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Candorville

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381. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-14 Pub. Date: 2012-03-14
Image Number: 77314
Caption: I wanna apple. Eat your banana. I don’t wanna banana. But you said you did, just ten minutes ago. Do you have any idea how lawge a pewcentage of my life ten minuth ith? Ith like a yeaw in gwown-up time. In that case, if you don’t eat your banana, you won't get any food at all for six years.
     
382. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-13 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-13 Pub. Date: 2012-03-13
Image Number: 77313
Caption: Why ith the thky blue? Well, it's simple son. Y'see the sunlight? Uh huh. You feel the air? Uh huh. Y'know how sunlight is composed of all the colors in the spectrum, but blue has the shortest, most energetic wavelength so it's easier for it to ping-pong off the oxygen molecules and appear to fill the sky? There was a sale on blue paint at Home Depot. Oh.
     
383. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-12 Pub. Date: 2012-03-12
Image Number: 77312
Caption: Whath that? A tree. A twee? Yes. Whath that? A car. A caw? Yes. Whath that? A PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!!! Pudda panth back on? Western civilization is going straight to HELL … o … kitty. Wethtun what?
     
384. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-02 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-02 Pub. Date: 2012-03-02
Image Number: 76894
Caption: Momma, I just want to thank you for always being there for me, no matter what I needed to talk about. When I needed to talk about girls, you were there. When I needed to know why God let bad things happen, you were there. You've always been there for anything ... Except when I want to talk about my dad. No, momma, that doesn't sound like static, it sounds more like you hissing "gwaaoowaaoo." Click.
     
385. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-01 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-01 Pub. Date: 2012-03-01
Image Number: 76893
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's me. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … yes, of course I "sound familiar." It's me. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (Sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-train.
     
386. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-22 Pub. Date: 2012-01-22
Image Number: 74977
Caption: I'm so sick of Hollywood values. They clearly have nothing but hatred for America. That's nonsense. Why do you think Hollywood makes billions of dollars from millions of Americans every year? OWS protester love of red velvet cake. Daily Nutjob. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. All those "Hollywood" values are actually American values. Million of Americans engage in violence, promiscuity, and whatever else you see on your tv. On the other hand, millions of Americans practice all the kindness, selflessness and tolerance you also see on tv. Hollywood is just a mirror of society. I only meant they charge a lot for movies and cable. Oh. Never mind, then. You're right.
     
387. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-14 Pub. Date: 2012-01-14
Image Number: 75073
Caption: Your ex is filthy rich. Very old money. Possibly billions. Well can't she give you child support? Every time I try to ask her, I just can't get the words out, and end up walking away fast. Either I have too much pride, or … That's it. But I haven't even gotten into my theory about her being a master hypnotist. Dios mio.
     
388. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-12 Pub. Date: 2012-01-12
Image Number: 75071
Caption: What do you mean I'm ineligible for unemployment insurance? You're not eligible if you quit your job without good cause. You don't think choosing to go get my son instead of going on an overseas assignment for a month was a good cause? If you want to plead your case, we can schedule an ignoring. You mean a "hearing"? What did I say?
     
389. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-11 Pub. Date: 2012-01-11
Image Number: 75070
Caption: I'm highly educated. I'm a hard worker. I've had a job - sometimes four at once - ever since I was 13. I'll find a job any day now. I've never had to use unemployment insurance in my life and I never will. Never! Daddy, I'm hungwee. Hello, you've reached the state unemployment office.
     
390. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-09 Pub. Date: 2012-01-09
Image Number: 75068
Caption: It's annoying when parents are so proud of every little thing their kids do. "Little Preston sat up today!" "Little Lillie smiled!" "Little Raheem made a boom-boom!" They're supposed to do all that. It's not exceptional at all. It's not like they told a really funny joke, like my little Lionel did today.
     
391. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-07 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-07 Pub. Date: 2012-01-07
Image Number: 74808
Caption: Hey, sir. Can you get me a beer? I've got money. How old are you? 36. Bank. I don't think so. I'm a 36-year-old egg.
     
392. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-02 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-02 Pub. Date: 2012-01-02
Image Number: 74803
Caption: Sup, Playa?* *How are you coping with being a single father who just lost his job? What's up, Clyde?* *I have to watch him all the time, and when I get a couple hours free I'm too tired to go look for work. Cough cough?* *Let's get a burrito. It'll cheer you up. Yawn* **Nah, gotta save my last $20 to feed Lionel.
     
393. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-31 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-31 Pub. Date: 2011-12-31
Image Number: 74744
Caption: So where is Lionel? I worked out a deal with Wanda, my neighbor. She runs an illegal day care center out of her apartment. She promised to watch Lionel a couple hours a day … and I promised not to turn her in. How sweet. We all have to do our part in this new economy.
     
394. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-24 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-24 Pub. Date: 2011-12-24
Image Number: 74338
Caption: Where did the kwithmath twee come fwum? Well that's an interesting story. It all started in A.D. 324 with Roman Emperor Justinian. Christian Romans worshiped Jesus, but pagan Romans worshiped the sun. Emperors Hadrian and Aurelian filled Rome with spectacular sun temples. There were annual festivals - incorporating a tree - celebrating the birth of the sun, which was said to be on December 25th. When Christianity supplanted paganism in Justinian's day ... ... it co-opted the pagan date of December 25, and the pagan use of the tree. Huh? The Christmas tree came from the forest. Oh.
     
395. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-22 Pub. Date: 2011-12-22
Image Number: 74336
Caption: Be honest, Lemont … Why aren't you getting a tree of gifts or dressing up like Santa for your little boy? Christmas shouldn’t be about material things. 'Cause I lost my job and can't afford it. Lemont, can I get Lionel a tree? I mean, I haven't had time to get him a gift, so it'd really help me out. Let me help you. No, thanks. Yes, please!
     
396. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-21 Pub. Date: 2011-12-21
Image Number: 74335
Caption: Are you gonna take Lionel to his mom's house for Christmas? Families should be together on Christmas. I called her. … And I don’t care if she was joking or not, she's pure evil. That's mean. Before hanging up on me, she said she only celebrates Halloween. Still, "evil"? She said they ate lawyer, with all the trimmings.
     
397. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-18 Pub. Date: 2011-12-18
Image Number: 73657
Caption: Would you say you have any flaws? Depends … Do you think always answering a question with a question is a flaw? Dr. Noodle. Do you feel the NEED to know whether I think answering a question with a question is a flaw before you can decide for yourself? PhD. Don't you get paid to provide answers? PhD. Does a math tutor get paid to do a child's homework for him? PhD. Does a rolling stone gather moss? PhD. Now you're just reaching. I won! PhD.
     
398. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-17 Pub. Date: 2011-12-17
Image Number: 74022
Caption: Goodnight, son. Goodnight, Luther. What did you call me? Luther. Why did you call me "Luther"? Becauth mommy thed that'th your name. Oh. "Loser." That'th what I thed!
     
399. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-16 Pub. Date: 2011-12-16
Image Number: 74021
Caption: I promise you your life is going to be better than mine. I promise you I'll never let anything bad happen to you. I promise you I'll always set a good example for you. I with you'd promith me you'll bruth your teeth.
     
400. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-15 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-15 Pub. Date: 2011-12-15
Image Number: 74020
Caption: … So them, Lamond's boss gave him a choice: He could go get his son … or he could do as he was told and go report from the war zone for a month … and keep his job so he could afford to feed his son. … So Lamond tossed his press credentials on his boss' desk, turned to leave, and said, "I guess I'll be doing my part to fight the childhood obesity epidemic." You have a funny nose. I see subtlety is lost on you. You look like a woman.
     
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