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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (37 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-26 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-26 Pub. Date: 2019-05-26
Image Number: 177771
Caption: One of my readers asked me Why do I sense such anger in you? What'd you say? I said That's probably because I'm not a sociopath. I said When people die because they can't afford health insurance, I care. When we tell kids they're nothing without college and then saddle them with loans they can never repay ... I care. When people figure out all sorts of ways to keep black people from voting, I care ... When poor people are being lied to about whether their water is safe to drink, I care. When our President separates toddlers and babies from their asylum-seeking mothers for months, I care. And because I care, I'm angered. I bet being a sociopath is relaxing. I'll relax when there's not more police brutality. Shut up, I'm trying to relax.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-02 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-02 Pub. Date: 2018-12-02
Image Number: 174985
Caption: Big L, you want me to be Santa again for your boy this year? Let me think about that, Clyde … Last year, I woke up to find my two-year-old boy shocking a pigeon with a taser gun. He said Santa gave him the taser, said Don't tell your daddy, and then forgot to shut the window when he climbed down the fire escape. I tried mouth-to-mouth but the pigeon was long gone. I only had to spend nine days in jail for animal cruelty, but my boy was in therapy for four months. Not my fault. I told him to only use it for fishing. No I don't want you to be Santa this year!!!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-14 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-14 Pub. Date: 2018-10-14
Image Number: 174287
Caption: My friend Miranda asked me what I thought of the outfit she was going to wear to Burning Man. It was very, very … revealing. How did that make you feel? Like she was toying with me. She made it clear twenty years ago that she just wanted to be friends. But here she was showing me something that she had to know would poke my furnace. You mean stoke your furnace. No, I mean poke. My furnace has been stoked since Freshman year -- it took me years to get that down from a raging inferno to a barely perceptible glow. I see. I think. So I juggled the furnace door to make sure it was locked, and then I stood there wondering if she was poking the coals to reignite them, or poking the coals to make sure they were dead. Or, maybe she just wanted a furnace's opinio -- can we not talk in metaphors? I'm confused. I welded shut the furnace door and turned on the A.C. just to be safe.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-29 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-29 Pub. Date: 2018-08-29
Image Number: 173790
Caption: Something was wrong with the refugee in the President's baby jail Hola? Minutes passed. He didn't answer any of my questions. Hours passed. I don't remember seeing him so much as blink. They'd injected him with psychotropic drugs to shut him up. Dio mio! I know. I'd been hoping he was just really, really shy.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-11 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-11 Pub. Date: 2017-09-11
Image Number: 162597
Caption: Remember that video of police attackin' that blond white woman nurse for just doin' her job? Remember Justine Diamond, white woman the police shot in her pajamas? Remember the hundreds of people of all races unnecessarily shot by cops in the past few years? Remember the huge "All Lives Matter" protests that broke out eretime? Glad to see I was wrong about "All Lives Matter" bein' just another way of sayin' "shut up an' take it, n*****." My "Sarcasm Monday" idea really caught on. Look at Wino Larry over there relievin' hisself. What a beautiful sight.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-30 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147920
Caption: That trailer for Eddie Murphy's "Mr. Church" don't look like nothin' but "Driving Miss Daisy Part 2." It look like it literally a film about a brotha who spend decades serving white people an' tryin' to be part of they family instead of makin' his own. I was willin' to look the other way when he was talkin' to animals, and when a tree made him shut up for a whole movie, an' when he played a donkey. But when he play a black man who want nothin' outta life but to cook grits for two white women, I draw the line. It's a true story!!! That makes it ok.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-16 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-16 Pub. Date: 2015-11-16
Image Number: 135313
Caption: The DA ain't gonna prosecute the cop who unnecessarily shot that white kid. … What the kid name again? Zachary Hammond? Yeh. I noticed it seem like the only people still outraged about it is the "Black Lives Matter" crowd. I ain't seen white people put on no marches, no protests ... nothin'. You know what this tell me? It tell me that when people hear "Black Lives Matter" an' reflexively respond by sayin' "All Lives Matter" ... What they REALLY sayin' is "shut up an' take it, like we do." "All Lives Matter" is catchier.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-19 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-19 Pub. Date: 2015-08-19
Image Number: 131276
Caption: Do you have the time? I do. It's time to stop shutting down conversations by using the word "shaming." If you say people should watch what they eat and exercise more so they'll stop being obese, now you're "fat-shaming." How does shutting down the conversation help fat people get healthy? I think you're just upset no one laughs at your fat jokes anymore. Stop "shame-shaming" me!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-26 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-26 Pub. Date: 2015-07-26
Image Number: 129550
Caption: I just started reading the book "2312." It starts on Mercury, where we built a city that constantly travels along rails to avoid the cataclysmic fire of the sun. It's hard to remember we're even capable of that sort of thing. We don't even build the world's tallest buildings anymore. We don't build much of anything. We barely even fill potholes. Once upon a time, we thought big. We built bridges. We carved new rivers. We sent men to the moon. But we've stopped thinking big. Did you know Saudi Arabia's building a tower that's almost twice as tall as our tallest building? Saudi Arabia ain't part of "we"? It ... That's not what I ... Oh, shut up.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-30 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-30 Pub. Date: 2015-05-30
Image Number: 127505
Caption: I got so angry at "The Flash" the other day. Flash went to the super-villain Captain Cold for help. Dr. Noodle. And Captain Cold knew he was Barry Allen. In fact, everyone on the whole show knows his secret identity. Ph.D. I kind of flipped out when I realized that. Why'd I even care? You were jealous. All those people knowing his true identity reminded you you have very few close friends who know the real you. Shut up. You don't know me.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-12 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-12 Pub. Date: 2014-06-12
Image Number: 112323
Caption: Thanks for letting my son and me sleep over. They should be done fumigating my place tomorrow. Remember when we were six and we'd have sleep-overs just for fun? Why is that when we're grown, the only time we have sleep-overs is when there's a problem? What do you miss from childhood? I miss all the times you shut your mouth so grown folks could get some sleep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-24 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-24 Pub. Date: 2014-01-24
Image Number: 106502
Caption: Today … Clyde, you know how Governor Thugman's office had the world's busiest bridge shut down for petty political revenge? I've been investigating that for my blog, trying to find out who gave him the idea in the first place. The callousness of it … the stupidity of it ... keeps leading me back to one possibility, Clyde. I was as shocked as you to learn my homie "Big Oatmeal" went an' gave him advice behind my back. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. Way to take responsibility, Clyde.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-23 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-23 Pub. Date: 2014-01-23
Image Number: 106501
Caption: This is Lemont Brown with candorville.com, calling to confirm my interview with Governor Thugman today. No, I'm not gonna endorse him for 2016 … … I'm gonna ask why he misuses public accommodations to exact revenge on political opponents. That's odd … the subway system just shut down. Hello? ... Hello?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-13 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-13 Pub. Date: 2014-01-13
Image Number: 106171
Caption: What do you mean you want to go inside? It's an Arctic polar vortex! It's made parts of North America colder than MARS! Isn't it exciting to be a first hand witness to the raw, awesome power of Mother Nature? Sometimes MOTHER NATURE is one BAD Mother. Shut your mouth.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-26 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-26 Pub. Date: 2013-10-26
Image Number: 102931
Caption: Do you think the clouds care about the government shutdown? Do you think the sun cares whether we believe we're contributing to climate change? Do you think The Milky Way cares whether we ever stop killing each other? We're all part of a vast cosmos, Susan. If the COSMOS doesn't care about the little things, I don't see why I should. I still think you should open that letter the IRS sent you.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-10 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-10 Pub. Date: 2013-10-10
Image Number: 102499
Caption: Can you believe they shut down the government, dawg? Well, yeah. NOW I can. I mean, far strange things have happened lately. YOU actually caring about politics, for instance. It was the lead story on How-Not-To-Pay-Your-Bills-Dot-Com. Thug 4 Life.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-09 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-09 Pub. Date: 2013-10-09
Image Number: 102498
Caption: How'd you feel when the government shut down. Excited. Say what? It's different. It's like when there's a big wreck on the freeway. It's awful, it's tragic. But at the same time, it's invigorating because it's out of the ordinary. We feel bad, but we're all secretly excited, because it reminds us we're living on the edge. This, right here, is why I never ask you for a ride.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-08 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-08 Pub. Date: 2013-10-08
Image Number: 102497
Caption: I'm tired of people blaming republicans for the government shutdown. It's both sides' fault. I mean, libs refused to negotiate Obamacare. They insisted it was a done deal. Thank God For Culture Clash. SINCE WHEN has something been "done" just because it was passed by both houses of congress, signed into law by the president, and upheld by the Supreme Court? Since 1787. You're not supposed to answer hypothetical questions.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-18 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-18 Pub. Date: 2013-09-18
Image Number: 101656
Caption: Hey wait, where are you going, Clyde? I'm like Dave Chappelle, I don’t put up with hecklers. Thug 4 Life. Dave Chappelle walked out on his show in Hartford 'cuz that loudmouth audience wouldn’t shut up. They thought they could act a fool an' he'd still perform for them like a trained seal. Well they was WRONG! All I did was ask you for the $2 you owe me. I'M OUT, HECKLER!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-30 shut 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-30 Pub. Date: 2013-01-30
Image Number: 93011
Caption: Anyone ever tell you you're obnoxious? Spare change? Will work for food. Hi, you've reached Tyrone. I can't answer your question right now because it was stupid. At the sound of the beep, please shut up. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. (Published originally on 2010-09-22.)
     
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