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Candorville

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181. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-23 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-23 Pub. Date: 2015-07-23
Image Number: 129959
Caption: I read ain't nobody bought that new Janet Jackson song, "No Sleeep". An' Mariah Carey' an' Jennifer Lopez' new stuff ain't catchin' fire neither. It like the country decide to automatically reject anything that was big in the nineties, bruh. Wait … is this what you meant when you said you had "evidence" Hillary Clinton is going to lose? Just thought you'd want a heads-up.
     
182. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-19 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-19 Pub. Date: 2015-07-19
Image Number: 129280
Caption: How many fights you think I been in in my life, Big L? I try not to think about it, Clyde. I figure as long as I don’t have statistics about the horrible details of your life, I can pretend you're actually a good person. Denial is a skill I began honing at an early age, when I first saw "Galactica 1980". If I could convince myself that show was good, I could convince myself of anything. No offense. I started a fight exactly ... For the love of god, man, don't ruin our friendship!
     
183. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-05 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-05 Pub. Date: 2015-07-05
Image Number: 128670
Caption: But if you just watch. I ain't wanna talk about this, Big L. But why can't we talk about it? 'Cause there only so many words we get to hear an' say before we die. The average person say 370,110,001 words in his lifetime, bruh. Way I see it, I ain't got but 180,000,000 left. I ain't gonna waste nary a one of them on that corny @*$%. Besides, Star Track Next Generation been off the air 20 years now, bruh. I'm just saying, once you notice Worf doesn't have any ears, you can't ever unnotice it.
     
184. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-07 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-07 Pub. Date: 2015-06-07
Image Number: 127506
Caption: Who is it? This is a wake-up call for Lemont Brown. I donm mumble. You've got to stop picking your nose while you drive. Pardonm I domble … Your windshield is not a magical force field that keeps people from seeing you. In fact, it frames you. It's like a big TV screen. Mbtv. It turns you into a tv show. "The look at me, I'm knuckle-deep in my nose show," starring you. Zzzzz. You should sell advertising in between picks.
     
185. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-21 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-21 Pub. Date: 2015-05-21
Image Number: 127174
Caption: Erethang come an' go, Big L. Ain't nothin' forever. Good looks come an' go. Youth come an' go. Money come an' go. In the end, we all - every last one of us - be left with none of that. I'll say it again. Do you have my wallet, Clyde? All y'all wanna do is fight the inevitable.
     
186. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-04 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-04 Pub. Date: 2015-05-04
Image Number: 126505
Caption: Sup, Big L. Hold on. I'm calling on this disposable phone … to see if you're the one who swiped my iPhone. 'Course if you did steal it, you'd have to be pretty dumb not to put it on silent. See? It is on silent. Who's the dumb one now? (This cartoon was published originally on 2013/04/15).
     
187. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-28 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-28 Pub. Date: 2015-04-28
Image Number: 126131
Caption: Lemme see that paper when you done widdit, Big L. Why? You don't read the news. You couldn't care less about the news. Unless … Unless you're expecting to read news that's about you. … What did you do, Clyde? I'm offended that you asked. Besides, I'm workin' on a alibi.
     
188. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125568
Caption: Anyone who thinks we ever really went to the moon is a complete idiot. Youtube has tons of videos on this. Humans couldn't possibly have survived a trip through the Van Allen Radiation Belt. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. According to Dr. Van Allen himself, the notion that radiation should've killed those astronauts is "nonsense." Well how come we can't see the astronauts' footprints? That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. Other countries have snapped pictures of the landing sites, and just a few years ago the lunar reconnaissance orbiter took photos of the footprints. There were no stars in the old films. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. The exposure settings were calibrated to get good shots of the extremely bright lunar surface. They couldn't do that and capture the relatively dim stars at the same time. You moon-landing-ists have an answer for everything. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Thousands of people could never keep a secret that big for 46 years! That's what they want you to think.
     
189. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-15 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-15 Pub. Date: 2015-04-15
Image Number: 125564
Caption: Sorry I dunked on you in front of your little boy, Big L. That be insensitive right there. An' I'm sorry I swatted that ball from out your hand in front of your baby boy every single time you tried to take a shot. That was wrong too. An' I'm sorry I pulled your shirt up over the top of yo' head in front of your boy when I won, Big L. Are you sorry you keep reminding me of all that in front of my little boy? Not really.
     
190. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-14 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-14 Pub. Date: 2015-04-14
Image Number: 125563
Caption: Did you see how slow Walter Scott ran when he ran from that cop, Big L? Looked like when you try an' run in a swimming pool. That how slow the brotha was movin'. If I'm ever scared enough of a cop to wanna run from him, I hope I remember that even SLOWLY running away gon' give him an excuse to say he "feared for his life." Cartwheels, dawg. They ain't never shot no brotha who cartwheeled away. Better Google that to be sure.
     
191. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-11 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-11 Pub. Date: 2015-04-11
Image Number: 125203
Caption: Why you always readin' that newspaper, Big L? Because I want to know what's happening in the world. Why? A man only has so much room in his head; why fill it up with stuff that ain't got spit to do with you? You ever seen a hamster worryin' about global warming? No, he just want his pine nuts. Hamsters don't eat "pine nuts", Clyde. See? Why you even know that? You ain't never had no hamster.
     
192. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-10 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-10 Pub. Date: 2015-04-10
Image Number: 125202
Caption: Big L, your checkin' account be overdrawn. Really? Thanks for … wait, how do you know I'm overdrawn? You might wanna warn a brotha next time. That !@#$ was embarrassin'. I had to put back all my groceries. I knew a decoy account was a good idea.
     
193. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-07 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-07 Pub. Date: 2015-04-07
Image Number: 125199
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Anyway, if for ANY reason you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
     
194. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-06 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-06 Pub. Date: 2015-04-06
Image Number: 125198
Caption: I can't stand ISIS, Big L. They ruined everything. "ISIS" used to be the best woman name there was. 'Member that show "The Secrets of Isis" from the seventies? A hot archeologists find a amulet … that let her turn into a even hotter Egyptian superhero. I ain't NEVER seen a woman that fine since, Big L. Clyde ... I changed my mind. Let's not talk politics. I'ma Youtube the mess outta that when I get home.
     
195. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-01 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-01 Pub. Date: 2015-04-01
Image Number: 124959
Caption: Hi, I'm just checking on your return policy. No, it's exactly what I ordered. No, it's not defective. No, none of the accessories were missing. It's just that … you know how sometimes things just don't fit you like you thought they would? Yeah, they said I can return my new shoes.
     
196. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-15 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-15 Pub. Date: 2015-03-15
Image Number: 123843
Caption: Giuliani was right. Obama doesn't love America. When you love something, you love it warts and moles and all. You have a mole. In fact, when you love something, you don't even point out its warts and moles. I noticed it years ago, but I don't remember it being that big. Pointing out warts and moles only hurts your loved one's feelings. Dude ... You might wanna get that thing checked. Daily Nutjob. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." You hate me, just like Obama hates America. Do you even OWN a mirror? Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
197. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-07 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-07 Pub. Date: 2015-02-07
Image Number: 122422
Caption: The Astronomer Neil Degrasse Tyson admitted he was wrong about those deflated footballs the Patriots used. That's proof that the so-called "global warming" thing is a big fat hoax. You're saying that if someone's wrong about one thing, they must have been wrong about anything they've ever said? Hypothetically. I wouldn't know, since I've never been wrong. The Jungle.
     
198. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-03 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-03 Pub. Date: 2015-02-03
Image Number: 122418
Caption: How was I supposed to know it was innocent? You asked me to "hold something" for you. Never in the history of man has that turned out well for the person who's said "ok." Yeah, well Big Oatmeal an' the rest of the boys found it in my closet. All I could think of to save my rep was to say "I sell them things for $5 at the playground." I'm still not helping you break into "Big Oatmeal's" house to steal back your Teddy Ruxpin. You ain't no real friend.
     
199. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-20 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-20 Pub. Date: 2015-01-20
Image Number: 121832
Caption: Where was you for the last half hour, Big L? An' did anyone see you there? If not, no matter what anyone ask, you say I was with you. I was with you the whole time. You got that? I was in a bathroom stall. I was not … with … you … You got that? (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-02).
     
200. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-31 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-31 Pub. Date: 2014-12-31
Image Number: 120839
Caption: Ok, let's do the math, Big L. Yeh, you loan me about $2 every other day. But that ain't the whole story. Who watch your baby boy for you when you workn'? Who kept you from gettin' butt-whupped all through school? At minimum wage, baby-watchin' fees woulda come to $15,000 by now. 12 years of bootyguard fees woulda run you a quarter million dollars. You sure you really want us to start payin' what we owe each other? Stop making sense!!!
     
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