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Candorville

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321. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-10 Pub. Date: 2013-05-10
Image Number: 96589
Caption: I feel sorry for the middle name. What? You've got your last name, which is the revered and responsible eldest child. Then you've got your first name, which is quirky and full of personality. But no one remembers the middle name exists until it plummets into an orgy of self-hatred and robs a bank. You had me ... and then you lost me. (Originally published 2011-05-27).
     
322. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-27 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-27 Pub. Date: 2013-04-27
Image Number: 96083
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm busy being too permissive with my child, which as you say will lead him to a life of crime. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done panhandling for his future bail money.
     
323. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-26 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-26 Pub. Date: 2013-04-26
Image Number: 96082
Caption: Go to sleep, son. You don’t want me to go to thweep. Go to sleep, son. These awen't the dwoids you're wooking for. I never should've let you Netflix "Star Wars." You want to bwing me macawoni and cheese.
     
324. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-25 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-25 Pub. Date: 2013-04-25
Image Number: 96081
Caption: If you don’t tew me what happened in Bothton, I won't eat my cawwots. If you don’t eat your carrots, the carrot fairy will come in the middle of the night and steal your teeth. That'th what you thed about the bwoccowi fewwy. Tell me the twooth. Give it to me thwaight: thew's only one fewwy, ithn't there?
     
325. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-24 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-24 Pub. Date: 2013-04-24
Image Number: 96080
Caption: Lionel, there are just some things you're too young to know about. But why? Because they'd give you nightmares, and you'd grow up scared of everyone and everything, miss out on life, and have to waste money and time visiting a psychotherapist. Ow. Daddy? Whath a thycotherapith? One of those things you're too young to know about. That'th thircular weathoning!!!
     
326. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-23 Pub. Date: 2013-04-23
Image Number: 96079
Caption: What happened in Bothton? Well, ok … I'll start from the beginning … In 8,000 B.C., The last glaciers from the great ice age melted, and a small peninsula began to emerge … No, I mean what happened latht week? Thomebody thed thewwath a boom. Patience. We'll get to that in about eight years. Now, once the land defrosted, Native Americans moved in ...
     
327. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-22 Pub. Date: 2013-04-22
Image Number: 96078
Caption: Daddy, whath tewowithm? What? I didn’t understand that. I thed, whath tewowithm? What's what? You undewthtood me. You undewthtand evwy woowd I'm thaying. No, your lisp makes it hard to under … … D'OH! I thought tho. Whath tewowithm?
     
328. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-05 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-05 Pub. Date: 2013-04-05
Image Number: 95258
Caption: What's wrong, Clyde? Nothin'. I saw you left your son to Susan in your last will and testament. I thought we was boys, Big L. Why you ain't ask me to raise him? How do you know what's in my last will and testament? That ain't important right now. I need to change my passwords. Focus, fool. Focus.
     
329. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-04 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-04 Pub. Date: 2013-04-04
Image Number: 95257
Caption: Look, Susan … I know you don’t want kids … … But there's no one else I'd trust to raise my son if something happened to me. You really wouldn't have to do much, other than maybe fight off his evil mother in a long, incredibly drawn-out custody battle. Don't feed him wheat, it gives him the poops. I'll say yes only if you promise not to die.
     
330. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-03 Pub. Date: 2013-04-03
Image Number: 95256
Caption: What's that? My last will and testament. You're leaving me your Star Trek Underoos collection, your hat … … And a two-foot-tall, life-sized replica of a non-potty-trained homo sapien. Lemont, I told you I don’t want kids. Think of it as a Chia Pet that requires food, diapers and Sesame Street.
     
331. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-09 Pub. Date: 2013-03-09
Image Number: 94135
Caption: I have a two-year-old, Clyde. I need to be really selective about the women I date. I can't date someone who doesn’t want to have kids. That'd be a formula for disaster. You so wrong. It's the formula for a easy escape. Date a girl who don’t want kids. Then when she try to get a commitment, say "Hey, there's somethin' I forgot to tell you ... " Good talk, Clyde. Thug 4 Life.
     
332. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-06 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-06 Pub. Date: 2013-03-06
Image Number: 94132
Caption: You don’t want kids? Why do you have to sound so shocked? You sound just like my mother, my sisters, the nuns at St. Mary's School for Girls … … My coworkers, the therapist, the stranger on the subway, Plato … Maybe you just haven't given it enough thought. Society needs to get out of my ovaries.
     
333. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-05 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-05 Pub. Date: 2013-03-05
Image Number: 94131
Caption: What do you think about kids, Susan? I love them, in the abstract. "In the abstract"? Yeah … I like the idea of kids. I like hearing them laugh, seeing them play … It's all very cute. I mean do you ever want to have kids? Have them do what?
     
334. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-24 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-24 Pub. Date: 2013-02-24
Image Number: 93316
Caption: But I'm tiwed, daddy. Doesn’t matter. In about two years you'll have something called "homework." Then everyone will test you. Teachers, friends, rivals, doctors, the DMV … Then you'll work for someone most of the time. Or start a business and work all the time. You'll meet someone special and she'll betray you or disappoint you of be too clingy, and you'll do the same to her. And when you don't have any problems at all, you'll worry that that only means you've forgotten something big. Awite, aweady!!! Awe you thatithfied? Bounce while you still can, son.
     
335. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-19 Pub. Date: 2013-01-19
Image Number: 92334
Caption: You don’t need a woman, Big L. You smart. You work hard. You honest. You a good man. You can raise your son on your own. That's not why I'm desperately looking for a woman! Maybe not "honest."
     
336. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-12 Pub. Date: 2013-01-12
Image Number: 91988
Caption: Say what? I bought Lionel his first iPad. But since he's only two, he's not allowed to use it on his own. I read him stories on it once a day for about an hour. The rest of the day, I keep it with me to make sure he doesn't get online or anything. In other words, you bought yourself an iPad. I'd never spend that much money on myself.
     
337. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-09 Pub. Date: 2013-01-09
Image Number: 91985
Caption: Thanks for watching Lionel for me so I can work, Clyde. Yeh, he a cool little dude. I watched the whole Gilligan's Island marathon and Lionel didn't bother me once. He quiet. He don't make no mess. In fact, it's almost like he wasn't here at all. That's cause I haven't dropped him off with you yet. Whatever.
     
338. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-01 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-01 Pub. Date: 2013-01-01
Image Number: 91699
Caption: You think there'll ever be a white President? Thank God For Culture Clash. Thank God For Culture Clash. Thank God For Culture Clash.
     
339. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-10 Pub. Date: 2012-12-10
Image Number: 90866
Caption: You look tired. I was up all night with Lionel. He had a nightmare. I guess I shouldn’t have read him my latest book as a bedtime story. It's called "RUN! Vampires, Werewolves, The One That Got Away and Other Demons." You couldn’t think of a longer title?
     
340. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-09 Pub. Date: 2012-12-09
Image Number: 90457
Caption: When other people get attention, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them. That's just the kinda guy I am. Dr. Noodle. Like when my little brother, Halloween, has his day, I'm always the first to say "Good for you." Everyone gets a turn to shine. I always get the whole month of November to myself, after all ... ... At least till Black Friday officially puts the spotlight on my big brother, Christmas. But this year, Chris sent out "Black Friday" ads the day after Halloween! People just skipped right over me! The middle child usually has it rough. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for that overrated @#$%.
     
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