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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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141. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147386
Caption: I'm going to Uganda next week to write an article about their harsh anti-gay laws. Can you watch my son for me while I'm gone? I wish I could, Lemont, but I have a mmble to do so I just can't. You just mumbled. You didn't say an actual thing. No, I don't think that happened.
     
142. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-13 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-13 Pub. Date: 2016-08-13
Image Number: 147070
Caption: Do you have any children? Yeah, a son. He's almost two. Almost three. I like children. There's an old saying: "If you are not a liberal at twenty, you have no heart and if you are not a conservative at thirty, you have no brain." But that saying ignores that it's the very little kids who actually have it right. Anything they can grasp is theirs, and your rules mean nothing to them. I don't want to have this conversation. If you're not libertarian at two, you have no guts.
     
143. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147069
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I Youtubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to off himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
144. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-11 Pub. Date: 2016-08-11
Image Number: 147068
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because my son and I are busy building a fort out of sofa cushions. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I'm a grown-up again. Beep.
     
145. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-10 Pub. Date: 2016-08-10
Image Number: 147067
Caption: I haven't finished reading a novel since my son was born. Taking care of him leaves me no time for any of my old hobbies. So I'm coming up with new hobbies he and I can do together. That makes sense. Today's hobby is going to be "Hide and Seek." I'll take about an hour to "find" him just so he'll think he's doing a great job hiding. How long does it take you to read a chapter in a novel? I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
146. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-09 Pub. Date: 2016-08-09
Image Number: 147066
Caption: How do I take care of my child, do my work, and still make time to do the things I used to do for fun? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. Your problem is you think you can have e'rethang. Butcha-cain't! Get over it! In life, you ALWAYS gotta pick two outta three. Is that backed up by any studies? Oh, so you want advice cheap, quick and well-informed?
     
147. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-08 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-08 Pub. Date: 2016-08-08
Image Number: 147065
Caption: I remember I used to have hobbies. I used to collect comics, I used to read, I used to bike, I used to go to the movies … I played tennis, I played cards, I shot pool, I whittled little Vulcan hand salutes out of driftwood … But once I had a kid, that all changed. I can't remember the last time I did any of that. It's like all I do all day is make sure he doesn't drop dead. Take some time off from that. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
148. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-07 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-07 Pub. Date: 2016-08-07
Image Number: 146197
Caption: Consider yourself lucky. When I was your age, I couldn't afford to have an iPad my father took away from me.
     
149. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-27 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-27 Pub. Date: 2016-07-27
Image Number: 146472
Caption: Lionel was reading "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." You know everyone on earth takes that line out of context? Frost is actually expressing regret there. He's torn about it. Just like everyone else, Lionel wrongly though Frost was expressing pride. Nobody ever pays attention to the context of anything anymore. Wait ... your two-year-old is reading Robert Frost?
     
150. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-21 Pub. Date: 2016-07-21
Image Number: 146142
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you ok?! I dweamt Donald Twump was a mean-head. And then he came into my dweam and towd me I wath a "total woother," an' I should wethign my job as your baby. That's the last time I let you watch the news. You're not a "total loser," son. I don't have another job lined up.
     
151. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-20 Pub. Date: 2016-07-20
Image Number: 146141
Caption: It's night-night time, buddy. But I don't wanna go night-night. I do want to thtay awake. It'th wake-up time. I'll tell you what: You can either go to sleep and have magical dreams, or you can stay up and watch the boring Republican convention with daddy. Yaaayy! Ang-wy man! Ang-wy man! Ang-wy man! No, son, "angry-man" doesn't speak till the last night of the show.
     
152. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-03 Pub. Date: 2016-07-03
Image Number: 144620
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. I know you dreamt of this era ever since you were six, but, let's face it: You're tired of superhero movies. Saywhat now? Your inner child was thrilled, but now he's bored. It's like Disneyland. Asdghmplp. Yes. Remember when you were six ... remember how excited you were at Disneyland at 8am, but howl by 10pm the sight of someone in a Mickey Mouse costume made you feel homicidal? Admit it: If you see one more person in a colorful muscly costume running and jumping, your popcorn is going to taste like misery and tears. Never!!! I'll never tire of zzzzzzzz.
     
153. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-23 Pub. Date: 2016-06-23
Image Number: 144900
Caption: When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar.
     
154. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-11 Pub. Date: 2016-06-11
Image Number: 144224
Caption: Hey, mister. What was life like in the olden days? I wouldn't know. I wasn't alive in the "olden days," kid. I'm only mumblety-one years old. Ok. What was life like back in your day? This is still "my day." What was Mr. Walt Disney like in person? He was dea - (sigh) He was a very mustached man.
     
155. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-03 Pub. Date: 2016-06-03
Image Number: 143922
Caption: I wanna go home. But we just got here. You begged me to bring you here. You've been talking about it for days! I jutht wanna watch "Octonauts." Can I watch "Octonauts"? Can I? Can I watch "Octonauts"? When we get home and I turn on the tv, you'd better not cry and say "I wanna go outside." No pwomitheth.
     
156. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-23 Pub. Date: 2016-05-23
Image Number: 143637
Caption: Do you think it's weird to keep everything my son has ever made? What we talkin' 'bout keepin', bruh? Well … I have everything he's ever drawn. Normal. I have a tiny bag with the clippings from his first haircut. Normal. I have a tinier bag with his first booger. Lemme borrow your phone right quick so I can block you on Facebook.
     
157. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-21 Pub. Date: 2016-05-21
Image Number: 143337
Caption: I took Lionel to his second baseball game the other day. We hadn't been to a Candorville Chokers game in two years. Back then, two Choker dogs, cokes and fries cost me $38. Last night it cost me $48. Back then, all the players were like 10 years younger than I was. But now they are all like 15 years younger. Having a kid speeds up the aging process. Baseball still around?
     
158. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143021
Caption: Do you remember the very first time YOU got mad at someone? I don’t. It's one of those millions of "firsts" that are lost to time. Do you realize that everyone carrying around iPhones and Androids at all times has changed that, for the first time in human history? Whatever. I still don't think your son will ever appreciate your keeping a video of you accidentally dropping him in the toilet. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-24).
     
159. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-08 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-08 Pub. Date: 2016-05-08
Image Number: 142479
Caption: I read that dumb article you wrote, where you said we should have magical fairies deliver caramel-covered mountains of cash in sacks made of rainbows to every man, woman and child. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't do it … Don't do it … That's not all that I wrote. I wrote that we should give our war veterans better access to health care, education, and job training. If you have to explain what you wrote, then what you wrote wasn't very clear. Gah!!!
     
160. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-29 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-29 Pub. Date: 2016-04-29
Image Number: 142413
Caption: I'm proud of you, Lemont. You're a good dad. I am? You must be. We used to spend hours together. Now I only get to see you about ten minutes a day. … And when I do see you, you look horrible. It's like you save all your clothing-and-soap money for your boy. ... Thanks? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-05).
     
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