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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-20 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-20 Pub. Date: 2019-10-20
Image Number: 179913
Caption: You already finished your bucket list, Clyde? That's right. But … you're only midway through life. Read the last item on that list. Make it midway through life. Wait … there are only two other items on here. Get it started, and Let it ride. E'rething else just details, bruh. the truth of the story lies in the details. - Paul Auster. The strength of the alibi likes in the lack of details - C-Dog.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-08 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-08 Pub. Date: 2019-10-08
Image Number: 179805
Caption: Why does your site have a Breaking News report about something that happened a long time ago? Because our country has the attention span of a housefly, Susan. We ignore anything that isn't Breaking News. So … did you like my coverage of James Madison proposing the electoral college and the 315ths compromise as a way to make this United States thing acceptable to the slave states? Dios mio.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-23 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-23 Pub. Date: 2019-09-23
Image Number: 179617
Caption: … So I asked him Just how are you going to call the police when you're all tied up? Pardon me. Couldn't help but overhear. Tied up makes no sense when you think about it. When you wrap a rope around something, the rope actually goes around and around not up. Someone needs to smack you around. That makes no sense either.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-15 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-15 Pub. Date: 2019-09-15
Image Number: 179422
Caption: Hello? Hi. Could I start you with some coffee? No thanks, that might make me too excited, and I'm in a presidential debate in a few hours. I'm Patsy Milquetoast, 23rd person on the Democratic debate stage. Who? Don't you remember me from the last debate? I'm the one who took a bold stand against boldness. I thought that was that John Delaney guy, who kept saying we can't do big things. I thought John was being too confrontational when he said all that. You can't beat someone by confronting them. Um ... I hope my saying that didn't offend you ... not that there'd be anything wrong with you being offended.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-07 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-07 Pub. Date: 2019-09-07
Image Number: 179299
Caption: You know the Amazon produces a lot of oxygen, and now it's burning up? So? This a good thing, bruh. Amazon rainforest makes oxygen. People breathe it in. Know what they breath out? Carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide be causing global warming. By transitive logic, the Amazon rainforest be causin' global warming. That's ... look, for one thing, the Amazon soaks up carbon dioxide. Tell it to make up its mind.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-24 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-24 Pub. Date: 2019-08-24
Image Number: 179098
Caption: Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-18 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-18 Pub. Date: 2019-08-18
Image Number: 178993
Caption: Kelly messaged me again. After a year of silence. She sent me a photo of an ice cube tray. No words or anything. Just the photo. Dr. Noodle. How did that make you feel? Like she was trying to tell me something. So I studied the picture for a long time. And then it occurred to me: I'd seen that ice cube tray before! it was mine! In my freshman year of college, she stole it and refused to give it back. I see. What do you think this means? I think it means she still loves me with the same passion she felt for me back then, and that she wants me to drop everything and fly to her and run off with her into the sunset. Sometimes, narcissists will play games just to make sure others are thing about the ... When I asked what it meant, she said That hurts and blocked me!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-17 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-17 Pub. Date: 2019-08-17
Image Number: 178999
Caption: Garcia, if you need birth-control pills for some medical reason, just tell us and maybe we'll change our minds about including it in your health insurance plan. Seriously? Of course. Tell us exactly what's going on with your lady parts, and then we'll make our decision. Pharmacy. Do you take Massacard?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-06 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-06 Pub. Date: 2019-08-06
Image Number: 178907
Caption: ICE and border patrol are really detaining Americans? Even American children. Back in March, they detained nin-year-old Julia Medina for 36 hours and interrogated her without her parents. She's an American who lives in Tijuana, and she had her passport. They tried to get her 14-year-old brother to say she was his cousin. What? Why? I asked them then they asked me for my passport. So I panicked and jumped into a passing freight train ... But I'll make a follow-up call tomorrow.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-01 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-01 Pub. Date: 2019-08-01
Image Number: 178784
Caption: You're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! Brexit. I'm old enough to remember before the European Union existed. I witnesses its creation. It was historic. But now it's falling apart and if it does, well then what I witnessed wasn't all that historic after all. Way to make it all about you. It's like it was all just one big tease.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-21 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-21 Pub. Date: 2019-07-21
Image Number: 178558
Caption: Did you know the New Yorker posts all its memees on Twitter and on its site? Memes? Yeah, you know, memes. Where they take an image and put a caption over it. The combination of image and caption makes it funny. My generation invented meme culture. I think you're describing cartoons. The other day, I came across a video of Harvard professor Cornell West dancing with his students. HOJ. He was really good at it. It was cute watching a Boomer try to co-opt my generation's movement culture. I do with the New Yorker and Cornell West would bne more original, though. Millennials are an interesting bunch. Was that snark, Boomer? Keep that up and I'll make sure you get ratioed on Twitter.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-14 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-14 Pub. Date: 2019-07-14
Image Number: 178556
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-09 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-09 Pub. Date: 2019-07-09
Image Number: 178421
Caption: Hey, Big L, wassup? Listen, I can't make it to your barbecue tomorrow. Why not? Whachoomean Why not? What you is, my momma? My girl? My parole officer? I'm a grown man. I don't gotta tell nobody why not nothin'. Even if you don't come, you owe me for your half of the food I bought. See you at noon.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-08 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-08 Pub. Date: 2019-07-08
Image Number: 178420
Caption: I'm gonna be barbecuing tomorrow. I'm all set up. The grill's on the fire escape … The meat's marinating in the fridge … my apron's scorch marks have been patched over … I've got nine bottles of lighter fluid for when I can't get the coals to heat up … Can't make it. I've finished paying off the damages from last year ...
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-06 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-06 Pub. Date: 2019-07-06
Image Number: 178395
Caption: So your mom self-published your rough draft to Amazon, costing you a six-figure book deal you already had. Why on earth are you smiling? She did it by accident. She thought she was just making a copy for herself. In any case, it means Momma loves my work. That's a really sweet attitude, Lemont. I'm proud of you. And for the rest of the time, I'll have something to throw in her face when she guilt-trips me.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-23 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-23 Pub. Date: 2019-06-23
Image Number: 178215
Caption: One pair of Levis, please. Which cut? Extra-slim cut. Ripped or not ripped? What? Smooth or corrugated? Uniform or multicolored? Studded or non-studded? Built-in-Millennial-charger-pocket or Boomer regular? MAGA red or Dem lining. Just plain old regular jeans. That'll be $250. What?! Special order. We don't make 'em anymore.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-17 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-17 Pub. Date: 2019-06-17
Image Number: 178142
Caption: White supremacist moves into town … Florida teen accused of posing as a doctor. Denies diagnosing patients … Middle school teacher secretly ran white supremacist podcast … AR-15 rifles to protect crops from hogs … What on earth do you Google that makes youtube think you want to watch all that? The most inbred people of all time.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-03 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-03 Pub. Date: 2019-06-03
Image Number: 177936
Caption: I need to supplement my income. Would driving for Uber be a good idea? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. 'Fore I begin, bruh, full disclosure … I own a lot of Uber stock. But that in no way affect what I say about it. When I give advice, I couldn't care less whether it make me money or cost me money. I'm offended you'd even entertain the notion. I hard some Uber drivers actually lose money. Fake news.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-30 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-30 Pub. Date: 2019-05-30
Image Number: 177796
Caption: Hello, me. I'm you from the future. I've come back in time to ask you to write in your journal more often. You know all those incredible little moments and all those profound or funny things your little boy says that make you think I'll never forget that? Well guess what? You've forgotten them all. Also, make sure you write about butterflies, panda bears and our democracy. Zzzzz.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-18 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-18 Pub. Date: 2019-05-18
Image Number: 177625
Caption: Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
     
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