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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

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181. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2007-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2007-01-01 Pub. Date: 2007-01-01
Image Number: 92348
Caption: Slowpoke. The Puppy Principle. People seem more outraged by NFL star Michael Vick's cruelty to dogs than by cruelty to other humans. Zzzz. Torture … Waterboarding … Beaten to death … … Drowned and electrocuted losing pit bulls … KILL THE BASTARD! Clearly canines are the key to unlocking Americans' compassion. Paul Kromkowski can barely afford to fee his dog Bowser on his minimum wage salary. Some weeks, Bowser survives on the big exoskeletons he finds in the windowsills. Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! THAT POOR DOG! Pay that man a living wage! It's been another grim day here in Darfur. Thirty-two puppies from the UN's "Dogs for the Decimated" program, donated to cheer up refugees, have been brutally slaughtered by militias. For God's sake, why aren't we doing anything to stop this?! The possibilities are limitless! New studies show that small amounts of marijuana can ease a dog's pain from arthritis and other ailments. Mopsy here is enjoying some space biscuits. Pot for Pups. I can't stand to see them suffer!
     
182. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86612
Caption: Slowpoke. Wal*Mart wants to open an "Industrial Loan Corporation," which many think will lead to the opening of bank branches. Soon you may walk into a Wal*Bank. The Greeter. Welcome to Wal*Bank! Open a checking account and get a free ceramic lawn toad! The teller windows double as fast food stands - Accumulate fatty deposits while you make deposits! Honey mustard or barbecue sauce? Kongealed Fried Cholesterol and teller No. 8. Sleeps in her Hyundai. Anti-Union Spycam. The loan officer is himself $89,000 in debt. Plastic yard chair. Wal*Mart Global Domination Pie Chart. Wal*Mart. Not Wal*Mart. We can do it! The business model. Wal*Bank. Walton Family (The real Wal*Bank) Right-Wing Anti-Worker Politicians. Policies that hurt the poor. Tax cuts for hotel heiresses. More poor people! Poor people's money.
     
183. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86615
Caption: Slowpoke. After years of lobbying by the food industry, the House recently passed the National Uniformity For Food Act which negates states' food safety laws in favor of weaker federal regulation. (Crossed out) WARNINGL This food contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer. What other new food safety laws lie ahead? Nutrition Label Reform - relaxes burdensome accuracy requirements. I can't believe these only contain one gram of fat. Tallow Twists. Rockin' Jalapeno Flavor. Heart Healthy. The Pretty Produce Act - Airbrushed fruit legalized. In the age of Photoshop, people demand perfection! Why not give it to them? Nature's Bosom Bananas. PSSSHT! Eventually, labeling is no longer an issue, as the food industry convinces people toxins are good for them. New Merculoids! Mountains of Mmm - mmm - Methylmercury in every bite! Mommy! I want Merculoids! I want Merculoids! Yes, dear.
     
184. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2005-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2005-01-01 Pub. Date: 2005-01-01
Image Number: 92672
Caption: Slowpoke. How to get Americans to care about GENOCIDE. The situation in Darfur hasn't exactly been foremost in many people's minds. Sudan … That's one of those SUV-SEDAN COMBOS, isn't it? I want one of those. New chocolate SPLORTS. Puffed Nodes. Here are some attention-getting ideas ... Since mutilated people aren't causing much hoopla, perhaps we need a Sudanese Elian. Dammit! These kids have too many scars and missing limbs. I need cute! Bring me the next batch! TV auditions. Er, I believe they've been slaughtered, sir. Or ... THE NOT-SO-SIMPLE-LIFE- New reality show featuring Paris Hilton being chased by the Januaweed Militia. That machete is so 2002. Or: Darfur: The Movie - Starring Russell Crowe as an aid worker. Unfortunately comes out in 2009, after a million people are dead. Whoa ... Did this actually happen?
     
185. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92657
Caption: Slowpoke. "Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own government." -Thomas Jefferson. A new political ad appears on TV. John Kerry once had sex with a funnel cake. I know, because I was there. Funnel Cake Lovers for Truth. Despite evidence proving it false, the media run with it. I think the issue is not so much whether Kerry engaged in coitus with a cake, but whether dessert intercourse affects one's ability to be President. Id say it does, Bob. Crox News. Cheney: "All your babies will die" if Kerry is elected. At the Republican convention, small funnel cakes are decorated with icing bikinis are passed out as a joke. Better keep this away from John Kerry! Haw! Haw! In the end, millions of swing voters are swayed. I may be unemployed, and Bush ain't doin' much about it, bit I'll be damned if I vote for some donut-porker! Cake porker, dear.
     
186. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92665
Caption: Slowpoke. This is Drooly Julie live at the Republican National Convention in New York, where I'm dispensing condoms and the latest news! Here are today's highlight. Screw abstinence - Take one! "The keynote speaker tonight was Moe Manley, African-American Iraq war veteran, Olympic gold medalist, and flag factory founder. What can I say? I'm just your typical Republican. "Meanwhile, hundreds of TV cameras sought out the black in the crowd, including '70s funk icon Celestial Steve." Huh? Don't look at ME! I'm doin' funky election coverage for VH1, dig? "Earlier today I spoke with Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson." So ... You're here for the hot Republican sex? We're here to support the President because he's like, the President. Yeah. BIMBOS FOR BUSH. "I also spoke with a campaign chair about the choice of New York City." People say you're exploiting 9-11 victims for political gain. Pishtosh! We appreciate their contribution! That's why we're awarding them Bush-Cheney "Pioneer" belt buckles posthumously! Protesters' voices have been muted, however, since being relegated to a small cave in Canada's Nunavut Territory. LIVE Kugluktuk, Canada. B-B-Bush lies!
     
187. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92666
Caption: Slowpoke. Inspired by the patenting of the human genome, other companies follow suit. Ladies and gentlemen of the board, I'm pleased to announce that we've successfully won the rights to SNOW! GLOBOPLUNDIMAXX Industries. Snow TM. Pat. No. 54738419163. Or, as it will also be known, the Globoplundimaxx Flake! "Yes, with our climate manipulation technology we now OWN the white Christmas! If people want a magical holiday, they'll have to go through us!" (Sigh) I wish our mommy and daddy could afford snow. Wheee! This is the best Christmas EVER! "We'll sublicense to other nations who can form a cartel to keep prices high!" Oh behalf of all ze ski resorts in ze Alps, please bring ze cost down! Your pleading annoys me. I raise the price to $60 per kilogram! Finland. Sweden. Canada. Russia. Yes, free from the shackles of the public sphere, snow TM can finally bear fruit in the market, benefitting everyone! But our value creation doesn't' end there - we've got a patent pending on the third dimension! Just think of the royalties! Depth TM. Pat. No. 81276341742. GLOBOPLUNDIMAXX Industries.
     
188. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92667
Caption: Slowpoke. It's Spongy the encephalopathic politicow. With the aid of her press secretary, Spongy launches the first-ever bovine bid for President. MOOOOOO … Spongy says: "Pay no mind to my hideous, brainwasting disease. We must end all regulation of industry!" Downed Cows for a Better U.S. We (heart) Spongiform. Much of the electorate is unfazed by Spongy's non-human status. She might not be the brightest, but she surrounds herself with smart people! She seems like an honest everycow, and that's what matters. I like beef, so I like Spongy. Spongy shoots up dramatically in the polls with a surprise visit to troops in Iraq. Army. Hooray! Yay, Spongy! Coming soon: The debates! This country needs health care reform now! Moooo ... Mooo .. Moooo ... Spongy's opponent may be articulate, but he's too angry and impassioned. I'll take gentle mooing any day. I agree. Spongy wins, hands down!
     
189. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92668
Caption: Slowpoke. Anthropology of a Trend. It all began when the lead singer of the band Cyclopian Hippo appeared onstage with a sock hanging mysteriously from his pocket. Within days, hipsters around the city were sporting the new look. We are surrounded by sockless people. Cattle. Clothing manufacturers quickly seized the opportunity. This week we roll out the brand new Levis Sockpocket TM - the jeans that come with a sock pre-attached! The nation's malls filled with pre-attached sock-wearing pubescents. Omigod, that guy's sock is in his left picket! That means he's gay! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Food Court. The style eventually saturated the mainstream, where it was taken to grotesque lengths. Now on sale at All*Mart. NFL TM. Cargo Sockpants. A sock for every team! Hipsters, recoiling in horror, detach their socks and begin wearing sausage link necklaces. Look at all these sock-dangling dorks. Weenies.
     
190. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2002-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2002-01-01 Pub. Date: 2002-01-01
Image Number: 92651
Caption: Slowpoke. Our government is run by people who hate government. What if other professions operated this oxymoronically? All day long these whining, sniveling weaklings come to me asking for help. People don’t need doctors - they should get well on their own! It's time to end "big medicine!" I hate business, so I'm plunging the company into bankruptcy as quickly as possible. "Starve the beast," as they say. CORPOBIZCO, Inc. We at Cloyota TM build out cars with just one wheel because we feel we shouldn't play too large a role in our customers' mobility. Committing a crime, I see. Lucky for you, I don't believe in law enforcement. In fact, I'm a safe-cracker myself. Carry on!
     
191. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2002-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2002-01-01 Pub. Date: 2002-01-01
Image Number: 92653
Caption: Slowpoke. The Sleep Connoisseur. Ah, yes. In my lifetime, I've known many an exquisite spell of slumber. There was that moonlit night in Zanzibar in 1962 … That power nap in Brussels in 1987 … … Those chicken cordon bleu-induced lucid dreams in the south of France, 1991 ... Just as hunters collect animal heads from their safaris, MY trophies are these self-portraits taken in various beds around the globe. This one from Peking, 1978. A satisfying respite, punctuated by soft snores. Sure, I make great sleep look easy. But I've spent years perfecting it through diligent study of the KAMA SNOOZA. The ancient Hindu guide to hundreds of sleep positions. I've also been to many a slumber party. You can learn a lot from sleeping with other people. The KAMA SNOOZA. The Classic Eastern Sleep Texts. My hard work paid off last year, when I took first prize at the International Shuteye Awards for "Most Inspired Repose." My prize was this high-tech drool-absorbing pillow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get some rest. Drool Master.
     
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