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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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281. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-22 Pub. Date: 2014-02-22
Image Number: 107711
Caption: Do you have any children? Yeah, a son. He's almost three. I like children. There's an old saying: "If you are not a liberal at twenty, you have no heart and if you are not a conservative at thirty, you have no brain." But that saying ignores that it's the very little kids who actually have it right. Anything they can grasp is THEIRS, and your rules mean nothing to them. I don't want to have this conversation. If you're not a libertarian at two, you have no guts.
     
282. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-21 Pub. Date: 2014-02-21
Image Number: 107710
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I YouTubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … "… He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to OFF himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
283. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-20 Pub. Date: 2014-02-20
Image Number: 107709
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because my son and I are busy building a fort out of sofa cushions. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I'm a grown-up again. BEEP.
     
284. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-19 Pub. Date: 2014-02-19
Image Number: 107708
Caption: I haven't finished reading a novel since my son was born. Taking care of him leaves me no time for any of my old hobbies. So I'm coming up with new hobbies he and I can do together. That makes sense. Today's hobby is going to be "Hide and Seek." I'll take about an hour to find him just so he'll think he's doing a great job hiding. How long does it take you to read a chapter in a novel? I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
285. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-18 Pub. Date: 2014-02-18
Image Number: 107707
Caption: How do I take care of my child, do my work, and STILL make time to do the things I used to do for fun? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2. Your problem is you think you can have e'rthang. BUTCHA-CAIN'T! Get over it! In life, you ALWAYS gotta pick two outta three. Is that backed up by any studies? Oh, so you want advice cheap, quick and well-informed?
     
286. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-17 Pub. Date: 2014-02-17
Image Number: 107706
Caption: I remember I used to have hobbies. I used to collect comics, I used to read, I used to bike, I used to go to the movies … … I played tennis, I played cards, I shot pool, I whittled little Vulcan hand salutes out of driftwood … But once I had a kid, all that changed. I can't remember the last time I did any of that. It's like all I do all day is make sure he doesn't drop dead. Take some time off from that. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
287. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-16 Pub. Date: 2014-02-16
Image Number: 107114
Caption: Did you ever try on your mom's lipstick when you were little? No way. Oh come on, it's perfectly natural for any kid to imitate his parents. I sometimes pretended I was shaving like my daddy. It's a natural stage of childhood development. There's nothing wrong with it. Well, I never tried on momma's lipstick. Oh. I did try whooping myself for disobeying me, though. Dios mio. Tell you one thing: the next time I told myself not to run out in the street, I listened.
     
288. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-05 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-05 Pub. Date: 2014-02-05
Image Number: 106774
Caption: What's it like havin' a kid, Big L? I'll put it this way, Clyde … You remember how when we were kids, a single drop of water on a little blade of grass would be amazing to you? No, I don’t remember that. Well … now I do.
     
289. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-31 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-31 Pub. Date: 2014-01-31
Image Number: 106770
Caption: I feel sorry for the middle name. What? You've got your last name, which is the revered and responsible eldest child. Then you've got your first name, which is quirky and full of personality. But no one remembers the middle name exists until it plummets into an orgy of self-hatred and robs a bank. You had me ... and then lost me.
     
290. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-19 Pub. Date: 2014-01-19
Image Number: 105925
Caption: 1982. Do you want to see "E.T.," Lemont? Momma says we can't afford it. I could probably see "Porky's" though. Momma says that movie's "really cheap." But when I asked her about it, she like … totally flipped out. So thin I asked her if I could see "Tootsie." After all, I do love Tootsie Rolls, so ... She flipped out about that too. Said somethin' about "cross-dressing" being wrong. What's "cross-dressing"? I assume that has something to do with the civil rights movement. You mom never makes any sense, Lemont. When I'm a grown-up, I may have to have her committed.
     
291. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-09 Pub. Date: 2013-12-09
Image Number: 104847
Caption: You hear 'bout them black kids in Rochester who got arrested for loitering … … while all they was doin' was waitin' for they school bus? Does that surprise you? This is the country that described Travon Martin's screwdriver as a "burglary tool." In my hands, someone's liable to call this basketball a "weapon." Only if they ain't never played ball with you.
     
292. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-03 Pub. Date: 2013-12-03
Image Number: 104625
Caption: Did you see Bill Cosby on Comedy Central? Cosby dead to me. He always talkin' 'bout how black men need to raise they kids. But he never say nothin' 'bout why so many DON'T. Thug 4 Life. Black men are four times more likely to be arrested than white men who do the same $%#&, how can you raise a kid when you in jail? Whatever. He was really funny. "Funny" dead to me.
     
293. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-01 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-01 Pub. Date: 2013-12-01
Image Number: 104088
Caption: 1982. Am I your best friend, Lemont. I guess so. I've known you almost my whole life! I like you more than ANYTHING, Susan. More than peanut butter? If I had to choose between you and peanut butter, I would never touch peanut butter again in life. More than birthday cake? If I had to choose between you and birthday cake, I would never touch birthday cake again in life. More than Star trek? If I had to choose between you and Knight Rider, I would never watch Knight Rider again in life. ... I said "Star trek." Don't push it lady.
     
294. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-29 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-29 Pub. Date: 2013-11-29
Image Number: 104374
Caption: Dick Fink, how long have you been standing there? Oh … I don’t know. They took my watch, I was mugged while saving a kitten on my way to volunteer at the orphanage for the elderly. Is this about how your job is in danger? What? It is? I had no idea. I've been too busy supporting my seven children and donating half my salary to leprosy relief in Guam.
     
295. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-23 Pub. Date: 2013-11-23
Image Number: 104087
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. (Originally published on 2012-04-14).
     
296. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-22 Pub. Date: 2013-11-22
Image Number: 104086
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that. (Originally published on 2012-04-13).
     
297. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-21 Pub. Date: 2013-11-21
Image Number: 104085
Caption: Google told me how to get you to go to sleep. Bwing it on! Experts divaricate on the matter. Mindell advocates progressively shortening the amount of time I remain in your room. Ferber, contrarily, posits closing your door for successively longer periods of time. The AAP postulates allowing you to select your own pajamas and sleep with teddy bears and other transitional objects will ameliorate your odds of success vis-a-vis somnolence. Zzzzzz. Brazelton posits that. I thaid Zzzzzz. (Originally published on 2012-04-12).
     
298. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-20 Pub. Date: 2013-11-20
Image Number: 104084
Caption: … And even after all that, he's still not tired. By the way … He just told me "I may have an idea for you that's win-win." Where's a two-year-old get something like that? Sometimes it's like a 37-year-old lives inside his head. Anyway, any idea how I can get him to go to sleep? Try calling him at 3am with boring stories about your kid's day. I guess that would be boring, since he already knows how they turn out. Zzzzz. (Originally published on 2012-04-11).
     
299. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-19 Pub. Date: 2013-11-19
Image Number: 104083
Caption: It's night-night time, buddy. But I don't wanna thleep. We all have to do things we don't want to do. For instance … I don't want to spend four hours every night trying to get my child to go to sleep. But I do it, because I'm supposed to. Well then I may have an idea for you that'th win-win. (Originally published on 2012-04-10).
     
300. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-18 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-18 Pub. Date: 2013-11-18
Image Number: 104082
Caption: Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Google. Is it wrong to hypnotize your child? Tap tap ta t - Sigh. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No … (Originally published on 2012-04-09).
     
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