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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-12 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-12 Pub. Date: 2020-01-12
Image Number: 181111
Caption: I've lost all respect for the Dumbocrats. How could they impeach a president for investigating corruption?! That's not what they impeached him for. They impeached Mr. Trump for trying to get a foreign country to investigate the guy who just happened to be Mr. Trump's rival in the next election. Nonsense. Donald Trump is an intrepid investigator of corruption! That's why he was so concerned! He's concerned about corruption? At the age of three, he started helping his dad hide income. He went on to cheat charities, defraud students, use laundered money in his casino ... and that's just for starters. Intrepid investigators often go deep under cover. And aren't a lot of his friends corrupt oligarch types? The ones who aren't in jail or dictators, I mean.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-10 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-10 Pub. Date: 2020-01-10
Image Number: 181116
Caption: We might not be able to travel to other stars ever, Susan. Because of what Anton Petrov calls the wall of fire. What's that? A year ago, Voyager II left our solar system, passing out of the heliosphere, which is a bubble made of plasma that encases the whole solar system. Voyager II discovered the plasma gets up around 89,000 degrees ... Yeah, but ... is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? Interstellar colonists will need a lot of sunscreen.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-04 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-04 Pub. Date: 2020-01-04
Image Number: 181020
Caption: I'm convinces that critics don't know anything and people are petty. What? Why? Most critics hated The Rise of Skywalker. And dozens of Youtubers were bashing it. But it was amazing! So I spent all night checking these people's past comments, and found that most of them loved The Last Jedi. Which means they're probably just butthurt that the new movie reversed a lot of the stuff the last movie did wrong.. That certainly wasn't petty of you. Tonight I'm going to post comments under all of them exposing their bias.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-30 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-30 Pub. Date: 2019-12-30
Image Number: 181015
Caption: Can you believe it's almost the twenties, Clyde? So? So … 100 years later, it's like we've come full circle. Take the stock market … It's soaring. It just keeps going up and up and up. A lot of people have their whole life savings in it. So what? Never mind. This could get depressing. Let's talk about flappers. Was that like Twitters?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-18 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-18 Pub. Date: 2019-12-18
Image Number: 180857
Caption: You've heard of Lena Horne. You've heard of Billie Holiday. But I bet you've never heard of Hazel Scott. She was one of the most talented and famous performers in the world for decades/ She refused to play in segregated clubs. She was a big-time civil rights activist. And she even testified in Congress and told Joe McCarthy's communist witch hunt committee they were immoral. I'm guessing that's where the story takes a turn ... America was a lot like Fox News back then.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-15 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-15 Pub. Date: 2019-11-15
Image Number: 180302
Caption: Where you been, Big L? At the doctor's. I realized I'm forgetting a lot of my youth. I don't remember much at all between ages six and nineteen. The doctor said forgetting all that time could mean I'm developing Alzheimer's, or it could mean I'm repressing something horrible. Clyde ... Between which ages did we hang out the most? Why you ask? No reason.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-29 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-29 Pub. Date: 2019-10-29
Image Number: 180103
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? A lot of my readers have turned one me. All because I wrote an article called The New McCarthyism about how Democrats took legit intelligence about Russian interfering in our elections … and went way too far with it. Now, one Democrat will accuse another Democrat of being a Russian bot if that Democrat even mildly critiques a Democrat that Democrat likes. You sound like a Russian bot. That's what my readers said.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-07 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-07 Pub. Date: 2019-09-07
Image Number: 179299
Caption: You know the Amazon produces a lot of oxygen, and now it's burning up? So? This a good thing, bruh. Amazon rainforest makes oxygen. People breathe it in. Know what they breath out? Carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide be causing global warming. By transitive logic, the Amazon rainforest be causin' global warming. That's ... look, for one thing, the Amazon soaks up carbon dioxide. Tell it to make up its mind.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-03 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-03 Pub. Date: 2019-09-03
Image Number: 179295
Caption: I'm not afraid of public speaking, Susan. Really? Then how come every CNN asks you to go on air to discuss one of your articles, you come up with some lame excuse not to? I appeared once. I remember … I remember you looked an awful lot like Clyde that day, pretending to be you. Everyone knows the camera adds sunglasses, a goatee and different bone structure. Dios mio.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-03 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-03 Pub. Date: 2019-06-03
Image Number: 177936
Caption: I need to supplement my income. Would driving for Uber be a good idea? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. 'Fore I begin, bruh, full disclosure … I own a lot of Uber stock. But that in no way affect what I say about it. When I give advice, I couldn't care less whether it make me money or cost me money. I'm offended you'd even entertain the notion. I hard some Uber drivers actually lose money. Fake news.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-22 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-22 Pub. Date: 2019-05-22
Image Number: 177718
Caption: Did you read that new interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a Trump Generator for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like tremendous. That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's at bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-20 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-20 Pub. Date: 2019-05-20
Image Number: 177706
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I can accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date my mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-11 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-11 Pub. Date: 2019-05-11
Image Number: 177533
Caption: You wanna come to my boy's soccer game, Clyde? Depends, bruh. When them little kids kick him the ball, do he still wander off, sit down, an' pick dandelions? That was last month. He's gotten a lot better since then. When the coach tell him to play goalie, an' the kids be runnin' at 'im ... Do he still wet hisself? That was just a phase. Too bad. That !@#$ was entertaining.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-09 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-09 Pub. Date: 2019-05-09
Image Number: 177531
Caption: Do you understand now why I never want to have kids, Lemont? You hate kids. No, I love them. And I don't want them living in a world where they have to be taught what to do in case of an active shooter. It's not the world, Susan. It's America. You could move to lots of places where school shootings don't happen. Well ... can I move to someplace that won't be affected by climate change? It's ok to admit you just don't like kids.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-19 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-19 Pub. Date: 2019-04-19
Image Number: 177224
Caption: Do you think I'm losing it, Susan? No, Lemont. I mean sure, you're not as philosophical as you were when we were kids … and you seem a lot grumpier … and you lose things a lot more … and you tell me stories I've heard before … but it's super premature to worry that you're going senile ... Still, you might want to get checked out. I was talking about my sex appeal.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-11 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-11 Pub. Date: 2019-04-11
Image Number: 177116
Caption: You know the worst part of renting instead of owning a home? Aside from not being able to create generational wealth for your children and all your descendants, I mean. You don't really have a good reason to hang out in Home Depot. You don't get to tear down walls and dig a lot of holes when you rent. Don't put limits on y'self, Big L. I tore down a wall just last week, I don't give a @#$%.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-02 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-02 Pub. Date: 2019-04-02
Image Number: 177041
Caption: What's wrong? Facebook. Over 2 million people have "liked" my site's Facebook page. That sounds awesome!!! Right? Two million people want to read my posts! But Facebook only shows my posts to about twelve of them. And whenever I post, it says it'll show it up to three more if I pay $18. I'm going to buy lots of Facebook stock. Now it offers to show my posts to people for $23.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-15 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-15 Pub. Date: 2019-03-15
Image Number: 176728
Caption: You sure in trouble now, Big L. All I did was write an article quoting what Ilhan Omar actually said … and pointing out that most of the people we see loudly insisting it was antisemetic seem to not be Jewish. I've seen a lot of Jewish people coming to her defense. So maybe it's more complicated. That's all I wrote ... so I have no idea why Congress passed a resolution against me. Ain't nobody in the mood for complicated no more, bruh.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-23 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-23 Pub. Date: 2019-02-23
Image Number: 176396
Caption: You article where you analyzed the public posts of people who use the term Social Justice Warrior sure got a lot of down-votes. I agree with Cicero. He said I have always been of the opinion that unpopularity earned by doing what is right is not unpopularity at all ... but glory. Still, it's a bad look to replace your site's thumbs down button with a glory button. Would you say that was an .. unpopular ... move?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-08 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-08 Pub. Date: 2019-02-08
Image Number: 176174
Caption: boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making rule, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as? I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
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