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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-04 |
| Image Number: |
177388 |
| Caption: |
Where you been last couple days, Big L? The Star Trek Discovery season finale was incredible. It made me really want a Captain Pike spin-off. So naturally, I've been in every discussion forum and all over social media trying to motivate everyone on earth to sign the CBS, give us a pre-TOS Star Trek series w/ Captain Pike. Struggle is pointless. petition on Change.org. Naturally don't meant what you think it mean. How do you say please in Hindi?
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-03-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-03-26 |
| Image Number: |
176940 |
| Caption: |
Wanna know how I know Star Trek: Discovery is a big deal? How? There are conspiracy theorists on Youtube trying to debunk it. I've seen people debunk the JFK assassination. I've seen them debunk the moon landing. Never in my life have I seen people try to prove that an insidious cabal of tv executives is deceiving fans into thinking a tv show is actually set in the universe they say it's set in. Their hour-long video about how the uniforms are 25 percent different from Captain Kirk's almost lured me in. Dios mio.
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-01-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-01-02 |
| Image Number: |
175658 |
| Caption: |
Ever since I was five and saw The Menagerie, I wondered what it'd be like to see a Star Trek series featuring Captain Pike. I'm finally getting that, sort of, on season 2 of Star Trek Discovery. Proves nothin', bruh. I ain't even sure what that all mean. It's like you threw a bunch of random nerd words together an' pretended it made a point. Captain Picard is back, too. And so's The Orville. I'm just sayin, that and a new season of the expanse means 2019 is the year miracles happen. Stop that.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-12-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-12-20 |
| Image Number: |
175482 |
| Caption: |
What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-04)
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-07-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-07-22 |
| Image Number: |
172923 |
| Caption: |
Dear "Critic," I read your article about how Star Trek gets its own impulse drive all wrong. You said that even though Star Trek SAYS it's not faster than light, it HAS to be, because of all the times they said they had to leave the star system before jumping to warp speed. Sigh ... not again ... Impulse drive is not faster than light!!! you're a two-dimensional thinker. Has it occurred to you they could leave a star system by flying UP, out of the ecliptic plane? Moron!!! Dear reader, light passing Jupiter would take 250 minutes to reach Neptune. But in the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, they start a conversation as they're passing Jupiter, end it ten seconds later as they're passing Neptune ... Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap t - ... at which point the captain says Have we left the Sol system? The navigator says yes, and the captain says Take us to warp ... I rest my case. I was wrong. I was wrong. Just once let someone restore my faith in humanity by just admitting they were wrong. Discovery isn't REAL Star Trek.
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-04-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-04-30 |
| Image Number: |
171052 |
| Caption: |
Want to come over? I'll watch old Star Trek reruns with you. No offense … but it's not really fun watching "Trek" with you. Just when I'm really feeling it, you always say something to cheapen the experience … You even ruined the single most shocking moment in all of Trek history: When the Borg assimilates Captain Picard and he announces his new identity to the crew. How did my saying I am locutus of bored ruin anything? You had your chance.
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-04-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-04-22 |
| Image Number: |
170147 |
| Caption: |
Here we have a fabulous, publicly owned power grid. It served an island that was home to 3 million American citizens, until it was devastated by a natural disaster. Bidding starts at $3 billion. $3 billion! $4 billion! We have $4 billion. $4 billion going once ... $4 billion going twice ... Sold, to the gentleman from Foreignvania, for $4 billion! Is this the room where they're auctioning off Captain Picard's flute for Star Trek? You want the Macarthur Ballroom. 3rd floor. Here we have a fabulous-but-devastated public education system ...
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-04-12 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-04-12 |
| Image Number: |
156720 |
| Caption: |
Bruh, when the last time you been to the doctor? About a … year ago. Why … do you ask … Clyde? 'Cause you outta breath. I don't … know what you're … talking about. What's with all them pauses in your speech? They're just … dramatic … pauses. You ain't Captain Kirk. You need a hospital, bruh.
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-11-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-11-05 |
| Image Number: |
150476 |
| Caption: |
1982. What are you gonna be in 2012? I've narrowed it down to two options. If we don't blow ourselves up, I'll be a cyborg captain of a starship, hunting for black holes I can use to travel back in time and capture dinosaurs. If we DO blow ourselves up, I'll wear leather pants and roam the radioactive wasteland fighting mutants in order to bring a bucket of water and a little bit of peace to grateful orphans. It's good you have something to fall back on. Momma said that's important.
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-08-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-08-20 |
| Image Number: |
147390 |
| Caption: |
Did you notice when Arsenio Hall's show got funnier once he grew a goatee? And remember how Star Trek's Captain Sisko got a lot cooler once he grew a goatee? Remember how Malcolm X got a lot more "Malcolm X"-y once he grew a goatee? Why, then, is the goat the most boring land mammal there is? Right now you're making me doubt that's the case. |
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-05-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-05-30 |
| Image Number: |
127505 |
| Caption: |
I got so angry at "The Flash" the other day. Flash went to the super-villain Captain Cold for help. Dr. Noodle. And Captain Cold knew he was Barry Allen. In fact, everyone on the whole show knows his secret identity. Ph.D. I kind of flipped out when I realized that. Why'd I even care? You were jealous. All those people knowing his true identity reminded you you have very few close friends who know the real you. Shut up. You don't know me. |
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-05-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-05-01 |
| Image Number: |
126134 |
| Caption: |
Hey Lemont, feel like catching the "Avengers" movie later today? … Yeah, I'll get the popcorn. … Sure, I'll be fine with seeing it in 3-D. … Yeah, I promise not to heckle the movie. … No, I won't be embarrassed if you dress up as Captain America. … What the -- It's dark in there. How would you even know if I roll my eyes when they win against all odds? (Sigh) ok, I promise. |
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-12-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-12-04 |
| Image Number: |
119644 |
| Caption: |
What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father. |
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-07-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-07-23 |
| Image Number: |
114098 |
| Caption: |
I had a dream last night. I dreamt that Israel's Prime Minister was Captain Kirk, of the starship Enterprise. And I dreamt Palestine's leader was also Captain Kirk, of a different Enterprise. Both ships were squaring off in orbit of Cestus III. The Metrons who lived on Cestus got annoyed and beamed both Kirks down to the planet to fight one-on-one. Who won? Not sure. There was lots of shirtlessness and karate chops, and then I woke up. |
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-06-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-06-04 |
| Image Number: |
112089 |
| Caption: |
You wanna see X-Men? Seen it. Godzilla? Seen it. Captain America? Seen it. When you have a tiny kid you're always the last to see anything. I ain't seen that. |
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-03-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-03-15 |
| Image Number: |
108532 |
| Caption: |
Have you noticed the new Arsenio Hall show got funnier once he grew a goatee? And remember how Star Trek's Captain Sisko got a lot cooler once he grew a goatee? Remember how Malcom X got a lot more "Malcom X"-y once he grew a goatee? Why, then, is the goat the most boring land mammal there is? Right now you're making me doubt that's the case. |
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-10-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-10-30 |
| Image Number: |
103219 |
| Caption: |
Well, you're not getting any younger, Lemont. You have to start thinking about … y'know … What? About whether I'll always look as sexy in my Captain Kirk convention costume? No. About your retirement. What retirement? I'll be going to those conventions forever. I've already reserved a Star Trek 2 Genesis coffin, so I can be wheeled into the show in perpetuity. Dios mio. (Cartoon originally published 2011-04-20 and 2013-03-13). |
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-07-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-07-11 |
| Image Number: |
99041 |
| Caption: |
Twitter. TWITTER.COM/CANDORVILLE. Lemont Brown: Even Doctor McCoy forgetting he had 71 other genetically engineered augments in stasis whose blood could save Captain Kirk makes more sense than my inability to attract ladies. |
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-03-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-03-13 |
| Image Number: |
94590 |
| Caption: |
Well, you're not getting any younger, Lemont. You have to start thinking about … y'know … What? About whether I'll always look as sexy in my Captain Kirk convention costume? No. About your retirement. What retirement? I'll be going to those conventions forever. I've already reserved a Star Trek 2 Genesis coffin, so I can be wheeled into the show in perpetuity. Dios mio. (Cartoon originally published 2011-04-20). |
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-12-03 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-12-03 |
| Image Number: |
73561 |
| Caption: |
1982. What are you gonna be in 2012? I've narrowed it down to two options. If we don't blow ourselves up, I'll be a cyborg captain of a starship, hunting for black holes I can use to travel back in time and capture dinosaurs. If we do blow ourselves up, I'll wear leather pants and roam the radioactive wasteland fighting mutants in order to bring a bucket of water and a little bit of peace to grateful orphans. It's good you have something to fall back on. Momma said that's important. |
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