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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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261. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-27 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-27 Pub. Date: 2014-07-27
Image Number: 113450
Caption: How's your boy? Lionel's amazing! I put his little shoe on him and was about to tie it … … when all of a sudden he reached down with his tiny, pudgy little hands and tied them himself. Can you believe that?! He's only two years old - most kids can't tie their shoes until they're at least five! He's so advanced! At this rate, by time he's ten, my boy won't need me for anything!
     
262. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-15 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-15 Pub. Date: 2014-07-15
Image Number: 113733
Caption: Yesterday some guy tried to tell me not all shootings at schools are "school shootings." He even said gang-related shootings don't count. What, that surprise you? What country you think you livin' in, Big L? They been shootings in "inner city" schools since the eighties. But America only started caring when white suburban kids started killing too. That's kind of cynical, Clyde. Columbine was the "Elvis" of school shootings.
     
263. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-02 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-02 Pub. Date: 2014-07-02
Image Number: 113185
Caption: Lionel was reading "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." You know everyone on Earth takes that line out of context? Frost is actually expressing regret there. He's torn about it. Just like everyone else, Lionel wrongly thought Frost was expressing pride. Nobody ever pays attention to the context of anything anymore. Wait ... your two-year-old is reading Robert Frost?
     
264. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-06 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-06 Pub. Date: 2014-06-06
Image Number: 112091
Caption: Lionel's been asking me about that big bug ever since he saw me pound it 42 times with my shoe. How would YOU teach a two-year-old about DEATH, Clyde? You come to the right place, Big L. I just what to know what NOT to do. You'll need a muppet and a shovel.
     
265. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-28 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-28 Pub. Date: 2014-05-28
Image Number: 111791
Caption: When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar.
     
266. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-26 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-26 Pub. Date: 2014-05-26
Image Number: 111789
Caption: My son slept all night ling, Clyde. First time ever. Usually I can't get any uninterrupted sleep because he's always getting up. But last night, he didn’t even make a sound. … So I ended up staying up all night to make sure he wasn't dead.
     
267. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-17 Pub. Date: 2014-05-17
Image Number: 111234
Caption: I want to buy a house, Susan. I feel like if I don’t own a house, I'm a failure. Like I'm not really part of society. Like I'm just a guest. I feel like I'm a child and the only way I'll ever truly be an adult is to own a house. Plus if I had my own house, I could make the whole floor a trampoline. Dios Mio.
     
268. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-22 Pub. Date: 2014-04-22
Image Number: 110444
Caption: Thanks for watching my son while I was working, Clyde. Whachoo talkin' 'bout? Is you sayin' you left your kid here for REAL? When you asked me this morning to watch him, I thought that was a April Fools' joke. APRIL FOOLS' IS ONLY ON APRIL 1ST! IDIOT!!! Don't be so hard on y'self. Sometimes I get dates mixed up too.
     
269. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-11 Pub. Date: 2014-04-11
Image Number: 109843
Caption: Stop jumping, son. Yeah I don’t think thatth gonna happen. If you don’t stop, you'll break the bed. Daddy can't afford to buy you a new bed, so you'd have to sleep on scavenged bubble wrap in the bathtub. YYYAAAAAY! Knew that was a mistake the moment I said it.
     
270. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-10 Pub. Date: 2014-04-10
Image Number: 109842
Caption: Are you a big boy now, son? Or are you still a little baby? Big Boy. You know what big boys do, son? They go straight to sleep instead of jumping up and down on their beds and keeping their parents up all night long. Agoo. "AGOO," I thay. Too late.
     
271. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-09 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-09 Pub. Date: 2014-04-09
Image Number: 109841
Caption: Son, you can't have dessert until you eat you brussels sprouts. You can't play your video game till you eat your brussels sprouts. Daddy won’t read you a story tonight unless you eat your brussels sprouts. What, do you own thtock in a bwussels spwouts farm?
     
272. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-08 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-08 Pub. Date: 2014-04-08
Image Number: 109840
Caption: Daddy, why don’t you cawe about me? What? When you thend me to day cawe, you let them give me govewment thubthidited lunches. "Government subsidized lunches"? Yeth. It dethtwoyth my thole. "Destroys your soul"? You're not allowed to watch Republican senators on YouTube anymore. Why you wanna dethtwoy my thole, daddy?
     
273. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-05 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-05 Pub. Date: 2014-04-05
Image Number: 109566
Caption: I'm proud of you, Lemont. You're a good dad. I am? You must be. We used to spend hours together. Now I only get to see you about ten minutes a day. … And when I do see you, you look horrible. It's like you save all your clothing-and-soap money for your boy. ... Thanks?
     
274. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-03 Pub. Date: 2014-04-03
Image Number: 109564
Caption: I remember your first word, son. It was "agoo." That'th not a word, daddy. It was to you. I could tell because your eyes would light up whenever I said it back to you. But in the movies people's eyes onwy wight up when they'we evil. Am I evil? What've I told you about taking things literally. I didn't take anything.
     
275. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-31 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-31 Pub. Date: 2014-03-31
Image Number: 109561
Caption: Is it weird that I've been keeping a journal of all my son's firsts? No. His first smile … His first act of defiance, the first time he said "agoo" … Is it weird that it's all annotated with photos, videos and audio recordings? No. Is it weird that I had him reenact the firsts I missed?
     
276. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-12 Pub. Date: 2014-03-12
Image Number: 108529
Caption: Hi, momma, how are you? I need to go overseas for a week. Wanna watch your grandson? … Oh … a cruise? Who with? Aunt Alta Faye? Aunt Laverne? Aunt Julie? Please tell me "the mailman" is a long-lost aunt. Is it possible when a person says, "I'm packing 50 shades of gray," she's talking about hats? ... Please say yes.
     
277. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-02 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-02 Pub. Date: 2014-03-02
Image Number: 107548
Caption: I think having a child has made me a much less self-centered person. Dr. Noodle. I used to diet and hit the gym so I could look great, know what I mean? It was about vanity. But now I eat right and work out 'cause I'm hoping to live long enough to see my baby boy grow up, become a success, start his own family, buy his own home ... That shows a lot of emotional growth. I know. Sometimes when I hold my baby up in the air and gaze into his eyes, I tell him ... "Who's gonna take good care of daddy's affairs someday? YOU are! Who's gonna give daddy a comfortable room in his house when he's ninety? YOU are! ... Although another word for "growth" is "tumor." I take his silence as approbation. PhD.
     
278. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-24 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-24 Pub. Date: 2014-02-24
Image Number: 107981
Caption: Do you remember the very first time YOU got mad at someone? I don’t. It's one of those millions of "firsts" that are lost to time. Do you realize that everyone carrying around iPhones and Androids at all times has changed that, for the first time in human history? Whatever. I still don't think your son will ever appreciate your keeping a video of you accidentally dropping him in the toilet.
     
279. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-22 Pub. Date: 2014-02-22
Image Number: 107711
Caption: Do you have any children? Yeah, a son. He's almost three. I like children. There's an old saying: "If you are not a liberal at twenty, you have no heart and if you are not a conservative at thirty, you have no brain." But that saying ignores that it's the very little kids who actually have it right. Anything they can grasp is THEIRS, and your rules mean nothing to them. I don't want to have this conversation. If you're not a libertarian at two, you have no guts.
     
280. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-21 Pub. Date: 2014-02-21
Image Number: 107710
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I YouTubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … "… He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to OFF himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
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