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Rudy Park

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141. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-08 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-08 Pub. Date: 2015-09-08
Image Number: 132285
Caption: I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul. You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.
     
142. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-29 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-29 Pub. Date: 2015-08-29
Image Number: 131662
Caption: You've inspired me to write my own memoirs. Scurrilous accusation. I deny culpability. I refuse to be blamed for a book that will glamorize the useless lifestyle of an internet-addicted slacker … a book whose mere existence is evidence society has drowned to death in a toxic swill of Doritos, iPads and online "relationships." Can I use that as the foreword?!?! You kids get off my planet.
     
143. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-10 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-10 Pub. Date: 2015-08-10
Image Number: 131009
Caption: Boss took out half the light bulbs, told me to tell patrons it's for "ambience." #cheapskates. What are you doing? Working, boss. I'm tweeting about how lovely the ambience is here at the café. Oh. Well, ok. Carry on, minion. A boss will almost always believe a truthy lie. #worktips. When you're done, go turn the single-ply toilet paper into half-ply and reroll it.
     
144. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-04 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-04 Pub. Date: 2015-08-04
Image Number: 130659
Caption: Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink … until finally I'm too small to press buttons on a keyboard, or post to social media, or operate a remote control. If I start to panic in the theater, will you hold me? I don't want to see "Ant-Man."
     
145. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-29 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-29 Pub. Date: 2015-07-29
Image Number: 130393
Caption: You know that symphony I wrote in GarageBand? It drops next week. You're invited. Symphonies don't "drop," little buddy. Rock albums "drop." R&B "drops." Symphonies "debut." And they usually debut in concert halls, with live musicians. Where's your symphony debuting? Anybody-can-upload-anything-for-people-to-download.com. I wonder if I can get my tux pressed in time.
     
146. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-24 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-24 Pub. Date: 2015-07-24
Image Number: 130029
Caption: I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. Tap tap tap tap tap tap. I could not care less. Now whenever anyone searches for "Sadie Cohen" … They'll find that your personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired … and that you're the world's first successfully-bred human-wildebeest hybrid. I was wrong. I could care less.
     
147. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-12 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-12 Pub. Date: 2015-07-12
Image Number: 128758
Caption: My gmail account is full. I can't get any more email. You can't? I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs. People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if and when you were going to reply. And the spam was fun. You never get to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts. Just delete stuff. If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get new emails again. I can't do that. Those emails are the chronicle of my life between 2004 and 2015. When future historians want to see what Rudy Park was saying and experiencing in his prime, this archive will be priceless. I must preserve my emails, much as millennia of sediment preserved the dinosaurs. The Rudysaurus Rex was a dimwitted, slow-moving species. Driven extinct by its lack of dating skills.
     
148. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-25 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-25 Pub. Date: 2015-06-25
Image Number: 128755
Caption: Has anyone ever told you you snore, Rudy? No. That's probably because you're single, you've always been single, and you'll always BE single. Not that there's anything wrong with being utterly alone. I've got 3,800 Facebook friends. Being "alone" is so 20th century.
     
149. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-08 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-08 Pub. Date: 2015-06-08
Image Number: 128136
Caption: I don't know why you're surprised. It's totally in character for your nephew. This is just going too far. Not really. Rudy has an obsessive need to be part of anything he sees the rest of the country doing. I have it on good authority the internet based its "trending" algorithms on Rudy's brainwave patterns. I'm officially running for president as a Republican! ... and I'll be voting for Clinton!
     
150. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-07 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-07 Pub. Date: 2015-06-07
Image Number: 127265
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Hello handsome SADIE, it's Timona here greeting you from Kiev, Ukraine. Yeah we are in great political turmoil right now, but I will let you in on a secret since we are old friends. Now is the best time for to invest in the Ukraine real estate. In 2005, for inspect, a 71 sq. meter abode sold for $7,500 US Dollars. Today it sell for at only $1,100 US Dollars. Lovely school for to nearby, as well as charming Mall within walking distance with has all the conveniences. Keep this amazing opportunity quiet. I only tell YOU because of that time we made that amazing connection. Your friend, Timona. Click here for to house buy. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer's true IP address, name, birthdate, physical address, and bank account number ... and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. It cost me a vinyl record, a Mountain Dew and a crate of Cheetos, but it was worth it. Ask Sadie a question (but be careful) at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
151. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-14 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-14 Pub. Date: 2015-05-14
Image Number: 126890
Caption: Facebook is an awesome thing but it's got one big flaw that makes it really horrible and dangerous. What's that, little buddy? If you have a public fan page, you can't block a stalker from reading it and posting to it. You can "ban" them from seeing your personal profile, but they can still see your fan page. it's downright criminal that Facebook allows that to happen. Why on earth do you have a "fan page"? Just 'cause no one knows who I am doesn't mean I'm not famous.
     
152. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-08 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-08 Pub. Date: 2015-05-08
Image Number: 126578
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Tap tap tap tap tap. So what, loser? So? According to Wikipedia, you're now a convicted felon who holds the world record for stinkiest armpit. That's the first thing that shows up now whenever anyone searches for "Sadie Cohen." Oh no, people I'll never meet and who I don't give a !@#$ about may think poorly of me. However will I cope? Spoken just like a felonious stink-pit.
     
153. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-25 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-25 Pub. Date: 2015-04-25
Image Number: 125928
Caption: Will like AND comment on every on of your Facebook posts, for food.
     
154. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-22 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-22 Pub. Date: 2015-04-22
Image Number: 125925
Caption: I can't vote for Clinton. I just keep thinking about how she said she didn't want to use two separate devices to check her personal and work email. I use six devices! iPhone, Apple Watch, iPad, iMac, laptop, and Kindle Paperwhite. Anyone who isn't packing at least four wifi-capable devices is too old-timey to run my country. You think Ted Cruz is packing? I don't want to have this conversation.
     
155. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-12 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-12 Pub. Date: 2015-04-12
Image Number: 124715
Caption: I Google, therefore I am.
     
156. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-17 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-17 Pub. Date: 2015-03-17
Image Number: 124315
Caption: Rudy, stop thinking about it. What? Stop thinking about how Google and Apple are competing in the phone business, music, mobile search. Do no obsess about how these two hip symbols of consumer friendliness are cutthroat businesses that could shred one another in the name of profits. I've make a list of things you shouldn't worry about. I take mild solace you used the phrase "mobile search."
     
157. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-02 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-02 Pub. Date: 2015-03-02
Image Number: 123744
Caption: ISIS threatened to attack the Mall of America. That's so 1990s. What? Most people don't shop in malls anymore. Most of us shop online from home or from our phones. Someone should tell them the shopper-threatening business just isn't what it used to be. You're not taking them seriously enough. Wake me when they figure out how to send hordes of miniaturized men into my iPhone.
     
158. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-21 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-21 Pub. Date: 2015-02-21
Image Number: 123163
Caption: What's that? It's my second published book. It's called "The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at my Local Café and Spends All His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet." It's just a bunch of empty pages. I know. Very meta, right?
     
159. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-17 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-17 Pub. Date: 2015-02-17
Image Number: 123159
Caption: I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my entire worldview. The burrito, as most Americans know it, did not actually come from Mexico. Or maybe it did. The internet is of two minds about the issue. The point is, if you can't count on the burrito being Mexican, you can't count on anything. I have something to tell you about Chop Suey.
     
160. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-27 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-27 Pub. Date: 2014-12-27
Image Number: 120668
Caption: How many Christmas gifts did you get this year? I got over a dozen. Seriously? No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts. Unless ... by "got," you meant ... I had Amazon wrap them all. I like to be surprised.
     
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