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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (33 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-06 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-06 Pub. Date: 2019-05-06
Image Number: 177508
Caption: I applied for a Home Depot credit card, Susan. What? Why? You rent. How much Home Depot stuff could you need? Well, when I picked little Lionel up from Toddlerville day care and asked him what he learned today … he said they learned how to barricade the door and hide form an active shooter. This country is sick. Toddlerville told me they didn't have the budget for bulletproof doors, so I figured I'd build them some.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-22 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-22 Pub. Date: 2018-06-22
Image Number: 172358
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about the treatment of refugees from Canardville. Mayor Thump never asked them to come here. Their whole town fell into a giant sinkhole. They're right next door. Where were they supposed to go? Who cares? Not here. And I'm tired of people whining about how the mayor put them all in jail and took all their babies away form them. They should've thought of that before they chose to be born in a town that would one day sink into a giant sinkhole.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-04 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-04 Pub. Date: 2018-06-04
Image Number: 172068
Caption: Has it occurred to you, Rosencrantz, that we are never there? Wherever we are at any given moment is but a rest stop on a journey form where we were to where we are headed. All of existence is in motion. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some great being would put its finger on existence and bring it to a halt. Even the great finger could not remain there forever, for the finger is always on a journey to somewhere else. I sense this thesis is about to go sideways, Tyrone.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-02 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-02 Pub. Date: 2018-06-02
Image Number: 171950
Caption: I laugh at those who deem it insane when a man talks to himself, Rosencrantz … for we do not perceive reality. Instead, reality is transmitted through our sensory nodes, converted into electrical impulses, and transmitted across our synapses … whereupon our brains piece the impulses together and form an approximation of reality. Don't you see? Every person I've ever spoken with has been just a voice inside my head. Whatever, Tyrone. It's till creepy when you sing yourself to sleep.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-28 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-28 Pub. Date: 2018-03-28
Image Number: 169887
Caption: I started using the Amass Loot app to invest money. Say what? It's like Stash and Acorns. It automatically withdraws money form my checking account and buys stocks. Just one day after starting, I lost 48 cents. The app told me that meant it was the perfect time to invest even more. I could get you in on Big Oatmeal's craps game in the alley. I go just like that. How much does he charge per trade?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-07 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-07 Pub. Date: 2018-03-07
Image Number: 169165
Caption: Have you already had any coffee from that pot, Ms. Garcia? Why do you ask, Terry? Oh … no reason. No reason at all. If you've already had some, you may as well have more. It wouldn't make a difference at this point. Are you trying to scare me away form the coffee so you can have it all yourself? It's been an honor working with you, ma'am.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-27 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-27 Pub. Date: 2018-02-27
Image Number: 168928
Caption: I checked my news site's stats, and 98% of my readers these days are form the United States and Canada. It's almost as if the entire rest of the world has decided to stop reading news about the United States. What do you think I could do to get international readers to come back to my site? I mean, short of getting the western world to see us as their leader again. Have you tried showing some leg? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-01 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-01 Pub. Date: 2017-12-01
Image Number: 165421
Caption: We're all the same. I don't know what you mean, bruh. I've been thinking about the "one electron theory." All electrons are identical. The best explanation for that is they're all the same exact electron. This single electron travels back and forth through time over and over again, forming everything that exists. The theory's been around for decades. Sometimes scientists think it's valid, other times they think it's nonsense. It goes back and forth ... just like the electron. If this all the case, you giving me $3 would be the same as you keeping your $2.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-27 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161361
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-17 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161534
Caption: Hello, me, I'm you form the future. I've come back in time to ask you to do a wider variety of activities. Go visit seedy bars in foreign lands and get into misadventures with the locals, become a reality tv star and then run for office. Go live amongst the Aborigines in Australia and when you return, try to smuggle a kangaroo past customs. Anything! Our grandkids are tired of hearing the same five stories over and over again, is that I'm saying. Zzzzz.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-10 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-10 Pub. Date: 2017-03-10
Image Number: 155383
Caption: When did you know you were in love with Vancouver? It happened one night over Skype … I said "we must be double-planets, because our barycenter is somewhere between us in space, outside of either of our bodies … and because in our orbit around it, we're tidally locked, unable to turn away form one another." When she bit her lip and told me "that was so sexy" instead of slowly backing away from her computer, I knew it was true love. Dios mio.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-26 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-26 Pub. Date: 2016-06-26
Image Number: 144284
Caption: You want to know why I'm voting for Trump? Because I like the idea of him making America great again. Oh, me too. That way we could all build bomb shelters in our backyards. Women could wear corsets, and men could wear suits and fedoras all the time, even while jogging. BLM activist love of red velvet cake. Daily Nutjob. Hillary failed to stop Pearl Harbor. Goodnight Grandpa. Men could smoke and drink in the office like real men, and women could go back to doing whatever we say. Black war vets could be denied a lot of the benefits of the G.I. Bill and I wouldn't have to sit in the front of the bus anymore. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Hillary rep'd NY on 9/11. Coincidence? Exoneration Nation. I once read that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. I like the back of the bus. That way I could keep an eye our for all the Communists. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why? Hillary failed to stop destruction of Alderaan.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-19 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-19 Pub. Date: 2016-06-19
Image Number: 144283
Caption: Hello, you've reached Dubble Cross Health Insurance. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi, Ryan. I just got a bill form you for $850. It says it's for "professional services." But I'm not with Dubble Cross. I have Czar Health Insurance. That's right, but it says here you used the emergency room the same week you switched from us to Czar. So when they billed your visit to us, you weren't actually covered by us. So you have to pay us back. What're you taking about? I used the emergency room on the last day of December, and I'd already paid you my dues for December, so I was covered! Our billing cycle ends the day before the last day of the month, sir. Since when, Ryan?! Since we realized people wouldn't know that.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-20 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-20 Pub. Date: 2015-03-20
Image Number: 124248
Caption: Where do babieth come fwom? Well, it's simple, son. You've heard of men? Uh huh. And women? Uh huh. Well, when men and women have relations, each of them contributes 23 chromosomes that combine to form a diploid cell that becomes a blastocyst, which undergoes a multi-phase gestation until it's ready to leave the womb. Babies come from the hospital. Oh.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-30 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-30 Pub. Date: 2014-08-30
Image Number: 115533
Caption: What do you see when you look at the clouds, Lemont? I see a … wait … I see a pigeon picking a fight with a drone. This game was a lot more relaxing in the twentieth century, Susan. That drone is pretty feisty.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-17 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-17 Pub. Date: 2011-09-17
Image Number: 65649
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Thank you for signing up for our vague product or service ... which you've never heard of or, indeed, signed up for. We've enclosed a form, and as soon as you sign and return it they you'll have actually signed up for our service and that'll retroactively justify this letter. Sincerely, The name of someone who won't ever answer your phone calls and may not actually exist. Don't bother reading the fine print; because we are so vague, we don't really have to clarify anything in the fine print.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-14 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-14 Pub. Date: 2010-11-14
Image Number: 53962
Caption: 1982. You see WHAT when you look at that cloud, Lemont? I see a star. Clouds are floating water. Water is two hydrogen atoms bonded to one oxygen atom. Hydrogen was the first molecule formed after the Big Bang, and it lived in the hearts of primordial stars. Those stars went supernova, and blew hydrogen and molecules and elements across the universe. Those elements coalesced to form everything in our solar system, including you, and me and the clouds. Even boogers? When I see a booger, I see a star.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-09-12 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-09-12 Pub. Date: 2010-09-12
Image Number: 51720
Caption: I'm having a good day! Me too. You're always having a good day. Not really, but I fake it well. Yeah, way better than I do. Actually, I don't at all. I've perfected the art of denial. Denial is the natural form of antidepressant. That's depressing. WHAT'S depressing? See?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-06-21 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-06-21 Pub. Date: 2010-06-21
Image Number: 48740
Caption: I told you, I don't have a student I.D. I'm you, from the future. U.C. Berkeley Dormitories Freeborn Hall. Long story short, we can travel through time in our dreams. Right now I'm asleep on a plane in 2010, but my astral form is here in 1994. I've come back to this moment to tell you Sasha Mitchell is the love of your life, and if you let her get away, you'll regret it forever. Why don't you make a short story long?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-25 form 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-25 Pub. Date: 2010-02-25
Image Number: 44348
Caption: The problem with you Republicans and you Democrats is you're all corrupt elitists! We should vote EVERYONE out in office and put REAL PEOPLE in charge! Just like the animals did in that book "Animal Farm." Um … did you FINISH reading that book? Not really. Why?
     
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