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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about mouths and mouthing.

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Result page:    2  Next  (31 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-08 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-08 Pub. Date: 2019-09-08
Image Number: 179293
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadieshow@gmail.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My best friend chews, loudly, with his mouth open. It embarrasses me every time we eat out. I'm afraid if I point it out, it'll ruin our friendship. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can get the point across without hurting his feelings? - Andrea in Anaheim. Excellent question. Here's what you do ... Next time you eat lunch with your friend, bring a newspaper. Every time he chews with his mouth open, roll up the newspaper and swat him on the nose with it. Then say It works for my poodle. If he laughs instead of pressing charges, you'll know you've got a real friend. *MGMT accepts no responsibility for the possibly horrendous consequences of Sadie Cohen's advice. Use at your own risk.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-27 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-27 Pub. Date: 2019-02-27
Image Number: 176499
Caption: We had burglars last night. Little Lionel asked Why do you eat red meat all the time, daddy? I replied. I don't eat it all the time, son. And he said Oh … Why not? I replied Because that'd be bad for me. Why? he asked. So I said Too much causes high cholesterol and increases my risk of heart disease, diabetes, and maybe even cancer. Dios mio, Lemont. Once he stopped sobbing, he tried to dig the burger out of my mouth.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-29 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-29 Pub. Date: 2018-12-29
Image Number: 175589
Caption: Well, another year is coming to a close. I'd like to thank you for a job well done, nemesis. I just serve coffee. Yes, but you do it so poorly, as if you have the coordination of a two-year-old. And ever word out of your mouth is vapid and narcissistic. Day in and day out, you have provided me with a slovenly example of youth that makes me feel very, very good to be old. So ... good job. Thank you for being you, loser! I love being important.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-13 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-13 Pub. Date: 2018-12-13
Image Number: 175378
Caption: Come on … You can't blame me for losing the Nat King Cole lawsuit. You're the one who sampled his voice without permission for your album. You're the on who begged me to pretend I was a voice actor you'd hired to impersonate Nat King Cole. It wasn't my idea! I tried to lip sync to that testimony you recorded for me using his voice. I really tried! When you lip sync, ain't no sound s'posed to come out your mouth, fool. You ain't s'posed to harmonize with the recording. I got nervous.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-02 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-02 Pub. Date: 2018-12-02
Image Number: 174985
Caption: Big L, you want me to be Santa again for your boy this year? Let me think about that, Clyde … Last year, I woke up to find my two-year-old boy shocking a pigeon with a taser gun. He said Santa gave him the taser, said Don't tell your daddy, and then forgot to shut the window when he climbed down the fire escape. I tried mouth-to-mouth but the pigeon was long gone. I only had to spend nine days in jail for animal cruelty, but my boy was in therapy for four months. Not my fault. I told him to only use it for fishing. No I don't want you to be Santa this year!!!
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-25 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-25 Pub. Date: 2018-08-25
Image Number: 173659
Caption: Now that the air duct … or whatever it was … had led me back to 2018 … I was moments away from finally interviewing a child in one of Mr. Trump's internment camps. I could hear him, just around the corner. I heard him crying out for mama! over and over.. I had no idea what condition he would be in. But nothing I imagined could prepare me for what I would see. His crying grew more and more hysterical. I was just meters from him. I rounded the corner. And there, right before my eyes, was ... to be continued. Told you not to have that jumbo lemonade. Telling stories makes my mouth dry.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-23 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-23 Pub. Date: 2018-06-23
Image Number: 172359
Caption: I'm an accomplished writer, Susan. I don't tiptoe around the big issues. I've won awards for that. How could they reject me? You wrote "I love you so much that when you were a toddler and you choked on your own vomit … I dug it out of your mouth with my own hand without even thinking about it ... Happy birthday. That's real love. You'd think Hallmark would know that the country's in the mood for authenticity.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-20 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-20 Pub. Date: 2018-05-20
Image Number: 171354
Caption: I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 month guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the Girl Scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... then? I hate myself for not noticing she had to have been at least 23 years old.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-25 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-25 Pub. Date: 2017-08-25
Image Number: 161804
Caption: I detest those Nazis and KKK and white supremacists who marched on Charlottesville. You do? That's great. I'm surprised. I mean, you were a tea partier, you hate immigration, you've fought to make it harder for minorities to vote, you complain all the time about gays and Muslims and atheists ... You're right, they do have some good points. But still ... all that violence and the Anti-Semitism and the tattoos and the torches. I detest all of that stuff. Never look a political awakening in the mouth. Maybe "detest" is too strong a word.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-06 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-06 Pub. Date: 2017-06-06
Image Number: 158826
Caption: To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. What're you up to these days, Brother Park? That depends. If we're talking the SimCity game I began back when we were in college in '93 … I'm up to 14 linked quad-core RAID devices that take up the whole basement. That's not what I meant. It's costing me a fortune, but I've been playing the same game for so long that I'm pretty sure my 59 billion Sims have become sentient and worship me as a deity. I meant how do you spend your time these days? Working. I've got 59 billion mouths to feed. Tap tap tap tap.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-08 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-08 Pub. Date: 2017-04-08
Image Number: 156470
Caption: It's been two years. I still can't believe Jon Stewart quit "The Daily Show." Why not? Ain't you never quit no job? Yes … wait, no. Wait, that's a double negative. Maybe even a triple. I don’t know how to answer that. You open your mouth an let wind come out. For an intelligent dude there an awful lot you ain't be knowin'.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-02 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-02 Pub. Date: 2015-09-02
Image Number: 131900
Caption: Arms were the worst invention in the history of life, Clyde. If we didn't have arms, we would never even think to grab things that aren't ours. Look, bruh. I'ma tell you this one more time: I ain't took your wallet. Lips were the second worst. Lips lead to lies. They also lead to butt-whoopin's.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-23 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-23 Pub. Date: 2015-05-23
Image Number: 127176
Caption: … So I taped his mouth and told him "You should of thought of that before you answered a Craigslist personals ad." Pardon me. Couldn't help but overhear. It's actually "should have," not "should of." It's a common error. Phonetically, the "apostrophe-v-e" contraction sounds like "of." I should've taken care of you years ago. Yes, yes. Much better.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-16 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-16 Pub. Date: 2015-02-16
Image Number: 123051
Caption: I still can't believe Jon Stewart is quitting "The Daily Show." Why not? Ain't you never quit no job? Yes. … Wait, no. Wait, that's a double negative. Maybe even a triple. I don't know how to answer that. You open your mouth an let wind come out. For an intelligent dude there an awful lot you ain't be knowin'.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-14 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-14 Pub. Date: 2014-09-14
Image Number: 115705
Caption: This morning while I was having a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, I bit myself three times. Science is a total fraud, Susan. Huh? In the entire history of mankind, how many times have people bitten themselves on the inside of their cheek while they were eating? Probably more times than there are grains of sand on earth.. But when I googled it this morning, how many results showed up for the phrase "total cheek bites, average daily cheek bites per capita, and rate of correlation between cheek bites and fatal infections"? Zero. But when I googled "health benefits of peanut butter," guess how many results turned up? ... That's right, millions. Scientists are in the pocket of big peanut. who eats peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-29 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-29 Pub. Date: 2014-06-29
Image Number: 112735
Caption: The first date is the worst, isn't it? It's like a job interview, only you're not supposed to ask about the benefits you'll be getting. … By "benefits," I don’t mean anything dirty. Not that there's anything wrong with being a little dirty, if both parties agree on that. ... I just mean "benefits" like health insurance and time off from work. ... Not that I'm implying you're a gold-digger or anything like that. ... Why don't we just order? I'll have a taxi.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-12 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-12 Pub. Date: 2014-06-12
Image Number: 112323
Caption: Thanks for letting my son and me sleep over. They should be done fumigating my place tomorrow. Remember when we were six and we'd have sleep-overs just for fun? Why is that when we're grown, the only time we have sleep-overs is when there's a problem? What do you miss from childhood? I miss all the times you shut your mouth so grown folks could get some sleep.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-13 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-13 Pub. Date: 2014-01-13
Image Number: 106171
Caption: What do you mean you want to go inside? It's an Arctic polar vortex! It's made parts of North America colder than MARS! Isn't it exciting to be a first hand witness to the raw, awesome power of Mother Nature? Sometimes MOTHER NATURE is one BAD Mother. Shut your mouth.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-07 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-07 Pub. Date: 2013-12-07
Image Number: 104629
Caption: Sorry Clyde, I don’t share newspapers during the flu season. It's important to take reasonable precautions. For instance … Thug 4 Life. I try not to touch anything that's been touched by other living hands, from October to March. You crazy. Please don’t talk to me with your mouth open.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-02 mouth 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-02 Pub. Date: 2013-09-02
Image Number: 101087
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've been avoiding you all week. Well … I just didn’t want to talk about what I knew you were gonna wanna talk about. Thug 4 Life. So … How's everything, Clyde? Fine, now that Miley Cyrus tongue back in her mouth. Never thought I'd see a gecko twerking on my TV. We'll try this again next week.
     
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