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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about children.

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241. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-12 Pub. Date: 2014-12-12
Image Number: 119937
Caption: The other night, I finally got my boy to go to sleep … and when I turned to leave the room, I stepped on one of his toys. It beeped and flashed and sang! I couldn't find the off switch, so I flung it out the window. Problem solved. Not really. It was a boomerang.
     
242. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-10 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-10 Pub. Date: 2014-12-10
Image Number: 119935
Caption: Momma … I remember what you said to granny when I was a kid. You said "I'm working, I have a son to raise, and a life to live … so forgive me if I don't call you as much as you'd like." (Sigh) No, momma, that was not an episode of "Dallas." A-Train.
     
243. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-07 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-07 Pub. Date: 2014-12-07
Image Number: 119211
Caption: I'm rewatching J. Michael Straczynski's Babylon 5 for the fifth time, and something's bugging me. The show's all about right vs. wrong and good vs. evil. It's maybe the best morality play ever filmed for tv. Even the goofy comic relief character, Vir Cotto, ends up risking everything to rescue thousands of women and children from a holocaust. In that episode, he personally represents the morality of the entire show. Why, then, did J. Michael Straczynski end the episode with Vir joking that all marriages have problems after he found out his new wife was a raving bigot who had happily taken part in committing that genocide? If even J. Michael Straczynski would ruin his best story by going for a cheap laugh, it's not wonder everything coming out of Hollywood is dumbed down! Explain yourself, J. Michael Straczynski. Who are you and how did you get my phone number? That's not important right now.
     
244. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-06 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-06 Pub. Date: 2014-12-06
Image Number: 119646
Caption: I feel like a burrito right now, Clyde. You can't have no burrito, Big L. You a single dad raisin' a two-year-old baby. What'll happen to him if you drop dead of a heart attack? Parents who don’t take care of theyselves an' don’t watch they carbs an minerals an' such is selfish. Whatever. Give me back my burrito, Clyde. Somebody gotta look out for the children.
     
245. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-04 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-04 Pub. Date: 2014-12-04
Image Number: 119644
Caption: What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father.
     
246. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-30 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-30 Pub. Date: 2014-11-30
Image Number: 118798
Caption: Sometimes I wish my mom and all my ancestors had decided to have kids much later in life. What? Why? A few years ago, I read that a Harvard research team discovered a way to reverse the aging process in mice. That could lead to a cure for aging - a cure for death itself - just a few decades from now. If just my last ten generations of ancestors had waited till their forties to have kids, I wouldn't have been born till the year 2080, or so. If they'd each just kept it zipped for two measly decades, it's possible I'd get to be immortal. My own ancestors have condemned me to death. How thoughtless of them. Oh no ... I already have a son ... I've perpetuated the cycle of violence.
     
247. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-29 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-29 Pub. Date: 2014-11-29
Image Number: 119349
Caption: I didn’t realize there was so much awful stuff on TV until I had a kid. Uh oh, here they go … People love they sex an' violence on TV until they have a kid … then all of a sudden they think it's TV's job to raise they kids for 'em. NYPD Blue used to show butt-nekkit people on TV at PRIME TIME. But people like you ruined that. Yeah, now you only have 500 other places to see that sort of thing. You been peekin' at my bookmarks? What? What?
     
248. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-19 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-19 Pub. Date: 2014-11-19
Image Number: 118794
Caption: My baby boy's a genius. Whenever he gets hold of my iPhone, with just a few swipes he manages to delete all my photos and contacts. It would take me at least ten times as long to wreak as much havoc as he does in three seconds. Parents will be proud of anything. Yesterday, he launched my Wells Fraggo app and closed all my accounts without even looking.
     
249. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-23 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-23 Pub. Date: 2014-10-23
Image Number: 117917
Caption: I have a two-year-old. How do I make sure he never chooses to fight in our country's endless war? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2. What's that? I wrote your boy a prescription. "Take one six-pack of coke, a bag of Doritos an' a Happy Meal daily." Army fatigues don't come in XXXXL. He'll get diabetes by 18. All treatments have side effects.
     
250. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-22 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-22 Pub. Date: 2014-10-22
Image Number: 117916
Caption: Last night, I was watching my little boy sleep and I thought "Thank God he's only two. He's too young to ever fight in this war." Then it hit me: we've been at war most of my life. Do you think we'll still be at war 16 years from now? Say no, please. No. "No" we won't be at war, or "no" you won't say no.
     
251. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-21 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-21 Pub. Date: 2014-10-21
Image Number: 117915
Caption: My son. My brilliant son. When I look at you … … I see works of art that'll inspire millions. I see the cure for cancer. I see peace on Earth. I see the gleaming spires of our first Martian colonies. I see all the wondrous things you have the potential to bring forth, my son. No pressure, though. Gee, thankth, daddy.
     
252. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-20 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-20 Pub. Date: 2014-10-20
Image Number: 117914
Caption: Please please PLEASE go to sleep, son. I can't thtop now, daddy. I'm thteadily buiwding up momentum. At this wate I'll be on the moon by bweakfatht. Who am I to kill a man's dream? Want me to bwing you back thumthing?
     
253. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-17 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-17 Pub. Date: 2014-10-17
Image Number: 117633
Caption: So what happened when you took Lionel to visit his mom? I don't know. For some reason, I never remember what happens with her. What? If I were a superhero, my power would be forgetting bad experiences. Dios mio. I wonder if I can sell "Forget-Man" to Hollywood. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-25).
     
254. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-16 Pub. Date: 2014-10-16
Image Number: 117632
Caption: But there are a lot of potential customers there. No. I just need to borrow ya kid for one hour. No. Thug 4 Life. Just to get into Chuck E. Cheese. No. Then what I'm s'posed to do with my 10 kilos of bubble gum? Good talk, Clyde. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-24).
     
255. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-03 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-03 Pub. Date: 2014-10-03
Image Number: 117060
Caption: … Because when libs talk "equal opportunity," they really mean "give me stuff I didn't earn." If you can't afford something, don't expect government to give it to you. If you didn't work hard enough to afford it, you just can't have it. Freeloaders. No, I asked why you're in favor of vouchers for private schools. Oh. 'Cause poor kids deserve private school too. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-06-02).
     
256. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-12 Pub. Date: 2014-09-12
Image Number: 116187
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "if aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well, what if they have? What if WE aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on Earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
257. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
258. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-16 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-16 Pub. Date: 2014-08-16
Image Number: 114930
Caption: Hello, creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Paying 30% interest on the bus ticket you helped me buy 20 years ago is more important to me than survival. So I can't come to the phone right now, because I'm busy bundling all my cash to send to you instead of using it to feed my child, pay my rent and keep my lights on. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm done making money appear out of thin air. BEEP.
     
259. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-12 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-12 Pub. Date: 2014-08-12
Image Number: 114926
Caption: Dating's so much harder now that I have a child, Susan. I'm not just looking for someone who'll make ME happy. I'm looking for someone who'll be good for my SON, too. That pressure makes most of my dates end in miserable failure. Your dates have always ended in miserable failure, Lemont. Well, I've always known I'd someday be a father.
     
260. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-11 child 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-11 Pub. Date: 2014-08-11
Image Number: 114925
Caption: I had a date last night, but all I could think of was getting back home to tuck in my boy. What's wrong with me, Susan? My mom was a single parent, and I always wished I had my dad, too. Shouldn’t I be trying to find a new mom for my son? What are YOU doing for the next 18 years or so? WASHING MY HAIR!!!
     
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