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Result page:    2  Next  (38 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-18 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-18 Pub. Date: 2019-10-18
Image Number: 179918
Caption: What do you mean We should never try to contact aliens? You used to be all for that sort of thing. Yeah, but … you know that UFO the Pentagon admitted was spotted by the USS Nimitz? The one that darted off at unimaginable speeds and angles when our jets tried to intercept it? Joe Rogan interviewed the pilot. One of the viewers in the comments wrote This is exactly how a cat would describe the red dot. You can't let some random internet guy's post change your whole worldview, Lemont. Mister Fusion seems very wise.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-23 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-23 Pub. Date: 2019-06-23
Image Number: 178215
Caption: One pair of Levis, please. Which cut? Extra-slim cut. Ripped or not ripped? What? Smooth or corrugated? Uniform or multicolored? Studded or non-studded? Built-in-Millennial-charger-pocket or Boomer regular? MAGA red or Dem lining. Just plain old regular jeans. That'll be $250. What?! Special order. We don't make 'em anymore.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-28 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-28 Pub. Date: 2019-02-28
Image Number: 176500
Caption: Is your boy still worried red meat will kill you? No. Apparently I changed the subject. He asked me Daddy, what is red meat? So I said Usually it's a cow. He said A cowy? Why do you want to eat a cowy? A cowy doesn't want you to eat her! So instead of worrying that meat will kill me, now he's worrying that I'm going to eat all the animals. This is why I only eat with grownups. He tore up our zoo pass.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-27 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-27 Pub. Date: 2019-02-27
Image Number: 176499
Caption: We had burglars last night. Little Lionel asked Why do you eat red meat all the time, daddy? I replied. I don't eat it all the time, son. And he said Oh … Why not? I replied Because that'd be bad for me. Why? he asked. So I said Too much causes high cholesterol and increases my risk of heart disease, diabetes, and maybe even cancer. Dios mio, Lemont. Once he stopped sobbing, he tried to dig the burger out of my mouth.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-26 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-26 Pub. Date: 2019-02-26
Image Number: 176498
Caption: My baby boy asked me what I was eating. So I told him short ribs. He asked What are short ribs? So I said red meat. He asked Why is it red meat when it's brown? So I said Because when you cook red meat, it undergoes a chemical reaction that browns it. It's called the Maillard Reaction. So he said Why does a duck help you cook your meat? My theory is that children are just messing with us. So I said Maillard not Mallard.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-10 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-10 Pub. Date: 2019-01-10
Image Number: 175739
Caption: Once the sun swallows the inner solar system, we'll probably have to live on one of Saturn's moons like Titan. Imagine gazing at a golden sunset over a red ocean, beneath the blue rings of Saturn. We've got 7.6 billion years. That should be plenty of time for us to learn how to breathe methane ... but you know how people like to procrastinate. I still disagree that we're doomed.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-23 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-23 Pub. Date: 2018-11-23
Image Number: 175067
Caption: What's wrong with you? We are not the paragon of animals, Rosencrantz. If we were, we could create colors not seen anywhere else in nature. Rather than hues of blue, red and green, we could have hues of Morp, Pilpatorn and Fwang. All I'm saying is, a truly superior species would have Morp-colored underpants. I don't think unnatural colors on my underpants would be comforting.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-23 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-23 Pub. Date: 2018-05-23
Image Number: 171760
Caption: You want to sleep, son. You know why? Because your dreams are waiting for you. As soon as you sleep, you'll be running through a big, wide field of grass, playing tag with Kermit the Frog. Then you'll be soaring up in the clouds with the birdies and with a flying unicorn. Then you'll be driving a big red fire truck on the rings of Saturn. You dreams are the only place you can do these things without the authorities taking you away. Zzzz ...
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-14 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-14 Pub. Date: 2017-12-14
Image Number: 166004
Caption: Tyrone, I think the key to being happy is to consider oneself part of a play written by another. Oh, I do. I once glanced offstage, Rosencrantz. There, in the shadows cast by the red velvet curtains, lurked a little weasel of a man, frantically muttering and scribbling upon a tattered notepad. He was the writer, Rosencrantz. And he was making it all up as he went along. As I said, the key to being happy is to never glance offstage. I looked again years later, and he was asleep. Spare change?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-08 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162900
Caption: Big L, you seen a doctor yet 'bout that heart attack you had? I didn't have a "heart attack," Clyde. All I had was pain in my arm, between my shoulder blades, in my chest, jaw and upper abdomen. Plus I was dizzy, fatigues and had heartburn. That could've been anything. And anyway, I took care of it myself. I started biking, gave up red meat, etc ... just in case. Anyway, I don't have health insurance. I earn too much for Medicaid and too little pay the Obamacare premiums. I got a solution for you, bruh ... Ok ... As long as it doesn't involve identity theft, Fake IDs and possible jail time. Hm ... well, then I got a different solution for you ... As long as it doesn't involve sneaking into another country. Well ... then I got a different solution ...
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-20 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-20 Pub. Date: 2017-05-20
Image Number: 158081
Caption: Ain't nobody know what they be doin', Big L. What do you mean? Media be talkin' 'bout Russia Russia Russia all day long. But they ain't marketing it right. How come Netflix don't have "Red Dawn" an' "Twins" an' all them other Cold War movies up on they front page right now? None of this is entertainment!!! Whachoo mean? Danny DeVito an' Arnold Schwarzenegger bein' twins is pure entertainment.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-25 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-25 Pub. Date: 2017-01-25
Image Number: 153703
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested "pull her hair" ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-04 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-04 Pub. Date: 2016-12-04
Image Number: 151096
Caption: The other day, somebody in a red Trump hat actually to me to "Go back where you came from, n*****." I'm not surprised. That's been happening a lot. Trump's election encouraged white supremacists everywhere to come out of the shadows. They think it's their day again. Well this ain't Selma, an' I ain't Martin Luther the King. That fool found that out right quick, bruh. This ain't 1965. This here 2016. Fools better know "n*****s" be armed now. Oh god, Clyde! What did you do?! What did you do?! You had a gun?! No, I had an iPhone. I recorded the whole thing. Put it on Youtube. In just two hours, that fool got fired. Oh. Maybe we should all be packing iPhones for the next four years.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-09 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-09 Pub. Date: 2016-10-09
Image Number: 148825
Caption: Hello, you've reached Candorville county. This is Ryan 2.0. How may I hinder you? My son was mistakenly enrolled in Medicaid. I need him off that. Please listen carefully as our options may have changed. To discuss Medicaid eligibility, say "two." To report fraud, say "three." To report child or elder abuse, say "four." Two. To obtain a business license, say "five." "Two." To dispute a county tax lien or inquire about your property tax bill, say "six." "Two." To make a child support payment, say "seven." To send an inmate a care package, say "eight." "Two." I said TWO! TWO! TWO! TWO! Just put an actual person on the phone! That option is invalid. To purchase coroner gift shop merchandise, say "nine."
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-07 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-07 Pub. Date: 2016-10-07
Image Number: 149310
Caption: What's wrong with you? We are not the paragon of animals, Rosencrantz. If we were, we could create colors not seen anywhere else in nature. Rather than hues of blue, red and green, we could have hues of morp, pilpatorn and fwang. All I'm saying is, a truly superior species would have morp-colored underpants. I don't think unnatural colors on my underpants would be comforting.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-26 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-26 Pub. Date: 2016-06-26
Image Number: 144284
Caption: You want to know why I'm voting for Trump? Because I like the idea of him making America great again. Oh, me too. That way we could all build bomb shelters in our backyards. Women could wear corsets, and men could wear suits and fedoras all the time, even while jogging. BLM activist love of red velvet cake. Daily Nutjob. Hillary failed to stop Pearl Harbor. Goodnight Grandpa. Men could smoke and drink in the office like real men, and women could go back to doing whatever we say. Black war vets could be denied a lot of the benefits of the G.I. Bill and I wouldn't have to sit in the front of the bus anymore. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Hillary rep'd NY on 9/11. Coincidence? Exoneration Nation. I once read that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. I like the back of the bus. That way I could keep an eye our for all the Communists. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why? Hillary failed to stop destruction of Alderaan.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-31 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-31 Pub. Date: 2016-03-31
Image Number: 141136
Caption: You WANT to sleep, son. You know why? Because your dreams are waiting for you. As soon as you sleep, you'll be running through a big, wide field of grass, playing tag with Kermit the Frog. Then you'll be soaring up in the clouds with the birdies and with a flying unicorn. Then you'll be driving a big red fire truck on the rings of Saturn. Your dreams are the only place you can do these things without the authorities taking you away ... Zzzz ...
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-27 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-27 Pub. Date: 2015-09-27
Image Number: 132520
Caption: When someone says "Black Lives Matter," I respond by saying "All Lives Matter." Because I don't see color. But if you "don't see color," you can't see that young black men are far more likely to be shot unnecessarily by police than men of any other color. And you can't solve a problem if you can't even see it exists. It felt food to stand up for equality. So I didn't stop there. What do you mean? OWS protester love of red velvet cake. Daily Nut Job. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Goodnight Grandpa. I came across a "breast cancer survivor" meeting at the rec center. I poked my head in and shouted "All Cancer is Bad." By the looks on their faces, I could tell some of them realized they'd been totally horrible for acting like their cancer was so much more important than other cancers. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Exoneration. I came across a funeral this morning, and after the eulogy I reminded the family that all people die, and that it's wrong of them to act like this one was more special than the rest of us. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-13 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-13 Pub. Date: 2015-06-13
Image Number: 128072
Caption: You know why I'm optimistic about the future, Susan? The movies. When I was a kid, everyone thought "Mad Max" and "Red Dawn" were possible futures. That's because all were certain that, sooner or later, we and the Russians would nuke each other, and only mutants, robots and guys wearing leather would survive. We don't see post-apocalyptic movies as documentaries anymore. You don't think that's just 'cause we're grown? Pessimist.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-15 red 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-15 Pub. Date: 2015-03-15
Image Number: 123843
Caption: Giuliani was right. Obama doesn't love America. When you love something, you love it warts and moles and all. You have a mole. In fact, when you love something, you don't even point out its warts and moles. I noticed it years ago, but I don't remember it being that big. Pointing out warts and moles only hurts your loved one's feelings. Dude ... You might wanna get that thing checked. Daily Nutjob. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." You hate me, just like Obama hates America. Do you even OWN a mirror? Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
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