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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about homes and homing.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-20 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-20 Pub. Date: 2019-07-20
Image Number: 178564
Caption: Sadie, how can I convince my husband that a vacation is worth paying for? Excellent question. In my day, vacations were an essential component of a successful marriage. I would get two weeks a year to don a bikini, sit on a tropical beach amidst coconuts and oiled-up cabana boys, and recharge my yelling voice. And he would stay home working and have two weeks to live in dread of my imminent return. It was a win-win situation, really. What were we talking about again? Um ... nothing. Thanks.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-06 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-06 Pub. Date: 2019-06-06
Image Number: 177955
Caption: I heard about how the police raided your home office, took your computers an' whatnot. Yeah. I wrote an article about police abuse of power based info a source leaked to me. You never shoulda did that, bruh. What was you thinking? I was thinking this was America. That's fake news.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-16 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-16 Pub. Date: 2019-05-16
Image Number: 177623
Caption: This just in: Because of us, one million species are on the brink of extinction. The food chain will collapse … Click … Measles outbreak. Scientists believe the virus has mutated, and evolved, and is now calling people to see if they're home. Click … Chocked to discover the beloved puppet may have been posting on white supremacist discussion forums ... Click ... Gillicaaaaan, the Skipper tooooo ... the millionaaaaire ... and his wiiiiiiiife ...
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-10 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-10 Pub. Date: 2019-05-10
Image Number: 177532
Caption: What happened, bruh? When we was kids, most we had to worry about was someone had a knife. Didn't nobody bring guns to preschool an' terrorize little kids, Big L. We even had massive gang wars on campus in high school, an' not one person got shot. Ah … the good old days. In my day, we had to wait 'til we was walkin' home to get shot at.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-06 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-06 Pub. Date: 2019-05-06
Image Number: 177508
Caption: I applied for a Home Depot credit card, Susan. What? Why? You rent. How much Home Depot stuff could you need? Well, when I picked little Lionel up from Toddlerville day care and asked him what he learned today … he said they learned how to barricade the door and hide form an active shooter. This country is sick. Toddlerville told me they didn't have the budget for bulletproof doors, so I figured I'd build them some.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-11 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-11 Pub. Date: 2019-04-11
Image Number: 177116
Caption: You know the worst part of renting instead of owning a home? Aside from not being able to create generational wealth for your children and all your descendants, I mean. You don't really have a good reason to hang out in Home Depot. You don't get to tear down walls and dig a lot of holes when you rent. Don't put limits on y'self, Big L. I tore down a wall just last week, I don't give a @#$%.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-03 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-03 Pub. Date: 2019-03-03
Image Number: 176359
Caption: I'll take you back on one condition: No more cheating. Ok. Also, you'd better not even look at another woman. Ok. and you have to give me all your passwords so I can monitor all your social media accounts. Ok. And you have to go to counseling with me and admit how horrible a person you are. And you have to come home straight after work. And you have to get my permission to go anywhere else. And you can't talk to any females other than me or your mother. And you have to let me handle all your finances. And you have to keep quiet when my friends and family treat you like the trash you are for the rest of your life. I thought you said one condition. You life being over is one condition. Not to self: Never, ever, ever say take me back.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-18 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-18 Pub. Date: 2019-01-18
Image Number: 175844
Caption: I read your new article about Jazmine Barnes getting shot. What'd you think? I think you were right about gang violence and about fatherless homes and about uneducated, hopeless young men. But you were dead wrong about gun control, and about taxpayer-funded daycare and youth camps, and about pouring tax dollars into poor school districts. So ... you like pointing out problems, but you hate pointing out solutions. Is solutions the name of your Marxist unicorn?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-06 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-06 Pub. Date: 2019-01-06
Image Number: 175478
Caption: I'm thinking of buying an income property. That's 'cause I'm already paying one mortgage that I barely qualified for, so I didn't think I'd qualify for another. But YouTube videos told me I'm not supposed to get a new mortgage. I'm supposed to get a home equity line of credit, and use that heloc to pay cash for my investment property. A heloc is usually 80% of the equity a homeowner has in the home. And I have lots of equity. What's lots? 20% of what I bought it for. Wait ... didn't you buy your shack for $8,000? I can get a pretty sweet income property in Chernobyl for 80 percent of $8,000. But your heloc wouldn't be 80% of $8,000. It'd be 80% of 10% of $8,000. Yeah. I figured that out. That's why my realtor and I are scoping out underwater caves off the Siberian coast. That's why you wanted to borrow my scuba gear.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-17 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-17 Pub. Date: 2018-12-17
Image Number: 175479
Caption: Hello, you’ve reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because nobody is ever at home anymore. You can reach me on my cellphone. Probably literally. I sleep with it. It comforts me at night. I think I need help, is what I'm saying.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-08 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-08 Pub. Date: 2018-10-08
Image Number: 174387
Caption: You know they're working on robots you can have nookie with? Aiight, bruh, that's it. C-Dog puttin' a stop to this train wreck right here. I don't put up with your Star Track, an' your Babylon 9, an' your Yoda voicemail greeting, but this spit just got outta control. I'ma go get Pookie an' Big Oatmeal an' the rest of the boys, an' we gonna have you an intervention. I didn't say I was going to buy one, or anything. Go home an' say goodbye to your Doctor Who toothbrush, bruh.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-16 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-16 Pub. Date: 2018-08-16
Image Number: 173502
Caption: America betrayed its Japanese citizens. Stole their homes. Shipped them at gunpoint to concentration camps. Demeaned them. Dehumanized them. Declared them aliens. Abused them … but when I interviewed five-year-old George, he was … ok. Not happy, but … ok. His dad had told him it was all part of their vacation. Wait ... back up ... you're saying you snuck into an air duct here in Candorville ... and climbed out of it in an internment camp in Arkansas in the year 1942? That's not important right now. Important part is, kids can be ok with anything ... as long as they've got mom and dad there to lie to them.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-10 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-10 Pub. Date: 2018-08-10
Image Number: 173377
Caption: Hello congressional candidate, your robocall has reached the home of a registered voter. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out searching for the nonexistent job your party promised you'd deliver last time you ran for office. I'm Lemont Brown. And I approved this message.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-21 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-21 Pub. Date: 2018-07-21
Image Number: 172930
Caption: You an' me, we boys, right Saron? We been knowin' each other for what, 10, 15 years? That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. And in all that time, you ain't never, not once, invited me into your home. That’s cold-blooded, Saron. Susan, Clyde. My name is Susan. You've known me since the Reagan administration. An' that's how long you been stand-offish, Saron.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-19 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-19 Pub. Date: 2018-06-19
Image Number: 172355
Caption: twitter™ Twitter.comcandorville. @candorville - I read your article about the North Korea summit. I agree with you, the President didn't exactly make the best deal. He should've at least brought home some brand new heat resistant, gummy-flavored aluminum siding, as seen at tinyurl.com/c4eddh. The advertisers are getting sneakier and sneakier. That would have ensured world peace.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-03 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-03 Pub. Date: 2018-05-03
Image Number: 171055
Caption: Did you know that Chicago's water is full of brain-damaging lead, jut like in Flint? It's probably been there for decades. Did you know studies have shown links between childhood lead exposure and violent crime? Did you know that plenty of other cities that have lots of violent crime also have ancient lead pipes bringing water into their homes? Did you know that nobody seems to be able to put two and two together? Prob'ly 'cause of all that lead.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-28 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-28 Pub. Date: 2018-04-28
Image Number: 170824
Caption: I told you we should've held on to the cardboard box until the housing market picked back up. Need $ 4 shelter.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-22 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-22 Pub. Date: 2018-04-22
Image Number: 170147
Caption: Here we have a fabulous, publicly owned power grid. It served an island that was home to 3 million American citizens, until it was devastated by a natural disaster. Bidding starts at $3 billion. $3 billion! $4 billion! We have $4 billion. $4 billion going once ... $4 billion going twice ... Sold, to the gentleman from Foreignvania, for $4 billion! Is this the room where they're auctioning off Captain Picard's flute for Star Trek? You want the Macarthur Ballroom. 3rd floor. Here we have a fabulous-but-devastated public education system ...
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-11 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-11 Pub. Date: 2018-04-11
Image Number: 170411
Caption: Maybe you'd understand owning a gun if you were a single female living alone. Wait … are you trying to tell me you own a gun, Susan? Remember how I was walking home six year ago, and a guy stepped out of a dark alley, dragged me into it, and got the better of me? What? Oh my god, I don't remember that at all! That's 'cause it didn't happen. Because I was armed and he ran away. What else could've made him do that? A taser ... pepper spray ... souvenir nunchucks from Panda Express ... the list is endless.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-10 home 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-10 Pub. Date: 2018-02-10
Image Number: 168185
Caption: Can Lionel come to my house and play? No. Why not, Lemont? First of all, it's Mister Brown to you. Second of all, it's 'cause last time he did, he came home calling me Lemont. What have your parents taught you about respecting your elders, Malcolm? That's Mister Malcolm to you, Lemont.
     
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