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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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301. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-17 Pub. Date: 2013-11-17
Image Number: 103511
Caption: We've got a little boy due in just a week or so. Dr. Noodle. I think James Henry Washington is a nice, strong, solid name. But Megan said our son has to be named after her favorite uncle. This morning, she said … "Emmett Samuel Nathaniel George Jerry Paul Cartho Washington is a great name." Megan doesn't like to play favorites. Life is largely about playing favorites. Every night we eat chicken-beef-tofu-fish surprise.
     
302. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-05 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-05 Pub. Date: 2013-11-05
Image Number: 103506
Caption: twitter. @TheRealMissPiggy. MISS PIGGY: Ugh … I'll just say that anyone who posts racy photos of themselves online is a no-talent attention-smurf. Twitter @TheRealSmurfette. SMURFETTE: Christmas musta come early cuz Smurfette's 'bout to tear into some ham, ya'll. This is getting good, grampa. Don't make grampa have to turn off the internet.
     
303. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-27 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-27 Pub. Date: 2013-10-27
Image Number: 102724
Caption: Daddy? Tew me again what we awe fow Hawoween? This Halloween, daddy's going as Charles W. Chesnutt, who you'll of course recognize as the author of the "Uncle Julius McAdoo" stories from 1899. Uncle Julius was a former slave who overcame an oppressive society with the use of his humor, courage and wit. Also, magic and voodoo. What am I, daddy? You're the ham a slave offered a priestess in order to be able to eat the poisoned grapes, in one of the stories, of course. Don't worry, the snout is a dead giveaway. Daddy? Can I go with Uncle Cwyde fow Hawoween next yeaw?
     
304. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-25 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-25 Pub. Date: 2013-10-25
Image Number: 102930
Caption: Wanna come over and watch C-Span with Lionel and me? No, I … Wait. Wait a second. You and your two-year-old son watch C-Span together? You mean PBS, right? "Sesame Street"? No, I mean C-Span. The channel that shows Congress in action. Why? Just … WHY? Because he's too young to watch "The Walking Dead." I can't make it. I'll be busy forgetting this conversation.
     
305. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-21 Pub. Date: 2013-10-21
Image Number: 102926
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don’t have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … … Or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it’s ok to deceive; which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? This end up. Why e'erebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
306. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-18 Pub. Date: 2013-10-18
Image Number: 102722
Caption: Why do I hafta go to thpeeth thewapy? That's why. You have to go to speech therapy because you still have a lisp. Now that you're three, the clinic agreed to take you. What'th a lithp? And I'm not thwee yeawth owd yet. I'm your dad. If I tell you to be three, you do it.
     
307. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-17 Pub. Date: 2013-10-17
Image Number: 102721
Caption: Son, I'm gonna take you to speech therapy. It'll be fun. I vote no. Lionel, a family is not a democracy. It's more like a medieval feudal system, with your dad at the top of the pyramid, making decisions for the child, who's right below. Below YOU in the pyramid are your bubble-gum and your toys. You get to make the decisions for them. Maybe you'we the one who needth thpeech thewapy. I nevew know what you'we thaying.
     
308. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-15 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-15 Pub. Date: 2013-10-15
Image Number: 102719
Caption: Daddy, why do they caw it a buttewfwy? Doth it tathte wike buttew? Um … What? I thed, "why-do-they-caw-it-a-buttewfwy-doth-it-tathte-wike buttew." Um … I'm not sure what you're saying, son. Maybe you have a heawing pwobwem wike Ms. Washidi at day cawe. Ow wite it down fow you, daddy. (Sigh) I ahve no idea what that says, son. Oh man. You'w iwwitewit. too?
     
309. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-14 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-14 Pub. Date: 2013-10-14
Image Number: 102718
Caption: stop jumping, son. I can't thtop jumping, daddy! If I jump 1,000 timeth, then congweth will thotp being a bunch of whiny-headth. Carry on, son. Awtho, my piwwow will tuwn into macawoni an' cheeth.
     
310. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-29 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-29 Pub. Date: 2013-09-29
Image Number: 101660
Caption: I just saw "The Business of Being Born." Ever seen that? What that is? It's a documentary about how birth doesn’t need to be treated like an illness. Did you know America has a really high infant mortality rate, even though we have the costliest birth procedures in the world? Did you know the drugs they pump into women in hospitals may be really bad for both mother and child? Did you know we MEN, so that don't have spit to do with us? YOU WERE BORN, WEREN'T YOU?! That's momma business, not mine.
     
311. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-13 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-13 Pub. Date: 2013-09-13
Image Number: 101336
Caption: Where's this bus? My son's waiting for me. Where he waitin' at? What do you mean? Where do you think he's waiting? Could be anyplace. He's two, Clyde. Where do you suppose a two-year-old would be waiting for his father? Corner of 47th … Corner of 51st ... An alley ... where he usually assemble his crew? You were an awful child, Clyde.
     
312. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-04 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-04 Pub. Date: 2013-08-04
Image Number: 99565
Caption: Things have just gone way too far. The other day, my nephew wanted to play with a doll. I snatched the Barbie away from him and told him he was playing into the hands of those who seek to destroy masculinity. I shoved an X-Wing Fighter into his hands and told him his blowing up the Death Star was necessary for the propagation of the species. I mad him crush the Barbie in the garbage disposal. That's when he started crying just like a little girl. I must've gotten there just in time.
     
313. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-26 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-26 Pub. Date: 2013-07-26
Image Number: 99563
Caption: Didn’t you say we had to get going, Tyrone? That was then, Rosencrantz. In the intervening moments, inertia has set in. Idleness. Sloth. Lethargy. Torpidity. Can you feel it, Rosencrantz? The dull comfort of lethargy, draped over us … Soft and fluffy like a child's blanky. We'll get going tomorrow, I'm sure. Read me a story, Rosencrantz.
     
314. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-23 Pub. Date: 2013-06-23
Image Number: 97915
Caption: This is your wakeup call … You don’t exercise enough. Your son sees this, so he's likely to emulate you and end up being fat. Mmblno. You aren't assertive enough. You son sees this, so he's likely to become a pushover. You don’t spend much time reading books ... ... So your son's more likely to become a moron. Tha's kind of harsh. You can't handle harshness, so your son's more likely to become a crybaby.
     
315. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-11 Pub. Date: 2013-06-11
Image Number: 97910
Caption: I know what you're thinking, Lemont. Zzz … You write a wildly popular blog. You get to work from home, and as a single dad, that's important. On the other hand … The paper wants you back, to report on that overblown government-spying-on-journalists'-email-gate. And they're offering you a lot of money. Click. Huh? Whozit? Why are you here? That's classified. Anyway, I just don't want to see you sacrifice this special time with your boy. Especially since your own dad abandoned you.
     
316. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-01 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-01 Pub. Date: 2013-06-01
Image Number: 97404
Caption: Did they have running water when you were a kid? Hold on, kid … Thank God for Culture Clash. I know you're like five minutes old, but your youth doesn't make me old. I'm still young, too. When you're my age, you'll see what I mean. Did they have the internet when you were a kid? That's not important right now.
     
317. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-22 Pub. Date: 2013-05-22
Image Number: 97122
Caption: Don’t feel bad. It's normal to have these feelings. It doesn’t make you a bad parent as long as you don’t ACT on them. Dr. Noodle. I's normal to resent my own child for refusing to go to sleep till 4 A.M. every single day? Ph.D. Yes. Parents need some time to unwind at the end of the day. It's normal to imagine myself waiting till he does fall asleep, and then blowing a trumpet in his ear? Still normal. Ph. D.
     
318. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-20 Pub. Date: 2013-05-20
Image Number: 97120
Caption: Daddy was having a nice dream, son. What happened in it? I don’t know. I was awakened by the sound of springs breaking. When I looked at my clock, I saw that it was 3:17 A.M. Do you know what people are supposed to be doing at 3:17 A.M.? Ithn't thith one of the thingth you're thuppothed to tell me when I'm older?
     
319. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-19 Pub. Date: 2013-05-19
Image Number: 96591
Caption: Let's play house. You pretend to yell at me about my lack of commitment, and I'll be too busy Facebooking an old college girlfriend to notice. Roscoe's Rib Shack.
     
320. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-10 Pub. Date: 2013-05-10
Image Number: 96589
Caption: I feel sorry for the middle name. What? You've got your last name, which is the revered and responsible eldest child. Then you've got your first name, which is quirky and full of personality. But no one remembers the middle name exists until it plummets into an orgy of self-hatred and robs a bank. You had me ... and then you lost me. (Originally published 2011-05-27).
     
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