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Candorville

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361. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-18 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-18 Pub. Date: 2016-09-18
Image Number: 147977
Caption: Donald Trump is right: It's totally unfair and disgusting to point out that the KKK and other white nationalist groups support him. The fact that horrible bigots support him doesn't mean that Trump himself is a horrible bigot. There are plenty of non-hate-related reasons why they might be supporting him. Like what? Maybe they support him because he retweets them all the time. Everyone likes to be retweeted. How come in the '70s, his real estate company would tell blacks and Puerto Ricans no apartments were available but whites were shown available ones? Just 'cause he retweets bigots and hires bigots doesn't mean he's a bigot. Do you ever retweet stuff you don't agree with?
     
362. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-17 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-17 Pub. Date: 2016-09-17
Image Number: 148484
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "If aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well … what if they have? What if we aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
363. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-14 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-14 Pub. Date: 2016-09-14
Image Number: 148481
Caption: 1982. I don't buy all the stuff they tell me in Sunday school. But I do think there's a God. You do, Lemont? I believe the universe is an organism. Like my hamster. We call it "God," and we're its constituent parts. And like any hamster, it wants every one of its organs and cells to thrive. Even the tunas? 'Cause we kill them and put them in cans. I didn't say I had it all worked out.
     
364. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-08 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-08 Pub. Date: 2016-09-08
Image Number: 148217
Caption: Why don't you like kids, Susan? I don't know. Maybe it's just that I don't like double standards. For instance … if a grown person ran from room to room naked, yelling "booga-booga" over and over again, he'd be locked up. But if a kid does it, it's magically ok? Seriously? 36 years later, you still won't let me live that down? You ruined my whole first holy communion.
     
365. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-04 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-04 Pub. Date: 2016-09-04
Image Number: 147443
Caption: Scientists proved quantum entanglement is a thing. They split one subatomic particle into two, and then found that when they did something to one half, the other half was affected too. Meanwhile, they also proved the location of subatomic particles is dependent on observation. Until it's observed, a particle exists in different locations simultaneously. I know. The act of observing it collapses all those locations into one. And no one know why that is. Scientists also believe that every particle in the universe is entangled with every other particle because they were all part of the same singularity that exploded during the big bang. Don't you see, Susan? When we decide to find a particle's position, the particle decides to have one, because that particle is quantum-entangled with us! Ok ... but why'd you ask if I was followed coming here? An observer observing an observer who's observing an observer who observed how observation works just might be what caused the last big bang,
     
366. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-03 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-03 Pub. Date: 2016-09-03
Image Number: 147924
Caption: I need a favor, Clyde. Anytime, bruh. We boys for life. I got you. What we gon' do? "Young Justice" is a cartoon about the Justice League's sidekicks, like Superboy and Aqualad. It's amazing. But it got canceled years ago. I need you to binge-watch it on Netflix, so they'll see how beloved it is and give it a third season. You're not saying anything. That's cause my momma always told me don't talk to strangers.
     
367. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-02 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-02 Pub. Date: 2016-09-02
Image Number: 147923
Caption: I wrote a very realistic screenplay that subverts all the usual Hollywood clichés. We don't see the protagonist in a moody bar when he feels down; we spend an hour watching him fall asleep all along in front of his tv … and when he tries to stop a wedding, it takes him half an hour to find a good parking spot, and he misses the whole thing. We watch him circle the block for a half an hour. Clichés are clichés for a reason.
     
368. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-01 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-01 Pub. Date: 2016-09-01
Image Number: 147922
Caption: I think you're being way too hard on that new Eddie Murphy movie, Clyde. Bruh. Why you keep defendin' that tired, horrible abomination? I don't know. Well … I guess when people hate something so venomously and tell me it's worthless, I have this reflexive instinct to find the good in it ... which explains a lot, actually. Whachoo lookin' at me like that for?
     
369. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-31 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-31 Pub. Date: 2016-08-31
Image Number: 147921
Caption: Not everything is about race, Clyde. You tryin' to tell me Hollywood don't have a "magical Negro" problem? You ain't noticed all the movies where a black character come outta nowhere an' has no purpose at all other than to teach white people how to solve problems? Yeah, but that's not racial. There are plenty of characters of all races who have no purpose other than to teach people lessons. And let's not forget Yoda. Confusing the issue, you are.
     
370. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-30 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147920
Caption: That trailer for Eddie Murphy's "Mr. Church" don't look like nothin' but "Driving Miss Daisy Part 2." It look like it literally a film about a brotha who spend decades serving white people an' tryin' to be part of they family instead of makin' his own. I was willin' to look the other way when he was talkin' to animals, and when a tree made him shut up for a whole movie, an' when he played a donkey. But when he play a black man who want nothin' outta life but to cook grits for two white women, I draw the line. It's a true story!!! That makes it ok.
     
371. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-25 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-25 Pub. Date: 2016-08-25
Image Number: 147665
Caption: C-Dog don't never dream 'cause dreamin' just make real life worse, Big L. Let's say I dream I can stand on a corner or walk across the street without some cop bothering me. Then when I wake up, no matter where I go, there some cop lookin' out his car window at me, just waiting for a reason to "put me in my place." If I don't dream things can be better, then I ain't never disappointed. I know what you mean. Last night I dreamt you weren't depressing.
     
372. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-24 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-24 Pub. Date: 2016-08-24
Image Number: 147664
Caption: What's the last dream you remember, Clyde? C-Dog don't dream, bruh. I'm either asleep or I'm not. Ain't no in-between. Dreaming's for indecisive brothas. Maybe you just don't remember your dreams, Clyde. If I don't remember something, it didn't happen. That's C-Dog motto.
     
373. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-22 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-22 Pub. Date: 2016-08-22
Image Number: 147662
Caption: I had the strangest dream last night, Susan. I dreamt I was coming home on a subway train … From where? I don't remember. Someplace incredible, is all I know. Anyway, just as the train … "Incredible" good or "incredible" bad? It was a place where a person could tell a story without being interrupted. Sorry.
     
374. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-21 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-21 Pub. Date: 2016-08-21
Image Number: 146823
Caption: No, momma, I didn't see that post on "The Newsfeed." Remember, momma, I told you everyone sees a different newsfeed tailored just for them. It's based on what we search for online, what we type, etc … Ok, watch … load Facebook. "Load" means … never mind ... turn on the Facebook. Ok, now tell me what's on your screen. Uh-huh ... Uh-huh ... See? That's the perfect example, momma ... I don't see a single post about Idris Elba's booty on MY newsfeed. And I'd like to stop talking about this now.
     
375. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-18 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-18 Pub. Date: 2016-08-18
Image Number: 147388
Caption: Susan's out of town next week. Momma's got plans. My old boss is going to be on a fishing trip. My mailman is going to be eloping in Vegas. The corner hobo is going to be out of town at a convention. Ok, now I'm feelin' a little less honored that you asked me to watch yo' son for you. Just don't tattoo him like you did my goldfish.
     
376. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-16 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147386
Caption: I'm going to Uganda next week to write an article about their harsh anti-gay laws. Can you watch my son for me while I'm gone? I wish I could, Lemont, but I have a mmble to do so I just can't. You just mumbled. You didn't say an actual thing. No, I don't think that happened.
     
377. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-13 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-13 Pub. Date: 2016-08-13
Image Number: 147070
Caption: Do you have any children? Yeah, a son. He's almost two. Almost three. I like children. There's an old saying: "If you are not a liberal at twenty, you have no heart and if you are not a conservative at thirty, you have no brain." But that saying ignores that it's the very little kids who actually have it right. Anything they can grasp is theirs, and your rules mean nothing to them. I don't want to have this conversation. If you're not libertarian at two, you have no guts.
     
378. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-10 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-10 Pub. Date: 2016-08-10
Image Number: 147067
Caption: I haven't finished reading a novel since my son was born. Taking care of him leaves me no time for any of my old hobbies. So I'm coming up with new hobbies he and I can do together. That makes sense. Today's hobby is going to be "Hide and Seek." I'll take about an hour to "find" him just so he'll think he's doing a great job hiding. How long does it take you to read a chapter in a novel? I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
379. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-06 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-06 Pub. Date: 2016-08-06
Image Number: 146693
Caption: Where have all the butterflies gone, Susan? Good question. See, this is why I'm more comfortable with a female best friend. I can ask you a simple question about a bug without you questioning my manhood. Think there'll ever be another "Sex and the City" movie? Don't push it.
     
380. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-30 Don 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-30 Pub. Date: 2016-07-30
Image Number: 146475
Caption: I'm not the most confident guy. How can I build up my confidence? Simple. Interrupt erebody. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. When you interrupt people in mid-sentence, it ruin they confidence. Throws them off they game. Then they even less confident than you. So what you're saying it, don't worry about building myself up, just tear the other guy down. That'll be $2.
     
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