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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-12 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-12 Pub. Date: 2019-08-12
Image Number: 178994
Caption: … So I replied What do you mean your charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those. And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness. Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-10 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-10 Pub. Date: 2019-07-10
Image Number: 178422
Caption: Tyrone, have you ever seen a UFO? I believe I just witnessed one ascending into the heavens. That was no UFO. It was a gigantic ball of fire and hot dogs exploding from a barbecue pit on the fire escape of that building across the way. Most astounding sightings have mundane explanations, Rosencrantz. I challenge your understanding of the word mundane. Ironically, mundane is an interesting word. Spare change?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-26 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-26 Pub. Date: 2019-02-26
Image Number: 176498
Caption: My baby boy asked me what I was eating. So I told him short ribs. He asked What are short ribs? So I said red meat. He asked Why is it red meat when it's brown? So I said Because when you cook red meat, it undergoes a chemical reaction that browns it. It's called the Maillard Reaction. So he said Why does a duck help you cook your meat? My theory is that children are just messing with us. So I said Maillard not Mallard.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-30 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-30 Pub. Date: 2018-09-30
Image Number: 174071
Caption: I read that dumb article you wrote, where you said we should have magical fairies deliver caramel-covered mountains of cash in sacks made of rainbows to every man, woman and child. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't do it … don't do it. That's not all what I wrote. I wrote that we should give our war veterans better access to health care, education, and job training. If you have to explain what you wrote, then what you wrote wasn't very clear. Gah!!!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-02 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-02 Pub. Date: 2018-09-02
Image Number: 173653
Caption: I read your latest article about the Fermi Paradox. It's the likeliest explanation … We've only been transmitting radio signals for about 100 years, Susan. And since radio waves travel at the speed of light, our radio bubble's only about 200 light years across. Our radio waves have only reaches 15,000 or so stars out of 400 billion. It'll be tends of thousands of years before most of the galaxy ever sees I Love Lucy. There could be 399,999,985,000 stars out there with civilizations broadcasting I Love Splorg or something, and we won't even notice it until the year 201818 ... and if most aliens skipped radio and went straight to internet, we may never, ever know they exist. Is that why your headline was We'll Never See a Splorg Get Trolled on Facesplorg?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-25 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-25 Pub. Date: 2018-06-25
Image Number: 172487
Caption: Will explain why you should care about other people, for $$$. Will tacitly agree with you by staying silent while you dehumanize other people for $$$.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-26 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-26 Pub. Date: 2018-03-26
Image Number: 169885
Caption: Hey mister? Who is Stormy Daniels? Um … Stormy Daniels is a … you see what had happened was … Oh, I know: Stormy Daniels is a phrase that means to distract from far more important issues. Is that why when I tried googling it, my mom grabbed my tablet and threw it out the window? Grownups really hate being distracted.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-14 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-14 Pub. Date: 2018-02-14
Image Number: 168415
Caption: Daddy? Can I thee Bwack Panthew? No, son, you can't see Black Panther. There'll be lots of people doing not-nice things in that movie. I don't want you seeing all that fighting. But ith onwy make-beweave fighting, not weaw fighting. Do you need me to ecthpwain the diffwenth? No, son, I don't need you to explain the difference. Are you thure? You theem to.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-09 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-09 Pub. Date: 2018-02-09
Image Number: 168184
Caption: Daddy, why did the moon go away? Well, it's simple, son. You know about the sun? Uh huh. And the earth? Uh huh. Just as earth orbits the sun, the moon orbits the earth. When it's on our side of the planet, we can see it, but when it dips below the horizon, or when there's a total lunar eclipse or cloud cover, we can't. The moon's sleeping. Oh.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-01 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-01 Pub. Date: 2017-12-01
Image Number: 165421
Caption: We're all the same. I don't know what you mean, bruh. I've been thinking about the "one electron theory." All electrons are identical. The best explanation for that is they're all the same exact electron. This single electron travels back and forth through time over and over again, forming everything that exists. The theory's been around for decades. Sometimes scientists think it's valid, other times they think it's nonsense. It goes back and forth ... just like the electron. If this all the case, you giving me $3 would be the same as you keeping your $2.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-31 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-31 Pub. Date: 2017-10-31
Image Number: 164416
Caption: Someday we'll develop a telescope powerful enough to see other worlds. That's setting ourselves up for heartache. You know what I mean? No. But I bet you'll geeksplain it to me. Imagine we fall in love with a cute alien panda-bunny we see bouncing through trees on a planet that's 500 light years away. That means we're seeing what it did 500 years ago, That means it's dead now. See? You did it. You owe me $2. That's not how bets work. I bet it is.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-27 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161361
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-06 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160565
Caption: Your latest article was a little confusing, Lemont. What's confusing about my having solved Fermi's paradox? I've single-handedly explained how the universe could be filled with civilization, even though we've seen no evidence them. Did you know there's a possibility our universe exists within a black hole? ... and every black hole in our universe may contain an entire universe of its own? I've heard that. And did you know that people ultimately just can't stand those who are different from them? Don't you see, Susan? There is no paradox. When a civilization advances far enough, it doesn't fly to other stars. It thinks much bigger. It creates a black hole and vanishes into it so it can have a whole universe to itself. They could shape it and write its natural laws however they want. The Berniezoidians could have a whole universe full of single-payer healthcare, ... and the Trumpmagans could have a whole universe full of no undocumented immigrants. Oh. I was just confused about the part where you wrote "The Trumpmagans still insist Mexico will pay for the event horizon."
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-19 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-19 Pub. Date: 2017-01-19
Image Number: 153407
Caption: If a person's lucky, they'll have two, maybe three moments in life that defy explanation. Moments so magical they make you believe in destiny. It happened with Vancouver that night. She leaned back. She pulled me close … and in that ephemeral moment just before our lips united at last ... there was electricity. Literally. It was real. We felt it. We saw it. We knew in that moment it was because we were meant for one another. Actually, it was because you'd just walked over her carpet and had built up a static charge. Zip it, Neil Degrasse Tyson, this is MY story.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-12 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-12 Pub. Date: 2017-01-12
Image Number: 153089
Caption: Lemont Brown's Credo page 12. #96: This, I believe: Nobody "knows" anything. It's entirely possible that our universe is merely a computer simulation. If that's the case, then God, science … EVERYTHING … could have been written - and can be arbitrarily CHANGED - at the whim of the programmer ... It's the only explanation for all these hipsters who've suddenly sprouted huge lumberjack beards.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-25 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-25 Pub. Date: 2016-06-25
Image Number: 144902
Caption: Sir, I just found out Gary earns 15% more than I do. I'd like an explanation. Well, it's simple, Garcia: Gary has a wife to support. You don't. That's why he's paid more.. Seriously, sir? That explanations the worst. But earlier you said you'd "like" it. You lied. And you wonder why Gary's paid more.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-20 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-20 Pub. Date: 2015-03-20
Image Number: 124248
Caption: Where do babieth come fwom? Well, it's simple, son. You've heard of men? Uh huh. And women? Uh huh. Well, when men and women have relations, each of them contributes 23 chromosomes that combine to form a diploid cell that becomes a blastocyst, which undergoes a multi-phase gestation until it's ready to leave the womb. Babies come from the hospital. Oh.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-16 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-16 Pub. Date: 2015-03-16
Image Number: 124244
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Hillary Clinton says the private server she stored her work email on was totally secure because it was set up for President Clinton. Because servers set up years earlier were obviously still secure in 2009. Tap tap tap tap tap.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-22 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-22 Pub. Date: 2015-02-22
Image Number: 122695
Caption: "Your thigh bone's connected to your hip bone … Your shoulder bone's connected to your neck bone … Your neck bone's connected to your head bone … Now hear the word of the Lord!" James Weldon Johnson wrote that almost 100 years ago. Yeah, well … I still don't see why it's James Weldon Johnson's fault you just had to pay $5,000 to get your teeth fixed. It's obvious, Lemont. For 100 years, they've been indoctrinating us at an early age into not considering teeth to be an integral part of the body. That's what lets health insurance get away with not covering dental. I bet the HMOs paid the guy not to even mention the tooth bone. It's the only explanation for such a glaring omission. First of all, I'm not sure "tooth bone" is a thing ... which is proof that a century of brainwashing works.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-15 explanation 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-15 Pub. Date: 2015-01-15
Image Number: 121387
Caption: Lemont Brown's Credo. Page 12. #46: This, I believe: Nobody "knows" anything. It's entirely possible that our universe is merely a computer simulation. If that's the case, then God, science ... EVERYTHING ... could have been written - and can be arbitrarily CHANGED - at the whim of the programmer. It's the only explanation for all these hipsters who've suddenly sprouted huge lumberjack beards.
     
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