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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about child stars.

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Result page:    2  Next  (26 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-29 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-29 Pub. Date: 2019-08-29
Image Number: 179194
Caption: Attention all parents of small toddlers … There's a brand new Youtube channel you'll definitely want to show your kids. It features funny reviews of toys, video games and apps. It stars a handsome, charming man dressed in huge glasses, a big floppy hat, and a bright yellow tuxedo. No self-promotion in my cafe unless I get a 98% cut. I am totally not unaffiliated with this brilliant performer.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-29 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-29 Pub. Date: 2019-03-29
Image Number: 176943
Caption: My boy asked me to sing him some nursery rhymes last night. So I sang him Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Mary had a Little Lamb. Then he demanded more, but I just … blanked. I suddenly couldn't remember any. So I sang him Purple Rain to the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb. You ain't never been good under pressure, dawg. Then he asked me what weekend lover meant, so I had to pretend I'd fallen asleep.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-20 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-20 Pub. Date: 2018-12-20
Image Number: 175482
Caption: What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-04)
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-04 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-04 Pub. Date: 2018-11-04
Image Number: 174599
Caption: You can barely see any stars now, son. But when I was your age, I knew old people who say a sky full of stars when they were your age. No way.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-14 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-14 Pub. Date: 2017-05-14
Image Number: 157342
Caption: They got to him. I don't know how, but they got to him. Dr. Noodle. I should've seen it coming, though. After all, a guy who gets all butt-hurt about questions is the White House Spokesman in charge of answering questions. A guy who opposes paid leave and equal pay is in charge of the White House's responses to women's issues. A guy who doesn't believe in climate change is in charge of the EPA. A reputed bigot is in charge of enforcing civil rights. Trump even tried to put a guy whose company violated wage, hour and child labor laws in charge of the Department of Labor. I still don't think we know what Luke Skywalker meant by "it's time for the Jedi to end." I don't like Star Wars now that I know it's set in the Trump White House.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-27 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-27 Pub. Date: 2017-04-27
Image Number: 157287
Caption: Clyde, if something ever happens to me … Don’t worry, bruh. I'll take you kid an' raise him up for you. I'll teach him all he need to know about life. He'll be the baddest two-year-old on the block. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him. I'll also teach him erethang you woulda taught him: I'll make him watch Star Track an' Doctor Boo an' some @#$% like that. Long as he ain't a snitch, we'll be cool. I was just going to say "call Susan."
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-17 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-17 Pub. Date: 2017-02-17
Image Number: 154536
Caption: Son, please go to sleep. Please? Not till you thing me a thong. Lionel, I just sang you a bunch of songs. I sand you "Spock Had a Little Lamb," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Vulcan," "Hush Little Yoda," and "The Wheels on the Tardis." But you thang them in the wong order. Now you hafta thart over.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-25 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-25 Pub. Date: 2016-11-25
Image Number: 151298
Caption: Tyrone? I miss the days when my mother held me to her breast and sang nursery rhymes to me. That's because you're gullible, Rosencrantz. Nursery rhymes are how they program us to accept the notion that there is no truth, that facts are fungible and open to interpretation. Take "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," for instance. We know exactly what stars are. We don't have to "wonder." Twinkle twinkle little star ... we know exactly what you are ... giant spheres of glowing gas ... powered by nuclear fusion ... Spare change?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-14 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-14 Pub. Date: 2016-02-14
Image Number: 138656
Caption: I put spyware on my son's computer. Last night, I saw what he's been looking at. Now I feel so guilty. He was watching dozens of Youtube videos detailing the theory that Jar Jar Binks was actually the most powerful evil Jedi in all of "Star Wars." I watched them all. They showed clips from the prequels where Jar Jar was clearly using the Jedi mind trick to manipulate everyone around him. Isaac Asimov was a huge "Star Wars" inspiration. These videos pointed out how Binks is eerily similar to a deceptively buffoonish character named "The Mule" in Asimov's "Foundation" series. It's undeniable. Jar Jar was the real "Phantom Menace," and Lucas must've abandoned that whole idea when we all jumped down his throat about the character. So ... you feel guilty for spying on your child since he wasn't doing anything wrong? I feel guilty for giving George Lucas such a hard time about Phantom Menace. The man was a genius.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-23 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-23 Pub. Date: 2015-09-23
Image Number: 132814
Caption: What're you going to dream about tonight, son? Macawoni an' cheeth. Lionel, you can dream about anything. Big choo-choo trains clickety-clacketying across the countryside … winged horsies flying you high above fluffy white clouds … spaceships flying you way up there beyond the stars! Judging my dweams may give me a compwex. What the -- ? Where do you learn these things?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-24 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-24 Pub. Date: 2015-04-24
Image Number: 125858
Caption: Remember how when we were kids, we'd be out playing for hours, by ourselves? Remember that construction site across the street? I used to hide behind mounds of dirt and pretend I was Luke Skywalker hiding from Sandpeople. I used to climb on the bulldozer and pretend it was an Imperial Walker. I still think you should let your little boy have a little more freedom. And let him get crushed by bulldozers? Are you insane?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-13 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-13 Pub. Date: 2015-02-13
Image Number: 122693
Caption: Son, please go to sleep. Please? Not till you thing me a thong. Lionel, I just sang you a bunch of songs. I sang you "Spock Had a Little Lamb," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Vulcan," "Hush Little Yoda," and "The Wheels on the Tardis." But you thang them in the wong order. Now you hafta thart over.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-04 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-04 Pub. Date: 2014-12-04
Image Number: 119644
Caption: What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-01 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-01 Pub. Date: 2013-12-01
Image Number: 104088
Caption: 1982. Am I your best friend, Lemont. I guess so. I've known you almost my whole life! I like you more than ANYTHING, Susan. More than peanut butter? If I had to choose between you and peanut butter, I would never touch peanut butter again in life. More than birthday cake? If I had to choose between you and birthday cake, I would never touch birthday cake again in life. More than Star trek? If I had to choose between you and Knight Rider, I would never watch Knight Rider again in life. ... I said "Star trek." Don't push it lady.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-04 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-04 Pub. Date: 2013-08-04
Image Number: 99565
Caption: Things have just gone way too far. The other day, my nephew wanted to play with a doll. I snatched the Barbie away from him and told him he was playing into the hands of those who seek to destroy masculinity. I shoved an X-Wing Fighter into his hands and told him his blowing up the Death Star was necessary for the propagation of the species. I mad him crush the Barbie in the garbage disposal. That's when he started crying just like a little girl. I must've gotten there just in time.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-26 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-26 Pub. Date: 2013-04-26
Image Number: 96082
Caption: Go to sleep, son. You don’t want me to go to thweep. Go to sleep, son. These awen't the dwoids you're wooking for. I never should've let you Netflix "Star Wars." You want to bwing me macawoni and cheese.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-12 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-12 Pub. Date: 2011-12-12
Image Number: 74017
Caption: Thtory. What was that? Thtory. Mommy telth me a thtory at night. Oh, well … Did she ever tell you the story of how a father loved his son so much that he gave up everything to be with him … So that he'd never see the same resentment in his son's eyes that Worf saw in Alexander's in season six episode three of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine? Zzzzz. Everyone's a critic.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-02 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-02 Pub. Date: 2011-12-02
Image Number: 73560
Caption: 1982. What do you think life'll be like in, say … 2012? Well if you look at the arc of mankind's progress, it'll be very different. We went from the Wright Brothers to the moon in just 66 years! At this rate, we'll have colonized Alpha Centauri and met the Klingons by 2012. Plus, we'll all be rich. Momma says every generation does better than its parents. I'll probably be the first one in my family to ever own a home. Not on Mars, though, that'd just be ghetto. Wow, I can't wait till 2012!
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-18 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-18 Pub. Date: 2011-11-18
Image Number: 72986
Caption: Lemont, I'm so happy for you that you won custody of Lionel. I know you're going to be an incredible father. I don't know that. I didn’t have a father growing up. I don’t know what being a dad means. I may totally screw him up for life. Tap t- What if I don’t know how to teach him to be confident, honorable, brave, ambitious and love Star Trek? What if I somehow make him a bloodthirsty, insecure slacker who's into reality TV? Tap tap tap. DELETE DELETE DELETE. Thanks. Tap t- ta- tap t- I'm so proud of you!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-24 child star 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-24 Pub. Date: 2011-10-24
Image Number: 67154
Caption: Closing Arguments. Your honor, you've heard a lot of reasons why Lemont Brown should not be given custody of Lionel. You've heard that his friends are thugs, liars and miscreants. You've heard he's a poor, pudgy Star Trek fanatic who may be mentally unhinged and never calls his mother. Get to the "but" already! Haha, you said "butt!"
     
Result page:    2  Next  (26 images)