. CD-ROM. USB Drive. 500 GB DATA Muon. Ah, a stroll down memory lane! It was all about shrinkage. "After the great audiophile revolt of 2011, consumers tossed their iPods and embraced the sheet physicality of giant vinyl. It sounded so much better! It was the golden age of cover art! Rolling Stones Still Struttin' 2 RPM. Luckily today we all have one of these babies which plays 96 different formats! Movie Pellet Funnel. The Godfather. Bob Dylan Telepathy Receiver. MP573 Port. Foreign Film Gel Receptacle.
     
230. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92678
Caption: Slowpoke. Welcome back, class, to politics 101 with Professor Perkins. Today we'll be discussing the phrase "THE BLAME AMERICA FIRST CROWD." We find it stems from a certain bogus assumption. Rowe's Conflationary Law: Bush = America. America = Bush. In fact, the two are total opposites! America. Open Government. Civil Liberties. Human Rights. Talent Rewarded. National Parks. Checks and Balances. Opportunity for All. Freedom of Press. Scientific Achievement. Separation of Church and State. Bush. Secret Government. Illegal Spying. Torture. Cronies Rewarded. Destroying National Parks. All-Powerful Executive Branch. Opportunity for Already Well-Off. Intimidation of Press. Rejection of Science. Merging of Church and State. Therefore, when a Bush supporter says you hate America, it's proof that you love America! "Blaming America First" = Criticizing the Bush Administration. = Criticizing the Opposite of America. = Supporting America.
     
231. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92679
Caption: Slowpoke. How to Get Republicans to Care About Global Warming. No more skiing. It's just not the same. Crabgrass moguls. Offshore tax shelter become precarious. Colossobank Global HQ. So if Bermuda no longer exists, can we still use it as out address? Lack of mink-wearing opportunities. Dammit, world. You will know I paid $9,000 for this coat! Ice sculptures at black-tie parties won't last as long. An hour ago that was a Greek goddess with enormous hooters. Tsk.
     
232. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92680
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, Republican candidates! Want to take your next attack ads to the next level? Try the latest in mudslinging technology: SLANDERsoft TM Smearware 6.0! WIMP. THIEF. WHOREMONGER. SLANDERsoft TM Smearware 6.0. Go beyond the traditional "opponent morphing into Osama" effect with our library of 10,000 stock images! Your opponent. Bowl of gruel. Stingray that killed Steve Irwin. Rob Halford of Judas Priest. Running against a black male? Use our state-of-the-art CGI capabilities for the ultimate in race-baiting visuals. Just insert opponents head! Voiceover: While [your name] was at home reading stories to his children, [your black opponent] was getting his freak on in nightclubs with your daughter! And now, twist your opponent's words more easily than ever with out instant context regenerator! I'd be honored to serve the greatest nation on Earth! I'd be honored to serve the greatest Nation on Earth! Order now and get a free copy of Photo-Ops 9.1 TM - Now with more virtual babies!
     
233. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92682
Caption: Slowpoke. So … We've spent $339 billion so far on a war justified by trumped-up intelligence that has killed 2,826 Americans and probably hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, made Iraq radioactive with depleted uranium, and caused civil war - only to make terrorism worse. Heck, we may as well have spent that money on ... Wake me u before you go go! Six copies of "Michael Bolton Sings Wham!" for every person on Earth. (Note: May incite jihad.) Installing solid gold Cheney as new moon of Mars. Okay ... 339 billion says the chicken comes to me first. A stupid drunken bet with Putin. Oh my! A giant but made of 339 billion dollars. Our hypothesis that it burns was correct! A giant butt made of 339 billion dollars set on fire.
     
234. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 86617
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, hungry Americans! Do you find that steakhouses like these aren't quite meeting your renegade eating needs? Then check out these NEW ADVENTURES IN THEME DINING! Aussie Steak Hut. Blazing Cattles Bar & Grill. Attila's Meat Pit. No waiting to be seated - you must CONQUER your table by slaying animatronic monks! The booth of Naissus is MINE! HA! Today's Specials. Blood of Bledo $11. Flesh of the Ostrogoths. Apocalypse Cow. Fine dining in a post-nuclear atmosphere. Customers chase down their own mutant bovine and roast them over burning oil wells. Look! There's some! The Beef Lobby Lounge. Meat free from the shackles of government inspection. A real walk on the wild side! Mmm ... Mad cow prions make all the difference. This E. Coli-splattered steak is NOT for sissies! Food Guide Pyramid. Beef.
     
235. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 86618
Caption: Slowpoke. More Framing Funnies. Somehow, eating healthy has been labelled "politically correct." "Burger King is going 180 degrees away from politically correct food." A fast food industry consultant on B.K.'s "Enormous Omelet Sandwich." (Actual quote.) It's a curious logic: if it's good for you, it's "PC." These politically correct breathing Nazis! I don't need their damned air. I'll show them! ... Urk! Maybe not. The way things are going, grocery stores will soon look like this: PC Commie Freak Food. *All-American Freedom Food.* Check out that traitor buying an artichoke. Gasp! And the cycle continues ... Okay, folks. How should we market our new Pork Bomb Supreme Deep-fried Sausage Patty With Bacon and Cheddar? We've got $20 million to work with. There's always "It's the taste sensation the food police don't want you to eat!" Burger Potentate.
     
236. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 86619
Caption: Slowpoke. Since we seem to be living in a new dark age, perhaps it’s time for … A Marketing Plan for the Enlightenment. There'd be the reason blimp … Reason Fever - Catch it! Celebrity endorsements … I'm Drooly Julie. Whenever I'm deciding how to pursue some buff young stud, I use LOGIC! tm. Product placement in movies ... Darling, when I saw your Wikipedia entry on the Horsehead nebula, I knew I had to have you. Fast food tie-ins ... Hey kids! Try McSnottle's new Bill Nye the science Guy Happy Meal featuring the Big Bang Burger. BOOM! BOOM Science is fun! BOOM! ... And Nascar sponsorship! The Enlightening Rod. Ben Franklin. "Those who can make you believe the absurdities can make you commit atrocities." - Voltaire.
     
237. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 86622
Caption: Slowpoke. THE NEW ENERGY BARS. Hey, consumers! Ever noticed there's an energy bar like this one for almost every demographic? Check out these latest niche-marketed treats! LOONA Urban New Age Goddess Bar. Pro-X3 Amino Booster. Metabolic Symmetry. Gross Tanning. Total Body Bar. THIS IS NOT AN IRONY BAR. Irony Bar. Bolton Bar. Diplomacy Free! Bolton Bar. With rabid badger to enhance surliness, and vitamin B complexes for thick, bushy mustache growth. Sloth Bar. Sloth Bar for those who sit. BOOM BAR. Baby's got BAR! The Boom Bar. With built-in subwoofers, it's the only bar with block-rockin' bass! Power-Hungry Bar. Now with Wing Nuts! The RNC. tm. Power-hungry Bar. If you eat another brand, you're with the terrorists.
     
238. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 86634
Caption: Slowpoke. Paradoxes of Our Times. The Minimum-Wage Ownership Society. Your very own can of legumes in sauce! Once empty, doubles as a container for begged change! Beanie Weenies. Credit cards with your name on them. Your own gravesite (After you expire early die to a lack of health insurance.)! Strip Mall Nomenclature. Ye Old Village Centre. Est 1989. NAPPA Auto Parts. Starbuck's Coffee. Blouse Barn. Socially-Conscious Tailgaters. Embrace Diversity. Love Your Mother. OUTTA MY WAY, SCUMBAG! The "Free" Market. Funny, I don't feel free ... You missed a clown! Miniature Clown Nose Assembly Station No. 8.
     
239. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 92649
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, denizens of the highway! Having trouble keeping track of all the loopy car decals out there? Then it sounds like you need … The Fields Guide to Magnetic Ribbons. Support Our Troops. I Like Cheese Puffs. As If Anyone Doesn't. Clown On Board. I Support Magnetic Ribbon Manufacturers In China. Holier Than Thou. I Support Something But I Forget What. Memorial For Lost Magnetic Ribbon That Fell Off Car. My Ribbon Can Kick Your Ribbon's Ass.
     
240. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 92669
Caption: Slowpoke. What's In a Name? Warning: There's a trendy new baby name out there. Meet Cash, our new bundle o joy! He was just minted last Monday. NRT? (True!) Could other upwardly mobile names be far behind? Bling! Time to go! Nasdaq! Mommy's here! Come, Success! ... Or corporate sponsorship? Tostito just loves his salsa stroller! Tostitos Chunky. Looks like a chip off the old block! Ha! Ha! Lipitor 40 mg. Before long ... Bob?! Who would name their kid Bob?! What a freak! Hi! I'm Cubicle. Hi! I'm iPod. Hi! I'm Tofurkey. Hi! I'm Teflon. Hi! I'm Bob.
     
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