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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (25 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-23 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-23 Pub. Date: 2018-12-23
Image Number: 175261
Caption: Online shopping has ruined everything. The mall just laid me off to cut costs. Really? It's going to ruin Christmas. I was the mall Santa. Now where are the tiny kids and babies going to go to sit on a stranger's lap and tell him what they want under their tree? Where are they going to go to hear a man who'll say ho ho ho? Who'll pat them on the head? Who'll tell them to stop begging for handouts? Who'll tell them to stop crying, get a job, and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps? You sure they laid you off because of online shopping? Who's going to give them a copy of The Art of the Deal and send them on their way?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-11 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167702
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-03 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-03 Pub. Date: 2018-01-03
Image Number: 166781
Caption: Behold, for I am come unto you, who will deliver my New Laws … Clyde. Clyde! Keep it down. Come no closer. Take off they shades, for the place where you lie is holy ground. You sure that ain't "lay," bruh? I … I do not think so. I am pretty sure it is "lie." Why don't you double-check that an' get back to me 'round noon. One "layeth" down a book. One "lieth" in the be ... this is not the point.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-29 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-29 Pub. Date: 2017-10-29
Image Number: 163801
Caption: Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one in the office who notices the boss is a moron. Dr Noodle. Well … is he a moron? Certifiably. I even looked up the definition to be sure. A "moron" is defines as "a stupid person." So then I looked up "stupid" just to be sure. It means "having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense." I see you've given this a lot of thought. Yeah. Problem is, the last time he displayed his dingbattery I lose my temper and said "moron" out loud. The cretin heard about it. So to cover my behind, I had everyone gather around me and I praised him effusively. I laid it on thick, really buttered him up. Any intelligent person would have seen right through that. But your boss bought it. Instantly! See? Moron! How come no one else at works sees it?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-09 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-09 Pub. Date: 2016-07-09
Image Number: 145507
Caption: I haven't been pulled over by the cops for no reason in months. That means one of two things: either racism is over … or they ran out of money and had to lay off some cops. Of you're driving better. I sent you an evite to racism's going away party.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-11 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-11 Pub. Date: 2016-04-11
Image Number: 141796
Caption: Whachoo gone an' canceled cable for, bruh? It's too expensive and I didn't watch most of the channels. I can see all my favorite shows on Netflix and Hulu for a fraction of the cost. That's selfish. Think of the ramifications. Think of the cable workers who gonna lose they job if erebody cut cable. Wait ... how did you know I canceled cable? (A) I don't know what you implying, an' (2) I don't even know how to tap somebody line to secretly share they cable.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-14 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-14 Pub. Date: 2014-06-14
Image Number: 112325
Caption: I haven't been pulled over by the cops for no reason in months. That means one of two thing: either racism is over … … Or they ran out of money and had to lay off some cops. Or you're driving better. I sent you an evite to racism's going away party.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-17 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-17 Pub. Date: 2013-02-17
Image Number: 93054
Caption: You look happy! That's 'cause I have an awful cold and couldn’t sleep at all last night. Huh? When I lay down, I was all snotty and congested. But when I sat up, I was perfectly fine. That's when it hit me … An invention that'll make me millions! A bed that bends so your back is completely vertical! I wanted to call it the "Vertibed," but that's too clunky. Gotta get it down to one syllable. Like "Ved," or "Bup.' Or "Chair." What?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-26 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-26 Pub. Date: 2011-02-26
Image Number: 57547
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Hey, Lemont. I know you had a big day in court today, I just wanted to see how you're doing . Also, BTW, I had this weird dream last week, on Valentine's Day. Only when I woke up, I realized it was actually a MEMORY. I don't know if I should tell you ... It was Valentine's Day, 1995, around midnight. I was laying on your bed in the dorms just watching you write an article for the school paper. I recall being really happy and feeling rally honored that you let me do that. I had such a crush on you, Lemont. It was SO embarrassing. Lemont, I ... Lemont? Lemont? Are you there? MUST ... NOT ... HIT ... SEND ... It's "lying," not "laying," Sasha. SEND.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-06 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-06 Pub. Date: 2011-02-06
Image Number: 56821
Caption: You look happy! That's 'cause I have an awful cold and couldn't sleep all night! Huh? When I lay down, I was all snotty and congested. But when I sat up, I was perfectly fine. That's when it hit me … an invention that'll make me millions! A bed that bends so your back is completely vertical! I wanted to call it the "vertibed," but that's too clunky. Gotta get it down to one syllable. Like "ved," or "bup." Or "chair." What?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-10-23 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-10-23 Pub. Date: 2010-10-23
Image Number: 53250
Caption: The holidays are just around the corner, and it's making me so @#$% depressed, Doc. The economy's so bad I had to lay off twelve elves … and now slave labor in Outsourcistan is picking up the slack. Couldn't afford to pay for their health insurance? Not just that. I'd slashed their pay already ... ... So they were going hungry. Started to look at Blitzen the wrong way.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-10-09 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-10-09 Pub. Date: 2010-10-09
Image Number: 52727
Caption: Darrin Bell Candorville comic comics strip strips cartoon cartoons Hi baby it's Momma I don't know why you accused me of laying a guilt trip on you … At least that's what I think you said I was busy telling the neighbors what a loving son I have so I may not have heard you clearly accusation accusations accuse accusing accuses guilt trips guilty conscience message voice messages voicemail voicemails telephone call phone calls answering machine machines communication communications communicate communicates communicated communicating calling called
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-06-23 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-06-23 Pub. Date: 2010-06-23
Image Number: 48742
Caption: Lemont travels back through time to keep his younger self from making the biggest mistake of his life … U.C. Berkeley Dormitories Freeborn Hall. So you're saying Sasha is the love of our life, I screw that up, and she becomes "the one that got away"? You never kiss her. But I don't know if she wants me to kiss her. She comes up to your dorm room every night, lays in your bed, you hold each other and she gazes into your eyes for HOURS. Maybe she's just friendly. Was I really this stupid?!?!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-06-13 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-06-13 Pub. Date: 2010-06-13
Image Number: 48424
Caption: With the economy the way it is, we have to make some cuts, Harold, this isn't easy for me, but … I'm afraid we're going to have to let you g -- I'm afraid we're … Harold … Na - na - na - na - na - na - It never works for my six-year-old either, but I figured it's worth a shot.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-29 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-29 Pub. Date: 2009-05-29
Image Number: 34378
Caption: It's not enough. I've laid off everyone except you, and it's still not enough. Executive decision, Brown! I've decided to eliminate our ink budget. But that's… Um… How are people going to read the words on the paper? Paper?! You think we can afford paper?! PAPER DOESN'T GROW ON TREES, BROWN! Hello, you've reached 9-1-1. To report a recession-related nervous breakdown, press "1".
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-26 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-26 Pub. Date: 2009-05-26
Image Number: 34375
Caption: Good news and bad news, Brown. Bad first, sir. We've had to lay off Annie Wiseacre, the "Dear Annie" advice columnist. Aw, man! I've been reading her column since… Forever, it'll be a shame to see it disappear. Well, now for the good news.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-21 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-21 Pub. Date: 2009-01-21
Image Number: 29568
Caption: You wanted to see me, Sir? Come in, Brown. As you know, our parent company wants us to cut costs. Fifty reporters, fifty salaries… It all adds up. We've come up with a novel solution. How much do we pay you to write our blog? Nothing. How would you like to double that while doing fifty times as much work?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-20 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-20 Pub. Date: 2008-09-20
Image Number: 26783
Caption: What do you mean I can't fire Dick Fink? He patched my private phone conversation into the office intercom! Now everyone knows all my intimate stuff! Yes… But on the other hand, it was very, very funny. I… I'm speechless. That's odd, I thought I just heard you say something.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-06-25 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-06-25 Pub. Date: 2008-06-25
Image Number: 24479
Caption: You dingbat! Where's my dinner?! I'm leavin' you, Arch. WHAT?! Nobody was buyin' my "Obama's wife called people 'Whitey'" product, so the boss fired me! It ain't my fault, Edith! The Archie I married woulda walked into that factory and said, "You can't fire me, I been manufacturing fear since before you was born!" Edith, my stomach is growlin' here. Goodbye... stranger.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-06-24 lay 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-06-24 Pub. Date: 2008-06-24
Image Number: 24478
Caption: Aaarchie, what are you doing home. It's only 2 o'clock! They laid me off, Edith. Didn't like my latest whatchacall… invention. But I thought your "Michelle Obama called White people 'Whitey'" invention was brilliant, Arch. That, Edith is 'cause you are what they call "obsolete." What's "obsolete"? That's French for "dingbat."
     
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