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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

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161. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-04-13 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-04-13 Pub. Date: 2009-04-13
Image Number: 91011
Caption: Slowpoke. Small Business Meets The Virtual Vortex. In the beginning, you did your work, and it was good. 4-course meals on a stick. A dozen by noon? You got it. Then you needed a website. Ta-da! 4-course-meals-on-a-stick.com. But that wasn't enough. You needed a blog. This week I'm offering two meals on a stick for the price of one! PUBLISH! Blogger. Next, you needed to join social networking sites to point people to your blog. New blog post about my big sale! http://tinyurl.com/ctd9dq. Then - how to find new friends to follow your social networking feeds? Join UBERFRIENDER, of course! Add uberfriend? Yes. No. With web 2.0 getting so crowded, a new site allows you to post "PLORKS" linking only to your most important updates. Don't miss my tweet from 11:27 today! Plorker. Eventually ... Wait a minute ... I forget what I do for a living!! Meanwhile, in a spacecraft hovering above Earth: HA HA! The humans will soon cease all productive activity and then we can invade!
     
162. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-02-16 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-02-16 Pub. Date: 2009-02-16
Image Number: 91005
Caption: Slowpoke. Seen At The Inauguration. My day began on a Democratic note, as our Metro train stopped short of the station and the conductor came through braking orders. Everybody out through the front of the car! It turned out a woman had fallen on the track. luckily, she wasn't badly hurt. We quickly found ourselves in the midst of a massive procession snaking it's way through the car-free (!) streets of DC. Me. The Inauguration Store. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. The scene on the mall - and throughout the city - was positively utopian, with nary a churlish wingnut to be found. Yet there were a few minor annoyances ... Brought screaming baby so they could say it was there. Video-recording the jumbotron. The same tall guy who stands in front of every public spectacle I ever witness. Walking around that night, I saw so many people going to balls that I felt a but underdressed. Hat with dog-chewed hole sewn shut. Looking like a million bucks! 3 layers of REI outdoor wear under dilapidated fleece jacket. And so ended my day of shuffling off the Bush Administration's rancid corpse.
     
163. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-02-02 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-02-02 Pub. Date: 2009-02-02
Image Number: 91003
Caption: Slowpoke. Futures Market. Dot-ass Domain suffix is unveiled: 64 to 1. .ass. We'll be auctioning off the "big" and "jack" domains later tonight. Clap! Clap! Clap! Decade-long '80s revival reaches logical endpoint with high-top fade comeback: 4 to 1. Eyeglass frame temples exceed three inches: 2 to 1. People start insisting on being buried with all their electronic gadgets: 1.5 to one. BLEEP BLEEP! R.I.P. Buzzz buzzz. "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" ringtone. Obama beams down to inauguration from Parliament-funkadelic mothership: 291 to 1. Now that's a funky President!
     
164. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86638
Caption: Slowpoke. Astroturf groups are going wild with HEALTH SCARES. Obama will stop hospitals from issuing birth certificates so terrorists' demon spawn can become President in 2045. Lou Dobbs fans for truth. Under Obamacare, Obama himself will be your primary physician! With 300 million patients, IMAGINE THE WAIT! Campaign to frighten people with a politician's name plus the suffix "-care." They're gonna start KILLING EVERYONE OVER 30! Just like in that movie, "Logan's Run"! Institute for sci-fi-based policy. Inspired by the Logan's Run campaign, another takes hold. TOFU IS PEOPLE! People from countries with SOCIALIZED MEDICINE!! Citizen against being eaten (paid for by America's insurance and pharmaceutical companies.).
     
165. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86639
Caption: Slowpoke. Did you know 3/4 of people who go bankrupt from medical bills had health insurance? Don’t let your plan stiff you … … Get HEALTH INSURANCE INSURANCE! Attractive salesladies are standing by! Blue Cross Blue Shield! tm. How can I help you? Actual customer testimonial: I used to get panic attacks worrying about losing my coverage. Now that my insurance is insured, I can relax! Actually, we exclude panic attacks. You do? ... But we can offer you HEALTH INSURANCE INSURANCE INSURANCE! Attractive salesladies are standing by! Press 1 for health insurance insurance, 2 for health insurance insurance insurance, 3 for health insurance insurance insurance insurance, 4 for ...
     
166. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2009-01-01 Pub. Date: 2009-01-01
Image Number: 86640
Caption: Slowpoke. Name that Plan! THE PUBLIC OPTION - It sounds like a restroom. Confidential to the Obama administration: That's a tough sell. Why not the PATRIOT PLAN? (Duh!) My fellow Americans, right now the FRENCH are healthier than we are, at a lower cost per person. Are we really going to let PIERRE beat us? Hell NO! Patriot Plan. Or the PC-vs-MAC approach? I'm a private insurance company. I'm a young, hip, citizen owned alternative! Or when all else fails, go macho with TOUGHCARE. A strong America needs healthy people! No more of this half-assed WUSS coverage! TOUGHCARE - the plan with BAWLS!
     
167. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-12-29 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-12-29 Pub. Date: 2008-12-29
Image Number: 91002
Caption: Slowpoke. Digital dipwads are everywhere these days. Here we examine some in … The Slowpoke Guide to E-holes. Alpha Dog Emailer - Asserts superiority through sloppy, typo-ridden messages. Shirley, I want the4 bastrd whuio biroght fru8ttcake to xmas praty fired asap. My time is too important for grammar. Player of "Facebook Chicken." I ALWAYS wait for the "people you may know" to friend me first. Status Message Apple Polisher. Pat Doogan can't wait to get to work today! 7:24am. Pat Doogan is doing everything he can to help his clients! 10:09am. Turnpike Texter. BEEEP! HONK! Honk honk. Jeez, can't you people see I'm typing on my Blackberry? Weaving drunkenly at 27 MPH.
     
168. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-10-20 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-10-20 Pub. Date: 2008-10-20
Image Number: 91257
Caption: Slowpoke. Great Moments In Equality. The glass ceiling cracked some more this week as Sarah Palin showed female politicians can be WORLD-CLASS lying scumbags. For so long, the people have asked "Where are the great female liars in politics?" Well, Sarah Palin had proven those sexists wrong! Pamela Tutwillow. Historian of Presidential Prevarication. "This strong, proud, defiant woman is clearly not afraid to stand up and tell the untruth!" I said "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere! Our enemies in Iraq planned and carried out and rejoiced in the death of thousands of Americans. Even Bush admitted there was no link between Iraq and 9/11. You go girl! Next week: Will women ever close the shooting spree gap? We'll talk to one young lady who's GUNNING FOR GLORY! Keep the faith, sisters!
     
169. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-09-29 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-09-29 Pub. Date: 2008-09-29
Image Number: 91254
Caption: Slowpoke. Slowpoke At The DNC. Part 1. Overheard in the super shuttle van. People are really interested in this election I think the more interested in politics people are, the more sophisticated the coverage will be. Me. HA! Young delegates from Mississippi at the light rail stop. We CAN turn Mississippi blue. We're registering lots of new voters. Impressively enthusiastic. What's inside the media Swag Bag? Tiny disaster preparedness radio with earbuds. Bisphenol A-free water bottle. Denver 2008. Card embedded wildflower seeds from the auto alliance (industry trade group). I kid you not. Plant this card. Randy Newman at DNC's Friends of New Orleans Party. Louis-i-ana ...
     
170. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-09-22 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-09-22 Pub. Date: 2008-09-22
Image Number: 91253
Caption: Slowpoke. Obligatory Olympic Comix Presents New Sports For The Beijing Games. "One World, One Nightmare. Tibetan Monk Tossing. The People's Ping Pong - Played in a top secret compound, the government never reveals who wins. CENSORED. Race To The Bottom. Run 10k, bike 40 k and assemble motherboards for 24 hours without a bathroom break. Dissident Archery. Democracy Please. Will be used later in 100m Executed Prisoner Hurdles. Wastewater Kayaking. Last boat to dissolve wins! Heavyweight Hacking. Biggest, blackest loogie wins! HACK! 9.0. 8.5. 9.5. Synchronized Genocide - Athletes gracefully slaughter Darfur civilians with Chinese-supplied arms. Pow! Pow! Tank Stopping. 42.
     
171. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-25 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-25 Pub. Date: 2008-08-25
Image Number: 91250
Caption: Slowpoke. Movin' On Up! My friends, social security is a disgrace. Always has been. It's time for people to take responsibility for themselves …. With my MOVIN' ON UP plan! It's simple: just do like I did - pull on your bootstraps and marry into a FAMILY FORTUNE! Right, Cindy? Yes, dear. "I'll provide a massive tax break for any wealthy American who marries someone with less money. It's a win-win!" "The new Office of Social Climbing will assist in training the unwashed masses in the ways of high society." Whut the - this menu has whores on it! Hors d'oeuvres, sir. They're appetizers. "A new website will guide people to available cash cows." Golddigger.gov. Amanda Smedley. Smedley's Snow Peas Heiress. Likes: Snow peas. "I hear the Coors family has some lovely nubile young ladies right now!" Now, who says I don't understand economics? Why hasn't everyone already done this? Drink Bud!
     
172. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-18 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-18 Pub. Date: 2008-08-18
Image Number: 91249
Caption: Slowpoke. NOISE WAR. It started with the cell phone dipwads. YEA, I'M HAVING MY INVERTED NIPPLE EXTRUDED TODAY! Noise-cancelling headphones ensued. Blah blah blah blah. HA! But in this age of advanced ringtones, 4-wheelers, and fat tailpipes, it's only a matter of time before we see ... Mini personal leaf blowers to clear crumbs off of public seats! A Plexiglas bubble must be added to the anti-noise ensemble. Parents can no linger hear their wee ones above the din, so they use BABY AMPLIFIERS. I think she's crying WAAA. People resort to full-body suits made of sound-dampening eggshell foam, on top of everything else. Ah, peace and quiet! I can't move.
     
173. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-08-11 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-08-11 Pub. Date: 2008-08-11
Image Number: 91248
Caption: Slowpoke. For a self-proclaimed literalist, Judge Scalia seems to see an awful lot of things in the 2nd amendment. "A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." Obviously this does not allow firearms for felons or the mentally ill, or in schools, or government buildings, or concealed or "dangerous and unusual" weapons ... But handguns are a right! DUH! Where does all this special insight come from? Our experts have concluded that Scalia belongs to the RUMPIST school of legal thought. Majority Opinion. His rulings come LITERALLY out of his ass. As you can see, a handgun fits neatly within the confines of Scalia's posterior. Censored. If it's in there, it's in the CONSTUTITION! Yes, we can thank Scalia for protecting us from that scourge of the courts - THE ACTIVIST JUDGE! Excise me everyone, I need to make a "narrow interpretation." Men's Room. Ah, just as the framers intended!
     
174. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-07-14 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-07-14 Pub. Date: 2008-07-14
Image Number: 91244
Caption: The Obama camp ponders potential running mates. We need to reach out to Hillary's supporters. Yes, we need a woman One with a strong personality. Well, there is one outspoken female who would represent big change. Say no more, I'm sold! A press conference is called. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the next Vice President of the United States ... Drooly Julie! HOT DIGGITY DAWG! I'm gonna get it on in th' White House! I mean, it would be an honor to serve the people. Drooly hits the campaign trail. My fellow Americans, as your Vice President, I will fight for hare laborers, raise many a flag, engage in hands-on diplomacy, and coax forth great GUSHERS of hope! HURRAH! Let Drool Rule. Clap! Clap! But the oppo research quickly kicks in. Senator Obama, were you aware that your running mate was once caught in a flagrante delicto with five airline pilots on a baggage carousel? Or that she directed a film called "The Bulges of Madison County"? Not again! To be continued? ...
     
175. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-06-02 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-06-02 Pub. Date: 2008-06-02
Image Number: 91239
Caption: Slowpoke. More Kneejerkin'. It's time for another round of "Kneejerkin'," the game in which I try to get ordinary people to oppose their own beliefs! It's easy - just watch! Quick - Who's more of a "real American"; someone from Indiana or Maryland? What a silly question. What about someone from "the heartland" or a "costal elite"? The heartland of course! Score! Hello there, sir! How should we respond to the housing crisis? Do we need consumer protections? Why, absolutely! How about reams of regulation? Uh! Regulation bad! Make brain hurt! Score again! Excuse me - Do you think the country needs to head in a completely different direction? Yes indeedy. Are you voting for McCain? Yep! I just like him! Bingo! Three for three! Next week: Wedge Issue Wedgies!
     
176. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-05-26 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-05-26 Pub. Date: 2008-05-26
Image Number: 91238
Caption: Slowpoke. Welcome to That Drooly Show! With me tonight is Herb Swineshaft, inventor of the popular new novelty item, the Hillary Nutcracker.* It crushes walnuts between her stainless steel legs! Krk! Hee hee hee! *For real. So, I assume you're also selling a John McCain Nipple Clamp, since women's rights would be pinched hard by his Supreme Court nominees? Screw tightens jaw. Censored. Uh, no. Hadn't thought of that. Or if you're really into selling bigoted election merch, what about an Obama "Gangsta" sawed-off shotgun? The Oblamma! I think some people might find that offensive. As opposed to Hillary cracking metaphorical gonads with her thighs? Right. Well, thanks for joining us, Herb. Before we go, tell us- what can we expect from you next? A hilarious line of suffragette urinal cakes! Thank you, Mr. Swineshaft!
     
177. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-05-19 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-05-19 Pub. Date: 2008-05-19
Image Number: 91237
Caption: Slowpoke. Hillary Clinton has to act hawkish so people don’t see her as a "weak female." "To live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."* *Napoleon Bonaparte. Barack Obama has to act soothing and conciliatory so people don’t think he's an "angry black man." Please allow me to place these healing stones on the nation's vertebrae. As a white guy, John McCain also has to deal with stereotypes. Senator McCain, how do you respond to the allegations that you would be a "protective father figure" to the nation? Or a "tough cookie"? But he's doing his best to dispel some of them. Jeez, what do I have to do to get people to stop thinking I'm a "rationale male"? End times are good times! Hagee. I just can't get past these preconceptions! 100 year surge! 2019. 2051. 2071. 2104. Iraq.
     
178. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 92336
Caption: Slowpoke. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades. In the '50s, people imagined that technology would lead to a three-hour workday. Thanks to the new, super-powerful mainframes, there's more time for calypso music and highballs. The butbot. Instead, it has brought us the round-the-clock workday! Yet while productivity has soared ... ... And the balloon man tasered the evil princess ... Text text text! Where the hell is that data on the Fothergill account? Wages have been stagnant. I need that report asap! Bling! That's funny. I'm making the same amount I did when I had a life. Salt 'n' Noodles. Workers of America, if new technology means doing more for less, then it's time to embrace old technology! Blow up that Blackberry! Boom! Smash that cellphone! Crunch! Roll out that Commodore 64! "Or better yet ... An abacus!" Thompson, your a week behind on those numbers. What in God's name are you doing?! Counting beads, sir. Hey, you get what you pay for!
     
179. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 92344
Caption: Slowpoke. Chris Matthews. NAD DEFENDER. Here's how political commentator Chris Matthews described Hillary Clinton's endorsers: Aren't you appalled at the willingness of these people to become CASTRATOS in the EUNUCH CHORUS? Matthews as clearly referring to a recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Our models indicate that, it a WOMAN became President, all the nation's nads would spontaneously detach from their owners! A. B. Some say that the 150 million sets of cojones would be cryogenically frozen by Wiccans and held hostage to Hillary's agenda. I will release 10,000 family jewels for each of my health care proposals that is enacted! Now THAT'S political capital! Those eager to redeem their manhood could earn bollock redemption points by singing in a EUNUCH CHOIR. Our bits were taken by Hil-lary and now we sound like Ged-dy Lee! Hit those high notes, Chris! HRUMPH! Seems plausible to me!
     
180. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2007-01-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2007-01-01 Pub. Date: 2007-01-01
Image Number: 86609
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope. Today's Topic: Pixilated Presents. In the online game "Second Life" and on the social networking site Facebook, people are paying REAL MONEY for virtual things. Give a virtual donut to a friend: $1! More than a real donut. Facebook. In Silicon Valley, web developer Sy Bertwitt suddenly becomes aware of a problem. Millions of Africans lack even the most basic virtual goods! We must help them! Sniddle.com. Sniddle.com. A non-profit is launched. JPEGS WITHOUT BORDERS. IMAGES SANS FRONTIERES. Our goal is to deliver over 500 terabytes of virtual donuts, plush toys, and rubber duckies to impoverished nations! Won't you donate now? Somewhere in Somalia ... Greetings refugees! Please enjoy this picture of a donut. Compliments of the United States! This sucks! JPEGS WITHOUT BORDERS.
     
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