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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about counsels and counseling.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-15 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-15 Pub. Date: 2019-06-15
Image Number: 178025
Caption: I've totally forgotten why I ever started coming here. Dr. Noodle. I guess that means I'm cured, right? I mean, whatever it was, it must not be bothering me anymore. M.A. Actually, it's more likely you've repressed the memory. Stored it away where it can't hurt you ... or so you think. But don't worry, with an extra session per week, we can tackle this setback together. I'm going to miss you, Doc.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-05 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-05 Pub. Date: 2019-05-05
Image Number: 177448
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-25 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-25 Pub. Date: 2019-04-25
Image Number: 177326
Caption: What're you doing? Just setting up. Dr. Noodle. I've livecasting a reaction video to my therapy. It's streaming on Facebook Live and Youtube right now. Well? What're you waiting for? I think I can dispense with asking Why have you come to therapy. Make sure you skip all the boring questions, I don't want to lose viewers.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-21 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-21 Pub. Date: 2019-04-21
Image Number: 177255
Caption: My boss asked me if I'd consider getting a more professional-looking haircut. Dr. Noodle. I told him It is professional. I get it cut at Roscoe's Barbershop every two weeks. So then he said That's not what I meant. He said Think of cropping it short. So I said But Cody has longer hair than I do. So does Chad. And Bryan. And Todd. And Jack. And Spencer ... and you. So then he said he wasn't going to name names, but one of my coworkers told him my aggressive hair makes them uncomfortable. So I said to him that coworkers complaint, and you siding with them, is making me uncomfortable. What are you going to do about that? Let me guess ... He told me there was no need to be so aggressive.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-20 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-20 Pub. Date: 2019-04-20
Image Number: 177225
Caption: So you're worried that you may no longer be attractive to the opposite sex. Dr. Noodle. That's entirely normal. I felt that way myself at your age. M.A. You did? Sure. There comes a day when you look in the mirror and realize you're not a stallion anymore. Your coat is greying, and your saddle is too tight. When do you get to be the helpful part? M.A. The trick is realizing that a donkey can be just as beautiful ... ish.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-15 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-15 Pub. Date: 2019-04-15
Image Number: 177220
Caption: You just heard her say you're all business. Do you have anything to say about that? That depends. Do I actually have to answer for this to be tax deductible? PhD. M.A. Couple's therapy.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-03 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-03 Pub. Date: 2019-03-03
Image Number: 176359
Caption: I'll take you back on one condition: No more cheating. Ok. Also, you'd better not even look at another woman. Ok. and you have to give me all your passwords so I can monitor all your social media accounts. Ok. And you have to go to counseling with me and admit how horrible a person you are. And you have to come home straight after work. And you have to get my permission to go anywhere else. And you can't talk to any females other than me or your mother. And you have to let me handle all your finances. And you have to keep quiet when my friends and family treat you like the trash you are for the rest of your life. I thought you said one condition. You life being over is one condition. Not to self: Never, ever, ever say take me back.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-17 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-17 Pub. Date: 2019-02-17
Image Number: 176076
Caption: Kelly Facebooked me the other day. She says she's getting married … Dr. Noodle … but that thoughts of me keep tugging at her heart. I replied I didn't know whether to be happy for her, and she wrote she didn't know either. So I wrote Don't marry him! Why do you care? I don't care. I'm way over her. I never even think about her anymore. I just think that, generally speaking, nobody should marry anyone if they're not sure it's going to make them happy. My concern is for all of Kellykind. Do you mean mankind? What did I say?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-27 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-27 Pub. Date: 2019-01-27
Image Number: 175735
Caption: Ever since the president announced he'd be pulling troops out of Syria, I've felt like some nefarious entity has put blinders on me. And I only see what they want me to see. Dr. Noodle. I spent all day channel-flipping between MSNBC, Fox and CNN … and reading all the usual newspapers ... and then it hit me ... I didn't read or hear a single voice saying we should not be militarily occupying other people's countries. It's as if the media's entire purpose is to pretend there is no dissenting opinion about our endless wars. Look what happened when Phil Donahue. He had the highest rated show on MSNBC. But as soon as he came out against invading Iraq, he disappeared! Anti-war voices in the media always disappear. That's a bit paran ... Hey ... where'd you ... ?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-31 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-31 Pub. Date: 2018-12-31
Image Number: 175656
Caption: This year's been awful. Babies in concentration camps … journalists under attack … school shootings … Dr. Noodle. What right do I have to be upset about my own personal problems when all that's going on? I'll repeat the question: You and your girlfriend haven't visited each other in over a year. What do you think that means? How can you talk about that when we have only twelve years to stop climate change? Very interesting. M.A.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-14 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-14 Pub. Date: 2018-12-14
Image Number: 175379
Caption: PhD. M.A. Couple's therapy. Tell her I'm sick and tired of her telling you to tell me things she could tell herself.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-09 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-09 Pub. Date: 2018-12-09
Image Number: 175062
Caption: I feel like I'm always the last one to know, doc. Dr. Noodle. Back in high school, I was in a band called Foss. I showed up expecting it to be a grunge thing. I said Hey, how come I'm the only one in flannel? How come no one else is wearing Doc Martens? Where are your goatees? Turned out it was a punk band. Anyway, fast forward to 2018: I run into a couple of the guys and we start to reminisce. I asked What ever happened to Beto? Turns out he became a politician. They all knew it. I was the last to know. Again. It's like I'm the universe's afterthought. You're talking about Beto O'Rourke? The one who just ran for Senate? Yeah. How'd he do? When's he get sworn in?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-02 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-02 Pub. Date: 2018-12-02
Image Number: 174985
Caption: Big L, you want me to be Santa again for your boy this year? Let me think about that, Clyde … Last year, I woke up to find my two-year-old boy shocking a pigeon with a taser gun. He said Santa gave him the taser, said Don't tell your daddy, and then forgot to shut the window when he climbed down the fire escape. I tried mouth-to-mouth but the pigeon was long gone. I only had to spend nine days in jail for animal cruelty, but my boy was in therapy for four months. Not my fault. I told him to only use it for fishing. No I don't want you to be Santa this year!!!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-30 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-30 Pub. Date: 2018-11-30
Image Number: 175158
Caption: What brings you to therapy today, Lemont? Ever since I had what most certainly was not a heart attack … I've realized I'm going to die one day. I'm worried about what that'll do to my son. M.A. I see. There comes a time when every person becomes aware of his or her own mortality. The key is to make sure you've prepared your son to pay your final therapy bill. What's the other key?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-18 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-18 Pub. Date: 2018-11-18
Image Number: 174714
Caption: It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-26 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-26 Pub. Date: 2018-08-26
Image Number: 173498
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Nothing. That's the problem. I'm not troubled or preoccupied or traumatized by anything. I'm satisfied with where I am in life. I'm single, but I'm good with that. I crave new things, but all my apps keep upgrading themselves every week, so I feel fulfilled. I can't think of a single thing I'm unhappy about. And that makes me sad ... because you're afraid this means you aren't introspective enough? Nah. I've never even thought about whether I'm introspective enough.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-19 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-19 Pub. Date: 2018-08-19
Image Number: 173372
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath them they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a nondisclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-09 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-09 Pub. Date: 2018-08-09
Image Number: 173376
Caption: twitter. Sassynic: Jumping jacks … have those ever been considered a real exercise? They seem so … fake to me. They're the breast implants of exercises. Candorville: If a caveman saw all the glowing, blinking devices in my room he'd flip out. I'd hate 2 see what he'd do if he saw my bills for all of them. I don't understand, what's this have to do with you deciding you no longer need counseling? I'm cured! All the voices in my head have been crowded out by all the voices in my phone.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-06 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-06 Pub. Date: 2018-08-06
Image Number: 173373
Caption: If she complains about me giving her ultimatums one more time, it's over. Ph.D. M.A. Couple's therapy.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 counsel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
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