Our secret midlife crisis fling is still on track for June of 2018. Almost. Almost? That's right. You're not exactly doing your part. Where are the tattoos I designed for you? Where are the six-pack abs? If you'd been following the meal and workout plan I sent you, you'd have six-pack abs by now. you were serious about -- Have you even started the Rosetta Stone French lessons I gifted you? The pillow talk is supposed to be in French. Can't we just use Google translate? Beep beep. Unacceptable. Don't be the weak link on the committee, Rudy.
You've had a raging crush on me for 18 years. What? No ... once you got married I totally moved on. Given your former persistence, that's highly dubious. Just bottomline it for me: Does that crush still exist? Because if so, it may fit into my plan. "Plan"? What are you talking about? What is this? I'm scheduling my upcoming midlife crisis. Are you free from June of 2018 to March of 2019? What's happening?