|
1. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-01-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-01-30 |
| Image Number: |
176033 |
| Caption: |
Yesterday at work, I said Aristotle was a moron. Someone over heard me. They told a co-worker, who told another … By the end of the day, the office was bitterly divided into a pro-Aristotle and anti-Aristotle camps. Aristotle was wrong about everything. He though men were superior to women and masters were superior to slaves. He was wrong about physics, about chemistry, about biology, about psychology, about astronomy, and about social justice. As if our country wasn't divided enough, you had to mess around and start this. I'm not sure I can even respect the pro-Aristotle people anymore.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
2. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-12-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-12-30 |
| Image Number: |
175374 |
| Caption: |
Your suggestion didn't work, Susan. Thinking about baseball should have worked. Did you do it right? What do you mean? Did you think of the boring, repetitive parts? I tried. I thought about the batter swinging the bat around in the on-deck circle … The runners going around and around the diamond ... the batters swinging and almost always missing ... But instead of distracting me, it relaxed me. It wasn't boring, Susan. It was rhythmic. Baseball is a Zen-like experience that puts you into a trance. It frees the mind and makes it easier ... not harder ... for your mind to wander where you don't want it to go ... so it didn't stop me from wondering who's going to run for president in 2020. Ok, plan B: Try doing long division in your head.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
3. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-10-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-10-04 |
| Image Number: |
174291 |
| Caption: |
Our meme division is taking fast, people. Some of our best labels are failing. Fear, Inc. Fear of being called a white knight or a social justice warrior aren't scaring men away from speaking up in support of women in online arguments anymore. It's dragging down the whole GDP. Don't be scared, sir. The gross domestic panic index is overrated as an indicator. That puts me at ease. you're fired.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
4. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-09-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-09-11 |
| Image Number: |
173983 |
| Caption: |
Bus is late. Fake news. What? Have you interviewed the bus dispatcher? Have you been here all day? It's just as likely the bus has been running early all day. And so we missed it. But I guess that wouldn't fit in with your bus is late narrative. Not everything in this country has to be an argument. Yes it does!
|
|
| |
|
|
|
5. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-01-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-01-29 |
| Image Number: |
167917 |
| Caption: |
Did you know Youtube is a treasure trove of historic interviews? Last night, I watched Texas Governor John Connally speak. He was in his hospital bed, just days after the and John F. Kennedy were shot in Dallas. He recounted what happened, what was said in the car just before and during the assassination ... and at the end he gave an ominous warning about division in America, and he appealed for tolerance and togetherness. All the commenters agreed he was a little too eloquent, so he must've been in on it. Well, it's good that be brought people together.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
6. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-10-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-10-21 |
| Image Number: |
163907 |
| Caption: |
I can't remember how to divide, Clyde. Say what? Long division. I don't remember how to do it. I got an "A" in calculus back in high school. I got a "4" on the AP test. But let 20 years go by, and all of a sudden I have no idea how to even begin to divide 4,852.8 by 297.492. It take most people more than 20 years to forget how to use a calculator, bruh. You might wanna get y'self checked out.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
7. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-11-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-11-13 |
| Image Number: |
150252 |
| Caption: |
Your suggestion didn't work, Susan. Thinking about baseball should have worked. Did you do it right? What do you mean? Did you think of the boring, repetitive parts? I tried. I thought about the batter swinging the bat around in the on-deck circle … the runners going around and around the diamond ... the batters swinging and almost always missing ... but instead of distracting me, it relaxed me. It wasn't boring, Susan. It was rhythmic. Baseball is a Zen-like experience that puts you into a trance. It frees the mind and makes it easier ... not harder ... for your mind to wander where you don't want it to go ... so it didn't stop me from wondering who's going to run for president in 2020. Ok, plan B: Try doing long division in your head.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
8. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-01-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-01-04 |
| Image Number: |
137375 |
| Caption: |
1982. Mrs. Desilettes sent us up to the board two at a time to see who could divide faster. Did you win? I put down the chalk and told her "I refuse to participate in your divisive attempt to pit children against one another.? Dios mio. I told her this was how the arms race started. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-17). |
|
| |
|
|
|
9. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-10-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-10-24 |
| Image Number: |
133803 |
| Caption: |
I can't remember how to divide, Clyde. Say what? Long division. I don't remember how to do it. I got an "A" in calculus back in high school. I got a "4" on the AP test. But let 20 years go by, and all of a sudden I have no idea how to even begin to divide 4,852.8 by 297.492. It take most people more than 20 years to forget how to use a calculator, bruh. You might wanna get y'self checked out. |
|
| |
|
|
|
10. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-11-12 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-11-12 |
| Image Number: |
118788 |
| Caption: |
Zeno's Paradox theorizes that I can never actually reach my destination. If I have to travel one mile, first I have to reach half a mile. Then I have to cover half the remaining distance, then half again, and so on. Every distance, no matter how small, can be divided in half infinitely; so I can never actually get where I'm going. That still doesn't explain why you're always late. (Published originally on March 29, 2012.) |
|
| |
|
|
|
11. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-10-03 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-10-03 |
| Image Number: |
88012 |
| Caption: |
Liberals. Hollywood. Academics. College hippies. Poor freeloaders who don’t pay income taxes. Feminists. Illegals. Food stamp recipients. The media. Thank God for Culture Clash. I can't stand any of those worthless, un-American groups … … Because they're just so divisive. Thank God for Culture Clash. |
|
| |
|
|
|
12. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-08-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-08-08 |
| Image Number: |
85361 |
| Caption: |
I'm thinking of a number from fourteen to ninety … It’s divisible by both two and seven … … And long ago it cost an innocent 1st grader a passing grade in math. Fourteen. Don’t rub it in. |
|
| |
|
|
|
13. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-08-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-08-07 |
| Image Number: |
85360 |
| Caption: |
Lionel's some kind of prodigy. He's only two and he's already multiplying and dividing. He asked me "What's five divided by seven," and I realized … I forgot how to do that. Admitting I didn’t know would've wrecked his image of me. So I said "Pancakes" and pretended to fall asleep. |
|
| |
|
|
|
14. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-05-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-05-17 |
| Image Number: |
80978 |
| Caption: |
1982. Mrs. Desilettes sent us up to the board two at a time to see who could divide faster. Did you win? I put down the chalk and told her "I refuse to participate in your divisive attempt to pit children against one another.? Dios mio. I told her this was how the arms race started. |
|
| |
|
|
|
15. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-03-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-03-24 |
| Image Number: |
58864 |
| Caption: |
The only time people come together is when there's a huge calamity. 9/11. The tsunamis. The Haiti quake … When that stuff happens, the artificial constructs we use to divide ourselves - race, class, ideology - it all evaporates and we become one family. Why does it always take tragedy for us to behave like a family? My uncle stole my mom life savings, her car and her shoes. Don't ask about the shoes. Good talk, Clyde. |
|
| |
|
|
|
16. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2010-01-06 |
Pub. Date: |
2010-01-06 |
| Image Number: |
42638 |
| Caption: |
Fear, Inc. I called you all here because the Fox "News" division is blowing you all out of the water. Figmond Trip, I'm looking at you. Your tea party division especially was a serious disappointment. Sir, I don't think that's fair. I mean, Mr. Armey and Ms. Bachmann had no chance against Fox's O'Reilly and Hannity. I mean, the three-legged race is stacked in their favor. Hannity's inhumanly quick. I suspect steroids, if you wanna know the truth. ... Um, we're not talking about last week's picnic, are we. Sit down, Figmond. |
|
| |
|
|
|
17. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2010-01-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2010-01-05 |
| Image Number: |
42637 |
| Caption: |
Fear, Inc. 2009 turned out to be a banner year for our division. Fox News Channel. In fact, if it weren't for us, the company would've ended the year in the red. Did you say red? You know who really liked the color red? … KARL MARX. Everybody give a round of applause to the 2009 "Salesman of the Year," GLENN BECK! Know who else measured time in years? ... Nazis. |
|
| |
|
|
|
18. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2008-07-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2008-07-08 |
| Image Number: |
24778 |
| Caption: |
Comedian George Carlin visits Lemont's dream. All the media and the politicians ever talk about are the things that divide us. Anything to keep us fighting with each other so they can keep going to the bank. Let's talk about the little universal moments that make us the same. Ok....but you're dead. Ever notice how awful your skin feels when you're embalmed? |
|
| |
|
|
|
19. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2007-02-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2007-02-10 |
| Image Number: |
16052 |
| Caption: |
I think you can measure a society's advancement by how specialized it's people are, Susan. A society starts out with two basic jobs: hunting or gathering. When it's advanced, you've got teachers, astronomers, doctors, agronomists, etc. Some guy coming up a caffeinated doughnut isn't a sign of advancement, Lemont. I'm just sayin'... |
|
| |
|
|
|
20. |
 |
| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2006-06-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2006-06-24 |
| Image Number: |
13995 |
| Caption: |
I’d like to apologize for our obese viewers for comments two days ago. When I joked that the Army's decision to allow obese applicants was a conspiracy to enrich Halliburton's dessert division, that was insensitive. I'm a rail-thin, air-headed newsmodel, and sometimes I forget that most Americans are obese. Classy apology. That should hold 'em 'til dinner. Are we still on? |
|
| |
|
|
Reddit
MySpace
Twitter
Google Bookmarks
Linked In
Share on Facebook
