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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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361. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-24 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-24 Pub. Date: 2012-05-24
Image Number: 81180
Caption: But there are a lot of potential customers there. No. I just need to borrow ya kid for one hour. No. Thug 4 Life. Just to get into Chuck E. Cheese. No. Then what I'm s'posed to do with my 10 kilos of bubble gum? Good talk, Clyde.
     
362. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-18 Pub. Date: 2012-05-18
Image Number: 80979
Caption: 1982. Do you get an allowance? I'll put it this way … I'm not allowed to play house, mailman, pizza-delivery-guy (whatever that means) or hockey. I'm not allowed to cross the street, say hi to strangers, read in the dark, sit close to the TV, talk back, spit, slouch, stay up late or eat without saying grace ... Never mind, Lemont. I AM allowed to do what I'm told.
     
363. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-17 Pub. Date: 2012-05-17
Image Number: 80978
Caption: 1982. Mrs. Desilettes sent us up to the board two at a time to see who could divide faster. Did you win? I put down the chalk and told her "I refuse to participate in your divisive attempt to pit children against one another.? Dios mio. I told her this was how the arms race started.
     
364. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-16 Pub. Date: 2012-05-16
Image Number: 80977
Caption: So how's Lionel? No, I don’t think I should take him to Roxanne's. After all, I sued to share custody 50-50, because I was raised by a single mom and I know how important a mom is to a son. Not my fault the court gave me sole custody. Um … Ok. I resent your insinuation that I'm doing something wrong.
     
365. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-15 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-15 Pub. Date: 2012-05-15
Image Number: 80976
Caption: Goodnight, son. Goodnight, mommy. "Daddy." Mommy. You call a man "daddy," son. Mommy thed a man goethe away to work evwy day. "Daddy." Are you thure?
     
366. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-14 Pub. Date: 2012-05-14
Image Number: 80981
Caption: … And then, on his way out the door, the father turned and said … " … I would think you'd offer a discount of at least 10% … " … So even broke people could honor him by buying the book." I don’t think thith ith "Where da Wild Things Are."
     
367. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-14 Pub. Date: 2012-04-14
Image Number: 79199
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out.
     
368. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-13 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-13 Pub. Date: 2012-04-13
Image Number: 79198
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that.
     
369. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-12 Pub. Date: 2012-04-12
Image Number: 79197
Caption: Google told me how to get you to go to sleep. Bwing it on! Experts divaricate on the matter. Mindell advocates progressively shortening the amount of time I remain in your room. Ferber, contrarily, posits closing your door for successively longer periods of time. The AAP postulates allowing you to select your own pajamas and sleep with teddy bears and other transitional objects will ameliorate your odds of success vis-a-vis somnolence. Zzzzzz. Brazelton posits that. I thaid Zzzzzz.
     
370. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-11 Pub. Date: 2012-04-11
Image Number: 79196
Caption: … And even after all that, he's still not tired. By the way … He just told me "I may have an idea for you that's win-win." Where's a two-year-old get something like that? Sometimes it's like a 37-year-old lives inside his head. Anyway, any idea how I can get him to go to sleep? Try calling him at 3am with boring stories about your kid's day. I guess that would be boring, since he already knows how they turn out. Zzzzz.
     
371. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-10 Pub. Date: 2012-04-10
Image Number: 79195
Caption: It's night-night time, buddy. But I don't wanna thleep. We all have to do things we don't want to do. For instance … I don't want to spend four hours every night trying to get my child to go to sleep. But I do it, because I'm supposed to. Well then I may have an idea for you that'th win-win.
     
372. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-09 Pub. Date: 2012-04-09
Image Number: 79194
Caption: Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Google. Is it wrong to hypnotize your child? Tap tap ta t - Sigh. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No …
     
373. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-17 Pub. Date: 2012-03-17
Image Number: 77317
Caption: Lionel said @*$% last night. What? He's two! Where'd he learn to say that? I don’t know. I've taken all the usual precautions … I blocked every channel but PBS, forced all the other toddlers in daycare to sign contracts promising not to cuss, and I hid my entire rap collection. Wait ... Back up ... What ... You think I should block PBS too?
     
374. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-16 Pub. Date: 2012-03-16
Image Number: 77316
Caption: No more stories, buddy. I'm tired. My story tank is empty. Thtowy tank? Our story tanks get filled by dreams when we sleep. If I don’t get to sleep, I won't be able to fill my tank and won't have any stories to tell you tomorrow. Oh. That thoundth like a bunch of @*$% to me. What?! Thee? You don't theem tiwed.
     
375. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-15 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-15 Pub. Date: 2012-03-15
Image Number: 77315
Caption: Mommy thed I should call child pwotective sewvices if you thweaten me. Go ahead, call them and tell them I threatened to not give you dessert if you don’t eat your peas. I don’t think you weawize I'm sewious. How can I, when you say it like that? Hewwo, I wanna wepowt a cwime.
     
376. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-14 Pub. Date: 2012-03-14
Image Number: 77314
Caption: I wanna apple. Eat your banana. I don’t wanna banana. But you said you did, just ten minutes ago. Do you have any idea how lawge a pewcentage of my life ten minuth ith? Ith like a yeaw in gwown-up time. In that case, if you don’t eat your banana, you won't get any food at all for six years.
     
377. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-13 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-13 Pub. Date: 2012-03-13
Image Number: 77313
Caption: Why ith the thky blue? Well, it's simple son. Y'see the sunlight? Uh huh. You feel the air? Uh huh. Y'know how sunlight is composed of all the colors in the spectrum, but blue has the shortest, most energetic wavelength so it's easier for it to ping-pong off the oxygen molecules and appear to fill the sky? There was a sale on blue paint at Home Depot. Oh.
     
378. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-12 Pub. Date: 2012-03-12
Image Number: 77312
Caption: Whath that? A tree. A twee? Yes. Whath that? A car. A caw? Yes. Whath that? A PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!!! Pudda panth back on? Western civilization is going straight to HELL … o … kitty. Wethtun what?
     
379. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-02 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-02 Pub. Date: 2012-03-02
Image Number: 76894
Caption: Momma, I just want to thank you for always being there for me, no matter what I needed to talk about. When I needed to talk about girls, you were there. When I needed to know why God let bad things happen, you were there. You've always been there for anything ... Except when I want to talk about my dad. No, momma, that doesn't sound like static, it sounds more like you hissing "gwaaoowaaoo." Click.
     
380. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-01 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-01 Pub. Date: 2012-03-01
Image Number: 76893
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's me. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … yes, of course I "sound familiar." It's me. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (Sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-train.
     
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