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Candorville

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-02 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-02 Pub. Date: 2010-11-02
Image Number: 53691
Caption: I'm voting for the guy who hates Washington the most! It's just like when I choose a dentist. I don't want one of those weaklings who's gonna coddle my teeth with x-rays and flouride and fillings. When my teeth demand costly procedures, I want a dentist who's going to man-up and say "not on my watch!" Mint? Why, thank you!
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-01 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-01 Pub. Date: 2010-11-01
Image Number: 53690
Caption: How'd you choose who to vote for? What's your system? I'm voting for the one who supports policies that make my life better. Oh. I'm voting for the one who scares me the most by implying his opponent is an un-American socialist who'll confiscate my 401K to fund organic tofu for illegal aliens. ... But your system's good too.
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-10-26 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-10-26 Pub. Date: 2010-10-26
Image Number: 53534
Caption: On the one hand, I'm so angry I'm ready to vote out anyone in power. On the other hand, my Congressman's opponent wants to privatize social security. Should I go with anger, or should I go with not wanting my retirement to be in the hands of the same crooked banks and Wall Street brokers who started this mess? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. My wise old cellmate used to say "you can't go wrong making decisions in anger."
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-03 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-03 Pub. Date: 2009-11-03
Image Number: 40340
Caption: Susan, I'm worried about you. You been makin' awful decisions lately. Oh, poo. I hear you with some dude who even worse than your usual losers. So? You playin' fetch with a wolf in a graveyard at 2 a.m. So? Yesterday, you loaned ME money. DIOS MIO!
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-21 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-21 Pub. Date: 2009-10-21
Image Number: 39858
Caption: Thank you for giving me a ride home, Lemont. Least I could do for my shrink. All right, do I go left or do I go right? Which way do you FEEL you should go? … Oh. Oh, therapist humor. Not bad. … So, which way do I go? Which way do YOU think you should go? STOP IT!!!
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-10 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-10 Pub. Date: 2009-09-10
Image Number: 38144
Caption: I hated my dad for abandoning us. Hated him so much that whenever I had to decide anything, I'd think … What would my father do? And I'd do the opposite. He was mean to women, so I'm too nice to them. He ran from commitment, so I run straight toward it. Excellent. We're getting somewhere. Let's explore that. He spent a lot of money on therapists, so -- I think we've gotten all we're going to get from that. Let's talk about your mother.
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-07 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-07 Pub. Date: 2009-07-07
Image Number: 35969
Caption: Michael Jackson visits Lemont's dream. I'm conflicted. On one hand, kids accused you of some serious offenses and I never completed bought your story. But on the other hand … I was a depressed kid. No dad. An outcast. But when I heard you sing and watched you dance, I felt full of life. What the heck. You entertained me so I'm willing to overlook your stupid decisions and your embarrassing naiveté. Thanks a lot. It's the least I could do.
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-29 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-29 Pub. Date: 2009-05-29
Image Number: 34378
Caption: It's not enough. I've laid off everyone except you, and it's still not enough. Executive decision, Brown! I've decided to eliminate our ink budget. But that's… Um… How are people going to read the words on the paper? Paper?! You think we can afford paper?! PAPER DOESN'T GROW ON TREES, BROWN! Hello, you've reached 9-1-1. To report a recession-related nervous breakdown, press "1".
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-16 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-16 Pub. Date: 2008-11-16
Image Number: 28016
Caption: VH1 presents: Where are they now? The Ozzy-the-Undecided-Voter Story. The time was October, 2008. Journalists across the country yearned for him. There wasn't a television show around that didn't broadcast his beaming smile. And for one brief electoral season, Ozzy-the-Undecided-Voter was at the top of his game. Mainstream media. Which one is Obama again? But as sometimes happens in the dog-eat-dog ignoramus industry, his star dimmed like a light bulb over a moron's head. Guess who I voted for? Yawn. And it sent him on a downward spiral. Anonymous Friend. After the election, he started hangin' around the wrong crowd. People who read an' pay attention. He started recognizin' the difference between such things as ketchup an' mustard. I was shocked, an' I was like "What the @#$% did you do with the real Ozzy? Next up, Ozzy hits rock bottom...
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-12 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-12 Pub. Date: 2008-09-12
Image Number: 26604
Caption: Breaking news! Joe Biden was apprehended today sneaking into Canada… …to avoid the sex change operation the Obama campaign had asked him to undergo. "Y'know what," said Biden, "If it helps me face down McCain's female VP-pick without angering women voters, I've decided that I'll-- Click. GILLIGAAAAN... The Skipper Toooo.... The million...aaaire.. CLYDE! Sorry, my bad. Click. In other news...
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-21 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-21 Pub. Date: 2008-08-21
Image Number: 26016
Caption: The guys watch the Olympics. Look at China go! They really have no competition in the "Denying People Their Rights" event. Wait! Team America is surging! Locking people in Guantanamo without access to lawyers! Uh oh… America stumbles! The Supreme Court rules they actually do have rights. WAAIT! THE PENTAGON SAYS EVEN IF A PRISONER'S FOUND "NOT GUILTY," THEY MIGHT NOT RELEASE HIM! WHAT A RECOVERY!
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-29 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-29 Pub. Date: 2008-05-29
Image Number: 23766
Caption: I'm not gay, I swear. I didn't really divorce my wife and marry Lance the mailman. I made it all up to illustrate how letting gays marry destroys traditional marriage and makes people gay. Lilly and I are still happily married. Repeat that part. It destroys traditional marriage. The other part. It makes people gay?
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-28 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-28 Pub. Date: 2008-05-28
Image Number: 23765
Caption: You don’t seem surprised to hear that the California Court's ruling turned me gay. I've know you were gay for years, dude. What?! The way you'd freak out about gay people like you were OBSESSED with all things gay. Since when does being continually preoccupied with the same thing to the exclusion of all else make one "obsessed"?
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-27 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-27 Pub. Date: 2008-05-27
Image Number: 23764
Caption: You left your wife and married Lance the mailman? I had no choice. California legalized gay marriage. Obviously, that meant traditional marriage must die, and we must all turn gay. So instead of waiting for the inevitable, I figured I'd just get it over with now. Some people will do anything to prove a point. Don't tell Lance about me and Arnold.
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-26 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-26 Pub. Date: 2008-05-26
Image Number: 23763
Caption: See, I was right all along! Letting gays marry ruins the whole institution of marriage! The California Supreme Court ruled that gays can marry just two weeks ago… …and already, I've left my wife and kids and married Lance, the mailman. Say what? @#$% activist judges made me gay.
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-15 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-15 Pub. Date: 2008-05-15
Image Number: 23477
Caption: Lemont, what's with that awful e-mail you sent me? I'm taking a stand, Susan Everything I like gets canceled. "Journeyman." "Jericho." The cheddar jalapeno twist… I've decided the only way to keep from things I like from getting canceled is not to like them. That's why you don't want to hang out with me anymore? It's for your own good.
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-03-29 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-03-29 Pub. Date: 2008-03-29
Image Number: 22467
Caption: Bad news. My-- editor won't publish your cartoons calling for better security for Abraham Lincoln. It's ok. I work for a newspaper too, 143 years from now. When we produce a society where editors and readers are afraid of discussing grave issues, we deserve the absolute hell that comes to us. Is everyone in the future this cheery? First they cancel "Journeyman," now THIS.
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-10-14 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-10-14 Pub. Date: 2007-10-14
Image Number: 18930
Caption: Let's play house. I'll get a subprime loan for a house we can't afford, and you pack our stuff for when it's repossessed.
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-08-30 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-08-30 Pub. Date: 2007-08-30
Image Number: 18404
Caption: C-dog's incredibly bad advice. $2. C-dog, I've voted for people who ended up hurting the nation. I blame myself. Next time, should I actually research their plans and their records instead of just voting for the one I'd want to have a beer with? Nah, jus' don't vote. Then you can blame whatever happens on other people. You make a lot of sense, C-dog. It's my job, son.
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-13 decision 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-13 Pub. Date: 2007-07-13
Image Number: 17868
Caption: The ghost of Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall is haunting Clarence Thomas. No, we have not killed Brown v. Board of Education. In fact, our ruling is based on the principles of Brown, and of Martin Luther King, Jr. We have a dream… …that one day a Black child and a White child can hold hands together... ...provided they can both afford to live near the same school. I'm paraphrasing, of course.
     
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