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Candorville

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181. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-20 Pub. Date: 2015-12-20
Image Number: 136218
Caption: See all these millions of people, son? Anything they've earned, you can earn too. Anything they've built, you can build too. Anything they've inherited … Anything they've earned you can earn too. Daddy? Why you always not finishing sentences?
     
182. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-11 Pub. Date: 2015-12-11
Image Number: 136223
Caption: I love being inside when it's freezing outside. It makes me feel six years old again, Clyde. It's the same feeling I'd get when I built a fort out of couch cushions. What the -- ? Another stereotype bites the dust. You a grown man, dawg. A real man isn't afraid to be six years old. A real "real man" ain't afraid to put a six-year-old on timeout. Go sit in the corner.
     
183. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-04 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-04 Pub. Date: 2015-12-04
Image Number: 135927
Caption: Son, your daddy met a woman he likes a lot. What would you think if he started bringing her around to meet you? Ith the woman mommy? No, son, she's not mommy. She's someone else. Doth the woman wike to pway cawth? Yes, son. I'm sure the woman would like to play cars. How do you know? Have you pwayed cawth with her? I'll answer that when you're much older. The woman theemth actheptable.
     
184. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-03 Pub. Date: 2015-11-03
Image Number: 134722
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have no regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleanings. Just saying.
     
185. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-21 Pub. Date: 2015-10-21
Image Number: 133800
Caption: Sometimes I think "baby brain" is a real thing, Susan. Ever since I won custody of my son, I've been forgetting things. I've forgotten what I had for breakfast … I've forgotten whether I took a shower today … I can't believe you're blaming forgetting my birthday on your two-year-old kid. What are we talking about?
     
186. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-16 Pub. Date: 2015-10-16
Image Number: 133796
Caption: Wanna come over and watch C-Span with Lionel and me? No, I … wait. Wait a second … You and your two-year-old son watch C-Span together? You mean PBS, right? "Sesame Street"? No, I mean C-Span. The channel that shows Congress in action. Why? Just … Why? Because he's too young to watch "The Walking Dead." I can't make it. I'll be busy forgetting this conversation.
     
187. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-12 Pub. Date: 2015-10-12
Image Number: 133792
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don't have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it's ok to deceive: which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? Why e'rebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2.
     
188. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-27 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-27 Pub. Date: 2015-09-27
Image Number: 132520
Caption: When someone says "Black Lives Matter," I respond by saying "All Lives Matter." Because I don't see color. But if you "don't see color," you can't see that young black men are far more likely to be shot unnecessarily by police than men of any other color. And you can't solve a problem if you can't even see it exists. It felt food to stand up for equality. So I didn't stop there. What do you mean? OWS protester love of red velvet cake. Daily Nut Job. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Goodnight Grandpa. I came across a "breast cancer survivor" meeting at the rec center. I poked my head in and shouted "All Cancer is Bad." By the looks on their faces, I could tell some of them realized they'd been totally horrible for acting like their cancer was so much more important than other cancers. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Exoneration. I came across a funeral this morning, and after the eulogy I reminded the family that all people die, and that it's wrong of them to act like this one was more special than the rest of us. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
189. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-24 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-24 Pub. Date: 2015-09-24
Image Number: 132815
Caption: You can jump five more times, or you can jump six more times before going to sleep. It's up to you. How many more times do you want to jump? Five or six? Five-oh-thix. "506" was not one of the options, son. Uh-huh, daddy. You thed it. One! … Two! … Fwee! ... Eight! ... Ten! ... Fouw! ... Eleven! ... This is going to be a long night.
     
190. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-23 Pub. Date: 2015-09-23
Image Number: 132814
Caption: What're you going to dream about tonight, son? Macawoni an' cheeth. Lionel, you can dream about anything. Big choo-choo trains clickety-clacketying across the countryside … winged horsies flying you high above fluffy white clouds … spaceships flying you way up there beyond the stars! Judging my dweams may give me a compwex. What the -- ? Where do you learn these things?
     
191. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-22 Pub. Date: 2015-09-22
Image Number: 132813
Caption: Come one, little man, eat your Brussels sprouts for daddy. No! If you DO eat your Brussels sprouts, you'll grow big and strong. No! If you DON'T eat your Brussels sprouts, you'll grow up short and puny. No! So what you're saying is positive appeals fail just as often as negative appeals. No!
     
192. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-18 Pub. Date: 2015-09-18
Image Number: 132518
Caption: I want you to follow these exercises to the letter … Find pictures of you as a baby. Tape them all over your apartment. Whenever you see one of them, stop and tell the picture "you are a special, unique person." Tell the picture "I love you." Do exactly as I just said, until I tell you you can stop. That's how I can learn to take charge of my life? Just do it.
     
193. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-18 Pub. Date: 2015-08-18
Image Number: 131275
Caption: I don't see why you wanna buy a house, Big L. Because that's how families build wealth. I want to own something I could leave to my son that'll change his life. Yeh, but then you gotta sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. I have more faith in my son than that, Clyde. Make sure you write a living will, is all I'm sayin'.
     
194. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-08 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-08 Pub. Date: 2015-08-08
Image Number: 130588
Caption: Have you called your mom every day this week like I suggested? Yes. But I really think I'm doing her a disservice. When you do something every single day, it's not special anymore. It's a chore. I'm pretty sure I heard her sigh last time she answered. Tell me you're not about to say you're ... I'd be doing her a favor if I called her only once or twice a week.
     
195. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-07 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-07 Pub. Date: 2015-08-07
Image Number: 130587
Caption: You really should call your mom every day, Lemont. She was a single mom who spent every free moment with you. You were her life. Dang. When you put it that way, you make me feel like a real jerk for calling twice a week. Well you should. She wiped your nose. She held you, bathed you, changed you, taught you, and loved you when no one else did. Is she paying you? I don't see what that has to do with my being right.
     
196. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-06 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130586
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? Anything but Sesame Street. My don't crazy about it. Sometimes he says "watch Elmo" over and over again for hours until I finally give in and turn it on. If I hear "La la la la la … La la la la … Elmo's world" one more time, I just might throw the tv into the East River. Parent be trippin'. Elmo should be considered a class 2 drug.
     
197. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-17 Pub. Date: 2015-07-17
Image Number: 129548
Caption: Didn't you say we had to get going, Tyrone? That was then, Rosencrantz. In the intervening moments, inertia has set in. Idleness. Sloth. Lethargy. Torpidity. Can you feel it, Rosencrantz? The dull comfort of lethargy, draped over us … soft and fluffy, like a child's blanky. We'll get going tomorrow, I'm sure. Read me a story, Rosencrantz.
     
198. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-11 Pub. Date: 2015-07-11
Image Number: 129286
Caption: I can't believe your son's almost three, and I've still never met him. When I won custody, my ex agreed not to appeal the decision as long as Lionel's never in your presence. Roxanne doesn't want Lionel to know there are women out there who're much nicer than she it. Yeah, well it's awful that she singled me out. She didn't. Legally, I'm only allowed to date ladies I meet on stuckupharpy.com.
     
199. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-10 Pub. Date: 2015-07-10
Image Number: 129285
Caption: I've known you were brilliant from the moment I met you, son. I bwilliant fwumma moment you met me. You've always done everything at least a year before you're supposed to. I alwayth done evwything a peath a yeaw befowe I thpth too. Watching you develop is like watching a computer boot up much faster than it ordinarily would. You lotht me on that one.
     
200. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-09 Pub. Date: 2015-07-09
Image Number: 129284
Caption: Pick another story, son. No! I want beaw! You threw the bear story out the window. It landed in a dumpster, and a mangy dog threw up on it. Do you really want your beloved father to climb into that mess, get bitten by that rabid dog, and possibly get hurt or sick, just to get that book? Yyyaaaaay! That was not an offer.
     
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