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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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301. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-23 Pub. Date: 2013-11-23
Image Number: 104087
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. (Originally published on 2012-04-14).
     
302. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-22 Pub. Date: 2013-11-22
Image Number: 104086
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that. (Originally published on 2012-04-13).
     
303. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-21 Pub. Date: 2013-11-21
Image Number: 104085
Caption: Google told me how to get you to go to sleep. Bwing it on! Experts divaricate on the matter. Mindell advocates progressively shortening the amount of time I remain in your room. Ferber, contrarily, posits closing your door for successively longer periods of time. The AAP postulates allowing you to select your own pajamas and sleep with teddy bears and other transitional objects will ameliorate your odds of success vis-a-vis somnolence. Zzzzzz. Brazelton posits that. I thaid Zzzzzz. (Originally published on 2012-04-12).
     
304. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-20 Pub. Date: 2013-11-20
Image Number: 104084
Caption: … And even after all that, he's still not tired. By the way … He just told me "I may have an idea for you that's win-win." Where's a two-year-old get something like that? Sometimes it's like a 37-year-old lives inside his head. Anyway, any idea how I can get him to go to sleep? Try calling him at 3am with boring stories about your kid's day. I guess that would be boring, since he already knows how they turn out. Zzzzz. (Originally published on 2012-04-11).
     
305. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-19 Pub. Date: 2013-11-19
Image Number: 104083
Caption: It's night-night time, buddy. But I don't wanna thleep. We all have to do things we don't want to do. For instance … I don't want to spend four hours every night trying to get my child to go to sleep. But I do it, because I'm supposed to. Well then I may have an idea for you that'th win-win. (Originally published on 2012-04-10).
     
306. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-18 Pub. Date: 2013-11-18
Image Number: 104082
Caption: Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Google. Is it wrong to hypnotize your child? Tap tap ta t - Sigh. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No … (Originally published on 2012-04-09).
     
307. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-17 Pub. Date: 2013-11-17
Image Number: 103511
Caption: We've got a little boy due in just a week or so. Dr. Noodle. I think James Henry Washington is a nice, strong, solid name. But Megan said our son has to be named after her favorite uncle. This morning, she said … "Emmett Samuel Nathaniel George Jerry Paul Cartho Washington is a great name." Megan doesn't like to play favorites. Life is largely about playing favorites. Every night we eat chicken-beef-tofu-fish surprise.
     
308. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-05 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-05 Pub. Date: 2013-11-05
Image Number: 103506
Caption: twitter. @TheRealMissPiggy. MISS PIGGY: Ugh … I'll just say that anyone who posts racy photos of themselves online is a no-talent attention-smurf. Twitter @TheRealSmurfette. SMURFETTE: Christmas musta come early cuz Smurfette's 'bout to tear into some ham, ya'll. This is getting good, grampa. Don't make grampa have to turn off the internet.
     
309. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-27 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-27 Pub. Date: 2013-10-27
Image Number: 102724
Caption: Daddy? Tew me again what we awe fow Hawoween? This Halloween, daddy's going as Charles W. Chesnutt, who you'll of course recognize as the author of the "Uncle Julius McAdoo" stories from 1899. Uncle Julius was a former slave who overcame an oppressive society with the use of his humor, courage and wit. Also, magic and voodoo. What am I, daddy? You're the ham a slave offered a priestess in order to be able to eat the poisoned grapes, in one of the stories, of course. Don't worry, the snout is a dead giveaway. Daddy? Can I go with Uncle Cwyde fow Hawoween next yeaw?
     
310. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-25 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-25 Pub. Date: 2013-10-25
Image Number: 102930
Caption: Wanna come over and watch C-Span with Lionel and me? No, I … Wait. Wait a second. You and your two-year-old son watch C-Span together? You mean PBS, right? "Sesame Street"? No, I mean C-Span. The channel that shows Congress in action. Why? Just … WHY? Because he's too young to watch "The Walking Dead." I can't make it. I'll be busy forgetting this conversation.
     
311. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-21 Pub. Date: 2013-10-21
Image Number: 102926
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don’t have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … … Or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it’s ok to deceive; which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? This end up. Why e'erebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
312. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-18 Pub. Date: 2013-10-18
Image Number: 102722
Caption: Why do I hafta go to thpeeth thewapy? That's why. You have to go to speech therapy because you still have a lisp. Now that you're three, the clinic agreed to take you. What'th a lithp? And I'm not thwee yeawth owd yet. I'm your dad. If I tell you to be three, you do it.
     
313. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-17 Pub. Date: 2013-10-17
Image Number: 102721
Caption: Son, I'm gonna take you to speech therapy. It'll be fun. I vote no. Lionel, a family is not a democracy. It's more like a medieval feudal system, with your dad at the top of the pyramid, making decisions for the child, who's right below. Below YOU in the pyramid are your bubble-gum and your toys. You get to make the decisions for them. Maybe you'we the one who needth thpeech thewapy. I nevew know what you'we thaying.
     
314. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-15 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-15 Pub. Date: 2013-10-15
Image Number: 102719
Caption: Daddy, why do they caw it a buttewfwy? Doth it tathte wike buttew? Um … What? I thed, "why-do-they-caw-it-a-buttewfwy-doth-it-tathte-wike buttew." Um … I'm not sure what you're saying, son. Maybe you have a heawing pwobwem wike Ms. Washidi at day cawe. Ow wite it down fow you, daddy. (Sigh) I ahve no idea what that says, son. Oh man. You'w iwwitewit. too?
     
315. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-14 Pub. Date: 2013-10-14
Image Number: 102718
Caption: stop jumping, son. I can't thtop jumping, daddy! If I jump 1,000 timeth, then congweth will thotp being a bunch of whiny-headth. Carry on, son. Awtho, my piwwow will tuwn into macawoni an' cheeth.
     
316. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-29 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-29 Pub. Date: 2013-09-29
Image Number: 101660
Caption: I just saw "The Business of Being Born." Ever seen that? What that is? It's a documentary about how birth doesn’t need to be treated like an illness. Did you know America has a really high infant mortality rate, even though we have the costliest birth procedures in the world? Did you know the drugs they pump into women in hospitals may be really bad for both mother and child? Did you know we MEN, so that don't have spit to do with us? YOU WERE BORN, WEREN'T YOU?! That's momma business, not mine.
     
317. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-13 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-13 Pub. Date: 2013-09-13
Image Number: 101336
Caption: Where's this bus? My son's waiting for me. Where he waitin' at? What do you mean? Where do you think he's waiting? Could be anyplace. He's two, Clyde. Where do you suppose a two-year-old would be waiting for his father? Corner of 47th … Corner of 51st ... An alley ... where he usually assemble his crew? You were an awful child, Clyde.
     
318. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-04 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-04 Pub. Date: 2013-08-04
Image Number: 99565
Caption: Things have just gone way too far. The other day, my nephew wanted to play with a doll. I snatched the Barbie away from him and told him he was playing into the hands of those who seek to destroy masculinity. I shoved an X-Wing Fighter into his hands and told him his blowing up the Death Star was necessary for the propagation of the species. I mad him crush the Barbie in the garbage disposal. That's when he started crying just like a little girl. I must've gotten there just in time.
     
319. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-26 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-26 Pub. Date: 2013-07-26
Image Number: 99563
Caption: Didn’t you say we had to get going, Tyrone? That was then, Rosencrantz. In the intervening moments, inertia has set in. Idleness. Sloth. Lethargy. Torpidity. Can you feel it, Rosencrantz? The dull comfort of lethargy, draped over us … Soft and fluffy like a child's blanky. We'll get going tomorrow, I'm sure. Read me a story, Rosencrantz.
     
320. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-23 Pub. Date: 2013-06-23
Image Number: 97915
Caption: This is your wakeup call … You don’t exercise enough. Your son sees this, so he's likely to emulate you and end up being fat. Mmblno. You aren't assertive enough. You son sees this, so he's likely to become a pushover. You don’t spend much time reading books ... ... So your son's more likely to become a moron. Tha's kind of harsh. You can't handle harshness, so your son's more likely to become a crybaby.
     
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