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Rudy Park

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101. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-22 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-22 Pub. Date: 2016-02-22
Image Number: 139578
Caption: Boss, I don't see why I should have to wear this black armband. Out of respect, Rudy. We're in mourning. When Supreme Court Justice Scalia passed away, we lost one of the men who ruled once and for all that corporations are people and money is speech. He was, quite possibly, the greatest American who ever lived. Well ... no one can even see the armband, 'cause my shirt's black too. Off with your shirt, minion. That's an order.
     
102. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-17 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-17 Pub. Date: 2016-02-17
Image Number: 139254
Caption: You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?
     
103. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-16 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-16 Pub. Date: 2016-02-16
Image Number: 139253
Caption: I've decided I'm going to be positive all the time. What do you mean? Every major religion believes it's possible to speak things into existence. If you say you're a failure, you eventually become a failure. But if you SAY you're a winner over and over again, you can actually talk the universe into believing it. It'll make you a winner no matter how often you go bankrupt. So you agree Trump's going to win?
     
104. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-08 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-08 Pub. Date: 2016-02-08
Image Number: 138883
Caption: You want to see me, boss? Yes, minion. Something fishy is going on. Donald Trump lost the Iowa caucuses. That morning, he held an event in "Waterloo, Iowa." It can't be a coincidence. The universe apparently has a sense of irony. No tyrant, demagogue, or would-be despot is safe. I'm going to give you a bag of money. You're going to go to city hall and bribe my lackeys to change the name of our street to something other than "Indicted Ave." Very bad man.
     
105. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-03 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-03 Pub. Date: 2016-02-03
Image Number: 138612
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you, minion. Not really, boss. I've noticed a disturbing trend: bikinis are getting smaller and smaller. So small, in fact, that they no longer hide anything. I think it's about time our café took a stand and did something to outlaw this moral decay. That's why I've arranged for you to hand "campaign donations" to several city councilmembers. This doesn't have anything to do with our declining donut sales, does it? People should never have to forego life's finer things just to go to the beach.
     
106. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-27 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-27 Pub. Date: 2016-01-27
Image Number: 138315
Caption: Boss, North Korea's dictator just tweeted that he's considering launching nuclear missiles. He released a map of targets. The map shows that every part of the country will either be destroyed or irradiated. Except for this café. There are like 80 people out there with sleeping bags already. Did you rename the scones "Survival Biscuits," as I instructed? And did you know six-year-old geniuses will hack a head of state's Twitter account in return for a single bag of Doritos? Very bad man.
     
107. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-24 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-24 Pub. Date: 2016-01-24
Image Number: 137450
Caption: We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion. Oh no. I've spent the last 72 hours analyzing our customer base. Our granola and kale latte helped us capture the hipster demo once we bundled it with cigarettes and vinyl records. Our caffeine-infused mocha helped us capture the white-collar set once we bundled it with motivational recordings. But there's one demographic we still haven't monopolized. First-time parents of toddlers. How proficient are you at potty training? I quit.
     
108. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-19 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-19 Pub. Date: 2016-01-19
Image Number: 137963
Caption: SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.
     
109. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-15 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-15 Pub. Date: 2016-01-15
Image Number: 137685
Caption: Rudy, you didn’t show up for the mandatory employee diversity training workshop. You were serious about that? I thought it was a joke. I mean, I'm your only employee. No you're not. There's also Larry the Local Safety Inspector; and Jurgi, the Lithuanian orphan who weaves out coffee cups from my shredded documents. ... And Guillermo, my lackey on the city council. Very bad man. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-14).
     
110. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-31 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-31 Pub. Date: 2015-12-31
Image Number: 137201
Caption: Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the café. There are like 200 people out there. Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it. I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives. I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place? Very bad man.
     
111. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-04 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-04 Pub. Date: 2015-12-04
Image Number: 135996
Caption: I feel like I'm losing interest in the world. Every day, I'm just going through the motions, but … nothing really means anything to me now. Son, have patience. It has been written … that repairing your iPad will take 7-10 business days. I feel so … empty. Computer Villa Customer Service.
     
112. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-10 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-10 Pub. Date: 2015-11-10
Image Number: 135083
Caption: You want to see me, boss? I don't approve of the websites you've been visiting on company time. They're disgusting. Immoral. They sicken me to my core. If it were up to me, minion, they'd be illegal, and you'd be going to jail. If I want to visit the Bernie Sanders website, that's my business. You're on thin ice.
     
113. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-07 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-07 Pub. Date: 2015-11-07
Image Number: 134802
Caption: Man-to-man talk, Randy. Let's do this. What's wrong with you, man? What do you mean? Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports … haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand? I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee. HOJ.
     
114. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-03 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-03 Pub. Date: 2015-11-03
Image Number: 134798
Caption: Boss, can we change the Muzak? There's only so much Duran Duran I can take. Forget it. I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee. Music isn't supposed to be cynical. Little known fact: Duran Duran is 2% more mouth-watering than Oingo Boingo.
     
115. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-28 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-28 Pub. Date: 2015-10-28
Image Number: 134465
Caption: How come you never take any of my ideas seriously? I'm a marketing genius. I have a long track record of attracting business in both the residential and commercial sectors. What? When? Where? I've generated hundreds of billions of simoleans in the last 24 years. Wait ... Are you taking about Sim City"? Everything I touch turns to solid gold!
     
116. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-27 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-27 Pub. Date: 2015-10-27
Image Number: 134464
Caption: Armstrong, I have an idea. Advertise the café on hippo-owners.com. What? It'll generate buzz. People will be all like "Why are they advertising on hippo-owners.com?" Hippo owners will flock to the café, to see if there's anything hippo-related going on. I also have another idea ... Does it involve backing slowly out of my office?
     
117. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-14 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-14 Pub. Date: 2015-10-14
Image Number: 133872
Caption: Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.
     
118. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-12 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-12 Pub. Date: 2015-10-12
Image Number: 133870
Caption: I'm not sure the advice you gave me about Andrea Wheaton is working, Mr. Armstrong. Details. I asked her to form a romantic partnership, just like you said, where she'd be a 50% sharehoarder. ShareHOLDer. She didn't bite? She threw the prospectus in the trash. If a girl throws your prospectus in the trash, she's not the girl for you.
     
119. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-26 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-26 Pub. Date: 2015-09-26
Image Number: 132893
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I have this friend who keeps passing up great opportunities. I have a side business of network marketing which is amazing! And I'm excited about sharing the opportunity of this business. How do I get him to seize control of his future and become financially independent by emailing me at despicable@spammer.com? I'm not sure what just happened, but I feel vaguely homicidal. My friend could have a bright future.
     
120. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-25 business 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-25 Pub. Date: 2015-09-25
Image Number: 132892
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Fed up in Flint," you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java.net Cybercafe. I bought a dirt-cheap house in Flint, hoping to rent it out. I had it renovated, and then the day before our open-house, someone broke in and stole all our plumbing. So what?! In my day, nobody had plumbing! We did our business in a ditch down by the river and we were glad about it! List it as "vintage Americana" and quit yer complainin'! But they took the roof, too. In my day, a roof was a luxury.
     
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