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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about charges and charging.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-08 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-08 Pub. Date: 2019-09-08
Image Number: 179293
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadieshow@gmail.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My best friend chews, loudly, with his mouth open. It embarrasses me every time we eat out. I'm afraid if I point it out, it'll ruin our friendship. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can get the point across without hurting his feelings? - Andrea in Anaheim. Excellent question. Here's what you do ... Next time you eat lunch with your friend, bring a newspaper. Every time he chews with his mouth open, roll up the newspaper and swat him on the nose with it. Then say It works for my poodle. If he laughs instead of pressing charges, you'll know you've got a real friend. *MGMT accepts no responsibility for the possibly horrendous consequences of Sadie Cohen's advice. Use at your own risk.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-12 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-12 Pub. Date: 2019-08-12
Image Number: 178994
Caption: … So I replied What do you mean your charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those. And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness. Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-08 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-08 Pub. Date: 2019-03-08
Image Number: 176628
Caption: Daddy, what is six twafficking? Uh … What? Where'd you hear that? You were on the phone talking about six twafficking in Flowida. Oh. Well, you know that you're not supposed to listen to Daddy's door when he's being a journalist. So what's it mean? … It means there are six kings in charge of traffic. Oh.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-19 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-19 Pub. Date: 2018-11-19
Image Number: 175063
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Plane stuck on tarmac 2 hrs so far. No charging ports. Phone almost dead. May have to resort to conversation w/other human beings.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-12 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-12 Pub. Date: 2018-10-12
Image Number: 174391
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Because we raised your APR, your most recent automatic payment to Feudalbanc Massacard was short by one cent. So we've charged you a $75 late fee. Unless you have as many lobbyists in Congress as Feudalbanc does, there is absolutely nothing you can do other than pay up. To admit defeat, sign here: Lemont Brown.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-08 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-08 Pub. Date: 2018-07-08
Image Number: 172486
Caption: Hello, you've reached Feudalbanc Massacard. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi Ryan. I'm looking at my statement and I see a $598.210 charge from House of Java Café. I'd like to dispute that charge … No, I don't have a receipt. I only bought a cookie so I could use the bathroom without risking them calling the cops on me ... because I was in a hurry to get into that bathroom, so I didn't have time to wait for a receipt ... What do you mean you can't help me? So what if I don't have a receipt? Think about it Ryan, who would ever spend $598,210 in a cafe?! That's not even humanly possible! ... No, I don't have a sick, perverted coffee bean fetish. Let me talk to your supervisor, Ryan. Ok, hold on, please. (Click) Hello, this is Mohinder. How can I mohinder you? I know it's you, Ryan.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-15 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-15 Pub. Date: 2018-06-15
Image Number: 172216
Caption: I got a tip about a huge geological calamity that's about to happen across the bridge. This story could make my site famous. Could you watch my boy while I go cover it? 'Course, bruh. For $4,000. Cool … what? I been reading Trump's Art of the Deal. It say if a brotha want something bad enough, charge him fifty times your usual fee. Are you sure that's in there? I demand to know what page. Ok. How much that information worth to you?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-29 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-29 Pub. Date: 2018-04-29
Image Number: 170626
Caption: I read your article called We Still Have Slavery in America. What a load of nonsense. Everyone knows our dear, sweet and wonderful Congress abolished slavery with the thirteenth amendment. That's right. But that same 13th amendment says Except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly connected. Trump calls mass incarceration "good start". Black and brown people are stopped more often, and convicted more harshly than white people who've done that same stuff, our prisons are mostly black and brown. They force these people to work. Sometimes for next to nothing. But often for nothing at all. They lease convicts out to work in mines, to pick cotton on farms, to sew lingerie, to build weapons of war, and if they refuse to work for free, they're punished. Yeah, well ... slavery was in the 19th century. This is the 21st, ipso facto, it can't be slavery. Haven't you wondered why they've sent millions and millions to prison for smoking the wrong plant?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-05 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170151
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-28 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-28 Pub. Date: 2018-03-28
Image Number: 169887
Caption: I started using the Amass Loot app to invest money. Say what? It's like Stash and Acorns. It automatically withdraws money form my checking account and buys stocks. Just one day after starting, I lost 48 cents. The app told me that meant it was the perfect time to invest even more. I could get you in on Big Oatmeal's craps game in the alley. I go just like that. How much does he charge per trade?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-07 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-07 Pub. Date: 2018-01-07
Image Number: 166341
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about net neutrality being killed. What a bunch of whiny, panicky snowflakery. You wrote "get ready to pay extra to stream your favorite shows and make internet calls." Yeah. Before net neutrality, AT&T throttled Skye and didn't stop until pressured by the FCC and consumers. You scared? You wrote "get ready to pay a fee to connect your smart home to the internet." That's right ... Without net neutrality, there are no rules to prevent your ISP from charging you whatever fees they want. Maybe you need a safe space where the big bad ISP can't get to your piggy bank. You know, you're kind of rude. Oh, you're going to get personal now? You've clearly lost the debate if you have to resort to personal attacks. What the -- you got personal. I was just ... (sigh) ... oh, forget it. Don't get upset. I just won the Gaslighting Association's Internet-Arguing World Championship. I'm just celebrating.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-23 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-23 Pub. Date: 2017-05-23
Image Number: 158341
Caption: Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-14 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-14 Pub. Date: 2017-05-14
Image Number: 157342
Caption: They got to him. I don't know how, but they got to him. Dr. Noodle. I should've seen it coming, though. After all, a guy who gets all butt-hurt about questions is the White House Spokesman in charge of answering questions. A guy who opposes paid leave and equal pay is in charge of the White House's responses to women's issues. A guy who doesn't believe in climate change is in charge of the EPA. A reputed bigot is in charge of enforcing civil rights. Trump even tried to put a guy whose company violated wage, hour and child labor laws in charge of the Department of Labor. I still don't think we know what Luke Skywalker meant by "it's time for the Jedi to end." I don't like Star Wars now that I know it's set in the Trump White House.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-09 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-09 Pub. Date: 2017-05-09
Image Number: 157808
Caption: I'm pretty sure my appendix just ruptured. Don't you want to call an ambulance. No, I opted for the silver Obamacare plan. That means if I call an ambulance, I won't be charged thousands of dollars for it. If that happens, I won't be able to keep saying "Obamacare's done nothing for me" with a clear conscience. Now's not the time to think about politics. Spoken just like a -ouch- ... statist.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-30 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-30 Pub. Date: 2017-04-30
Image Number: 156792
Caption: What brings you to therapy … "Steve"? I feel like everything is slipping out of my clutches. Dr. Noodle. I spent years cozying up to the boss, isolating him from the advice of others, stoking his paranoia. I subtly convinced him that everyone was against him and that he could trust no one but me and his family, and even they were a little fishy. I had him in the palm of my hand. I said "buy," he bought. I said "sell," he sold. I said "destroy," and he ruined the lives of the people I said were his enemies. I was the most powerful man in the world! I was the man behind the throne! Did I say I charge $100 an hour? I meant to say $1,000. But then I made the mistake of turning off his tv in the middle of Finding Dory. It's his favorite movie.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-19 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-19 Pub. Date: 2017-01-19
Image Number: 153407
Caption: If a person's lucky, they'll have two, maybe three moments in life that defy explanation. Moments so magical they make you believe in destiny. It happened with Vancouver that night. She leaned back. She pulled me close … and in that ephemeral moment just before our lips united at last ... there was electricity. Literally. It was real. We felt it. We saw it. We knew in that moment it was because we were meant for one another. Actually, it was because you'd just walked over her carpet and had built up a static charge. Zip it, Neil Degrasse Tyson, this is MY story.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-15 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-15 Pub. Date: 2017-01-15
Image Number: 152908
Caption: Hello, you've reached Bung Lee Plumbing. This is Bung. How may I hinder you? Hi Bung. I just got an invoice from you guys for $125 plus a $75 late fee for some work you did in my apartment. But I already tried to pay that bill, two months ago. You guys sent me an invoice that asked me to pay by phone. So I called and gave someone named "Ryan" my Massacard info. He said he'd send me a receipt, but he never did. I just checked with Massacard, and it looks like you guys never ran my card. I'd be happy to give the $125 we agreed upon, but I'm not paying you any late fee. It's not my fault Ryan didn't charge me. Do you have any proof you called and spoke with Ryan? Let me ask you a question: Would this be the first time Ryan screwed up around there? Ok. I'll waive the late fee.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-03 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-03 Pub. Date: 2016-10-03
Image Number: 149306
Caption: twitterâ„¢ Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Plane stuck on tarmac 2 hrs so far. No charging ports. Phone almost dead. May have to resort to conversation w/other human beings.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-22 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-22 Pub. Date: 2016-09-22
Image Number: 148764
Caption: Sir, Concast Cable's interested in an ad campaign that'll soften up their image in advance of this mega-merger. When people think of their purchase of Slime-Warmer Cable, Concast wants them to think of a mom-and-pop store … and not a corporate behemoth that's going to slash thousands of jobs, create a monopoly and eventually jack up prices. This'll be tough. On the bright side, we get to charge them the "utter (censored)" fee. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-04 charge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-04 Pub. Date: 2016-08-04
Image Number: 146691
Caption: Did you know the bible say charging interest is a sin? So e'rebody that be charging me interest - bankers, payday loans, Massacard … They all gonna burn in the bottomless, fiery pit of damnation for all eternity. You've never even gone near a church, Clyde. That's not important right now.
     
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