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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about breaks and breaking.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-02 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-02 Pub. Date: 2019-12-02
Image Number: 180641
Caption: You remember when Generation X was a big deal, Susan? Good times. Yeah. We had a good run. From break dancing all the way through the Macarena. What are you getting at? The Macarena, Susan. It ended the reign of our entire generation. In one fell swoop, we descended into irrelevance ... and we deserved to. If you want me to stop doing it at parties, just come out and say so.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-24 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-24 Pub. Date: 2019-11-24
Image Number: 180470
Caption: This just in: President Trump outraged the world today when he … hold on … We interrupt this story with breaking news … The President pulls troops out of Syria, abandoning the Kurds who fought on our beha -- We interrupt this story with breaking news … The President withheld military aid from Ukraine until they would agree to investigate the President's political rival, Jo -- Hold on ... We interrupt this story with breaking news ... the President seemed to advocate ethnic cleansing today, when he said -- hold one ... We interrupt this story with breaking news ... the colors ... pretty colors are talking to me. Can you hear? This just in: Trying to keep up with every one of the president's scandals may drive a @#$ crazy ... What?! This just in: (huff huff) producers and security are chasing a news anchor through the (huff huff) hallway. Click.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-22 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-22 Pub. Date: 2019-10-22
Image Number: 180021
Caption: Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? You haven't responded in a while. I know it's my fault. I never wanted to hurt you, Sunshine. But that's exactly why I went away for so many years. I loved you so much that I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My husband Webster blamed you for everything. He said you Put it in my head that he was abusive. I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My horrible divorce ... my custody battle ... Webster putting out a contract on your life ... Are you there? I ... understand why you don't want to respond. Sorry. had to take a potty break. Where were we? Do not scroll up. Tap tap tap t -
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-16 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-16 Pub. Date: 2019-10-16
Image Number: 179916
Caption: I counted fifteen punctuation errors on your site in the past five years, Lemont. It's not a huge number, but it's the kind of thing that can damage your Q rating. I propose a 3-phase operation: Hire an editor to prevent future occurrences … Have my people scrub all your past articles to correct every error ... and have a foreign troll farm impugn the intelligence of anyone who's ever pointed out those errors. When's your vacation over? You really need to go back to work.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-08 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-08 Pub. Date: 2019-10-08
Image Number: 179805
Caption: Why does your site have a Breaking News report about something that happened a long time ago? Because our country has the attention span of a housefly, Susan. We ignore anything that isn't Breaking News. So … did you like my coverage of James Madison proposing the electoral college and the 315ths compromise as a way to make this United States thing acceptable to the slave states? Dios mio.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-01 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-01 Pub. Date: 2019-09-01
Image Number: 179190
Caption: I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal You're the disease, and I'm the cure. Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said Consider that a divorce. Or like in They live, when just before he killed a bunch of evil aliens, Rowdy Roddy Piper said "I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick (butt) ... and I'm al out of bubblegum. Your task tonight is to generate six one-liners I can use whenever I squeeze unpaid work out of my employees. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. You're the rest, and I'm the bed. The kind with spikes on it ... See? That's awful. Fix that up and give me sixe more.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-23 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-23 Pub. Date: 2019-05-23
Image Number: 177719
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. Mad in Montauk, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java .Net Cybercafe. My husband and I are getting divorced, and it's gotten bitter and angry. The problem is, we have 43 mutual friends on Facebook, and he's being do unreasonable about which ones are rightly his. You're arguing over custody of your Facebook friends? What the @#$% is wrong with you people?! Obviously they're all yours. Everyone knows it's usually the woman who created the friendships in the first place. Also, I should get the kids, right?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-08 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-08 Pub. Date: 2019-05-08
Image Number: 177530
Caption: So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-12 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-12 Pub. Date: 2019-01-12
Image Number: 175741
Caption: This country's overrun with people who hate talking about racism more than they hate racism itself. I wrote an article about a breaking story. I called it White Man in a Pickup Truck Shoots into Black Family's Car, Kills Seven-Year-Old. Hundreds of people replied Why do you have to bring race into it? Bet they came up with all kinds of excuses. On of them said Some pickup-truck drivers just really don't like cars.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-23 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-23 Pub. Date: 2018-10-23
Image Number: 174601
Caption: Thousands of Native Americans might not be allowed to vote if they don't have I.D. that shows their street addresses. Ever since they won the right to vote, they were promised they could vote using I.D. that showed their P.O. box, since many live on the reservation and don't have street addresses. The country's never made Native Americans a promise it didn't go on break. So ... it's almost like America made a promise to break every promise it made them. Now's not the time to set up paradoxes, Clyde.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-10 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-10 Pub. Date: 2018-10-10
Image Number: 174389
Caption: I think the worst part of being dumped is the thought that you'll just fade away. I mean, you go from being the most important person in someone's life, to being a memory. It's a slow death. You know that every day you become more and more of a distant memory. Until sooner or later ... you're just gone. One of my exes once told me that. I don't remember which one. Maybe you just have a bad memory, Lemont.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-09 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-09 Pub. Date: 2018-10-09
Image Number: 174388
Caption: Did you hear the Ask Sadie show today? They were talking about breakups. Specifically, how to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. I find the best way to protect her feelings is to just disappear. Then she ain't cry at you or nothin'. Just 'cause you're not there to see her cry doesn't mean she's not crying, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh. It one of them tree fallin in the forest things.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-23 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-23 Pub. Date: 2018-07-23
Image Number: 173087
Caption: So what happened when you broke into that refugee prison? Ixnay on the isonpray. I told you, it's just you and me here. Is it? I already told you, that's not a drone, that's a bird. Ok. But like I said, you can't be too careful these days. I already told you, I'm not smashing my cellphone.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-20 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-20 Pub. Date: 2018-07-20
Image Number: 172929
Caption: Wait, hold that thought. Guess what happened to me at work today, Lemont … Hey … I was just getting to the really strange part. I know. I just need a break to process what you've already told me. I'm starting to think that actually means I'd rather talk about me. Let me process that too.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-17 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-17 Pub. Date: 2018-07-17
Image Number: 172926
Caption: Are you saying you broke into the refugee prison to get that story, Lemont? No, I'm notsaying that. Oh. Ok … Wait, are you not saying that, or are you notsaying that, as if notsaying is one word? I'm notsaying either one. Lemont. Come one. Nobody's listening. it's just you and me, here. (Sigh) Never mind. Just tell me in your own words how you got the story. Ok. I'm notsaying it didn't happen this way, but ...
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-16 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-16 Pub. Date: 2018-07-16
Image Number: 172925
Caption: You think my latest story's going to get me in trouble? Candorville.com. Exclusive! Journalist who may or may not be me breaks into Mayor Thump's top-secret refugee prison, exposes horrid conditions. Nah, I think you'll be fine. Cops pulled me over three times today. Coincidence. I was on skates.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-26 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-26 Pub. Date: 2018-06-26
Image Number: 172488
Caption: I said, I'm a reporter and I want to come down and interview refugees at the detention facility. I'm sorry, you're breaking up. What did you say? Are you stalling for time and hoping I'll give up and go away? 'Cause that' what it seems like you're doing. I can't ... hear y ... must b ... a bad c ... nection. You just paused a bunch of times. It was obvious. No it w ... not.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-24 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-24 Pub. Date: 2018-06-24
Image Number: 172211
Caption: I've left you, Sadie, and I'm never coming back. I've had enough of your slander about me being indecisive. And I'm tired of your likes about how I never do chores. And I'm fed up with you defaming me by telling everyone I snore like a chainsaw. And I'm done with you maligning me by saying I have a poor memory. And I'm done with you maligning me by saying I have a poor memory. You know what else? I've had enough of you slandering me about being indecisive. Never mind, that one's not so bad.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-14 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-14 Pub. Date: 2018-06-14
Image Number: 172215
Caption: Remember Rudy Park, my college roommate? He just tipped me off to breaking news. Some geological disaster across the bridge. Wow. You should totally go cover that. I'm glad you think so, 'cause it wouldn't really be responsible to take a 2-year-old to a geological disaster. Could you watch my boy for a few days? On second thought, that's a boring story. Nobody wants to hear about that. He's almost potty trained. Sorry, I have a ... work ... ish thing.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-17 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-17 Pub. Date: 2018-02-17
Image Number: 168418
Caption: I realized this morning I'm not nineteen anymore, Susan. I was riding my bike faster than I had in years. I was flying! Pedaling hard and strong. I'd just hit warp speed … when an actual nineteen-year-old zoomed past me going twice as fast. He wasn't even breaking a sweat. I'm sure he was working hard too, Lemont. He was sipping a Slurpee and dribbling a basketball.
     
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