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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about defense and defenses.

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21. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-28 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-28 Pub. Date: 2013-06-28
Image Number: 98451
Caption: What if our universe ain't really real? What if we part of some simulation written by some programmer? What if we only think we got free will, but we only capable of making the choices that programmer programmed us to make? What did you do, Clyde? Only what I been written to do.
     
22. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-07 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-07 Pub. Date: 2013-04-07
Image Number: 95009
Caption: I soiled myself while reading the Drudge Report last month. There was a picture of North Korea's dictator and Drudge's bright read headline screamed … WAR DRUMS: US DEPLOYS MISSILES. After soiling myself and barricading us all in the basement, I checked Huffington Post to corroborate it. ... But their headline was tiny and just said "US To Beef Up Missile Defense Against N. Korea." Huffpost readers may have cleaner shorts, but it's Drudge reader who'll know to lock out doors when nuclear Armageddon breaks out.
     
23. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-04 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-04 Pub. Date: 2012-04-04
Image Number: 78534
Caption: Trayvon Martin visits Lemont's dream. What they charge my killer with? Well … They didn't arrest him right away. Florida has a "stand your ground" law. Someone can kill you, as long as he claims self-defense and no evidence shows otherwise, cops can't touch him. Cops said the shooter told them you fought him and hurt him. Did the cops say what it's like to be stalked by some scary-looking guy? What about me? I can't stand my ground? Only if you're the killer.
     
24. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-17 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-17 Pub. Date: 2011-05-17
Image Number: 60997
Caption: How your custody battle goin', Big L? Terrible. Roxanne's pretending she's never even heard of me. Uh oh … that's THE BIG LIE. Ain't nary a defense against the BIG LIE. It's easier to believe it than to accept that someone low 'nuff to make up a lie that blatant. You'd have a better chance if she'd said something that was sorta true ... Y'know ... like if she said you was poor, inadequate, slovenly, sorta fat, ne -- I GET IT.
     
25. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-06 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-06 Pub. Date: 2011-05-06
Image Number: 60511
Caption: Don't worry, Lemont. I'm prepared for whatever your evil ex's lawyer says. The can call you neglectful, say you're abusive, a terrorist, poor, inadequate and slovenly. And a little fat around -- I GET IT! But I'm prepared for anything! I've got rebuttals! I've got expert testimony! I've got -- Your honor, Ms. Dubois has never even heard of this man before. ... I've got poopy pants. Me too.
     
26. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-16 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-16 Pub. Date: 2009-01-16
Image Number: 29377
Caption: The young slave Frederick Douglass, having witnessed the barbarity of his master for the first time, ran and hid for hours, until he fell asleep. Then he had a curious dream… When I saw the captain whipping Hester, I felt… I felt… Oh, I know not how to describe what I felt. Well I know. You felt like standing up to show them you ain't no punk. You a man. An' they best respect you. Actually, I was going to say "I felt like throwing up," but your idea does sound more productive. You start by takin' they wallets.
     
27. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-10-07 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-10-07 Pub. Date: 2007-10-07
Image Number: 18844
Caption: Meanwhile, at a plantation formerly known as Mount Misery… Ahh … Does Donald Rumsfeld enjoy an ice cold lemonade? One could say that. Is it unfair for folks to blame him for Iraq going wrong, just 'cause he was defense secretary? Maybe. Is it wrong for folks to blame him for all the so-called "torture" and false imprisonment he oversaw? Who knows? Is he glad he resigned? Absolutely. Is retirement boring him out of his cotton-picking mind? You bet. Will you PLEASE stop that?!
     
28. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-08-13 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-08-13 Pub. Date: 2007-08-13
Image Number: 18244
Caption: THIS JUST IN: A new Al-Qaida videotape warns of a huge impending attack. It says they've figured out a way to potentially kill even more Americans than were killed on 9-11. The nation is on high alert. The attack could come from anywhere. I say, where might I register to vote against using tax dollars to fix the roadways?
     
29. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-02 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-02 Pub. Date: 2007-07-02
Image Number: 17823
Caption: Man, Clyde, there's been a lot of pick-pocketing lately. Yeh. Too bad. Yeah. To protect my wallet, I've been keeping a small, vicious dog in my pants pocket. Why are you telling me this? No reason.
     
30. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-02-01 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-02-01 Pub. Date: 2007-02-01
Image Number: 15970
Caption: The President, in keeping with a threat of military action against any country that's destabilizing Iraq, has dispatched the USS Custer battle group to the Potomac River to intimidate himself. Response from some quarters is predictable. Neoconservatives. He's doing what he has to protect us from us. Liberals. No war for brownstone quarries. We're stealing our natural resources! Clyde. Depends. After we invade us, would we allow us to loot?
     
31. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-25 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-25 Pub. Date: 2007-01-25
Image Number: 15917
Caption: All right, Susan. Here's the plan: I'll go talk Clyde out of selling drugs and you wait here where it's safe. Cool. Cool. But you forgot something, Lemont. Wuzzat? I know aikido, I box and have a stun gun. You, on the other hand, cry like a little girl when you get a hangnail. Like I said, you talk to Clyde and I'll wait here where it's safe.
     
32. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-20 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-20 Pub. Date: 2007-01-20
Image Number: 15857
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, I'm sorry for stealing your mail. I was searching it for WMDs al-Qaida may have sent you, sharp objects, chemicals, invites to anti-war demonstrations … Y'know, material harmful to the United Sates and the American people. When I found your Clay Aiken Christmas CD, I couldn't help myself. I stole it. I'm sorry. Here it is back ... except for track eight which was subversive. xoxo, Federal Agent Murph.
     
33. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-14 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-15 Pub. Date: 2007-01-14
Image Number: 15824
Caption: Some estimate it'll take years for embryonic stem cell research to produce any benefits. There, see? Proof we shouldn't conduct such research at all. Nonsense. It means if we're patient, we'll eventually see results. Some estimate it'll take years for missile defense technology to actually work. There, see? Proof we shouldn't conduct such research at all. Nonsense. It means if we're patient, we'll eventually see results.
     
34. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-05 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-07 Pub. Date: 2007-01-05
Image Number: 15754
Caption: Hello, you've reached the American Embassy in Foreignvania. If you're a reporter calling to ask whether our virtual takeover by the Pentagon is causing any trouble, press "one." If you're a Foreignvanian calling to suggest we're replacing diplomacy in your country with brute force, press "two" and duck. Um, we mean press "two."
     
35. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-12-03 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-12-08 Pub. Date: 2006-12-03
Image Number: 15502
Caption: Case #17700503-D: Susana "Susan" Garcia. Compiled by Federal Agent Eugene O. Murphy. 9:07 - Called "Mami," asked about "Papi." Code for Canadian aspirin-smuggling ring?
     
36. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-16 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-05 Pub. Date: 2006-08-16
Image Number: 14432
Caption: Lemont interviews Donald Rumsfeld. I never painted a rosy picture of Iraq, and you'd have a dickens of a time proving otherwise. (ahem) February 7, 2003… "It is unknowable how long that conflict will last. It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months." -Donald Rumsfeld. You'll note that I did not rule out six years, or six decades.
     
37. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-17 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-08-17 Pub. Date: 2006-08-17
Image Number: 14436
Caption: Secretary Rumsfeld, is Iraq embroiled in a civil war? Oh, my… Is there constant carnage between difference sects? YOU BET! But is it a civil war? Are they wearing blue or grey uniforms? No. Is there a Ken Burns documentary about it? Absolutely not. ...so I don't think you can it a classic "civil war" at this point.
     
38. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-15 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-08-15 Pub. Date: 2006-08-15
Image Number: 14431
Caption: Lemont Interviews Defense Secretary Rumsfeld for his blog. Violence seems to be worsening in Iraq. Is it? That depends… violence is always higher in the spring, summer and fall. That's most of the year, Mr. Secretary. Is it? I suppose it depends on what you mean by "year."
     
39. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-07-06 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-07-21 Pub. Date: 2006-07-06
Image Number: 14166
Caption: You've reached the office of Mayor Ernest. If you're a member of the press calling to ask whether I think I can govern effectively even though I've just been arrested, press one. Of course I can! You will now return to the main menu. If you're calling about a pothole on your street, contact my defense attorney.
     
40. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-04-23 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-04-24 Pub. Date: 2006-04-23
Image Number: 13537
Caption: Here we have a beautiful port system. This system of 21 ports comes complete with cranes, docks and the security of the American people. Bidding starts at $6 billion. $6 billion! $7 billion! We have $7 billion. $7 billion going once, $7 billion going twice. SOLD, to the gentleman in the front row for $7 billion! Um is this where the Robotech action figure auction is taking place? No, that's in room H200. Here we have a beautiful electoral system...
     
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