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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about being safe and safes.

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Result page:    2  Next  (39 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-26 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-26 Pub. Date: 2019-05-26
Image Number: 177771
Caption: One of my readers asked me Why do I sense such anger in you? What'd you say? I said That's probably because I'm not a sociopath. I said When people die because they can't afford health insurance, I care. When we tell kids they're nothing without college and then saddle them with loans they can never repay ... I care. When people figure out all sorts of ways to keep black people from voting, I care ... When poor people are being lied to about whether their water is safe to drink, I care. When our President separates toddlers and babies from their asylum-seeking mothers for months, I care. And because I care, I'm angered. I bet being a sociopath is relaxing. I'll relax when there's not more police brutality. Shut up, I'm trying to relax.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-13 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-13 Pub. Date: 2019-05-13
Image Number: 177620
Caption: Did you see the new Sandra Bland video? The police found it on her phone two months after she died and hid it for four years. I still can't believe that cop flipped out on her like that after stopping her for a turn signal. It's just not safe for us out there. Happen all the time, Big L. That's why I started that GoFundMe. Black people aren't going to give you money to build escape-catapult seats for our cars. Already got 52,000 orders.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-14 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-14 Pub. Date: 2018-10-14
Image Number: 174287
Caption: My friend Miranda asked me what I thought of the outfit she was going to wear to Burning Man. It was very, very … revealing. How did that make you feel? Like she was toying with me. She made it clear twenty years ago that she just wanted to be friends. But here she was showing me something that she had to know would poke my furnace. You mean stoke your furnace. No, I mean poke. My furnace has been stoked since Freshman year -- it took me years to get that down from a raging inferno to a barely perceptible glow. I see. I think. So I juggled the furnace door to make sure it was locked, and then I stood there wondering if she was poking the coals to reignite them, or poking the coals to make sure they were dead. Or, maybe she just wanted a furnace's opinio -- can we not talk in metaphors? I'm confused. I welded shut the furnace door and turned on the A.C. just to be safe.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-27 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-27 Pub. Date: 2018-07-27
Image Number: 173091
Caption: What are you thinking about, daddy? Life as a refugee, son. If our government ever turned fascist, no journalist would be safe. If I had to take you and flee … would I have any idea where proper checkpoints were to get into Canada? Or would I just head north and try to get in anywhere I could? And how would I feel if they grabbed you and put you in jail and mistreated you because I didn't save our lives properly? Oh. I thought you were thinking about jelly beans.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-24 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-24 Pub. Date: 2018-05-24
Image Number: 171761
Caption: You know what I like best about being a dad? When my little boy curls up in my lap and falls asleep. I hold him tight and know he feels war and safe, and I feel like I can protect him from anything. Even from time. Because as long as he lives, he'll be able to close his eyes and remember this feeling and be two years old again ... hopefully without the wetting himself part. It's important to know when you stop talking.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-02 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-02 Pub. Date: 2018-03-02
Image Number: 168931
Caption: Whachoodoin', bruh? You been on youtube all day. I'm arguing with some Ukrainian lady who posted a video accusing me of smearing her country by pointing out its growing neo Nazi problem. She said Ukraine's like any other country: minorities and foreigners are safe as long as they stick to the city center. And stick to the sunny side of the street in the city center. And stick to the hotel. And avoid the lobby ... I always avoid lobbies. That's where they get you ... and avoid room service.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-07 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-07 Pub. Date: 2018-01-07
Image Number: 166341
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about net neutrality being killed. What a bunch of whiny, panicky snowflakery. You wrote "get ready to pay extra to stream your favorite shows and make internet calls." Yeah. Before net neutrality, AT&T throttled Skye and didn't stop until pressured by the FCC and consumers. You scared? You wrote "get ready to pay a fee to connect your smart home to the internet." That's right ... Without net neutrality, there are no rules to prevent your ISP from charging you whatever fees they want. Maybe you need a safe space where the big bad ISP can't get to your piggy bank. You know, you're kind of rude. Oh, you're going to get personal now? You've clearly lost the debate if you have to resort to personal attacks. What the -- you got personal. I was just ... (sigh) ... oh, forget it. Don't get upset. I just won the Gaslighting Association's Internet-Arguing World Championship. I'm just celebrating.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-01 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-01 Pub. Date: 2016-04-01
Image Number: 141137
Caption: You know what I like best about being a dad? When my little boy curls up in my lap and falls asleep. I hold him tight and know he feels warm and safe, and I feel like I can protect him from anything. Even from time. Because as long as he lives, he'll be able to close his eyes and remember this feeling and be two years old again ... hopefully without the wetting himself part. It's important to know when to stop talking.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-11 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-11 Pub. Date: 2015-12-11
Image Number: 136223
Caption: I love being inside when it's freezing outside. It makes me feel six years old again, Clyde. It's the same feeling I'd get when I built a fort out of couch cushions. What the -- ? Another stereotype bites the dust. You a grown man, dawg. A real man isn't afraid to be six years old. A real "real man" ain't afraid to put a six-year-old on timeout. Go sit in the corner.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-24 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-24 Pub. Date: 2015-04-24
Image Number: 125858
Caption: Remember how when we were kids, we'd be out playing for hours, by ourselves? Remember that construction site across the street? I used to hide behind mounds of dirt and pretend I was Luke Skywalker hiding from Sandpeople. I used to climb on the bulldozer and pretend it was an Imperial Walker. I still think you should let your little boy have a little more freedom. And let him get crushed by bulldozers? Are you insane?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-30 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-30 Pub. Date: 2013-08-30
Image Number: 100805
Caption: I've been stopped and frisked eight times. Three of those times, the cop held a gun to my head. One of those times I had to lie face-down in the dirt. Mayor Bloomberg said it's the price I have to pay to make Americans feel safe. Aren't you an American? Only when it's time to pay taxes.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-02 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-02 Pub. Date: 2012-05-02
Image Number: 47223
Caption: If you ask me, Arizona gets a bad rap from all the waters. Sir … Slang …? No. So now cops are supposed to check the immigration status of anyone who looks like he shouldn't be here. It's all good. Stop it. So maybe you have to show some papers … If you have nothing to hide, then you'll have nothing but epic win. !Dios mio! !Callate, viejo! You're swerving, Garcia. But I ain't hatin'. Knottamean? Weeoo weeoo. (Originally published in 2010)
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-30 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-30 Pub. Date: 2012-04-30
Image Number: 47221
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh wants you to WHAT? Take point on the big P.F. Chang's deal in Arizona tomorrow. Did you tell him you didn't want to go to Arizona, not until they repeal that law that might force cops to persecute Latinos? Thank you for the opportunity, Sir. I can't wait! ... I believe my principled stand was wasted on him. (Originally published in 2010)
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-15 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-15 Pub. Date: 2011-11-15
Image Number: 72983
Caption: BTW, where are you, Sasha? Tap tap tap tap tap t- In bed, typing on my iPhone. Webster's snoring. Your husband? But … … the last time we chatted, you said you were about to leave him. Tap tap tap t- I had second thoughts. Maybe it's not so bad. You said you'd packed a dufflebag with your green card, license, $3k in cash and the address of a safe house ... ... after her told you to stop talking to your friends and threatened to fire any of his male employees who so much as smiled at you. Maybe it was just his way of saying "I love you." It was his way of saying "I OWN YOU!" Tap tap t- tap ta- t-
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-09 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-09 Pub. Date: 2011-09-09
Image Number: 65249
Caption: Lemont, I was never going to tell you about this, but … I'm leaving Webster. What? Tap tap t - Facebook messages. From Sasha Mitchell. I have a duffle bag hidden in the closet. It has my license, my green card, the address of a safe house and $3,000 in cash that I've been saving for over a year. So it's not a mutual breakup, is what you're saying. Tap tap t -
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-30 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-30 Pub. Date: 2011-06-30
Image Number: 62674
Caption: Dr. Noodle, would you say Lemont Brown is insane, and therefore an unfit parent? You'll say Lemont is insane. Or I'll eat you. I'm Dr. Noodle. You're safe here. You can trust me. Lem … Lemont Brown is … … every bit as sane as I am.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-05 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-05 Pub. Date: 2011-05-05
Image Number: 60510
Caption: Does the petitioner have anything to add, before I hear from opposing counsel? No, your honor, I think we can safely say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." What's wrong? That phrase … It's … oh, never mind. I guess it's before your time. Carry on. I say to opposing counsel ... No! Don't say "br.. BRING IT ON!!!
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-20 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-20 Pub. Date: 2011-03-20
Image Number: 58582
Caption: I'm tired of people saying that Republicans are being heartless when they try to strip labor unions of the right to collectively bargain. States are facing huge budget deficits caused by their need to provide expensive vital services, coupled with billions of dollars of tax giveaways to corporations and low property taxes. Sure, labor unions seem to agree that their members have to take pay cuts and contribute more to their retirement and health-care plans, but ... they don't want to give up their right to demand safe working conditions and whatnot. Do you know how expensive it is to provide safe working conditions? Less expensive than treating cancer? A little asbestos never hurt anyone.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-25 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-25 Pub. Date: 2010-11-25
Image Number: 54482
Caption: Lemont, if neither of us is married by the time we're thirty, will you marry me? Sure. Really? Yeah. Girl-cooties have a half-life of about 30 years. Dios mio. Girls are safe to be around after about 30 years, just like uranium.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-07-16 safe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-07-16 Pub. Date: 2010-07-16
Image Number: 49541
Caption: One of our guests did turn in a set of keys earlier. But I should tell you … JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS. … So I turned her volume way up and changed every one of her radio presets to Spanish stations. WHAT?! HURRY UP!! Snap! Snap! … Drive safely. Don't tell me how to drive!
     
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